Chains clattering against broken and cold stone floors accompanied by the staccato of water droplets from the irrigation pipes above. The screams and cries of her friends and comrades blurred and reverberating off the walls in every direction. Hands grabbing and pulling at flesh that burned with every second of contact while others dug into stone trying to escape. Every sight, sound, and feel coming back in an instant the moment her hand touched the pad to open her door.
Her hair was down, not because she preferred it, but to hide the brand made visible when it was pulled back into her usual style. The last thing she wanted was people noticing her brand and looking at her with curious eyes with questions of how the Fluerivale 10 survived. She couldn't stand another 'What were you feeling?' or 'Were you afraid?' from curious minds. Even worse the constant feeling of eyes as they watched in curiosity as she passed by. Aspen didn't want to be a spectacle or a symbol of survival. If anything all she wanted was to forget it had ever happened. Yet every time she stepped out of her door she was reminded of how 'open' it was beyond her walls.
Going out at night alone was still something out of her comfort zone, but at least during the day, she could see down most dark alleys. From the elevator to the lobby of her complex Aspen fidgeted with the elastic band around her wrist, pulling and snapping it unknowingly before walking out the main door. Deep down she wanted nothing more than to get past all of this, and unlike before, she was genuinely trying to get through it the best she could. Today she was determined to get some much-needed shopping done and to do it all alone. Aspen knew she couldn't always rely on her friends to hold her hand and guide her through every personal obstacle she had created for herself. Yet she also knew that if she truly did need them, they would be there in a heartbeat.
The first few minutes of her walk were full of anxieties and by the time Aspen had reached the end of the road her wrist was already starting to welt from the number of times she had snapped her bracelet. However, it slowly began to ease as she rounded the second turn in her venture. Everything started to come into focus as she inhaled the sweet Margad air and set her sites on an adorable food stand resting between herself and the store she was originally headed for. The mere sight of it caused her stomach to turn in hunger. Even better was the fact there was only one person in line.
”It's only one person Aspen, you can do this.” A mantra she repeated in her head over and over again as she approached the stand.
Everything was going so well as she stood in the line, looking up above at the banner of menu options. As usual, Aspen was conflicted between a basket of cheesy fries or chicken strips. When not eating pizza, those two were usually her go to at a restaurant. And then it was her turn to order as the person in front stepped away...
“What would you like?” A woman asked, smiling as she waited for Aspen's answer.
Suddenly Aspen felt her chest tighten as she had not yet figured out what it was she wanted between the two. Her thoughts then jumped to how long she was taking to order and how the woman was probably just smiling because she had to. Again she was snapping at her wrist as her eyes shot back and forth between the two menu items. Until a much larger picture caught her eye on the menu. Bottled water! Buy one get one free!
“Can I get two waters please?” The words alone choked out and followed with immediate short-term relief.
Aspen held out her wrist to scan and was, in turn, handed the two bottles of water. As she stepped away, stuffing one of the bottles in her bag, Aspen heard the person behind her order the cheese fries and felt her heart sink.
Regardless, Aspen pushed on to the store. Even if she panicked last minute she was patting herself on the back for at least going up to the stand in the first place.
”Small victories” she told herself as she took a swig of her newly acquired beverage and strolled into the store.
Five minutes spent in the store and Aspen had already managed to put a bag of random candies in her cart and a snack pack of pepperonis for the walk home. Going into the health and beauty isle Aspen had her eyes set on the bottles of shampoo and conditioner ahead, until another patron walked up and stood in front of them, clearly weighing the options of which kind to get. Aspen stopped and decided to wait until they were done. Having stopped just shy of the lotions she decided just to look at a few bottles until they moved along. Standing and reading bottle slogans and directions worked for the whole of maybe one minute before Aspen felt herself getting flush again.
Yet another person had turned down the aisle and was pulling their cart right up beside hers to look at the lotions as well. In a panic, Aspen grabbed a random bottle, one she hadn't even read yet and threw it in her cart. Relief overcame her though as the other patron had moved on from the shampoo she had initially set her sights on. A large smile setting in as she grabbed her usual products and moved on to check out. Again she made her purchase, scanning her chip and throwing everything in her bag with the water from earlier.
By now Aspen was feeling quite proud of herself and was actually enjoying being out of the apartment for once. So much in fact that she decided to take a longer way home and to stop at a bench to sit and enjoy her pepperonis in the fresh air (and yes it was an actual bench and not a human eating plant bench monster).
While sitting on the bench, having cracked open her snack, Aspen decided to pull the bottle of lotion she purchased out of her bag to look it over. At first, she popped open the top and took a whiff. ”Mmm... Strawberry” she thought as she turned the bottle in her hand. Slowly her face turned red as she read the slogan on the bottle. It wasn't even lotion, but instead, Aspen had just purchased herself a value-sized bottle of strawberry scented massage oil. If it were possible to die of humiliation, Aspen would have died in that moment.
She couldn't get the bottle back in her bag fast enough as she continued to sit on the bench dreading what that cashier was probably thinking when they rang her up.
”Don't panic... you can just give it to Heather or Matt. They would understand... or think you are a secret freak.”
With her head in her hands, Aspen tilted to look at her bag in shame, only to turn an even deeper shade of red as she saw a wet spot on her bag begin to grow rapidly. ”IDIOT YOU DIDN'T CLOSE THE BOTTLE!” And again she was rummaging through her bag trying to get the bottle out as fast as possible. By the time it was all said and done Aspen's bag had the lovely aroma of strawberries while her hands and wrists shone from the lovely oil treatment they had just received.
“Great job Aspen. Looks like you're all lubed up and ready to screw yourself in the ass some more you idiot.” A mumble as she crossed her arms over her knees, letting her head fall in complete shame from her failure to function.
