Don't Let It Scare You ((RhiRhi!))

[Anonymous]

A huff.

A whine.

Rolling over, over and over again.

And then the alarm clock went off. Vaughan let out a whimper and felt the lump in his chest like he was about to cry. No sleep. Another night of no sleep. Well, he had gotten some sleep, but it had been plagued by night mares. His most recent outing to the library ended in a rather dramatic note, and his brain played it and replayed it in his head every night like a bad movie. Different angles, different people, different noises. Sitting up and sliding out of his bed, unclothed except for his boxers, the red-headed singer slide off to the bathroom.

Doing his business and washing his hands, Vaughan went to the bath and started up the shower. The red head was supposed to meet up with his mentor in half an hour, but the boy, after getting squeaky clean, had rest his head against the shower stall wall and fell asleep. The light accompanied by the noise kept the dreams at bay and he could only think of possibly getting a nightlight and how his forehead ached.

Vaughan would sleep until the time he was supposed to meet Gabriel came and passed, which had been a good forty-five minutes away. The shower water had gone cold, but he had gotten so little sleep the past few days that it didn’t bother him.

[Rhi-Rhi]

Just outside of his candidates' dorm room, Gabriel paced as he waited for Vaughan. Not because he was impatient necessarily, but because it was early and it helped keep him awake, too. It was early, and Vaughan wasn't the only one that had been losing sleep over the past few days, if for radically different reasons.

The minutes ticked by, and with a sigh Gabriel pulled out his cell phone and checked the time. Five minutes past the time they were supposed to meet. Unacceptable. Another Pilot might have beaten Vaughan over the head with his alarm clock to give him a better appreciation for being on time, and it certainly wasn't something he was going to let slide, but for now Gabriel just strode over to the door and knocked. No answer. He waited a few seconds, just to give Vaughan a chance, but when there was still no response he knocked a few more times, louder.

"Hey Vaughan! You still asleep in there? Get up!"

Still no response.

Either the kid was a heavy sleeper, stuck in the bathroom, or he'd already left and forgotten they were supposed to meet right outside his door (to prevent him from getting lost or going to the wrong meeting spot, like what just might have happened, oi). Rolling his eyes and hoping, at least, that it wasn't the latter (it'd take forever to track the kid down), he punched in the pass code on the panel by the door and stepped inside once the door opened enough to admit him.

He heard the shower running, but he still glanced at the beds to make sure Vaughan wasn't in one, just in case the person showering was Alaina. Finding it empty, he walked to the bathroom door and banged on it, calling above the sound of rushing water. "Vaughan! That you in there? You're late! You fall asleep in there or what?"

Ugh! Showering now? When he should have been dressed and out there like ten minutes ago? Jeebus. Not a habit he was going to let slide. He may not be as hardcore as Roman and the thought of employing some of his methods made him a little queasy, but if there was one thing that could be said about those methods it was that they worked. Gabriel had had chronic tardiness issues prior to becoming his student. To this day, he'd made it a habit to show up too early rather than too late.

Unlike himself at that age, however, Vaughan seemed far more reasonable. Hopefully, in his case, lectures would be enough.

[Anonymous]

If it was possibly to drool in a shower, Vaughan would have done it. The half hour or so of ‘extra sleep’ he got zonked him out and it wasn’t until, in his dream, the shower nozzle  ( Yes, he was dreaming of taking a shower, fancy that?) turned to him and frowned. ‘Tsk, tsk, Vaughan, the cat is all impatient and the cock-a-doodle-doodles are going to waste!’ after that, the red head boy jolted and stared wide-eyed at the wall he had been sleeping on, jumping out of the now cold spray, shivering as he braved it again to turn it off. Because the water had been cold for so long, there was no steam left in the bathroom.

Everything was cold, his ass, his chest, the rings attached to his chest were cold, which made the inside of his nipples colder. What the fuck. Vaughan rubbed at his cheek, ignoring Gabriels calls, until the entire side was red enough and the mark of the tiled bath room wall was gone. Man his nipples were cold. Rubbing his eyes and wrapping a towel around his waist, he slammed his hand on the door-opening-button and then just stared ahead at Gabriel chest.

The sight Gabriel would be greeted with would be a slightly shorter than average seventeen year old boy with a white towel loosely wrapped around his hips. The tattoo that seemed to be the image of a little golden heart with wings wrapping up as if to hug him was in plain view and that gem was fairly low on his hips. Good change it looked like his towel would fall down at any moment.

Which is what it did.

Luckily, Vaughan was quick to the draw and grabbed it just in time to hide his junk, looking up at his mentor with his odd amber eyes and flashed a very Vaughan-esque smile, cocky and good humoured. “Sleeping? Me? Pfft, I was jerkin’ off.” The red-headed teen made a suggestive hand-movement with his left hand before turning towards his dresser and dropping the towel completely.

It went up onto his head while he got dressed, not really caring who’d seen his bare bum, though he was sure at least one of them would like the view and the other would cringe in fear because every time they’d look at him, they’d see pale bare ass. Vaughan grinned at that thought while he hopped into his pants, taking a pause to hopefully try and make his nipple rings un-cold so he’d stop being so damn… Nipply. His steady glare at his chest while he finished dressing in his uniform would be noticed and the red-head quickly ran the towel over his hair and then put it nicely where it could dry before throwing it in with the dirty clothes.

His red-hair stood on end and a bit of black could be seen at is roots. Flashing a grin towards Gabriel, all uniformed up, wet spiky hair slowly growing out red(and now black) hair.

Very obvious black smudges could been seen under his eyes but Vaughan smiled them away and had more plans to implant horrifying images of the red-headed singer masturbating in the shower to keep him from asking about those. It seemed to work.

”Sorry for being late, P.Master Gabby. You know how it is…” Vaughan gave Gabriel a look and waggled his eyebrows then made his suggestive hand movement again before crossing his arms over his chest trying to warm up those damned cold rings. “Sorry for being late, thanks for getting me! Where are we going?”

[Rhi-Rhi]

Gabriel heard the shower shut off and waited, preparing some "don't be late again, blah blah blah" lecture in his head. It felt weird to be on the other side of a lecture when he was used to being on the receiving end, but he knew how to chew someone out just the same so he steeled himself and got ready to unleash it onto Vaughan. Kid had to learn, and the sooner he did, the better; other Pilots wouldn't be nearly as lenient as he was, so it was better him than someone else.

Vaughan was taking a while, and he assumed that was because he was dressing. Kid wouldn't just strip down in front of Alaina, right? But when the door opened, there Vaughan was in a loosely wrapped towel looking, for lack of a better word, like crap.

The lecture died on his tongue before Gabriel could even open his mouth, and for a second he was too surprised by Vaughan's haggard appearance to even notice that the towel was slipping. There were dark circles under his eyes that hadn't been there before, and the way Vaughan was just staring straight ahead at him was odd. Obviously he was tired; it didn't look like he was getting good sleep, and for a second he thought maybe Vaughan really had been sleeping in there. But before Gabriel could do much more than notice it, the towel dropped, Gabriel's green eyes widened, and Vaughan caught it just in time, much to his relief.

