Remnants of the Earth
AEDOLIS => Haviah => The Citadel => Topic started by: Blink on August 07, 2017, 03:20:42 pm
-
Elevator music... quite literally the most agonizing thing in the universe. Havanah tapped her fingers on her arms as she watched the lights illuminate what floor she was currently passing. The moment the light flicked past her own floor her eyes closed, a little reminder of where she was actually going.
It had been a long last few days. First with the constant pull at her stomach knowing she couldn't get Alec out of her head, then the issue with Kazoo, followed by the events that transpired when she tried to run. All of that wrapped up quite nicely with the inpending threat of Cinna's well-being surfacing last night. Havanah had been a busy little bee dealing with all of it and it showed.
Maybe her excuse for leaving Soba and the others because of a stomach ache wasn't completely a lie. Her stomach did hurt, as did her chest, hand and ass. None of it mattered though since she spent the night searching Sector C for any kind of clues. And now, well now all she wanted was to sleep before going back out. A few hours rest to rejuvinate her mind and body before searching again. Yet despite all of that exhaustion and pain she couldn't think of anywhere more comforting to be than with Alec.
"Ugh!" she groaned, stepping back in the elevator to hit her head on the wall in frustration. One bruised and one tired hand rubbed at her eyes as she tried to sort all of this out. Why was Alec the most comforting thing she could think of? Why not just go home and sleep in her own bed?
"Because he's not there." She found herself answering her own internal struggles.
Again she groaned and rolled her eyes, almost missing the 'ding' insinuating she had reached her destination. A few short steps and she saw him, standing in the doorway as he said he would be. Most would say he looked angry with his arms crossed and that look in his eyes. Havanah though saw instead how his hair was a mess meaning he hadn't rested well either. He was still in his pajama pants, a 5 o'clock shadow already growing on his face. Alec looked just as miserable as she did.
Havanah herself was in her grey jeans and black boots. She had changed before going out searching last night. Thankfully she still had Alec's sweater with her when the temperature dropped, or else she would have probably looked even worse. But even with his sweater loosely hanging on her Havanah looked a little worse for wear. Her hand was still bruised, not to mention it hurt like a bitch. With each step towards him there was slight limp, the residual pain from those stupid needles still in there in her ass.
As she closed the distance she could feel her chest growing tighter, as if her body knew something she did not. It was just Alec after all... wasn't it? It wasn't until she was almost to his doorway did it hit her what she had actually done to him. Havanah assumed he was ingoring her over the last few days so she made it very well known she was out doing god knows what without him. Then, she went and slept with Kazoo... something that still made her stomach turn. It's not like he wasn't great or anything... but again... it wasn't Alec.
She had been so stupid, so reckless, so heartless. As soon as he was within distance Havanah lunged forwards, wrapping her arms around his neck and burying her face in his chest. "I'm so sorry!" Her muffled sob almost inaudible. In this moment she didn't care if he was mad at her. Alec could have pushed her away and she wouldn't care because at least she was here with him.
"I'm so so sorry Alec."
-
This was not how Alec had seen this going a few months ago when he had just so happened to run into a vaguely familiar face from the Candidate years. Havanah had been a few years behind him, but she was a loud, obnoxious girl even back then. Hard not to sort of remember her even if they hadn’t spoken – of course he wasn’t really being fair with his assessment. She was outgoing and boisterous, but hadn’t been a mean or bad person back then.
No, the past few months had been so much fun. Hanging out with her was always an adventure, and they’d become friends quickly. She didn’t pour everything onto him like he spent all day at work doing, instead she always listened to him, or was just with him when he needed someone but not to talk.
That just made the insanity of the past few days that much more confusing and frustrating. Things had been going amazingly. They hung out, they had fun, everything was great! Problems hadn’t started until recently when they’d made the leap from friends to friends-with-benefits. Alec had never thought it would cause a problem. Their chemistry had been phenomenal leading up to it, and as far as he knew it was still really good.
Why was she acting crazy all of a sudden? That business with Karuzo was just stupid. Worse, Alec didn’t know why it bothered him so much. Havanah was his friend. He cared about her, sure, but that didn’t mean he should get jealous of her sleeping with someone else – they weren’t together like that.
Oh but it bothered him.
Not nearly as much as it had to know that she had hurt herself doing something stupid. She’d denied it, but Alec knew she’d been crying last night. Of course then she had to go and sit on biting plants and get needles in her silly ass. It killed him to admit he was jealous of Henning and Alberich man-handling her butt last night, but they were helping her, so he was also grateful.
What a fucking mess.
Alec narrowed his eyes as the elevator finally opened to reveal a very exhausted looking Havanah. She looked like hell, and he knew he did too. He’d gotten last night and was still hung over now.
Fuck.
He’d been determined to be stern and unyielding. He was going to chew her out for being psycho on him. He was going to do and say a whole lot of fucking things.
Except the moment she threw herself at him all that went right out the window. Alec didn’t want to admit how much relief he’d felt seeing her come off the elevator. It was stupid to be so worried about her all night. She’d been with other Pilots, totally safe and not more than a little bruised from her impulsive flights of fancy.
The tension melted out of him as she sobbed against his chest, apologizing to him for whatever wrongs she thought she’d committed against him. His arms wrapped around her instinctively and he buried his face in her blonde hair.
“I am so mad at you.” He whispered the words softly, her hair tickled his lips, he cupped one hand behind her head and dipped down to kiss her fiercely as he gently pulled her back into the apartment with him, slamming the door shut as he turned his head to nuzzle against her neck, hands gently stroking down her back soothingly. “You got yourself hurt, being reckless and stupid.”
Alec couldn’t do it. He couldn’t berate her right now. She looked awful. So he forced his emotions back down again, reining them in before they could start spilling over. The last thing he needed was an empathetic death spiral. He pulled away from her gently, reaching his hands up to cup her face as he looked down at her, angry expression having faded by now to just something tired and worried. “You made me sick with worry last night. You didn’t go home; I didn’t know where you were.”
He sighed.
“You look exhausted, let me fix you a nice hot bath, then we can just crawl into bed and both of us can get some much-needed sleep before talking about this.” Whatever ‘this’ was.
