Standard Letter With Love: From Aldouvan to Deu.

[Anonymous]

Deu,

Oh, yeah. I'm starting out with the retro greeting on an even more retro type of letter. Bet you've never seen these paperback babies before, eh? It's just so much more freakin' concrete than emails. God, I hate those things.

Things are good in Cancer. Drinks are good, I got a couple thou in credits I'd like you to meet, and the chicks, man... the chicks are hot, and some of these guys would make you drool.

But I'm being perfectly faithful, honest. I'm not gonna play grab ass with these girls- I've got a perfectly fine set waiting for me at home, right, baby? Geez, man, cut me a little bit of slack. A man wants what he wants, but this one has some self control. No need to worry. But I do expect a nice, carnal reward for holding out while I'm up here, so you'd better be ready to put out when I come back.

...I think I'd better get to the point. As it turns out, this 'paper' fills up a bit faster than a computer screen, but at least there's no filters, you know? And no spell checking, either, by the looks of it.

Word is that a couple of warrants are being issued for more menial issues, so keep my baby close, all right? I don't want to get caught now, after all this time. Especially for extortion. That stuff gets messy really fast.

The guy who's delivering this should be sitting on the couch, if you're as hospitable as I remember. Don't mess around with him, now, and be sure to slip him the nice little pill on the counter. He won't remember ever having the letter on him, let alone who he delivered it to. Usher him out the door right after you give it to him, though- don't want him passing out inside the house.

Oh, yeah. Disclosed is a nice check. Don't ask, don't tell, all right? This oughta pay the rent for a few months. I'm thinking of hitching a ride with a crew, takin' some cash, and taking off like there's no tomorrow!

Love ya. ;p

-Aldouvan.

[Anonymous]

Aldouvan,

More than six months later, and you still haven't come home. What are you doing? Or, more importantly, who? Come now, I know you. Can't keep that in your pants if you tied it down and taped it to your thigh. :/

I don't know how you get in so much trouble- truly I don't- but I did what you asked and helped the man out. You didn't tell me that it went into effect so quickly! I had to drop him off at the corner with a bottle of beer in his hand, so I wouldn't arouse suspicions! You're lucky I take care of drunks every so often. Taking them to the hospital is the least I can do when I go out and engage in the routine drinking contests. You know I always win those.

You're lucky I love you. Otherwise, I'd be this close to murdering you myself! You have no idea how worried I am, do you? What are you in trouble for this time?

...Let me guess. You tried getting something nice for yourself, and blew it, somehow. I told you you need me to go along with you! We could go through Customs with the right set of excuses and paperwork- it'll just take a few months, is all. I almost wish you had both your hands attached to you, so you couldn't keep taking off like this!

...You've never been away this long. I miss you, Aldouvan.

Please come back.

-Deu

P.S.- I really don't know how you like writing on paper. I'm told my writing's nice, but it's rather droll, and takes a toll on the hands. Why not type, like every other sentient being in the universe? Goodness, dear, sometimes I wonder.

[Anonymous]

Deu-baby,

Oh, come on! Give me some credit! I've been on the run from the law- it's not the easiest thing to run away from! I'm sorry. D:

But I did write this letter as soon as I got yours. That's gotta count for something, right, loves? You know I love you very much.

If I could draw, I'd draw a cute little puppy or something. But... if I tried, it'd probably look like some deformed dinosaur. And I'm sure that'd melt your heart. >.<

And to be truthful? I was trying to get something for you. Anestharian Crystal. Yeah, the sparkly pretties. I know you love those. Was trying to nab somethin' nice for you, but then... well... I got caught.

How was I supposed to know that the broad's collar was made of actual skin?!

So. I'm headed home. Ish. On a ship with a giant cricket, a handsome fellow I'd fancy to have a three-way with (*wink wink* ;p), and a pretty lady with some serious anger issues.

I hope I'll be back soon.

Loves~!

-Aldouvan