Realizing he was staring, and openly, he quickly averted his eyes, cheeks feeling warm--and they only grew hotter when Vaughan answered his question, complete with a hand motion and everything, which he caught out of the corner of his eye. Gabriel let out a little groan and just barely resisted the urge to sink his face into his hand. "...Thanks, kiddo. I really needed that," he mumbled as Vaughan went over to the dresser. Yeah, just what he wanted, the image of his kid-student masturbating in the shower. Ugh that made him feel like such a ped--

That was when the kid let the towel drop completely, giving him an eyeful, all right. The worst thing was, he didn't have a bad butt--fuck! Whirling around (to give Vaughan his privacy, of course) Gabriel crossed his arms over his chest, face burning, and willed the image out of his mind, along with his chest and all the other naked-Vaughan-bits he'd glimpsed so far today. It was just...a lot of levels of wrong right there.

"Jeebus, Vaughan! I hope you don't do that when Alaina's around," he called over his shoulder, waiting both for Vaughan to finish and for his own blush to recede, and it was only when Vaughan apologized that he chanced a look over his shoulder. Vaughan was dressed--fully, thank goodness--and grinning. Of course. Rolling his eyes, Gabriel opened his mouth to say something, and once again forgot what it was he'd been about to say when Vaughan did that damned hand motion again.

This time, Gabriel did palm his forehead.

"Right, right, yeah..." he said, noncommittally. "Just...be on time next time, alright? I don't wanna have to beat timeliness into you, but I will if it'll save you from some Pilot who'll do worse. Anyway!" He let his hand drop back down to his side, the lecture long forgotten. Well, not completely, but the annoyance was gone with all the other distractions so it wouldn't pack the same heat. Passing a hand through his blonde bangs, he looked Vaughan over, all nicely suited up, and tried to remember what had been gnawing at him before the towel incident and after he'd thought up his lecture.

When his eyes met Vaughan's, he remembered. The dark circles. Vaughan's smiles couldn't hide those.

He leaned down a little to be more on Vaughan's level and tilted his head, studying his face. "You haven't been sleeping well, have you?" he asked quietly, brow knitting in concern. Vaughan had been here a week or so before he'd met him, and he'd been in high spirits then, no dark rings then. Whatever was causing this, it was a recent thing. "What's wrong?"

Give him the chance to open up on his own first, willingly. He wanted Vaughan to trust him, and trust was important among candidates and their mentors. But if Vaughan didn't tell him, he'd take the initiative himself. His candidate's problems were his business, too, after all.

[Anonymous]

The teenager was feeding off the reactions he was getting out of Gabriel. The grin was genuine, and the only really mussed up thing about him (Besides his hair, which looked good beside the fact) was the dark smudges. Vaughan wrinkled his nose in distaste when Gabriel obviously noticed those. Well damn. Seemed like the horrible images of his naked bum and him jerkin’ off in the shower wasn’t enough to distract his lovely mentor from his tired eyes. Vaughan smiled up at Gabriel and gave a lazy salute, “Right, on time. I can do that.”

If he hadn’t been ‘doing something’ in the shower he would have been early and waiting for his pleasant new friend. But instead, he’d taken that time to… Take… and was almost in trouble because of it. Never in his young life had Vaughan ever been so happy to have someone for a… Teacher? Mentor? New Big Brother? Ew, no. Vaughan wasn’t into incest, despite what some of those weird fanfictions proclaimed. Amber eyes gave Gabriel a once over and he smiled again.

If only the IF fangirls could see this lovely morsel, they’d go ga-ga and he’d get to star in a weird threesome. Vaughan gave a pathetic cough and thumped his chest when Gabriels words penetrated his morbid mind. A semi-grin and Vaughan shrugged and quietly said “I always have trouble sleeping, remember? S’what the sleeping pills are for.” A wide grin and he oh-so-slowly made his way towards his room door.

Vaughans heart pace picked up while his brain ran through the single scary moment he’d experienced. Not at the hands of a pilot, but of another candidate. He let his head drop forward and he put everything he had into measly shields to keep – or attempt to keep – Gabriel from seeing the memories. Though to his mentor they’d look like a nightmare. One where he was getting… Something bad was happening.

A huge lump of something welled up in Vaughans chest and he let out a small watery gasp before he opened the door to the hall way and put a hand over his mouth. A few deep breaths and the teenager tilted his head back and sighed. Close one. Teeth sunk into his lower lip, to make him think of that instead of that. “Yo, P.Master Gabby. You coming?” Same chirpy voice, and Vaughan poked his head into the room, the door held open by a button.

The dry sob left his mouth before he could stop it and he turned his head and closed his eyes, quickly opening them to look out the window, at the sky. It was amazing. Vaughan figured he’d look great with a tan. A real tan, not one of those fake spray-on ones that made you look like a pumpkin.. The second breakdown successfully avoided, he turned and grinned again and with his brain-powers- which he was unwittingly using- sent Gabriel a simple message that painted a not-so-pleasant picture.

Something bad happened.

[Rhi-Rhi]

Gabriel wasn't fooled. The sleeping pills were to help him sleep--and that's what they did. They knocked the kid out and ensured he got a good night's rest, and he knew Vaughan wasn't out of them. As a precaution, as soon as he'd received that message from Jocelyn about said pills, he'd had them confiscated and now a single dose was delivered to Vaughan's dorm room nightly. It was a safety precaution to ensure he didn't OD on them. You could never be too sure with candidates.

The nurses always made sure the candidates that needed meds got them, and they they were always stocked up on them. So either Vaughan wasn't taking them, or something else was disturbing his sleep. There was no other reason for him to look like that.

"I'm coming," he said, catching Vaughan's gasp and knowing he'd struck on something even if the kid wasn't showing it, and followed Vaughan out into the empty hall where they could have some privacy. Jocelyn's message prodded at his brain; Vaughan held things in, he'd said, but he'd seemed fine before! Too fine, it was true...he'd accepted candidacy a little too easily, been just a little too okay with Gabriel dragging him out of his comfortable, promising life into an uncertain, brutal one. Was that what this was about?

Gabriel stepped out into the hall as Vaughan held the door open, right as that strange dry sob left Vaughan's lips. The kid looked away and when he looked back he was grinning again, but the thought that came to his mind from Vaughan's was eerily at odds with how he was acting--which was exactly what he now knew it was, an act. A little chill shot down Gabriel's spine, and he rolled his shoulders uncomfortably before gently grabbing Vaughan's arm to tug him away from the wall panel, letting the door slide shut behind them.

Taking Vaughan by the shoulders, he faced him and peered directly into his eyes. "What happened, Vaughan?" He paused, glanced around to make sure no one was near, and found the halls still empty. It was way early. Still, he kept his voice to a whisper. "You can tell me. In fact, you need to."