-
It was a choice to ignore his statement of being mad. Havanah would be mad at herself too if she were in his shoes. Kissing him back just as fiercely she allowed him to pull her into the apartment. Words were failing as she couldn't defend his accusation against her. She was stupid and reckless and she knew it.
Her silence remained even as he cupped her chin and looked down at her. It wasn't until he said she didn't go home last night that she realized the extent of everything. Now of all times was not the time to explain where she really was. Immediately she wondered if he thought she was with someone else.
To his question on a bath and sleep, she only nodded, both things sounding wonderful right now. "I can only sleep for a few hours, Alec." Now she was talking, her lips in a fine line as she tried to express how important it was he understood. "Work has been crazy since last night." That hopefully being enough to assure him she was doing exactly that last night... working.
Moving on from the subject Havanah stepped away from him, letting her fingers brush down his arm as she moved. "If you don't mind I'm going to borrow a shirt, I didn't even think to stop by my apartment for some fresh clothes." And then she was off, towards his room whether he protested it or not in search for something clean to wear.
Stopping just before she rounded the corner she stole another glimpse of him, not sure if she should be excited or worried about the talk he wanted to have. It did need to happen though, there was so much they needed to clear up. What exactly would happen after that talk though she did not know. They couldn't keep going on like this, she couldn't live with hurting him any more than she knew she already had.
Poor Alec, even Havanah knew she had been crazy.
-
She could only sleep for a few hours…
Alec wanted to protest, but knew better. He didn’t want anything more than to sleep with her cuddled against him, but he didn’t like the idea of her not being able to sleep as much as she needed to. The idea of anything pulling her away from him right now was horrible. Although he knew that whatever work it might be would have to be way more important than his hurt feelings.
They couldn’t go on like this. At least he couldn’t.
“Take whatever you need; there are some t-shirts in the middle drawer that would be comfortable for you to sleep in. Boxers are in the top right.” His arm tingled where she’d let her fingers slide. Alec frowned as he wondered just what he’d let this woman do to him as she walked towards his bedroom. She was already in one of his sweaters, and he really liked seeing it on her.
God, he was being a possessive cunt.
Alec shook his head and followed her, slipping into the bathroom so that he could begin running that hot bath he promised. He sat on the edge of the tub, kind of staring into the water as the tub filled, half in a daze. His head still throbbed with a hangover, but there was a sense of calm that he hadn’t felt since this weird fight – if you could call it that – had begun.
-
Listening as Alec told her where everything was Havanah went straight for the drawers and pulled out a t-shirt and then a pair of his boxers. Deep down she was already mentally adding some of the other contents of his drawer to her future collection for later.
With clothes in hand, she then followed the sound of running water to the bathroom. Stopping in the doorway she leaned against it, watching Alec stare into the running water. So it wasn't just her then... he had a lot on his mind too. She would stand there watching him for a few moments, just taking in the sight of his back. Havanah even closed her eyes for a second, trying to compose herself from whatever feelings had begun to bubble up at the sight.
"Thanks..." she whispered, pushing herself off the door frame and towards the sink. She stopped in front of the mirror in pure horror. God, she really did look like shit! Part of her wanted to throw a towel or something over it just so she didn't have to see and suddenly she was feeling very self-conscious.
Setting the shirt and boxers on the edge of the sink she turned away from it, leaning her butt against it for a second before pushing off in pain. "Dammit," she winced, taking a hand to soothe her sore behind. "Let me tell you Alec, don't ever sit on a plant... ever."
She was trying to lighten the tense air between them, yet somehow her joke fell a bit flat. "Can you do me a favor and wait for me outside?"
From there she would wait for him to leave before stripping off her clothes, first kicking off her boots and pulling off her socks. After that she was quick to discard the rest of her clothing and slip into the water, immediately letting its warmth consume every inch of her. It's not that she minded Alec seeing her naked, but more she didn't want him to see her this disgusting.
It was pretty straightforward after that, Havanah first washing her body and then hair with Alec's wonderfully scented soaps. She even took one of the bottles and held it to her nose for a second. "Why does guy stuff always smell so much better!?" A mystery that would never be answered for all of womankind...
After all the soap and dirt was washed away Havanah got out and pulled the drain to empty the tub. Stealing a glance of herself in the mirror again she was quite pleased with the result of scrubbing. Still soaking wet she walked over to the door and pushed it open, leaning out to try and find Alec.
"Where are the towels at again?"
-
Alec had drifted deep into thought staring into that water. He’d mentioned having a talk, but he still wasn’t sure what to really say. There were so many ways to try to start what was probably going to be a difficult conversation, and so many ways for him to fuck it up.
Havanah was a good friend. He didn’t want to screw that up.
How did he keep her close, solve this mystery insanity, and resume their normal, good times? Hell if he knew. Alec was mostly at a loss, but he knew that it had to stop. Staying up, drinking and worrying, fighting inexplicable jealousy – that was no way for him to live his life. Maybe that kind of drama would have been more fun a few years ago, but now it was just exhausting to him. Oh god, was he getting old?
What a scary thought.
Havanah broke him out of his thoughts, he turned to look at her, and tried to smile at her joke, he really did. It fell flat, though. The smile was hollow and didn’t reach his eyes. Not like the normal smiles she gave him.
…she made him smile a lot. Didn’t she?
“Yeah, sure…” Alec got up and slipped past her, letting her shoo him out of his own bathroom. Well, he’d let her come to sleep here supposedly because his bed was more comfortable; why not let her commandeer his bathroom too? Another time he might have felt disappointed not to get to watch, or even better join her, but he honestly thought they were both just too tired.
He moved into the bedroom and sat down on the edge of his bed, head falling into his hands as he waited for her to get done. Half of him wanted to just slip under the covers, but he was far too restless for that. Havanah was so close; he couldn’t lie down without her.
Alec needed his friend and right now she was acting like the Havanah he cared about – not the crazy one seemingly trying to push his buttons for no reason.
Hearing her calling to him had him dragging himself back to his feet, heading back towards the bathroom where she was looking out for him. Her nakedness didn’t bother him, they were a bit past being modest in front of each other, and he was too tired to feel any arousal stirring. Instead he opened the towel closet to reveal plenty of fluffy blue towels.
