When a Songbird Can't Sing [Marak]

[Zero Undead]

Sometimes you just had to hate being right.

Jexica had known something was wrong when Raz had told her he was leaving, just for a day, because he had to do something. The moment those words had been spoken to her there’d been an uneasy feeling squeezing in her chest. When he hadn’t come home it had been like an icy hand wrapping around her heart.

She had thought that first night with him gone when he was supposed to be home was the worst feeling in the world, but she’d been wrong. It only got worse with each passing day. Jexica couldn’t remember how it felt for her eyes not to burn with the sting of tears or her throat not to be raw from crying.

Baby and the Commodore knew something was very wrong too. They hadn’t left her side since Raz had left, but it was small comfort. Her com had barely left her hand since he hadn’t come home on time. No news certainly didn’t feel like good news, if Raz had been able to he would have just told her he wasn’t going to be home on time. That meant he couldn’t contact her. The Valkyries hadn’t been able to tell her what was actually going on.

All Jexica knew was that wherever Raz had gone, it wasn’t something he’d been ordered to do. It wasn’t an assigned mission of any kind. That was something she had latched on to because she didn’t have anything else. Raz had been taken from her and it was his own fault. The anger helped keep the despair at bay.

When Neeko had messaged her that Raz was alive and at DoSaM she had flown from the apartment so fast she barely had a moment to pause and think to ask Neeko if he and Nishi would take care of the animals until she could bring Raz home with her.

At first all she could feel was overwhelming relief and happiness. Her Razzie was alive! He was hurt, but he was alive. Several hours on the rail gave her plenty of time to turn that happiness and relief into unbridled rage. Nobody had told him to go do…whatever it was he’d gone to do that had kept him away from home and landed him in the hospital. It was his fault she had to feel all that horrible heart-wrenching worry and sadness.

When she had finally arrived in Havina, Jexica practically ran all the way from the station to the hospital. She didn’t slow down until she was in the proper hallway. Then she forced herself to stop and compose herself, if only slightly. She couldn’t exactly make her eyes look like she hadn’t been crying for days or change the fact that she clearly hadn’t slept properly since he’d been gone.

Jexica took a deep breath as she approached his door, and then let it out before pushing it open and glaring at her uncle, who apparently got to see him before she did. Alec made a hasty exit as soon as he saw her, clearly mouthing the words ‘good luck’ to Raz as he slipped past her and pulled the door shut behind him to leave them alone with as much privacy as could be afforded inside a hospital room. It would have to be enough.

Honestly the moment her eyes had laid on his face her heart had lurched, drumming wildly in her chest. He was hurt, and it hurt her to know it. Part of her wanted to rush to his bedside and try to comfort him, but no, she wasn’t going to give in to that urge.

Not yet, he had some things to answer for!

She stormed over to the bed, and brought a fisted hand down on his chest with a glare. It probably wasn’t that hard of a hit, even though she didn’t really try to hold back. Unlike him, Jexica wasn’t a fighter.

“Do you have any idea how much you scared me?” Jexica hit him again. “You better have a really good excuse. Start talking!”

[Marakai2.0]

The last several days had been a blur, in the most literal of all senses. Waking up in some place where you hadn't gone to sleep was bad enough, but waking up in chains, attached to an iron ring jammed into the ceiling pretty much topped the list of 'shitty situations Raz has been in.' Well, except one thing. That had been way worse.

Though that particular situation may just have made this most recent one more bearable. He'd been in worse, and for far, far longer. At least, it seemed worse, as far as he could tell. He plainly remembered shortly after he woke up, hearing the unmistakable sound of Heather shouting for someone to 'leave her alone!' followed by several pained grunts.

Heather had been the one reason he'd set off. A member of what he considered family, plucked off the streets of Margad....he had to. It was only a day, he'd told himself. She's a sono, I'm a sono, it'll be easy. Just gotta listen, right?

Wrong.

In any case, when he heard her voice, and then her pain, he wouldn't stand for it. He'd tried to pull on that power within him, that destructive force he relied upon for situations like this. He had felt it, there, burning and vibrating, but...he couldn't touch it. His strength, the one thing he had that made him who he was, was no more than.....water, dripping through his fingers. It was nothing. Useless, here.

But he'd still had his mouth, and he'd shot it off as soon as he was able. A mistake? He didn't think so.

It kept the whip off of Heather for a time, at least. Turned it on him, instead. But if he couldn't save her, at least he could make that hell just a bit more bearable.

And that was the daily thing for him. At least, when he was awake. He still wasn't sure how long he'd been gone, how much time passed from the times he was awake and passed out from whatever it was those.. People, things? were doing to him and the others to keep them under.

But eventually, they were freed. Somehow. Raz couldnt say he was awake for that, but he had an inkling of who to thank for that.

In any case, events transpired and he found himself in a hospital bed, yet again. Yavvy was right, him and 'beat up' just seemed to be a common thing lately.

He'd made his continued survival known on the chat, and found out Jexica was coming to see him. His eyes....or, eye, rather, as one was nearly swollen shut, had widened in that classic look of "oh, shit." He'd hoped to call her as soon as he'd checked in, but...well, he wouldn't stop her from coming to see him. She was probably angry, and rightfully so. He knew what he did had been incredibly stupid, but he'd gone anyway, too confident and angry to realize that he'd been going half-cocked with not even half a plan.