Even while he said that, worry won over patience and he started to poke into Vaughan's mind, scanning through his surface thoughts and memories and finding that, indeed, he had been asleep in the shower. Another time and he would have been amused, but it was the things that came before that sent warning bells off in his mind. Dreamlike flashes of something happening, though he couldn't tell if it was a memory or a memory of a nightmare, but he could damned well see what was happening in it, and the scene made his stomach twist sickeningly. But he didn't recoil and instead just delved deeper, pushing his emotions off to the side, until he struck something that was real. It wasn't surreal and dreamlike; it was from Vaughan's perspective, clear yet distorted in a strange way, but it was obvious what was happening and he could see...

Another candidate. He didn't know who he was, but he could make out his face well enough.

He withdrew quickly, severing the connection, and it was all done within seconds of his question. He felt sick, felt anger starting to well up, but when he spoke again his voice was calm and collected, his hands steady on Vaughan's shoulders as he kept his eyes locked on his candidate's.

"Who was it?"

[Anonymous]

Weakly he protested. How could he not? He tried to roll his shoulders away from his mentors hands, the feeling of them making him want to wiggle away. No one had really touched him since it happened, passing brushes, a quick hug maybe from a passing face that recognized him. Nothing other than that. The hands on his shoulders and the green eyes looming in front of his amber ones made Vaughan’s lip quiver and he just stared. He didn’t noticed Gabriel shuffling through his mind, he knew something was off, and only after staring back into Gabriels eyes he figured out what he was doing.

In fact Vaughan was a little glad for it, because now he wouldn’t have to tell Gabriel what happened. His trembling hands drew up to grab at Gabriels wrists, his fingers digging in. It had been plaguing him for days, it would be good to let it out right? That’s what people did when things like this happened right? Tell someone, cry about it and be done with it. Right? Vaughans face crumpled like a paper doll when Gabriel asked him who it was.

The teens fingers dug deeper into his mentors wrist and he tried to stop his face from portraying his surprisingly wide range of emotion. First his lip quivered, before his teeth sunk into it to stop, then one tear, then another. Then the frayed rope snapped and Vaughan sunk to his knees his hands still tightly wrapped around Gabriels wrists, they were ‘man sobs’, which consisted of lots of gasping and high pitched croaking to keep back the ‘woman sobs’, with his head down so no one could see his face.

Nika, Nika, Nika, Nika, Nika.

As if his mind was a broken record it played those words out on repeat, while his lips were bleeding from his teeth and his shoulders were shaking with sobs. “It… It was my fault… He’s not right! I led him on. I lead you on. I lead everyone on… And…” Vaughan swallowed and let out another breathy sob, “and…” blood and tears mixed on the ground below where he was hanging his head. Arms up and attached to Gabriels wrists, vice-gripped, unwilling to let go of the one thing that was keeping him from sobbing like a little girl.

” I hate it here. I want to go home, I want a new brain, I want a new life, I… I want to die… I don’t want to be me.” Vaughan cried prettily, his eyes grew brighter probably because of the red, and his black eyelashes clumped together, the blood from the bite inside his mouth made his lips redder, and the tears made his cheeks wet instead of angry and red. “ I’m almost a rock-star, right?” His voice was quiet, heavy and wet, “I… Stuff like that shouldn’t happen… It wouldn’t… It isn’t Nika’s fault… It’s mine. Okay?”

Nika was his friend, Nika loved him. So few people loved him, Vaughan was greedy, he didn’t like losing people.

[Rhi-Rhi]

Well, he got his answer: Nika.

That no longer mattered right now.

Vaughan's grip was starting to hurt and Gabriel could feel his fingers getting tingly, but he didn't try to pull away and hardly even noticed. All he could do was watch in alarm as Vaughan crumpled completely, and he almost regretted the question. It had to be asked and he'd anticipated a bad reaction--after what he'd seen, why shouldn't he?--but it didn't make any of this any easier to witness. Shit...maybe he shouldn't have been so abrupt, but hell if he'd ever dealt with something like this, and his first thought had been to find the asshole that did this and bash his skull in.

That wouldn't fix anything, though. It wouldn't make Vaughan better right now--it'd just make him feel better.

"Ah, no...I'm sorry..." he murmured with a wince, and dropped down onto his knees in front of the kid, half pulled down. For a second he just watched helplessly as Vaughan sobbed and bled, hands in front of him and no longer gripping Vaughan's shoulders though Vaughan was still holding onto him like a lifeline. His first impulse was to hug him. Gabriel was used to being a big brother, having partially raised his sister and dealt with a score of skinned knees and tears and bullies he'd had to chase away, and hugs, band aids and reassuring words had always helped there, sometimes with the addition of a tissue or two. But this wasn't something you could just slap a band aid on and he remembered the way Vaughan had wiggled uncomfortably when he'd held his shoulders, so he didn't do anything.

He probably wouldn't want to be touched. Understandable.

"Vaughan, stop...don't hurt yourself," he said quietly, right before the words started to pour out. Gabriel was quiet throughout it, just listening and letting Vaughan speak freely. It probably took a lot of courage to get all that out, especially for someone who bottled everything up. What he said, however, tied Gabriel's stomach into an even tighter knot, pulse hammering in his ears. Vaughan thought it was his fault? Lead him on? He watched his candidate incredulously, eyes wide and face a little pale. Nika wasn't right? Damned right he wasn't right! Anyone who raped someone wasn't right!

"No, that's not true..." Against his better judgment, perhaps, Gabriel slid closer, gently twisted his wrists free, and wrapped his arms around Vaughan's shoulders, keeping his arms loose around him in case he wanted to pull away; the last thing he wanted him to feel was trapped. "It's not your fault. It is his fault. I don't care what what kind of signals you were giving off at the time, Vaughan, it wasn't your fault. You told him to stop, and he should have..."

He trailed off and took a slow breath, reining in his anger because now wasn't the time to be pissed when he was trying to keep the kid together. But he'd heard that in the vision. Vaughan crying, protesting...He took another calming breath and began to rub Vaughan's back in a slow, circular motion.

"Anyone who does that isn't right--and I'm gonna make sure he doesn't do it again. Alright?" he said gently, sitting back a little, but only so he could dab at Vaughan's bloody chin with his sleeve the same way he'd cleaned up Rachel's tears when she'd been younger, an old habit. "Now c'mon, kiddo...stop hurting yourself, okay? You haven't done anything wrong...and you don't lead people on, and if that's what he told you, if that's how he justified it, I'll make sure he's on the first fucking shuttle to TRIM. You don't lead me on. You don't lead anyone on. You're just yourself. And even if you did, that never makes it right. Never."

Another pause. How did you deal with something like this? Gabriel gnawed at his bottom lip, then with a sigh gave up on trying to find the right, comforting words and instead just hugged Vaughan again. "I'm sorry, kiddo..." he said quietly, earnestly, throat feeling tight. "This shouldn't have happened..."

He couldn't help but feel guilty, like this was his fault. He'd brought Vaughan here. He'd screwed up his life. If he hadn't discovered Vaughan, this wouldn't have happened.

But then someone else would have, anyway, too. Probably someone worse.

