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Author Topic: Let's Talk About Feelings. [Moonie]  (Read 875 times)

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Offline Bunbun

Let's Talk About Feelings. [Moonie]
« on: August 10, 2017, 10:31:10 pm »
Getting an official page from a Pilot was always... well, scary. The alert that came from the communicator could be pretty damn startling, and you could never be sure whether or not you were in huge trouble. Luckily for Vanessa, it didn't appear that she was in trouble this time around- in fact, she was being assigned to a mentor!

Of course, having a mentor wasn't always a good thing, or at least that's what she'd heard. There was always a chance that you got assigned to someone who wasn't afraid to make your life hell, who cared about little else other than making sure only the strongest of Candidates made it through the program. Ones that were perfectly willing to turn you into an emotionless shell of a person as long as you did your job.

She decided not to think about that, though, both because it was pretty unpleasant and because it simply wasn't very likely to happen in this case. While she hadn't personally met with Pilot Noble Alec Holding, she hadn't heard anything bad about him, which was a good sign. He was a counsellor, after all, so it was pretty safe to say that terrorizing Candidates probably wasn't how he operated.

...come to think of it, she did recall his name coming up somewhat recently, but couldn't quite remember when. Oh, well. Probably wasn't that important.

In any case, while she was pretty damn nervous to finally be meeting her mentor for the first time, Vanessa was also excited about the whole thing. She'd have to improve her control over her empathy at some point if she wanted any hope of graduating, and having someone who could help her with more specific techniques would go a long way towards achieving that. Making a good first impression was important if she wanted any of that to happen, though, so it was probably for the best if she made it to this appointment on time.

---

True to her word, Vanessa soon found herself standing at the door to Alec's office. She didn't want to wait there too long due to the potential risk of earning the ire of her new mentor, but there was still that one thing at the back of her mind that was bothering her...

...crap. Now she remembered. Pilot Noble Holding was the guy from the picture that was sent to Aspen (and subsequently forwarded to the rest of the Candidates in the chat) a little while ago. Something about him having a thing for Aspen's sister. Definitely not appropriate to bring up on her first meeting with him, or on any meeting, really. She did whatever she could to push those mental images aside for the time being, because things could get awkward real fast if she started projecting them.

Alright. Enough stalling, she decided. Holding was going to start getting suspicious if she wasted too much time out here, and she was just going to end up getting more worked up the longer she waited. Summoning forth all of her courage, she gave the door a few solid knocks before taking a small step back and gazing into the doorway with anticipation.

Offline Zero Undead

Re: Let's Talk About Feelings. [Moonie]
« Reply #1 on: August 11, 2017, 08:30:07 am »
Alec really didn’t know why it had been a surprise when they’d handed him a Candidate profile and told him to make it happen. If he thought about it he had an excellent temperament for mentoring. Well, in his humble opinion, anyway. They probably liked Pilots a lot tougher and more intimidating than him, but a heavy hand wasn’t always the right choice! He had a flawless reputation and service record in his chosen role as counselor.

Helping a Candidate reach graduation would be a total breeze. Right?

Sure it would.

Vanessa Corriveau’s file was certainly an interesting read – wings were definitely unique! The girl seemed tiny and mousy to him, just going off her charts, of course. Going over her files also revealed exactly why they probably paired her with him. A budding empath was the perfect fit for him. Hopefully he would be able to give her a lot of great coping mechanisms for dealing with their shared ability.

She was also Stage 2, which mean he was getting her fairly early into her Candidacy. That was great, because that meant he was probably her first mentor. Alec hated when they bounced Candidates around between different mentors. They needed to forge bonds with their mentor, that way they could learn to trust and rely on them. If they had to spill all their problems to several different Pilots it made the process that much harder.

Feeling pretty good about the placement, Alec shot her a quick message to request a meeting. Well ‘request’ was more like ‘demand’ or ‘order’ but no need to get technical!

Since he had Vanessa’s schedule and had asked for her during her next available free time, Alec was expecting her right about the time she began standing hesitantly outside his door. He knew she was there before she knocked, but he let her build up the courage to face him. It had been scary the first time a Pilot had summoned him to their office, so he tried to be sympathetic.

That’s totally why he was waiting right on the other side of the door, so he could open it almost immediately after she knocked, putting on his best grump face. “You’re twenty seconds late. Is this the punctuality I can expect in the future, Candidate Corriveau?”