“I’m going to go lay down in bed. Come join me when you’re ready. I’ve got a comb and brush in the top drawer of the vanity, if you want to borrow either.” Alec leaned down to press a soft, quick kiss to her forehead before he headed back out of the bathroom to go lay down.
-
When her eyes finally did find him Alec was sitting at the edge of the bed with his hands on his head. He looked defeated and it killed her. She did her best to keep the worried expression from her face as he walked past to reveal the closet full of towells. Quickly she took one and wrapped it around herself, avoiding eye contact as he stated he was going to lay down.
"Thanks," she whispered again, closing her eyes when he kissed her on the forehead.
The moment he was out of the bathroom Havanah softly closed the door, turning to lean against it for a second in defeat. Why was this all so complicated? Or better yet why had she made it so complicated? The tears were already welling up as she made her way towards the sink to get dressed.
After slipping on his shirt and pulling up the boxers she gripped at the edges of the sink staring at her reflection. "You did this Havanah... YOU turned this friendship into this shit storm."
How on earth was she supposed to go and lay next to him feeling this way? Would it not complicate things further? Her heart already felt like it was bleeding so why? Why add to the self inflicted torture of laying next to him wondering what all of this was?
"Because it's Alec..."
Continuing the torture of looking herself in the face Havanah was distracted when her phone dinged. Bending down she dug it out of the pocket of her jeans still on the floor and pressed the power button.
Baby Sis: Haven't heard from you all day. Everything okay?
"Shit" she whispered, immediately typing a response back.
Havanah Brookes: Everything is fine ^.^ Just been super busy hanging out with everyone. You know me, busy busy busy! :D I gotta go they are getting ready to order drinks but I will call you later! Love you! XOXOXO
It may have been a lie but it was what Aspen needed. Aspen needed to know that her big sister was always happy, maybe then she would be happy. She was about to set her phone down when it dinged again.
Baby Sis: Oh okay. Have fun! Please no pics this time XP
Havanah smiled for the breifest of moments thinking her lie had worked. All of that shattered when she looked in the mirror again. She was crying and didn't even realize it. Of all the things that could be happening right now crying was not one Havanah wanted! All of the stress covering the last few days had finally made its way to the surface. First Alec, then Kazoo, Cinna... Alec again. It was all too much for her to hold in anymore.
Tears continued to flow from her eyes as she tried to wipe them away. In silence Havanah probably cried for about 5 minutes total before she was finally able to contain them. She could easily pass off the redness in her eyes for tiredness, and so as soon as her cheeks returned to their normal color she opened the bathroom door.
Havanah crawled in the bed next to Alec, pressing her back against his body as she waited for the welcome embrace that would surely follow. She didn't fall asleep right away, despite how much her body longed for it. No, instead Havanah spent a good amount of time fighting back the tears that kept trying to resurface. But eventuallly sleep did come...
-
Alec didn’t know how long he lay there alone, but it was long enough that he started to worry that Havanah wasn’t coming. He knew she was still in the bathroom, he’d have heard the door open if she’d left it.
Why was he so anxious? His stomach was done up in knots just waiting on her to come to bed. This was all so fucking ridiculous. She was going to come to bed. That’s why she had come over, to sleep in his stupid bed. Alec wasn’t stupid, it wasn’t really about the bed, but as long as he pretended it was he didn’t have to think about what was really going on.
That shit show could happen after some sleep.
He wasn’t asleep when she came into the bedroom, but he kept his eyes closed, just focusing on the feel of the mattress shifting as she slid into bed beside him. Alec wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her in close against him as he pressed a soft kiss against her shoulder and nestled his head against the back of her neck.
There was nothing more warm and comfortable than having his body wrapped around Havanah. Had there ever been a woman he let come over just to cuddle and sleep?
Not before her, no.
For a while all he could do was lie there, holding her and thinking. Even with her in bed next to him sleep didn’t come easily. It would have, it did last time. If they could just settle everything once and for all, then he knew that whatever stupidity had come over him would just go away. Things would either go back to being good and normal or they’d just have to cut their losses and walk away. Surely she wasn’t enjoying this anymore than he was.
Alec did eventually doze, fitfully. It wasn’t a good sleep. He was too stressed. When he woke up he didn’t move, not wanting to wake Havanah any sooner than he’d have to. She had looked so tired. He wished he knew what had gotten her so haggard, but he knew better than to ask if it was work related. She was Inquiry, she probably couldn’t tell him anything.
He sighed and held her a little tighter.
-
If only she could just stay like this, wrapped in the warm embrace of Alec's arms and pressed against him. Havanah felt his arm hold her a little tighter causing the last bit of sleep she was clinging onto to vanish. She shifted, moving her hand to let her fingers caress his arm wrapped around her waist.
"Alec..." she whispered, shifting yet again to turn her body so that she could face him. The very sight of him nearly taking her breath away, as it did most days. He really was a beautiful human being with a beautiful heart to match. Why had she been so stupid and put all of this at risk?
She really couldn't figure out quite what it was she wanted to say in this moment, only just that she felt she needed to say his name. From the very first day they had reunited in the gym, she made a silent vow to never unload all of her problems on him. He got enough of that at work and she would be damned if she ever added to that pile of stress. Yet here she was, still adding so much of a burden on him without all of that.
The very thought of everything building within caused the burning behind her eyes to return. Still, Havanah did what she does best and held them back, the tears that were ripping at gates to be released. Alec didn't deserve to have all of her regret and pain unloaded on him, no one did.
Maybe it was best just to get it all over with then, rip off the bandage now instead of prolonge the inevitable. Reaching out she skimmed her fingers over his arm, memorizing the feel of his skin beneath her hand for what she thought may be the last time.
"Talk to me Alec...." She wasn't going to cry if she could help it, but already the burning was becoming almost too much. "Tell me how bad I've fucked this up."
-
The soft glide of fingers against his arm made Alec freeze, not even daring to breathe. He had wanted to let her sleep, mostly because she needed it, but partly because he wasn’t sure he was ready for whatever crazy blowout was about to happen between them. It was unnerving to feel so out of control and unsure of what to do. As a Pilot he’d never been at a loss before now.
If only he knew what the hell was wrong.