[Anonymous]

At first Vaughan wanted to pull away, scream, cry, hit. Vaughans hands were empty before he could realise it and he felt warm arms surround him. Though he wouldn’t, couldn’t, close his eyes, images were brought back. A scary monster, hazy, slow-motion, cold, tired. Numbly, Vaughan listened to Gabriel, feeling worse and worse, how could he not? This was his entire fault. Nika loved him, Nika actually cared. Right? When Gabriel began to rub his back, he slumped forward slightly; the sobbing had ceased and was now just slow heavy breaths.

Then Gabriel pulled back, Vaughans hands tightened on the fabric he’d unconsciously clung to- the front of Gabriels shirt- and just stared ahead, confused for a moment at what he was going to do before he felt his mentor wipe away the blood. That gesture made Vaughan want to cry all over again, but when he spoke, the teen flew into another fit of panic, his eyes wide. “N-n-no!! You can’t do that to Nika. He… He’s the only person who liked me for me. Not ‘cause I sing well or I was in a band or I have neat eyes or… Or… It’s my fault!” His hands thumped against Gabriels chest harmlessly, his voice high and hoarse.

He loves me.

Amber eyes looked away when that thought entered his head. He had to protect people who were stupid enough to love him, let alone like him, right? Vaughan sunk against Gabriel, letting his head fall on Gabriels shoulder. “You can’t blame Nika… It… The…” Not being able to bring himself to utter the word, he skipped it and figured that Gabriel could figure it out. “ Made it feel…” Vaughan trailed off and pressed his hands to Gabriels back, pulling him closer, a tighter hug.

“Please don’t tell anyone…” It was likely that in another fifteen minutes or so and Vaughan would be going postal or be perfectly normal again. Him… By Nika. On a vain trail of thought, the red-head couldn’t fathom how that looked to someone, sure they were the same size, but brute force against brute force and Vaughan would be the winner.

Though slowing down a heart-rate would give one quite the advantage. With his arms around Gabriel and his head safely tucked against his mentors shoulders, Vaughan wanted to cry out his whole life sob story, how he was abused, how he’d been a homeless teenager when Jace took him in, how his father didn’t care.

There was a chance that if word got out about him being a Pilot his father would want to see him again. A doctor with a son for a pilot, how great would that be for business? “I don’t want to be a Pilot…” Vaughan began, once again, to cry quietly, “Why did you have to find me? We were doing a good job keeping me hidden…”

[Rhi-Rhi]

"Bullshit!" Gabriel snapped before he could stop himself, then winced and let out a breath, hugging Vaughan apologetically. He didn't want him to think he was mad at him, because he sure as hell wasn't. "Sorry. I mean...that's also not true, Vaughan. That kid doesn't like you. If he liked you, if he seriously gave a shit about you, he wouldn't have done that to you. I don't know what lines he fed you, but people don't do that to other people if they care about them. They do that because they're selfish pieces of shit or control freaks that gotta do that to feel big. Or both."

Alright. So he really sucked at this. Sighing, Gabriel shook his head, trying to keep his voice calm and steady.

"Okay...look...maybe TRIM is a bit harsh," he lied. No, he'd meant that when he said it, even if deep down he doubted anything short of violence against a Pilot or treason would get a candidate TRIM'd at this point, but since it upset Vaughan, and since he didn't want to upset him more right now, he could lie a little until he calmed down. He was confused right now, and understandably, and while Gabriel would have liked to know what Nika had told him...he didn't have the stomach to sift through those memories again. Not right now. He'd seen enough.

"But he's gonna be punished," he continued, stroking Vaughan's hair and glad that Vaughan was comfortable with this. Hugs helped a little, right? He didn't care if Vaughan got blood on his shirt; he'd had plenty of blood on him before. "He has to be. What's to stop him from doing it again, or to someone else? What if he already has done it to someone else but they're keeping quiet because they're not as brave as you are? I'm gonna blame him because it is his fault and it's not fucking okay and he can't start thinking he can get away with it!"

He didn't know what Vaughan was trying to say but couldn't. Don't blame Nika, he made it feel...He didn't want to know. It didn't matter. Good, bad, either way it sickened him and he shook his head, letting Vaughan hug him tighter.

"I'm not gonna tell anyone--except those that need to know, Vaughan," he said quietly, still petting his hair, hoping it'd help calm him down. He knew that probably wasn't what Vaughan wanted to hear, but he wasn't going to lie to him; he couldn't keep it a complete secret. That would be thoroughly irresponsible. "I have to talk to Nika's mentor, and Roman, but I promise this'll all be kept between--Vaughan? Have you been to the infirmary?"

The thought came to him abruptly, and he thought it was safe to assume he hadn't. If Gabriel was the first person he'd told, and if Vaughan wanted to keep it quiet, he probably hadn't been there. "You need to go if you haven't. The nurses won't tell anyone, but you need to get checked out in case Nika, ah..." He paused again and shrugged uncomfortably. No use beating around the bush. He didn't want to scare Vaughan, but he had to be upfront, too. "Had anything. I'll take you there if you want..."

Counseling, too, would probably be a good idea. Gabriel was not trained for this, so he should probably leave it to someone who was before he did any damage by saying the wrong things, especially since he was now emotionally invested. He didn't bring that up yet, though. One step at a time.

Vaughan was crying again now, and the guilt stabbed at him again, complete with a sharp twist here and there to dig it in deeper. But still Gabriel kept his voice calm, ran his hand from Vaughan's hair down to his back, and hugged him a little tighter.

"It's okay...I know...I didn't wanna be one, either," he said quietly. "But Vaughan, if it wasn't me, it'd be someone else. I'm sorry, kiddo--really--and I know it's bad now, but it's not always gonna be. I hated being a candidate, too--I was your age when I became one--but being a Pilot...it's not bad at all. You get to be free again--more free than you ever were before."

He forced a reassuring smile. "You're gonna be okay, alright? And Vaughan...don't ever tell yourself that people don't like you. I do--and not just because I like your band."

Even while Gabriel spoke to Vaughan, his mind was running along another vein. He had to find out who Nika's mentor was, because though the name sounded familiar, hell if he could keep up with who mentored who. He sent out a psychic thread to dragon. "Siren, who's Nika's mentor?" he asked, and the reply was instantaneous.

"Pilot Eisurin."

So it was Latona. Gabriel bit the inside of his cheek and took another deep, calming breath, eyes closed. Latona, who apparently delighted in tormenting her candidate, according to the blog. No wonder Nika was so fucked up.

"Thank you, Siren..."

Once he'd taken care of Vaughan, he had a bone to pick with her.

[Anonymous]

Vaughans heart sunk and while his heart sunk he clung tighter. It hurt to listen to Gabriel talk about his friend… Lover? Friend… Vaughan didn’t really feel any lovey-feelings towards Nika. He could pretend he liked Nika. No, not pretend, he did like Nika, right? The red-headed teen stayed silent while Gabriel spoke, letting his eyes close slightly, but not enough to keep the light out. The last thing he wanted was to be in the dark, even if the dark had red spots because of his eyelids.