Holding that expression was super hard, but he made sure he let her start to sweat before cracking up and stepping out of the way so she’d be able to get in. “I’m jerking your chain, come in and have a seat.”

Alec gestured to the chair in front of his desk as he went around to his own seat, smoothing his suit a little as he did. The jacket was draped over the back of his chair and the sleeves were rolled up to his elbows, giving a somewhat relaxed vibe. He waited until she did sit before speaking again. “I’m Pilot Noble Alec Holding, as you know, and will be mentoring you until you either graduate or no longer need me. I wanted to meet with you so we could just have a little chat. Did you have any questions or concerns you wanted to get out of the way right off the bat?”

Offline Bunbun

Re: Let's Talk About Feelings. [Moonie]
« Reply #2 on: August 11, 2017, 11:12:52 pm »
The first few seconds that passed after Pilot Noble Holding opened the door was one of the most terrifying moments Vanessa had experienced in a while. She hadn't even said a word or stepped foot in his office yet, but apparently she'd already managed to piss him off. Not only that, but he was just kinda... standing there. Waiting for something. Her mind raced as she tried to think of an appropriate reason for her lateness (if it could even be called that), but after a few seconds, the only thing she managed to squeak out was a simple "...no, sir".

He continued to look down at her with that scary look on his face, though, and briefly Vanessa began to wonder if she was supposed to break down and burst into tears or something. It was a little strange, though; while the Pilot was giving her a rather terrifying glare and he certainly sounded pretty angry with her, her empathy wasn't actually reacting to him very much. She hadn't realized it at first, but she wasn't picking up on any anger, or at least not anywhere near the amount that would be appropriate for the look he was giving her. That meant that either her empathy needed a lot more work than she had originally thought, or that he wasn't actually mad at her.

Fortunately for her, the latter turned out to be true. The whole thing was just a little act in order to get her to squirm a little. It wasn't an entirely new experience for her- Stage 2 could be pretty rough sometimes- but she was used to this kind of thing coming from other Candidates. It was entirely different to have it coming from a Pilot.

Despite the fact that she wasn't actually in trouble, the girl was still pretty shaken up about the whole thing. If it wasn't obvious by the look on her face alone, then Alec's empathy would almost certainly pick up on it. She really didn't want to see what would happen when he actually angry, though, so she gave him a hesitant little nod before stepping into his office.

The inside of the Pilot Noble's office was, well, not exactly how Vanessa had imagined it. It felt a lot more casual than she was expecting, and it was clear that he had put a fair amount of effort towards personalizing it. Now wasn't really the time to be thinking about that, though.

Making her way over to the chair she'd been directed towards, the Candidate took a seat, frowned slightly, then slid forward a little in order to allow her wings some room. Probably not the best idea to crush them against a chair of all things. It was just one of those things she'd learned to get used to.

"Well, um... I know I'm supposed to refer to you as Pilot Noble Alec Holding, but I guess not all Pilots like that. And I guess it's for the best to figure this kind of stuff out now if we're going to be seeing each other a lot, so... do you have a preference?"

Offline Zero Undead

Re: Let's Talk About Feelings. [Moonie]
« Reply #3 on: August 14, 2017, 02:44:12 am »
Well wasn’t she just a little bundle of nerves? Alec expected her to be a bit antsy when he was glaring at her, but he figured that anxiety and fear would have quickly gone away once he started laughing. Ah well, the poor kid hadn’t been around nearly enough Pilots – or the right ones. Some of them were a little psychotic if you asked him. Torturing Candidates was almost a game or competition among the ranks, here and there.

Resting an elbow on his armrest and cupping his chin in his hand as he peered over the desk at Vanessa, Alec had already begun assessing her. If they’d given him a dud he would be pissed. When you were a mentor, having your Candidate fail reflected poorly back on you. So it was in both their best interests for her not to fail.

“Well Candidate Vanessa Corriveau, you would be correct that in any formal setting addressing me that way would be appropriate, but this isn’t exactly a formal setting. Pilot Holding, or even just Alec, is perfectly acceptable at non-formal functions.” Alec was radiating calm; it was almost a subconscious thing by this point. Even if he’d truly been furious it was unlikely for even another empath to be able to pick up on it psionically. Emotions were to be strictly controlled; nothing he didn’t want read projected to others.