Hearing her murmur his name so softly had his heart thundering in his ears as she rolled to face him. His arm remained around her waist, hand gently pressed against her back as he kept her close to him. Why couldn’t things be normal? This would have been an amazing moment. Just the two of them curled in bed together, nothing in the world to think or worry about besides each other.
Wishful thinking.
Alec didn’t speak first. He couldn’t. All the words he could ever think to say caught in his throat, so he just stared at her as she gently stroked a hand over his arm, begging him to talk to her.
Fuck, what was he supposed to say?
“Havanah, I don’t know what the hell I did wrong, but I can’t fix anything if you don’t tell me. I mean, everything was going good, and suddenly you act like you want to purposely grind my gears. How could you just throw yourself at fucking Karuzo like that?” Alec still couldn’t get over how jealous he felt. Havanah worked across the hall from that guy, they saw each other a lot. That just made it so much worse for him. “I mean, fuck…I don’t know what I mean.”
There was a bit of a scowl on his face as he tried to figure it out. He couldn’t let Havanah leave to go back to work until they had figured this out. It was killing him. Which was stupid!
“What do you want from me?” Alec sighed, expression turning a bit sad and resigned. He sort of knew what he wanted. His hand was still gently rubbing her back, keeping her body close to his. Her warmth and presence was so comforting. “I know what I want, and I thought things were going just fine towards that, and I thought you wanted it too. Now I don’t know what to fucking think and it is driving me insane.”
-
The moment he finally began to speak Havanah held her breath, not sure of the response she was going to get out of him. She tried to think back to when all of it became so complicated, when this amazing friendship became the heaviest thing on her heart. Was it after they became friends with more? Or was it when she turned around on that rail....
Then there was the deeper question. What did Havanah want from Alec? Even she wasn't sure at this point. Both of them had said and done stupid things leading up to this point and now it was time to finally untangle this mess.
"I don't know..." she sighed, letting her hand fall off his arm as she slid away. Maneuvering herself so she sat at the edge of the bed, her back to Alec. Okay so maybe it was best to start at the beginning, to just say what prompted all of this madness.
"I was on the rail.... to go see Soba." Her shoulders lifted as she took in another deep breath. "You were acting funny so I got off at the nearest stop and came back." And then it broke, the wall she had been mercilessly holding together to keep the tears back. She wasn't sobbing, and it would probably be hard to tell if not for the stream of tears gliding down her cheeks.
"I saw what you were saying, about me having feelings after just that one night. I felt attacked and humiliated. I was so mad." Havanah gripped the sheets, channeling her frustrations through her fingers. "Then we were good and then we weren't again... I thought you were hiding from me and I was feeling even more embarassed and frustrated." It was then that Havanah pushed herself up off the bed, standing and turning towards him.
"I slept with Karuzo to prove a point to myself! I needed to prove that I didn't need you as badly as I thought I did. I just needed to know......." And there it was, that sickening feeling in her stomach again. It was painful, so much so that she wrapped her arms around herself, as if her innards were about to spew all over the floor.
"It was aweful what I did to him, and what I did to you and I knew it... so I ran. I said I was leaving Haviah and transferring as a last ditch effort to see if you cared, to see if you would say anything but you didn't. I wanted you-" Havanah was slowly going from hurt to angry as she went on. "I needed you to tell me to stay! I was too busy crying over your fucking ass that I didn't even notice that plant was not a bench! And then to top it all off something so bad has happened. I couldn't even stay gone if I wanted to because of work."
Havanah was a mess all over again. Crying and angry at not only Alec but the world itself. All of it just seemed so cruel right now and like she was the latest peice in a game of chess. "And then on top of ALL of that I have to pretend to be 'happy go lucky Havanah' for Aspen! I'm just so tired of pretending... so tired of acting like everything is perfectly fucking okay when it isn't!"
"So it's my turn to ask now Alec, what is it you want from me!? Because clearly nothing that I do is the right thing in this situation."
-
Having her pull away from him like that was kind of brutal, Alec couldn’t lie to himself. He watched her turn her back on him, sitting there on the edge of the bed. It had taken a lot of willpower not to hold her close, to keep her from leaving the warmth of his arms. She looked alone and cold there, sitting on the edge of his bed.
It was killing him that she couldn’t connect to him the way he wished she would. Alec knew she held back from him, because of his work, but he really wished she wouldn’t when it came to something important between them!
Especially as he listened to her begin to cry, spilling out the craziest, most jumbled mess of emotion that he’d ever tried to sift through. It hit him hard.
What the fucking fuck?!
“Havanah I never meant to attack or humiliate you! It was just supposed to be teasing. I didn’t want to drag you away from going to see Soba.” Not actually true, part of him hadn’t wanted her to go, but he was afraid of looking like a fucking psycho if he tried to get her to drop Soba for him. Then they had that stupid fight. The make-up was pretty great, but he’d have rather not had an argument with her at all.
Especially not over something so dumb.
“Ugh, last night I was already drunk. Keith was with me, and I was afraid to say anything. I didn’t want to sound like an overbearing asshole. I mean, moving would be your decision. Fucking Karuzo, spending time with Soba, all those are your decisions to make. I…didn’t think I had the right to fucking say anything. Of course I want you to stay, Havanah.” He sat up and ran his hands through his hair in frustration. “Goddamnit all, I knew you were crying last night. Do you know how shitty I felt when I knew I had made you cry? You’re my friend, I care about you. Maybe more than I should. It fucked me up hearing you had gone and banged Karuzo.”
Alec hated admitting this. “I was jealous as fucking hell. You’re smart, you’re gorgeous, you’re fun – anyone you wanted you could have, but I wanted you and was being a selfish, petty dick because it hurt thinking you wanted someone else more than me. And I know that’s stupid.”
She was a grown ass woman and was allowed to want whoever she wanted. He just wanted her to want him. Chasing women, playing the field, those were all things he had done for years, but he was tired of that. It was exhausting and superficial. Havanah was more than just a hot piece of ass, she was someone he liked being with even when they weren’t fucking like rabbits.
“I want you to be real with me, Havanah. That’s what I want. I want you. The real, imperfect, beautiful girl I know you are and I want you to be with me. I don’t want to wait up drinking worried sick about if you’re okay or who you’re with. I don’t want to have to hold it all in around you, and don’t want you to do that either.” God, was he even making sense right now? He felt like a rambling fool if he was being honest with himself. “I want more.”