Then they popped back open and he stared. Infirmary? “ N-n-n… I…” How do you answer a question like that? The stuttering ‘n’s probably gave him away, and Vaughan stuck his lip in his mouth and refused to speak, just moved closer, maybe if he got Gabriel riled up about something else they wouldn’t have to go get his … Him… checked out for horrible diseases. Why did he have to go do that. How would you go do that? Could the nurse even know what to do?

One step at a time.

Why couldn’t it be a hop, skip and a jump and be done with? Vaughan sighed and closed his eyes for a moment before his next break down, slowly getting Gabriels shoulder wet from long held back tears, listening and giving the odd hiccup or shaky breath. Why couldn’t he stop crying? Why was Gabriel being so nice and letting cry? Why the hell did he still like Nika? Because it felt good? Because Vaughan didn’t really fight back at all?

Vaughan leaned back and looked Gabriel in the eyes, wide and slightly disbelieving. Sure, him being in a band had obviously influenced Gabriel into scooping him up before any of the other pilots could. It was possibly a full five minutes of staring before Vaughan got up and grabbed at his head, and began to pace.

Thought not before wiping at his face and going to a wall to smack it. Better it than Gabriel. “This is fucked.” One hand in his hair, the other pressed against the wall, and his palm grinding into his forehead, “This is so totally fucked.” Vaughans voice was shaky and wet, his tongue thick, not at all like a singer. “ Damn you.” He shot a glare, then sighed and wiped at his face again, gave himself a few soft-slaps on the cheek and took a deep breath.

“I… I’m sorry.” Averting his eyes, the candidate stuffed his hands in his pockets and straightened out his shoulders, “Lets…” Ugh, “ Go to the nurse.” Better safe than sorry and it would get Gabriel off his back. That and it would waste time where he could be doing something productive – Like studying.  Totally back to his normal self, he looked at the state of Gabriels shirt, odd splotches of wet from where he’d put his face. The red-head winced and then cleared his throat.

“Don’t… Make a bigger deal of this than it is.”

Because it wasn’t that big of a deal… Right?

[Rhi-Rhi]

Of course he hadn't gone to the infirmary.

Gabriel sighed quietly but didn't say anything, though he could feel Vaughan's apprehension. No one really liked the doctor's in the first place, and he could only imagine what the kid must think they'd do to him after something like what he'd been through. But he stayed quiet, not letting on that he was keeping tabs on Vaughan's emotions, and let him have his cry. He'd already said enough--probably way too much--and it was healthy to just...vent. Who knew how many days or even weeks of bottled up emotions the kid was letting out right now?

But suddenly Vaughan pulled back and stared at him, and Gabriel blinked in surprise. He looked incredulous, and Gabriel began to wonder if he'd crossed the line somewhere or said something utterly ridiculous that he hadn't realized he'd said. He stared back at Vaughan, brow knit in confusion, and was about to finally break down and ask, "What?" when Vaughan got up, paced, and beat up on the wall.

Gabriel grimaced, more words striking home. Vaughan might as well have punched him instead. Well...it's about time he got pissed at me. He'd been way too accepting--unnaturally so--and Gabriel watched and waited, face strangely blank. A stereotypical "Pilot" look, his expression just as guarded as his mind right then because he didn't want Vaughan to see the guilt there. Besides, this wasn't about him, it was about Vaughan. His own emotions didn't matter, and Vaughan had a right to feel everything he did.

It was ultimately Gabriel's fault, and he'd readily own up to that. Still, it was bound to happen and he couldn't say he regretted finding Vaughan. If anything, he was glad it was him. But this...? Ugh. There was nothing he could have done about this. It was out of his hands, out of his control, and as cold as it probably was to think it--he couldn't always be there to protect his candidates. They were training to become Pilots, and they had to harden up because they'd face worse once they became a Pilot, and even before that; their very lives would be on the line. Getting hazed by other candidates was part of the conditioning, but this also went beyond hazing, didn't it? Yet it was no different from what some Pilots did to candidates, and they sure didn't get busted for that. Gracies were lower than low, anyway.

So where exactly was the line drawn?

It hurt his head to think about it...but it didn't stop him from being pissed. If it came down to it, he could always just use the mentor card. "This is my candidate, and I don't want my candidate maimed or emotionally scarred without my consent--unless he was insubordinate, of course." Ahaha. That sounded so fucked up.

Still, whatever didn't kill you made you stronger. It was all part of the Pilot thing, cruel as it was.

When Vaughan apologized, the stoic look melted away, eyes widening with surprise at the sudden change (first crying, then pissed off, now apologizing, jeez), and after a long and somewhat wary pause as though anticipating another change, he shrugged. "Nothing to apologize for," Gabriel said, climbing to his feet and almost immediately toppling over when it turned out that his right leg had fallen asleep. He stumbled but caught himself, then shook out his leg to try and get the blood flowing again, cringing at the tingly pins and needles sensation. It was a relief that Vaughan had decided to go to the infirmary, though, because now he didn't have to pester him into it.

Limping slightly, he nodded and turned to lead the way. "I won't." And since it was a big deal, that meant he'd make a big deal about it and see that Nika faced every consequence he'd reaped.

The infirmary wasn't too far away, and as they drew near Gabriel stepped in close to Vaughan and lowered his voice.

"Do you prefer a male or a female doctor?" he asked and then, remembering Vaughan's earlier apprehension, looked over at him to add, "They're not gonna do anything weird. They're probably just gonna do some blood tests and ask you some questions, that's all. If you're worried, I can go in the room with you." Stepping forward, he pushed the button that opened the door and motioned for Vaughan to go in.

This certainly wasn't how he'd anticipated spending the day mentoring his student.

[Anonymous]

Amber eyes drifted shut for a moment and then blinked them back up and alight when he heard a stumble. Not being able to help himself Vaughan smiled slightly and tilted his head apologetically, his eyebrows going up past his messy bangs. Such a huge jump between emotions, crying, being angry… Thought it made him feel better. “I… Sorry for… Saying sorry.” Reaching a hand out, thought more of a pointing gesture instead of a helpful one, the words fell out of his mouth before he could stop them, “Do you need he… Never mind.”

Vaughan smirked and lift an eyebrow before moving over towards Gabriel and followed him when he began to hobble down the hall. “You’re a tough strong Pilot. Pins’n’Needles won’t get you down, yeah?” Though the humour left his face the closer and closer they got to the infirmary. Nothing against doctors, but the situation and the possible test made Vaughan extra twitchy.

”Oh gods, would they have to draw blood?”

His mouth dropped open and he grabbed Gabriels sleeve for a moment. “Will they have to use needles? Or that stick thing they used to push down your tongue!? m’I gonna get a lollipop?” The momentary freak-out avoided, or finished with rather, and the redhead was on his way again, taking noticeably slower steps and zigzagging. He had to do this, to be safe.

Right?

Right.

