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Author Topic: Reflection [Solo]  (Read 329 times)

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Offline Bunbun

Reflection [Solo]
« on: December 01, 2017, 11:51:28 pm »
Vanessa couldn't recall the last time that she really felt... alone. Not since she'd begun her life as a Candidate and entered the ATC, anyways. Between drills, classes, meals, and even free time, there was pretty much always someone else around to interact with. Hell, even at nighttime when nearly everything was dead quiet, she'd always had a roommate to keep her company. Even if they didn't actually say anything to her, she would always be aware of their presence. Pick up on what they were thinking. What they were feeling. It could be a bit of a nuisance sometimes, but over time, she'd gotten so used to that sensation that it somehow felt... comforting. So much so that not feeling someone else's emotions floating around actually felt strange.

Unfortunately, that was the situation that she now found herself in. Alone. Vanessa lay on her bed, one arm and wing draped lazily over its edge as she stared across the room at the bed that had previously belonged to Aspen. Once. But not anymore.

She couldn't really blame Aspen for moving up, of course. Nor did she really want to- in fact, Vanessa was happy for her for the most part! The more people that graduated, the better, and of course she was glad that her friend was able to succeed in part of her training. Aspen had really come a long way when it came to working together and cooperating with others, which of course was what Stage 3 was all about. There was no doubt in her mind that her roommate deserved to move up.

...

But at the same time... another part of her was pretty torn up about the whole thing. Why didn't Aspen ever tell her that she was testing up? Was she just... afraid of hurting Vanessa's feelings? Or worried that she wouldn't pass her exam? Or maybe she was just so focused on studying and preparing herself that it had simply slipped her mind? Well, whatever the reason was, it didn't really matter now. What mattered was that Aspen had passed, and she was in another room now, and that was that.

...

Now that she thought about it, the room really was... empty now that she was its sole occupant. Vanessa spared a quick glance around the room, spotting her headphones and books tucked away in the corner, but not much else. Most of the assorted trinkets that had previously called this room their home had belonged to Aspen, given to her on various occasions by her friends... friends that had also been moving up at an alarming rate. This was... probably how Aspen felt when their friends started graduating, right? Probably.

...

...

...She supposed it for the best that everyone else was moving up- Vanessa didn't have much to offer them anyways. She was a terrible friend, even if she was genuinely trying to make things better. She could tell that Matt had only pretended to be happier for her sake, and for all she knew, she'd only made him feel worse. And as for what had happened to Aspen... she should have told someone about it as soon as she'd found out. If she'd just done that, maybe less people would've gotten hurt in the end. Maybe Garza wouldn't have... have...

...

...Gods, she was so useless. She couldn't help anyone or keep them from fighting with each other, even with an ability that seemed to be specifically tailored towards accomplishing those tasks. If she couldn't even do that, then what on earth was she good for? She was going to be an awful Pilot, and that was assuming she would graduate in the first place.

...

She couldn't hold it in anymore. The built up emotions that she'd accumulated over the course of her stay at the ATC finally began to boil over, and before she knew it, she was in tears. Crying was something that Vanessa had learned to avoid at all costs- not only did it give off the impression that you were weak, and an easy target, but it also made the people who cared about you get all worked up. But right here, right now, none of that really mattered. Not while she was alone.

...

...

She wasn't really sure how long she cried for- just that at one point, she'd gotten sick of it and forced herself to stop. Pilots weren't supposed to cry, right? So what hope did she have of graduating if she couldn't keep her emotions in check as a Candidate? Not a very good one, surely. That was just one of those things that she would have to work on, she decided. Maybe then she would be able to actually help people. Like she'd been doing with Tink, for example; even if she didn't really use her psionics in doing so, she hoped that whatever guidance she'd been able to provide to the Stage 2 candidate was enough to help her through to the next stage. Hoped. Because while she did want to have complete faith in her friend's ability to pass, there was always a chance of something going wrong.

...

...It wasn't a good idea to be thinking about those sorts of things, though. What she needed now was to get some sleep, clear her mind, then work on making things better starting tomorrow. Finally shifting herself from the position she'd been in for gods-knew-how-long, Vanessa reached her arm out towards the light switch on the other side of the room, concentrating on it intensely until she'd eventually generated enough telekinetic force to flip the switch, plunging the room into darkness. A few seconds later and she'd tucked herself into the bed's covers, the blankets resting gently against her back and wings as her arms wrapped themselves around her pillow.

...Tomorrow was another day. Right?

...

...

...................

 

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