-
Havanah took it all in as Alec spewed his side of events. Turns out he had been through just as much of an emotional ringer as she had been. She waited for him to finish, absorbing each and every word coming from his lips until it ended. When he was done she just stood there... not angry, not sad, not anything less than relieved.
Alec wanted her, all of her. The entire crazy fucked up package that was Havanah. He didn't just want the crazy fun loving girl, but he wanted the broken messed up pieces too.
"So you want more?" Havanah stepped back towards the bed, her arms crossed over her chest as if she were protecting herself.
"Alec I-" Havanah choked, that feeling in her chest finally reaching the point where she couldn't hold it in anymore. Quickly she climbed back onto the bed, crawling straight towards Alec and wrapping her arms around him while she buried her face in his neck. And then she let go....
Havanah let go of all the pain and frustration she had been holding in and sobbed into Alec, grabbing at his shirt as if no amount of closeness was enough. "I want more too! I've taken so much for granted and I don't want to do that anymore. I want you and only you Alec! I want to tell you everything, to share everything with you and only you." She continued to cry into Alec, finally letting everything just melt away right there in his arms.
-
It was really hard to read her just then, or ever. Havanah put up such a huge front most of the time, and even Alec couldn’t completely unravel the threads. She looked…Alec couldn’t completely put it into words, maybe vulnerable. He just wanted to wrap her up in his arms and hug her until she felt safe. It was a little weird, wanting to protect someone. She was a Pilot that could protect herself, of course, but he couldn’t stop the protective feelings.
“Yes.” Of course he wanted more, that was part of the problem. Alec wanted more and didn’t think he could have it, so he’d tried so hard to keep it something casual between them. Something focused on friendship with a side of sex. It wasn’t enough, because he didn’t want to share her.
Havanah crawled to him as he reached for her, pulling her against his chest and cupping the back of her head as she buried her face in his neck to sob. It felt like the first time she really, truly opened up to him and boy the things that poured out. His and only his, Alec couldn’t lie, part of that idea made him pretty damn happy.
He guessed the whole problem had boiled down to trying to stay friends. That just wasn’t going to work for them. Listening to her cry against him was terrible; he even felt his eyes begin to water a little as he leaned his head against hers.
“Come on, now. Who’s my beautiful girl?” He whispered, his voice tight as he ran a hand through her pale hair.
-
It felt nice to finally let it all go, to finally open the gates she had locked shut for so long. It was even better that it was Alec she was letting past them. Something about being in his arms just felt so right, and so as he ran his hand through her hair she was able to calm down.
She just sat there for a minute, his arms wrapped around her while her head rested against him. Why did she have to go back? Why couldn't she just lay back down and fall asleep peacefully with him again?
In an instant, Havanah felt selfish for thinking that way. Another vow she made was not to give up until Cinna was safe at home with his kitties. She wasn't going to stop looking, not until she knew he was safe again.
Pulling back just a bit she met his eyes and softly smiled, hoping to reassure him that they were good. "Alec I have to go.... something terrible has happened. I know you know I can't tell you... at least not until it becomes public knowledge but I want you to know that I really wish I could stay but I can't."
"Things are gonna be crazy for a while... and I just need you to know I'm not out doing anything other than working."
-
A huge weight had been lifted, and now all Alec wanted was to lie back down and get some real sleep with Havanah cuddled close. It wasn’t going to happen, of course, and he knew that. Didn’t make him like it, and his displeasure was shown easily as she pulled back to look at his pouting face.
“Trust me; I’m not worried about that. Not anymore.” Even if she did sleep with Karuzo just yesterday, that was totally different. They hadn’t agreed to be more than just friends then. Now that Havanah had assured him that she only wanted him, well, Alec trusted her. If she said that he was the only one she was going to be with that way, then he was the only one she would sleep with. That was that.
He brought a hand up to rub his thumb over her cheek, leaning in to give her a soft kiss, his other arm holding her tighter. They had just fixed this, he didn’t want her to leave, but he knew she had to go. It just sucked.
“When’s the last time you ate? You’re not going anywhere without a bite to eat. Here, let me fix you something quick that you can eat on the go while you get dressed.” Alec might not be able to stop her from going, and he wouldn’t really want to – her work was important and some very bad shit was going down – but he could at least take care of her that much, make sure she had something in her stomach instead of running around forgetting to feed herself.
Alec gave her another quick kiss before gently untangling himself from her arms, jumping up to run into the kitchen. Something quick and portable, he got to work on a sandwich wrap. It was kind of a plain and boring meal, but he’d fix her real food later – and make sure she got some real rest.
-
Why did Alec have to be so damn adorable? Havanah couldn't help but think just how insanely amazing he was when he took her having to leave so calmly. Then again he was a Pilot, so he had to understand on some level.
All she could do was smile when he kissed her, holding her closer as her own arms tightened their grip. She didn't want to leave either, but she had to. Instead of dreading her departure Havanah tried to focus on the moment all of this shit storm at work was over. Then, and only then could she truly relax and let life go on.
His question caught her off guard, so much in fact that Havanah really did have to think the last time she ate. It wasn't breakfast, or dinner the night before... had it really been that long? "Uhh...." the only noise she could manage to get out in response.
When Alec got up to go to the kitchen Havanah moved also, back towards the bathroom where her clothes were probably still laying on the floor in a jumbled mess. Sure enough there they were, all crumbled on the floor just as she had left them.
Havanah emerged from the bedroom a few minutes later, her jeans and boots back on with Alec's sweat-shirt tied around her waist. She didn't technically take anything off, his shirt was still hanging on her shoulders and his boxers were stuffed under the jeans. "I'll come back and wash my clothes tomorrow." Of course she was referring to the undergarments and tank top still laying on his bathroom floor.
"A sandwich wrap?" she laughed, leaning against the counter as he constructed her something to eat. "You're so sweet." Havanah then pulled out her phone and started scrolling through her messages, the color draining from her face when she checked the communication board. "I've got to go."
-
Fixing such a simple little snack was nothing and took no time at all, really. Mostly it gave Alec something that he could actually do for her. Not being able to do anything was a terrible feeling for him. Everything still felt weird, if he was honest with himself. Havanah was…his girlfriend, he supposed. It was strange to even think about.