”I… Want a smart one?” Did doctors come in just ‘smart’? Vaughan frowned and rubbed his arm, a moments insecurity and he grabbed at Gabriels free hand and held it tightly “I… It isn’t as weird when you know because you were there.” He swallowed and went a little pale before letting go of Gabriels hand and going into the room, and putting his hands in his pockets.

”The psychic stuff freaks me out…” A nod and Vaughan flashed a smile over his shoulder towards his mentor, then gnawed on his lip. What would they ask? How personal would it be? Few things made him blush, Vaughan doubted questions like what they could ask him would make him blush.

”What kind of questions…?”

Better to ask and dread then just stare dumbfounded if they ask something like ‘do you need stitches’. Yugh. Vaughan never wanted stitches anywhere, but luckily for him, Nika had been nice.

[Rhi-Rhi]

It was jarring, Vaughan being all chipper and teasing again when he'd just had a thorough breakdown not five minutes ago, especially considering the gravity of the situation. He couldn't switch gears that abruptly; he was still feeling horrified, sickened, and...well, homicidal. Gabriel didn't think ill of many people, but yeah, right then he would have liked nothing more than bash in Nika's skull, even if, of course, he'd never actually do that.

He'd never be able to mentor again if he did, and that meant he would have to give up Vaughan and Alaina.

But he couldn't stop worrying. This had happened right under his nose and from another candidate. Gods...and Rachel was here. All this time he'd been worrying about other Pilots when suddenly the more eminent threat was the candidates themselves. He always liked to think that he could relate to the candidates, having been one only three years ago, but maybe he was further removed from those days than he'd originally thought. He remembered the hazing, the bullying; Gods, but that fucker Cross had made his life hell.

Cross...

Quickly, Gabriel switched his train of thought before he could get more nauseous than he already was and redirected his focus onto Vaughan. There was a time and a place, and right now he was worried about about Vaughan.

Vaughan was bottling up again, no doubt.

Or was. Now it was needles?

Hoo boy...hopefully he didn't have a weak stomach, but that would just be something they'd work on as the program went on. At one point, Gabriel hadn't been able to stomach the sight of blood. Now...eh. You got used to it.

He gave a little jolt and stared down at Vaughan when he grabbed his sleeve, both eyebrows raised, and blinked a few times. "It's just a little blood, kiddo. Probably just a couple test tubes full. Little tubes," he added, holding up his hand with his thumb and forefinger spaced apart about four inches. "You won't even miss it. Probably won't even feel it. Just a quick prick on your arm and you'll be done! Dunno about lollipops, but I'll get you one when you're done. Maybe some stickers...you like stickers, right?"

Gabriel winked at Vaughan, acting cheerful even if he didn't feel it because Vaughan had no business knowing that he was worried and pissed. That wouldn't help the kid any, and now the poor guy was freaking about doctors. He gave Vaughan's hand a little squeeze when the kid grabbed it before letting go. "I'm pretty sure all the doctors here are smart. You gotta be, to be a doctor, right? Especially a doctor that works here--they're the best of the best here! You're gonna be fine..."

Stepping inside the building, he gave Vaughan a reassuring pat on the shoulder and paused beside him for a second. "Ah...probably just things that have to do with what happened." But the truth was, he wasn't sure. He didn't even know if it was as simple as a few blood tests and questions--which, of course, was why he was taking Vaughan there to begin with. Let the professionals who knew what they were doing do what they were supposed to do. Gabriel wasn't a medic and while he'd studied psychology like any Pilot, he was no psychologist nor was he a counselor.

"Like I said, it'll be okay and it'll be over before you know it. Now just wait here a sec, lemme go grab someone..." he said, heading over to snag a nurse. Vaughan hadn't given him a straight answer on the male or female issue, so he decided to just hazard a guess and choose a female. Maybe a woman doctor wouldn't be as threatening, considering he'd been assaulted by a male.

After drawing a nurse off to the side and speaking quietly to her, Gabriel headed back over to Vaughan. "Alright...so if you'd just go with the nurse, she's gonna get you a room and fetch a doctor. You want me to wait out here?"

[Anonymous]

Little testubes sure looked like a lot to Vaughan. He took a deep breath and puffed his cheeks out before matched the size of the possible test tube – Then the word stickers and ‘you like them, right?’ fluttered through his head. A wicked grin and Vaughan lift an eyebrow and  wagged them up and down. “Stickers, eh?” He crossed his arms over his chest and looked off to the side, “Like pasties?” Vaughan gave Gabriel a thumbs up before crossing his arms back over his chest.

Would Gabriel believe that Vaughan was as weird and bounce-able (emotional wise) as he seemed?  That if they got off the topic and he didn’t really have to think about it, he just didn’t care anymore and went off on his marry little way? Vaughan pursed his lips and looked away for a moment, watching Gabriel go about and set this up. What would they talk about?

How personal would it get?

He swallowed and then closed his eyes for a moment, a jolt of pure loathing towards Gabriel washed through him but he closed his eyes and willed it away. Hating Gabriel for helping him was stupid, stupid, stupid. It wouldn’t make this go away, this was good! Nika could be carrying some horrible flesh eating disease… Vaughan stood up straighter, having sufficiently scared himself and ran a hand through his hair, wondering just were this possible flesh eating virus would attack first.

Hesitantly he looked towards his chest.

Gabriels voice asking him, or telling him, to follow the nurse. “Eh? Oh. Yeah.” A quick nod and he found his hand mysteriously attacked to Gabriels sleeve. “Oh look at that, righty wants you to come with us.” Another grin and Vaughan stared ahead and swallowed, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, “Don’t let the aliens probe me.” His voice was low and his eyes were pleading, mocking almost.

Though he really didn’t want to have them put anything anywhere awkward.

[Rhi-Rhi]

"No one's gonna probe you," Gabriel said, glancing down at his sleeve where Vaughan was clinging to it. He was acting all bright and cheery again, but his body language told another story. Shaking his head sadly, he followed after the nurse and they were both ushered into the room. The nurse pointed to an examination table and told Vaughan to take a seat, and Gabriel settled into a chair by the door while the nurse bustled back out.

Moments later, the doctor entered, an older, stocky woman that headed for the sink to wash her hands.

Siren had been silent in his head all this time, not anything really unusual. The dragon was always there, a constant presence in his mind, but for as long as Gabriel had known him, he'd been on the quiet side. Unlike some of the more bossy dragons like Wulf's Tempest, Siren rarely interfered in mundane day to day matters and let his human live his own life. Human drama usually fell into the category of 'mundane day to say matters', so Gabriel jumped in surprise when his voice suddenly filled his mind.

"You're doing him a disservice."

Gabriel scowled before he could check himself. "A disservice? By making sure he's okay? He was raped. I don't know what that asshole had, or how much this fucked him up his head, and frankly I don't want any other little assholes thinking they can take advantage of--"

"Do you actually believe what you're saying?" came the curt reply, cutting Gabriel off. "Tierney. Your candidates are not your friends or siblings. They are Pilot candidates. If you keep treating them the way you are, they will wind up in TRIM, whether it's because they fail a Stage from your incompetence or because the other candidates break them. And the other candidates will try. Did any Pilot ever hug you and wipe your nose when Cross laid into you?" Gabriel's shoulders hunched, cheeks coloring as the truth of those words sank in.