It had taken years and years of practice to perfect it, even long after his Candidacy had ended.

“Now, let me tell you what I expect, and I’ll just cut straight to the chase here: Everything. That’s what it will take for you to graduate the program and become a Pilot. Everything you were, are, or will be. There’s no fractions, no half-assing – you give it all or tell them you can’t and face the consequences. We don’t have time for Candidates that don’t want to be Pilots. So I will push you to give everything you’ve got, then I’ll push you a little further. I expect devotion to your classes, your drills, and your superiors. Tell me right now if you can’t do it, Vanessa. My time is too valuable to waste.” It was harsh, but also true. They’d told him much the same thing when he was sitting on her side of the desk.

Offline Bunbun

Re: Let's Talk About Feelings. [Moonie]
« Reply #4 on: August 14, 2017, 10:57:34 pm »
Right. Alec it was, then. As far as Vanessa was concerned, anything that made her new mentor seem more familiar to her and less like one of those more nightmarish Pilots she'd heard horror stories about was more than welcome. She'd much rather think of the person on the other side of the table as a friend than simply someone who held power over her. He was, of course, her superior, but hopefully that didn't have to be the only thing that defined their relationship.

That being said, the way Alec was looking at her at the moment told her that he was... less than impressed with her so far. It very well might have caused her to start tensing up again, but something else kept her from freaking out too much. She'd definitely felt this sensation before, and recently, too; it was the type of calm she only felt when it was radiating from someone else. Another empath.

If Alec was expecting her to fail, then there would be little point in keeping her calm so that she could keep her thoughts straight. No, they both wanted her to graduate, and if her mentor was willing to do whatever it took to make that happen, then she owed it to him to give it her all as well.

"Alec... I want to be a Pilot. I really do, and not just because what happens when you fail the program. I... well, I'm not really sure about it yet, but I think I want to be like you when I graduate. Helping people through their toughest times. Making them feel better. But I won't be able to do any of that if I let myself fail. And I... I made a promise to someone a little while ago. That I was going to do whatever I could in order to succeed. And I have no intention of going back on that promise, so you don't have to worry about me 'half-assing' anything."

It was clear that what the Pilot said had resonated with Vanessa, and along with her already being pretty wound up in the first place, it resulted in her coming off a little more aggressive than she'd intended. Her voice had risen quite a bit over the course of her response, but she quickly dialled it back to the quieter levels she'd displayed earlier.

"...sorry about that. I got a little more worked up than I expected."

Offline Zero Undead

Re: Let's Talk About Feelings. [Moonie]
« Reply #5 on: August 15, 2017, 07:04:40 pm »
Well if you were going by looks alone, there was no way this little bean pole was going anywhere. Alec hadn’t seen very many Candidates so tiny. Thankfully she didn’t have to be big and bulky to have the kind of strength to see her through to becoming a Pilot. Her empathy needed a lot of work, he could already tell. Stage 4 would be her greatest challenge, he could already see it. She projected her emotions far too easily – not that they could touch him. He was far too experienced an empath to let others affect him.

She’d get there too. It would take a lot of practice, and a bit of help, but Alec could already see things he liked.

“Don’t apologize to me; you should be apologizing to yourself. Hold on to that fire, you’re going to need it. Emotions are an empath’s greatest weapon and asset, but only if they can control them. You’re projecting all over the place. If I were a lesser empath I’d be as nervous and rattled as you were a moment ago.” Hammering out the kinks in her psionics wasn’t really the problem at hand, though. She needed to make it through the physical, academic, and team building work before they invested the time and energy into refining her empathy into a potential weapon.

No, for now they’d just work on getting her emotions under enough control to make her trip through the Stages a little less nerve-racking.

“Tell me about your self-calming techniques. Do you have any? Meditation? Yoga?” Alec had needed props and tools to maintain his focus and calm for months, but he’d eventually been able to grow out of outside influences to maintain his composures.