Not that he doubted his feelings for her. She was sexy, confident, and fun – everything he could hope for in a lover. She was just the first actual woman he’d put such a label onto. It wasn’t casual just-for-fun dates with her.
He kind of liked it.
“Tomorrow?” He questioned, snapped out of his thoughts. “I was hoping I would get to see you tonight, actually have you in bed for a proper sleep. You have no idea how badly I want to grab you up and throw you back into bed right now. I’m still exhausted and I think you are too, but I –“
Alec stopped talking when the color drained from her face like that. It gave him goosebumps. Something bad was definitely going down. He had to fight with himself not to beg her to stay home with him. What if it was dangerous? No, he couldn’t think like that. Havanah was a brilliant, dangerous woman, a Pilot like him, and would be just fine.
“Alright, but eat this in the elevator on the way out. Not taking no for an answer on that one, you need to eat.” He pushed the wrap into her hands and leaned in to kiss her forehead. “Be safe out there, okay?”
-
Already she was bursting to get out the door and back to Sector C, that image enough motivation to fuel her for hours. Ripping her attention from her phone she looked at Alec and forced a smile, leaning in to let him kiss her on the forehead.
"So bossy already..." she joked, grabbing the sandwich wrap and taking a bite just to please him. "I'll be back as soon as I can, I just don't know when that will be." And she was off, practically running for the door while forcing another bite of her delicious snack.
Just before exiting she turned back around as if she had forgotten something and ran back up to Alec. Setting the wrap down on the counter she then wrapped her arms around him and gave him the briefest of hugs. Just in case... just in case something bad happened.
"When this is all over with you and I deserve a proper date, but I think I may sleep for like two whole days first." she laughed as she pulled away, reaching up to 'boop' him on the nose while she scrunched her own. "I'll message you later." Standing on her toes she then let her lips meet him in a passionate exchange before ripping herself away.
And again she was off for the door after grabbing her wrap again, except this time she didn't turn back around. Already she was on her phone, holding it up to her ear before disappearing behind the door.
"Pilot Echo Brookes headed to Sector -" door click
-
“I’m only bossy when it comes to making sure you’re taken care of and safe.” Alec huffed, giving her a grumpy pout as she turned to leave so quickly. He was still so very tired, but at least they weren’t fighting or passive aggressive anymore with each other. It wasn’t that long before he’d have to go into the office, so her leaving him for work wasn’t exactly cutting majorly into time that could have been spent in bed anyway.
He didn’t expect her to turn and run back for that hug, although he wasn’t complaining. A proper date after a couple days holed up in bed sounded like an amazing idea to him. They’d totally have to do that ASAP.
“Done, on both the sleeping and the date.” There wasn’t time to squeeze in any more words, one moment they were kissing, and the next Havanah was out the door, getting on the elevator and her phone as she dropped back into the grind. Alec just wished he knew what the hell was going on. It was obviously big, and he knew it had to do with Cinna. Thankfully he’d only seen one image in the chat before it was taken down – he’d been offline for any others, and he knew there had been more.
Obviously he was worried about Rook, but he was more worried about Havanah. She was relentless, impulsive, and reckless. If someone could do that to Cinnamon Rook, what could they do to her?
Not wanting to think about it, Alec made a second wrap to eat without really tasting. He should be starving, he’d barely eaten in the last twenty-four hours, but his appetite was currently shot to hell with the level of his stress and worry.
Ah well, a shower and then into his suit, wearing a light blue dress shirt with the black, complimenting his eyes, although looking in the mirror he didn’t feel quite the same enthusiasm for fixing himself up for the office as he usually would. It was more like going through the motions as he straightened his tie with a tired frown. He looked like hell.
It was going to be a long, long day at the office, and he had no idea what he was coming home to that night.
-
It was another long haul, another run on of hours without rest. The nap helped as well as the clarity knowing that she and Alec had managed to sort everything out for now. It was agreed the two would see no one else, that just each other was enough.
Havanah was forced to cancel dinner plans with Alec due to the appearance of Cinna. Well, one thing led to another and she found herself suspended for two weeks and crawling into her own bed in the wee hours of the next morning. By the time she had finally woken up it was well into the afternoon, not like she had to be at work anyway.
Sitting up her eyes scanned her apartment and the silence that came with it. How long had it been since she slept here anyways? Or better question, how long had it been since she slept alone? Both questions Havanah didn't want to ask herself right now. Her gaze then set on a small knitted sweater laying on the floor.
"Rayne and Beau!"
Oh, how she had missed her two little critters. Both of which were still upstairs in Alec's apartment. Wasting no time she jumped up and was out the door, in the elevator and on the floor where most Noble's apartments were. She wasn't surprised when her chip granted her access, she had set Alec's to allow access to her own the moment the two started co-owning the ferrets.
Once inside Havanah spent about an hour just loving on them and from there she may as well have tripped into the shower and then into one of Alec's button up shirts. That was the story she was going with anyways... his stuff always smelt so much better.
And now... well now Havanah was standing in front of his stove with a spatula in hand. It was like she was going through the phases of catching up. First sleep, then shower, and now food. The sound system was blaring one of her favorite songs while she danced to the beat, careful to stop and flip the eggs between dance moves. The spatula though had become her microphone and as far as she was concerned she was singing to a million people... those poor people.
-
Working things out with Havanah had been a relief, since them fighting had been driving Alec completely nuts, but things still felt a bit rough. It wasn’t a great time to be kick starting a tenuous romance, to be perfectly honest. With her working overtime on whatever big Inquiry case was going down, well, it left him more than a little put out.
Especially when she had to cancel a dinner date to Bar Toro. That place was expensive and exclusive; getting reservations was a feat all on its own. Being Pilots was really the only thing that had managed to swing them a table.
Then she couldn’t go.
Alec hated feeling like that guy. Havanah had a very important job, and he knew she couldn’t blow off whatever it was. He really wouldn’t want her to. It was just hard for him – he’d just gotten a smoking hot girlfriend and they had literally spent no time together since going exclusive. Hell, the last man she’d slept with was fucking Kurazo.
He wasn’t the most recent lay of his own girlfriend.