And he'd told her....it would be just a day. Maybe even less, if things went well.

Yeah. That didn't happen. Not even close.

But here he was, safe and sound, talking and joking with Alec, glad to just be alive and able to do so. And then, suddenly, Alec was gone, and Raz just caught his mouthed words as he'd shot out the door.

And his replacement? A girl who looked liked she had cried for days on end, and hadn't slept more than a few winks for any of it. A girl who, despite that, looked absolutely furious.

She still looked beautiful, though, even if she looked like she wanted to kill him. Jexica could have walked in with a knife ready to cut out his heart, and he was pretty sure he'd still love her for it. He pretty much deserved as much, anyway.

Though once she came and wacked him a couple good ones, he supposed it was a good thing she hasn't had a knife in hand.

"Hey, hey...." he croaked, his voice extremely hoarse. "I'll...explain everything I can. Someone...was in trouble. I went to help, but things didn't go as planned...." He closed his good eye, and took in a long, shakey breath. He opened it again, and spoke. "To be completely honest, I'm....not sure how much I can tell you. But...it was..ridiculously stupid, me leaving. And I'm sorry. I really, really am. I shouldn't have left, not with so little notice...fuck, not at all. But....I'm back now. And you're here."

He smiled, a small, pathetic looking thing. "I'm sorry, Jexica. I'm sorry I worried you. I'm sorry I scared you, and left you alone. I love you, and that was a pretty shitty way of showing it."

[Zero Undead]

Well she had demanded he explain himself, but Jexica knew that Raz could only say so much. That didn’t change the fact that it was frustrating as hell and half of her didn’t want to hear his excuses right now. It was hard to stay mad at him when he was lying in a hospital bed all bruised up and apologetic. Not to mention even in his present condition, that smile was absolutely heart-melting.

Jexica couldn’t let him off that easy, though.

“You’re darn right you’re sorry! And a complete jerk. If I had known what you were up to I would never have let you go. It wasn’t your job to go. I noticed none of the other Valkyries vanished off to who knows where.” It was hard to sound angry with her bottom lip wouldn’t stop quivering, and her voice was clearly strained. His was too, she’d noticed.

Her eyes moved over him and her expression wavered. She moved her hand up to his face, gently cupping the less damaged side. It pained her to see him so hurt. Tears started forming in her vibrant blue eyes as she leaned down to give him a soft kiss on the forehead.

“I’m still mad at you, but…are you okay?” Obviously he wasn’t okay, but she had no idea just how badly he was actually hurt. She felt a little bad for hitting him now, without evening knowing. What if she had hurt him more? That would have been terrible. “I’m sorry I hit you. Well, no I’m really not, you deserved it, but I hope I didn’t hurt you.”

[Marakai2.0]

Those first words of hers, they stung. They hurt, they pushed deep, but only because they were true. But the part that hurt the most was watching her gradually lose her composure with each word, watching her eyes begin to mist over with tears. Those beautiful blue eyes didn't deserve to have those tears.

He'd done that. That was his fault, too.

His eyes drifted shut as she pressed that kiss to his forehead, and he couldn't help but smile at the tenderness of her touch. Even when she was mad, she couldn't help but to be gentle. He didn't deserve her, he knew, especially not after this latest touch of idiocy. She was just too perfect.

But whether he deserved her or not, she was his, and he loved her. And maybe it was selfish, but he didn't care - he'd keep her, for as long as he could. While she was still close to his face, Raz reached his unbandaged hand to touch her cheek, and as gently as he could craned his neck up to her.

He was proud to say, he didn't flinch at all at the searing pain in his back, just from that simple movement. He didn't want to see her cry anymore, and definitely not over him. Gradually, he was able to meet her lips, pressing a gentle kiss there. That pain, the fire that had once been his flesh, it was worth it.

"....well, I'm okay now that you're here. I always feel better when you're around." He opened his eyes to look into hers, a small smile on his face. "And, no offense to you, babe, but it'll take a lot more than that to keep me down. But, yeah, I deserve it. Just...maybe wait till I'm up walking around before you try beating the crap out of me, yeah?"

He grinned a bit, and let himself fall back into the bed. "Not that you would, but you know what I mean." He held her cheek, still, reaching his arm up to caress her cheek. "....you know, I missed you, these last few days."

[Zero Undead]

Jexica pressed her cheek into his hand, eyes closing lightly as she let out a soft sigh. Her emotions were all over the place, between being angry at him for leaving in the first place and relieved that he had come back to her alive. She chose to be as happy as she could manage, because no matter how angry she was or how much of an idiot he had been, Raz was alive and hopefully soon enough she could take him home.

Then she could kill him once he was healed up a bit, because she knew he was hurt, why else would he be at DoSaM like this?

Feeling his lips on hers brought out a shaky smile and when he pulled away to speak she reached her hand up to wipe at her eyes. Jexica had cried quite enough the past several days. She couldn’t help but let out a soft, wet laugh when he said she wouldn’t beat the crap out of him. Being very careful she sat on the edge of the bed, still looking down at him.

“Beating you half to death is very tempting right now, not going to lie, but I missed you so much. Please don’t ever do something stupid that takes you away from me again. I love you too much to lose you already.” Jexica looked down at Raz, blue eyes big and pleading for him to tell her what she wanted to hear.