Offline Bunbun

Re: Let's Talk About Feelings. [Moonie]
« Reply #6 on: August 19, 2017, 12:19:22 am »
Alec's comments on how easily Vanessa was projecting her emotions really made her think for a moment. Usually when she considered the usefulness of her psionics, her ability to pick up on emotions was the first thing that came to mind, but she supposed that the ability to project (or not project, as the case may be) had its own uses, provided she could get the hang of controlling it. She could potentially make people feel all sorts of things, anything from complete calm to utter debilitating fear. While it would be up to her Dragon in the end to decide how exactly she could make the best use of her empathy, it would probably be for the best if she mastered every aspect of it- that way, there would be a greater chance of a Dragon finding her useful and choosing her once she reached Stage 5. It was definitely something to keep in mind for the future.

"Understood. To be honest, I'm not all that experienced when it comes to controlling projections, but I guess that's what mentors are for, right? Maybe you can help me work on that sometimes. I take it you're pretty good at that kind of stuff if you can do it on command."

Now... onto the subject of self-calming. It was another one of those things that Vanessa hadn't really thought too much about, as she usually had enough to worry about with other people's emotions. Her own feelings almost seemed to take a back seat sometimes, which probably wasn't a good thing in all honesty.

"Um... I'm not sure that I have any of those, actually. Usually I just kinda keep it all balled up and wait for it to go away when I fall asleep or something. Either that or find someone to talk to and hope they're in a better mood than me. Self-calming techniques aren't exactly part of the curriculum, so I've never really been taught how to do any of them."

Offline Zero Undead

Re: Let's Talk About Feelings. [Moonie]
« Reply #7 on: August 21, 2017, 05:45:22 am »
That’s what mentors were for, yes, but also instructors. Alec couldn’t believe that Vanessa hadn’t received any aid in regards to her psionics yet. Perhaps he needed to have a few words with the Director of Candidate Affairs, try to plead the importance of giving empathetic Candidate coping mechanisms and tools.

Empaths were valuable in almost any department, after all.

“It has taken me a very long time to get the kind of control I have. We just want to get you to the point where you can graduate. You’ll still be refining your skills long after you’ve been chosen by a dragon. I still work on my control every day.

“Extensive psionic training comes in Stage 4, generally speaking. I mean, that is the stage typically reserved for focusing on it. The more controlled you can keep your empathy, the easier any stage will be, however.  I’m annoyed that no one at all has tried to help you with it as of yet. Seriously, what are they doing with Candidates these days?” Alec scowled softly and leaned back in his chair, moving one leg to rest over the other as he folded his hands in his lap.

“You need to work hard on this, keeping things balled up and counting on someone else’s mood to bail you out simply won’t cut it. If you can’t take care of yourself, how can you take care of anyone else? Your fellow Pilots will be counting on you to have it together one day.” Leaning forward again, Alec pulled open a drawer on his desk and pulled out a small box, setting it in front of Vanessa with a small smile. It was a brand new mp3 player, opened only so that Alec could preprogram it with therapeutic sound tracks and guided meditation sessions. “I got you a little something. You have my permission to keep that with you at all times, just in case you think you need it.”

Offline Bunbun

Re: Let's Talk About Feelings. [Moonie]
« Reply #8 on: August 23, 2017, 10:49:51 pm »
"Well... I think the idea is that they don't want to spend too much time on a single Candidate when they're not sure if they're going to pass. Like you said. Don't want to be wasting any time and effort, right? Or maybe having people figure this kind of stuff out for themselves is supposed to help toughen them up. I mean... I know that's kind of a theme when it comes to Stage 2. Not everyone's going to make it through."

It was a harsh truth, and one that Vanessa still had a hard time accepting. She liked to think that she and all of her friends would eventually succeed and go on to become Pilots, but the reality was that any one of them could suddenly vanish one day without explanation, never to be seen or heard from again. Subjected to horrible experiments until they either succumbed to them or were no longer needed. It was a sickening thought, and not one that particularly improved her mood.

What did improve her mood, however, was the sight of the gift that Alec had suddenly presented her with. Her eyes lit up as he set it on the desk in front of him, and she leaned forwards in her chair a little while she pulled it closer towards herself. Still in the box. She was honestly pretty surprised that Alec would go out of his way to get her something like this before they'd even met, but she was grateful nonetheless.

"Oh! Uh, thank you! I'll make sure to put it to good use. Promise!"

By the way she was eyeing the package (and probably from how much she was projecting) it was pretty clear that she wanted to open it as soon as possible, but she didn't want to be perceived as rude, especially so soon after she'd met her mentor. Instead, she allowed her hands to rest next to the box as her fingers drummed idly on the desk.