That thought alone was almost enough to make Alec pop a vessel. An entire day later and he was still stewing over it. After a long, long day of work he was headed back up to his apartment, obsessively checking his com as he looked for any activity from Havanah.
Was he being absurd? Probably, but he didn’t care. It was a bit of a surprise when he got off at his floor and heard music blaring from his place. The only person that could have gotten in was Havanah, so he almost fell over himself getting into the door. Stupidly he felt a lot of relief to see her there, singing karaoke in his kitchen. Whatever dangerous thing she’d been doing, she was safe.
His ears weren’t, though. Holy fuck, his girlfriend could not sing.
“You stole another of my shirts.” Alec eyed her as he threw his jacket over the back of the couch, it was hard not to make those baby blue eyes smoldering as they raked up and down her form. He didn’t know what it was, but there was something irresistibly sexy about seeing her in his clothing. “Do you know how damn hot you look right now? Almost makes me forget that I’m still mad at you. Almost.”
-
Over the music, Havanah could barely hear the door open. It wasn't until Alec was in her peripheral vision that she halted her show-stopping performance. Setting down the spatula and clicking off the stove she removed the skillet from the burner before turning towards him again.
Alec... in his suit... hot.
"I didn't steal it... I just borrowed it." Havanah bit her bottom lip as she walked towards him, trying to keep the fact he was still mad at her in the back of her mind. "I mean... I can take it off if you want." She winked, reaching up to unhook the top button.
Taking a more serious turn Havanah then braced herself against the couch with one arm. "I got home super early this morning. When I woke up I came straight here to wait for you... all of which resulted in me forgetting to grab clothes again."
It was the truth, even if it was convenient.
Taking another step towards him she slung her arms over his shoulders and pecked him on the nose. "Sorry about last night. Something came up." Again with her eyes, Havanah pleaded with Alec to understand. "But everything is okay now! And even better I got some time off so you will be seeing a lot of me over the next few weeks."
A partial truth. Havanah did have some time off. It just so happens the definition of that time off was a two-week suspension for misconduct. It was still worth it as far as she was concerned. Yeah, irresponsible... but worth it. Cinna was safe, Soba wasn't worried anymore, and most importantly Havanah could now spend time with the one person she cared for almost as much as her sister, Alec.
-
Maybe it was cocky, but Alec knew he looked damn fine, and the way Havanah looked at him only reinforced that arrogant opinion of his good looks. His eyes flashed lightly as she teasingly undid the first button of the stolen or “borrowed” shirt. Honestly he didn’t give a single fuck about her taking and wearing his clothes, she looked good enough to eat. He was just being a pain in the ass because he was frustrated and upset with a lot of things.
Probably not the best to throw that out on her, but she was the only one he could show those sides of himself.
What was she saying? Alec had lost all focus on her words, most of his attention consumed with just looking at her as she made her way towards him. He leaned forward a little as she put her arms over his shoulders, lips twitching as they tried to curve into a smile at the little kiss to his nose. It was hard to keep his grumpy expression.
She smelled like his shower products. It was only a little disappointing that he didn’t get to take a shower with her. That was definitely something he was putting on his ‘to do’ list.
“I get it, duty called, not your fault,” Alec paused and narrowed his eyes, suddenly becoming suspicious, “What do you mean a few weeks of time off? How did you swing that? Not that I don’t want a few weeks with every available moment spent in your lovely company, but they don’t just hand out weeks of sudden time off for a good reason.”
-
No one ever said Alec Holding was stupid, well besides Havanah when he couldn't get the hint, but besides that... even he knew vacations were not dished out like candy.
Taking a deep breath she prepared herself for what she was about to unload on him. After all, Havanah was still trying to learn to open up to Alec. For as long as she could remember she had always been the one to keep her own burdens to herself. Even when she first met Alec she refused to unload everything on him due to his job, but it was different now. Alec was supposed to be the one person she could come to with her problems.
"Okay so maybe not a vacation...."
Then before Havanah knew it she was walking around the couch and sitting down, holding her head in her hands as she rambled on about everything she could tell him.
"So Cinna was in trouble and I was worried about Soba. I went to Margad to see him and from there I promised him I would do whatever it took. Then you made dinner plans and I had to cancel because another picture showed up and I just wasn't thinking rationally. I made it look like I was just inviting Soba to coffee again when in reality he was coming to help me look. So I was suspended... I broke protocol by bringing Soba who was already refused to join the case."
It all came out fast and by the end of it, Havanah found herself taking another long drawn breath. "Two weeks.... I can't step foot in the inquiry department until then."
"I know I messed up Alec but... If it were you missing I would want someone to keep me in the loop! And you better believe I would be doing anything to find you. I know Soba and Cinna aren't a thing but I can just tell. I was trying to be a friend and... and I just messed up."
-
Any idiot should have known it wasn’t a vacation.
Alec watched her move to sit on the couch as she began spilling the story, or as much as he really needed to hear. It was hard, seeing Havanah like that. He wanted to pull her into a hug and reassure her that everything was fine.
Except everything was not fine.
“You did what?” He was furious. What was Havanah thinking going against protocol like that? Insubordination was a pretty big deal. She was lucky that two weeks of suspension was all that she’d gotten for a stunt like that. How could she just pull an Inquisitor from another department into an open investigation like that? Especially one that had already been denied clearance? Alec thought his anger was justified for all the right reasons.
Of course he also knew why she’d done it. Not that it made it right, but he knew. Giving a frustrated growl, Alec ran his hands through his hair and moved over to kneel down in front of her, looking up at her with an anxious expression, putting his hands on her knees.
“Havanah that was a stupid thing to do. It was reckless; it could have cost you your entire career. What if they’d decided to move you instead of just give you a suspension?” He could tell she was already beating herself up over the whole mess. At least she knew she’d messed up. It would have been so much worse if she tried to act like what she’d done was okay. “Honey, I get it. I do. They’re your friends, and I’d have wanted to help them too, but you have to think before you act.”
Not that he wasn’t a complete hypocrite. If it had been Havanah in trouble he wasn’t sure anything could have kept him from running out to help her – consequences be damned.
Alec reached up to squeeze her hands, bringing them down so he could kiss them softly. “Havanah, I’m sorry that you had to make a decision like that. If it were you out there in Cinna’s place I’d have wanted to do everything I could too. I’m only mad because all I can think about is what if something had happened to you.”