"I didn't think so. What did they do? Do you remember what you were told?"

Siren paused, and Gabriel realized when he didn't continue that he meant him to say it, even though they both knew the answer. " 'If you don't want it to happen again, don't let it,' " Gabriel recited grudgingly.

"Yes. And I recall that you listened. Can you imagine what it would have looked like to any other candidates, seeing a Pilot pat a candidate on the back and tell them everything's going to be okay? Might as well slather them in sauce and toss them to the dragons, because that candidate would get ripped apart. These are future Pilots, Tierney. The weak will be culled. Give them the tools they need to be strong--on their own. You're not their guardian, you're their teacher. Don't get the two confused. Stop being selfish and start thinking about their well-being, because you're doing them no favors now. Though not your candidate, this also applies to your sister. Whatever happens, you can't interfere."

There was another pause, then Siren added, "Unless you do not feel you're ready to be a mentor. Because Roman can always have them reassigned."

He felt a wall go up between them, his cue that Siren was done and that was final. Gabriel stared ahead at the wall in front of him blankly. Every single word he'd said was true and, guiltily, Gabriel knew it. And felt stupid because of it. It was true. He was being selfish, letting his emotions get the better of him again and going with his knee-jerk reaction rather than the correct reaction. Allowing himself to get attached, to sometimes forget they were candidates.

Now, sitting there in the infirmary chair, and after sending some messages via the Network to a few choice Pilots, he felt the distinctive desire to sink down into the floor and vanish for a while. Dear Gods...he'd just made such an ass of himself...

The anger and concern was still there--anger at Nika, concern for Vaughan--but in that short exchange with Siren, everything had changed.

Glancing up at the doctor as she finished washing her hands and slipped on the latex gloves, Gabriel spoke up tersely, face unreadable in that detached, Pilot-like way. "Just hurry up and run a few blood tests. I just wanna make sure he doesn't have anything that'll spread."

He didn't look at Vaughan.

That was that. There would be no questions, probably much to Vaughan's relief, there would be no exam, but there would be needles and vials to collect the blood.

You had to break them down to build them up.

[Anonymous]

Quietly, the candidate watched his mentors face. A blush, a bit of a frown,  then just blank. Vaughan tilted his head and frowned at Gabriel, worried. What happened? Black eyebrows drew up on his face and he closed his eyes for a moment , what the hell was going on? Did it sink in about what happened to him? Was Gabriel disgusted?  Disturbed? Afraid of the fact that Vaughan wasn’t freaking out? Then Gabriel spoke and Vaughan felt his chest grow heavy, like it could work as a weight and keep him from surfacing  from the water again. Vaughan stared at Gabriel for a moment, not even a glance in his direction. What happened?

He didn’t really notice when the woman rolled up his sleeve and inserted the needle, or when she drew the blood. Four little vials, of course it pinched, but Vaughan was a little too stunned to notice. What happened? He swallowed thickly before looking away and staring at his knees, not really sure what to think. Ashamed? It was hard to make Vaughan ashamed of himself, but trusting Gabriel so completely seemed like a stupid thing to do. A humourless laugh left his lips before he could stop himself and he lowered his head and bit down hard on his lower lip, shaking his head and letting his hair cover the upper half of his face.

Today was not a good day. Not at all.

The last thing the ex-singer wanted to cry about was a silly thing like betrayal. It wasn’t even really that, was it? Gabriel never said he was on Vaughan’s side, he just pretended. Pretended to be nice, pretended when he said he liked him because of who he was instead of what he could have done with his life. What a load of shit. Vaughan silently moved a hand to his forehead and sighed, his fingers digging into his face, to keep back the well of tears. Great. Another break down. How pathetic.

Don’t be sad because someone’s a liar. Better you know now than find out when you get more attached than you already are... Were. A deep breath and he moved his hand and turned his head away. Who knew such simple words could be such a razor? His hands moved to his face and he gently smacked himself repeatedly. He still had Jace, Jares, Pari and Cory,  fuck Gabriel.

Fucking liar.

Vaughans lips drew into a thin line when the doctor lady got back. Either she took no time at all or the red-head had been mentally freaking out for a good little while. The doctor prattled on about how he was all fine and dandy, probably in better medical terms, but Vaughans brain translated it into words he liked right now. Fine and Dandy. Those were nice words, better than words like ‘Pilot’ and ‘Gabriel’ and ‘tests’ and ‘nurses. Jumping off the examination table, Vaughan quickly licked his lips and rubbed his elbow, before pulling down his sleeve and putting his hands in his pockets.

Two could play at that game.

Ah, if he hadn’t been dragged into this hellhole of liars and rapists, Vaughan probably would have done a great job in the entertainment industry. With his hands safely in his pockets and his face in a happy-go-lucky mask, even though he felt oddly heartbroken – Vaughans bright smile lit up his face, and it still didn’t reach his tired eyes. “Well, should I get going on my own and finish up my extra work-stuff, since you’re a pilot and you must be too busy for a useless candidate like me.” The teen gave a giggle and lift an eyebrow, “And, I wouldn’t want to waste any of your time if I end up TRIM’d. Gods forbid someone like me – you know, more-or-less truthful? – pass and become a pilot. I might make the universe explode!” A bright grin and a hand pressed against his cheek for dramatic effect, he gave a thumbs up towards his mentor and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

Okay, maybe he was just being a little over dramatic.

“See you later, Pilot Tierney.”

[Rhi-Rhi]

If there was ever a time Gabriel wished he could take back his words, this was one of those numerous moments. He couldn't, though, and even if he could have he wouldn't have tried. The words had the desired effect, and he felt more than he saw the change that came over Vaughan because right now he didn't want to look at him and see the hurt expression he was probably wearing.

Gods he felt like such an asshole. Maybe he should have chosen another moment, like when Vaughan wasn't all emotionally out of whack. But then again, if he waited then he'd be waiting one hell of a long time, and no Pilot had ever waited to make sure he was psychologically prepared to handle whatever was tossed his way. It was just part of the program. You learned to deal, and you had to learn to deal, because what happened when you were a Pilot in enemy territory? As much as the thought sickened him, as much as his own behavior appalled him, he knew that if rape was the worst thing Vaughan suffered in his lifetime, he'd be lucky.

Siren was right. He was sugarcoating this too much. He was supposed to not only help Vaughan pass, but prepare him for the real world. Passing was the easy part. Passing would do him no good if he became a Pilot and had a complete psychological meltdown because Gabriel had failed to help condition him.

Hell, he didn't even have to be bothering with Vaughan right now. It was only Stage 1.

That's what he told himself while he waited for the nurse to finish up and bring the results, but what he felt was another matter. This was tougher than he'd expected it to be, and he couldn't help but think about his sister and what if it had been her? Same deal. Not a thing he could do about it. He'd have to give her the cold shoulder, too, and keep his distance so as not to interfere.