"Sooooo. Any other tips on how to do the whole self-calming thing? Or do you think we should move on to something else? I could proooobably think of some more questions. If you want."

Offline Zero Undead

Re: Let's Talk About Feelings. [Moonie]
« Reply #9 on: August 30, 2017, 06:24:16 am »
Not everyone made it through any stage except the Gracie period that was Stage 1. Even at Stage 5 you weren’t completely safe until a dragon chose you. Not that being a Pilot was a guarantee of safety either, but it was as close to it as you could get. Still, more would make it if they were given more time and effort. Alec hated that it all came down to such impartial numbers of costs verses time and ability of the Candidate in question.

They weren’t people to them, just assets that had the potential to become people.

“Don’t force yourself to come up with questions on my account. This is mostly just a meet and greet so that we would know each other existed, you know?” Knowing your mentor, knowing they were there for you, and that they wanted you to succeed, was super important. It could mean the difference between life and death for some Candidates.

Alec folded his arms on his desk as he leaned forward, giving an easy smile. “Go ahead, open it. I know you want to. I preloaded it with some great sounds for meditation. It’s got a few guided sessions on there too. They really helped me – still help me if I’m feeling particularly stressed out. I hope you’ll find them helpful too. If you ever need me, for anything, please don’t hesitate to send an email or alert to my com. As your mentor it is my duty to help you get through your Candidacy and graduate, whatever it takes, and I know that you can.”

Offline Bunbun

Re: Let's Talk About Feelings. [Moonie]
« Reply #10 on: September 10, 2017, 07:35:47 pm »
Whatever it takes.

While Vanessa realized that those words were probably meant to be supportive, they also succeeded in stirring up some... less than pleasant thoughts. She'd heard a few stories of Pilots going to rather extreme measures when it came to interacting with Candidates- even witnessed a few of them unfolding in person- so the prospect of doing "whatever it took" in order to succeed made her a little nervous. Subconsciously, her wings began to fold inwards, eventually coming to rest against her arms.

Of course, Alec didn't exactly seem like the type of Pilot who would employ terror tactics in order to get her to do what he wanted, especially not after he went out of his way to get her something like this. Seeing as he'd given his permission to open it, Vanessa wasted no time in removing the shiny new device from its packaging and figuring out how it worked. For a while she just sat there and scrolled through it, checking out everything it had to offer before finally setting it back on the table. Probably shouldn't keep Alec waiting too long, especially since he'd gone out of his way to help her.

"Yeah, I'll keep that in mind. To be honest, I'm glad to know that I have someone on my side for once. Stage two can start to feel pretty lonely sometimes. As for getting to know each other... well, uh, here I am. I guess I've never really been in this room before, but, it's not really how I imagined it to be, I guess? Not that that's necessarily a bad thing. I'm just used to things being a little more formal."

Offline Zero Undead

Re: Let's Talk About Feelings. [Moonie]
« Reply #11 on: October 19, 2017, 09:24:22 am »
Whatever it takes.

Sure, it could be a scary phrase coming from quite a lot of Pilots, but Alec sighed softly as he sensed the rise in fear and anxiety in his Candidate. Well, it wasn’t like he hadn’t expected her to be frightened of him at first. The rumors that flew around about Pilots and the things they did to Candidates were well-founded in reality. He had seen more than his fair share of torture and cruelty inflicted upon Candidates during his own days at the ATC.

Alec wasn’t going to be like that, though.

A smile flitted across his face as Vanessa fiddled with her gift, making a point to send out calm vibes through the room to hopefully help put her mind at ease. He gave a grim nod at the idea of having someone on your side. “Stage two gets rough; it was hell on me too. Not the classes, I was fortunate enough to already be fairly well educated when I came here, but I was bullied by older Candidates pretty bad. My mentor wasn’t all that supportive, but I want to really be there for you, because I know what it’s like to feel alone here.”

Alec laughed softly when she said his room wasn’t like she was expecting, lightening the mood considerably from a moment before.

“I get that a lot. The ATC is a very stressful place to be, and getting sent to my office for the first time is undoubtedly pretty terrifying, but I try to make this a place where anyone can feel more relaxed and safe. If a Candidate comes to me and they’re terrified and greeted with a cold, impersonal office then how are they supposed to open up with me so that I can help them?” This was a much better subject.

 

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