-
At first, all she could hear was the god-awful growl coming from Alec while she hid her face in her hands. She could picture it now... him walking back and forth regretting and wondering what in the hell he had gotten himself into with her. Havanah just kept making mistake after mistake it seemed.
By the time he knelt down in front of her she had practically convinced herself that she had managed to sabotage their relationship before it even really had a chance to get started. However, when he placed his hands on her knees and looked at her with those baby blues she was completely entranced.
Alec had a point. If Havanah had been transferred or demoted the results would have been catastrophic. Then to make matters worse he had to be perfect and kiss her hands before telling her he would have been upset if something had happened to her.
This was why Havanah chose Alec. He was perfect all around. Great sense of humor, devastatingly sexy, but most of all selfless. Every time she thought she had screwed everything up he would say the most perfect and adorable thing, melting her heart into a giant pile of mush.
"I'm sorry"
Pulling one of her hands away she moved it to his face, caressing first his jaw before letting her fingers slide behind his ear. And then mustering up all the sincerity she could manage she smiled.
"I've just got to get used to thinking that someone else actually cares about my actions... other than Aspen."
Havanah was then lost again in those devastatingly powerful eyes. It was surprising even her how fast she was falling for this man. He was perfect... astoundingly perfect.
"Alec I.... I.." Havanah swallowed hard as she tried to muster the courage to say three very special words.
"I bet my eggs are cold now and I'm starving."
-
Whatever remaining shreds of anger Alec had been holding on to floated away as her fingertips brushed along his jawline all the way behind his ear. It made him shiver just a little. Why did their have to be anything bad at all? Couldn’t it all just be sweet and pleasant and tingly just like that touch? A soft smile tugged at one corner of his mouth as she apologized to him.
And smiled.
How could he ever stay mad at her?
In any other circumstances Alec might have been disturbed to think that anyone, man or woman, had wrapped him so securely around their little finger. With Havanah, well, he didn’t think he minded so much, and that just reaffirmed to him that she was something very special.
The tenderness of the moment was suddenly broken, and he found himself blinking in confusion. What the hell was she talking about? Oh, right, she was cooking when he came home. Well, Alec was never one to say no to food. He’d just gotten home from work and was starving, but Havanah had made him forget that he was even hungry.
Weird.
Alec let out a soft laugh and leaned up, pressing a soft, chaste kiss to her lips before standing up and offering her his hand. “Far be it from me to keep the lady waiting on her eggs. I hope you made some for me too.”
-
When Alec was confused Havanah thought it was the most adorable thing, which left her finding him adorable quite often. Even more so every time his lips met hers when he had that look on his face. Happily, she leaned in to kiss him back, disappointed when it was over.
Taking his offered hand Havanah then laughed at his hope for some of her eggs. "I can always make more."
The way Alec made Havanah feel was unlike anything she had ever experienced before. As she picked up where she left off and continued making more eggs she thought about all of the flings she had before him. None of them were like this, and none of them lasted for more than a few days. At some point, she remembered being called 'hard to handle.' Ha... as if.
Even without the music blaring Havanah still danced to the beat of her own drum while she readied two plates with not only eggs but toast as well. She had made herself completely at home in his kitchen and had no problem navigating where everything was. It was almost like she had time to go through all his cabinets or something when he wasn't there.... nah.
Scooping a bit of butter on her own toast she spread it before licking off the little bit that got on one of her fingers. "So are you ready to deal with a very bored me for two weeks? I'm sure I will require all of your attention." Havanah then added a wink before she picked up the now buttered toast and took a bite. Oh, it was so on after this food was eaten...
-
“Yes please, I want some too.” Alec followed her back into the kitchen, just admiring the more than pleasant view of her wearing nothing but one of his shirts. He really wished he knew why that was so fucking hot. Probably some primal, possessive thing left over from their caveman days. Whatever it was, he liked it a lot. Too bad he couldn’t just stand and watch her the whole time.
“Alright, let me go change while you fix the food – been wanting out of this suit for hours.” He was already loosening his tie as he turned and headed for the bedroom. It only took a couple minutes for him to peel off the expensive clothes, dropping them in a hamper and pulling on a pair of low-slung pajama pants. Not bothering with a shirt, because fuck clothes, Alec headed back into the kitchen, smirking at the way Havanah was dancing around his kitchen as she made them plates of eggs and toast. Not a bad dinner at all.
He leaned against the counter, grinning as he picked up his toast and buttered it while giving her a smoldering look. “Oh, I have some ideas of what to do with all that extra energy. I think I’ll have a very nice two weeks, getting to spend most of my free time entertaining my poor, bored girlfriend.”
With a little wink, he happily bit into his toast, humming pleasantly as he ate his breakfast dinner. It was that much better because Havanah had made it for him, of course. Already he was thinking of dinners that he could make for her over the next two weeks, planning out their shared meals in his head as he imagined how much fun it would be feeding each other.
Fuck, he was whipped.
-
He was enchanting, even out of his suit and just in a pair of pajama pants. Havanah was entranced with his very being as she chewed silently, looking him up and down while not only trying to digest her food but the word 'girlfriend' as well. That word alone was enough to make her afraid, but fill her stomach with butterflies at the same time. Alec was like the perfect puzzle piece that she didn't even know was missing until he came along. They just worked... somehow perfectly fitting together creating something that was a pain in the ass to put, but beautiful when finally completed.
After finishing her food Havanah moved towards the sink, rinsing her plate off and grabbing something before stepping towards Alec again. She slung one of her arms over his shoulders and smiled looking up into sapphire while the other remained behind her back. Havanah felt so at peace just being there with him, almost like the shit storm that was her life over the last week had never even happened. His eyes alone just wiped all of that away and made life not seem quite so bad.
"I could get used to this," she smirked, reaching up and letting her fingers trace from his shoulder down his tattoo to his wrist where it finally fell at her side. "You're just so-" she let her words trail off as her expression sobered.
"So hot..." a devilish grin then fell across her lips as she pulled her other arm out from behind her and went to touch his hair. "So hot in fact I bet you could cook this egg." And then it was there, the yolk and cracked shell crumbling in her hand above his head as it seeped from between her fingers.