Once they were Pilots, it would be different, but goddamn. His one real regret was that he hadn't put on the act sooner.

The doctor returned with the good news that, nope, Vaughan wasn't diseased, and it was only when Vaughan hopped down off the table that Gabriel looked over at him. He looked happy. Way too happy. Gabriel met his smile with a flat, impassive look as the words started tumbling out of Vaughan's mouth, each one stinging though he didn't flinch, not even when Vaughan gave a giggle that had him worrying that maybe he was losing it. Those last two words were the kicker, though--he'd never had his bloody title wielded like a weapon at him before, but there it was.

Ouch...

He closed his eyes and sighed in genuine exasperation when Vaughan finished, not bothering to try and hold it back. From where Vaughan was standing, he would probably just sound annoyed, which suited his purpose fine. Shaking his head, quite aware that the doctor was still there to witness that behavior, he stopped Vaughan dead in his tracks with a few strands of telekinesis, rooting the boy's feet to the floor. If he fell on his face, so be it.

"I don't think so, Vaughan," Gabriel began levelly, rising to his feet and frowning at him. "You'll leave when I dismiss you, and I haven't dismissed you yet. We're not done, so c'mon. You'll have plenty of time to work on your studies later, but right now we still have some things to go over." Like Vaughan's self esteem. He wasn't going to just dismiss him while he was still feeling like crap and using all that self-deprecating language. He'd just wind up abused again, especially since he blamed himself for it. No, if he kept that up he was heading straight for Doormat Land, and that had to stop soon.

If Gabriel couldn't protect him, he could at least give him the tools to protect himself--just as Roman had with him.

Turning, he headed for the door and released the telekinetic hold on Vaughan, trusting he'd follow. He had no choice but to; there was only one door in that room.

"Oh, and for the record, I've never lied to you and I don't plan on it."

There. A little bit of damage control, a snippet of reassurance, if Vaughan chose to accept it. It was the simple truth, too.

And he had told Vaughan before that he'd do whatever it took to see his candidates become Pilots.

So he was.

[Anonymous]

Gyah.

Vaughan gasped loudly and waved his arms wildly before regaining his balance in a rather odd stance. Amber eyes glaring and small, his body jerking in an effort to keep himself from kissing the ground, and his arms waving to keep his balance. It was like an odd tribal dance, or a game. Stand in an odd position and don’t fall on your face, if you do, your nose will hurt and you’ll lose the game.

Oh, he got stopped because he hadn’t been dismissed yet.

Jack-ass. Vaughan snarled and balled his fists, still flailing his arms periodically to keep his balance. An audible snarl left his lips, it took every ounce of vocal power to make it sound authentic, though he sounded more like a grumpy puppy than a pissed off wolf. Close enough he thought, he was acting like a grumpy puppy. The being off balance thing didn’t help his attempt at being scary and his flailing arms and his grumpy face. His voice heated, he glared at Gabriel,  and the words burst from his mouth before he could stop them.

“Things to go over!? Like fucking what? How to bend over and take it up the ass like a real man? Excuse me for...” The teen wobbled and landed on his bum with a grunt, his feet firmly planted on the ground and his arms out behind him to keep him seated and up on his probably bruised bottom, his head down and his eyes closed.  He sighed quietly after Gabriel walked back, and stood up and followed his mentor.

“I’m sorry.” His voice was quiet and then he let his head hang down when Gabriel told him he didn’t lie. He hadn’t lied. Would never lie.

Then Vaughan just felt like a giant asshole and he sighed again. “I’m... Really sorry. What do we need to do, Gabriel?”

[Rhi-Rhi]

Gabriel was halfway out the door when Vaughan spoke, and color flushed his cheeks in a mixture of anger and embarrassment. Somehow, he managed not to flinch and only allowed himself a grimace that Vaughan couldn't see since his back was facing him. He took a deep breath, giving himself a second to compose himself and will the blush away, then turned and glanced over his shoulder at Vaughan, mouth twisting in irritation he didn't really feel. He still felt horrifically guilty but he didn't let it show, nor did he accept the apology as Vaughan finally stood and followed him out of the infirmary and into the hall.

He walked in silence for a few moments, something that had always made him nervous as a candidate whenever a Pilot did that to him, before he finally came to a stop by one of the classrooms, opened the room, and ushered Vaughan inside.

"First, we need to go over your mouth," Gabriel began, striding across the room toward the desk at the front before fixing Vaughan with his sternest look, eyes flat and slightly narrowed. The expression didn't really fit his face but he was still dead serious. "I don't want to hear you ever talk to a Pilot the way you just spoke to me, much less other military personnel, and that includes me. Especially me. You can be plenty useful without your tongue. This is your first and final warning."

That out of the way, he continued on calmly. "Second, whatever happened, whatever happens from here on out, you have to accept it for what it is and then let it go. Easier said than done, I know, but what you went through..." He hated himself as he said it, but it had to be said. "If you don't let it go, if you keep beating yourself up for it, it'll eat you up inside. It already is. Don't let it win. Cry if you need to, and then just let it go."

He leaned back against the desk, hands behind him and flat on its surface to support him. "Third, you have to learn how to protect yourself. I don't want you taking shit from anyone, and if I find out you are, I'll beat the crap out of you myself. Anyone tries to hurt you, I want you to hurt them first--worse than they would have hurt you so they won't even think about trying it again. It's survival." Gods did he know something about that.

"Some of the candidates out there, I'm sure they're great. I'm sure you've made some friends. Hold those friendships close. Other candidates smell weakness like sharks smell blood and they will eat you alive if you keep acting like this, like a self-pitying doormat."

Gabriel paused for a moment, tilting his head to the side a little as he watched Vaughan, and his expression softened as he went on. "Now...I understand you've started basic training. But considering the circumstances I don't think that'll be enough. I know we don't actually start on any psychic stuff until Stage Two, but..." He glanced at Vaughan. "Nika didn't exactly attack you physically, either, did he?"

Gabriel didn't mean the actual rape, but what came before it. In what he'd seen of Vaughan's memories, Nika hadn't been exactly violent. Vaughan had protested, but he hadn't put up much resistance--hadn't been able to put up resistance. He'd moved and sounded sluggish, uncharacteristicall y tired and weak, and Nika hadn't needed to use much physical force at all.

"Not at first, I mean. It was a psychic attack, wasn't it? That's why you didn't fight back. I want you to tell me what the attack felt like, the symptoms. If you do that, I can start teaching you some basic defense." Ahead of the program, yes. Too early, maybe. Vaughan might not be able to grasp it yet, and at this point Gabriel might be lucky just to give him a basic idea of what to do, but it was worth a shot if there was even the possibility that he'd be able to protect himself from clumsy gracie attacks.

More advanced candidates were another story. But Nika was only Stage One.

Whatever the case, Gabriel wasn't about to let Vaughan wind up as the ATC's fucktoy, and with his self esteem the way it was right now, that didn't seem too unlikely. Not with candidates like Nika around.