Woe and Lamentation and....Origami (Rinachina!)

[Anonymous]

Much petting and soothing later, and Ellie's blind eyes finally felt empty of their tears. Sniffling a few more times, she finally sat up straight, rubbing at her puffy face with a sleeve to try and dry her damp cheeks. That was a good, hard cry, and apart from feeling surprisingly tired right then, she was also feeling strangely...good. Cleansed maybe was the word?
"Thank you Finaa...I mean, just for listening, and um...for letting me cry on you, hehe..."
She managed a small smile up at her new friend, yet at the same time was somewhat unwilling to completely let go of her, and so one hand remained clinging to Finaa's sleeve.
"...I'll try. I mean, to get stronger...I won't just give up. I-I don't know that I'll succeed but...I'll definitely try my best."

[Anonymous]

"Sush. It's okay." Finaa reached up, helping the girl clean her face up. Hopefully this had helped her out, enough she could start moving forward. Smiling, even though the girl couldn't see, the shapeshifter kept stroking the girl, kept the physical contact. It was all to rare in the ATC and she wasn't going to deny her any, "You wont try, you will. You'll only fail if you let yourself fail here. You can't have that kind of bad attitude sweetheart. Have some confidence in yourself."

[Anonymous]

"R-Right..." She had to have a better attitude...a 'can-do' attitude...the only problem was, she didn't know if she could actually do it! She hated violence, probably more than anything in the world...learning to defend herself she could do, but to become as harsh as these other candidates...she wasn't sure if she had it in her...
"W-Well! I um, I'll just have to w-work at it a little at a time! F-First...I just want to be able to protect myself...th-that will be the first step I think..."
Just have to have confidence...I've made it this far after all...if I do the training and get Kuno and such to help me...maybe I really will get strong enough to protect myself at least...!

[Anonymous]

"Or, you know, start building muscle." She knew that was what a lot of the gracies did. They started working out and building their strength so that had a good base to work off when they started learning self defense.

"Now, you said something about bullies?" Actually, Finaa wasn't sure if that had been words or a thought, but she was still curious. It was odd such a...pathetic person would get picked on. Most bullies liked the ones that fought back.

[Anonymous]

"O-Oh yeah! That's a good idea..." She wasn't sure just how much muscle her petite frame could actually acquire, but anything was better than the twiggy self she was now. And plain exercise didn't really require her to be able to see...and a lot of it she could probably do right in her room without much trouble.

"H-Huh? Oh..." Actually, she was fairly sure she hadn't, but Finaa was clearly able to read her thoughts (as unguarded as she was) and so it was basically the same as if she had spoken it aloud.
"I'm...used to it I guess...a-and it's only been really bad a couple of times. Usually I don't have to go to the infirmary, I can just stick a couple of band-aids on myself ehehe."

[Anonymous]

"Well, what happened? Who is picking on you? Why?" Finaa kept stroking the girl's hair, worried and concerned. Despite what most people thought, it wasn't like bullies ran thought the hallways, beating anyone in sight. There were a few kids that went on a power trip or had anger issues, but most needed a reason. Being weak wasn't generally one. They all liked some fight in their victims.

[Anonymous]

She was a little surprised (though in a good way) at Finaa's interest in the bullying. Ellie had come to accept it's occurrence as 'normal' in this place. It was nice to know that it was still not a good thing.
"I-I don't really know who...a-and usually because I run into them on accident...I-I'm sort of clumsy..."
She didn't have a good handle on her powers yet, so 'sensing' others didn't always happen in time, especially if she was in a rush. Even with Jaxx's help, there was no guarantee she wouldn't smack right into somebody, or knock something over or out of somebody's hands. Of course, her naturally 'pathetic' reactions made bullying her a lot like kicking a puppy - so most stopped after one or two blows.
And then of course there were those people who liked kicking puppies.

[Anonymous]

"Ah. Well...be careful then I guess?" Finaa was a little at a loss for what to do or say. She had never really dealt with someone so....pathetic. The girl just seemed content to hide behind her disability and Finaa was not sure how to even approach that.

So for right now, she didn't. She just did her best to give some encouragement and hope for the best.

[Anonymous]

Ellie shivered slightly, and abruptly pulled away. On a soft sigh, she rested her hands on the table, before sliding them forward to grab at the paper she knew was there. Once she had a piece, her fingers began to move on instinct, molding that 2-D object into a three dimensional crane.
When she spoke next, she wasn't exactly sure why. Maybe she wanted to try and explain her own pathetic nature. Or maybe she wanted to explain what it was like having a 'disability'. She'd caught the thought about her hiding behind it, and about being so overwhelmingly pathetic. It was the only time she could 'read' thoughts - when it involved somebody's opinion of her. She usually didn't like what she 'heard'.

"When I 'see' through Jaxx, it's pretty incredible. The software and hardware was never completed but...I can see basic shapes and colors. Everything is so bright and amazing. But when I'm back to being 'blind', it's like living in a world full of black ink. When I reach out, I don't know what I'm going to end up touching. There could be a cliff edge in front of me, or something sharp, or something hot. I walk in a world full of not knowing, and it's scary."
One crane done. She started on a second one.
"This place is really big...I'm having trouble getting a mental map together of it. Even when I'm 'seeing', it's almost all one color and it blurs together for me so it's hard to get my bearings. Hehe, sometimes the halls here give me a little bit of vertigo, I can't tell where the floor ends and the ceiling begins."
Frowning softly then, she placed the crane to her lips, feeling it's slightly rough texture.
"I'm still clumsy even when I can 'see'...I think even if my eyes were fixed, I'd still bump into people and knock things over...I can pretty much trip over nothing. It's like my special talent."

Turning to face Finaa again, she smiled - but it was the look of someone who had come to terms with a few things.
"Thank you again for listening to me. I'm done now. If you want, I think I could show you how to make a paper crane."
She lifted hers up, tugging on it's tail so that the head and neck moved a bit.

[Anonymous]

Finaa wanted to smack Ellie, she really did. Attitudes like this just made her angry. This was not the place for them and you were not special. Everyone had their own problems and had to overcome them. Expecting someone to fix it for you irritated her.

And that was what Ellie wanted. Val too, though he was moving past that. Some White Knight was expected to come forward and fix it for them. Make all the badness go away so they didn't have to deal with it.

"Yeah. And I'm sure it's really hard being blind. I find it very disorienting when I don't have vision. But, Ellie, I'm not trying to be mean....but so what? What do you expect to happen here? Yes, you are at a disadvantage, but so are a lot of kids. One kid is in a wheelchair. He can't even walk. Kids from damaged homes and with crippling pasts are thrown in here and they learn to survive on their own. No one can save you here. Not even your dog. The only person that can save you is yourself. But you wont get strong enough if you keep...waiting to get rescued. We are here to become the White Knights. No one saves us.."

[Anonymous]

The chair toppled over with the force of her standing, Jaxx barely managing to get out of the way before getting clonked on the head by the falling object. The crane that had been in her hand was now crushed against the table.
"I don't want to be rescued! I already was! Being sent here was my rescue!"
For the first time in perhaps ever Ellie was raising her voice. There was no stutter. And her face was twisted both with anger and anguish, tears stinging her eyes at the same time as she was wanting to curse at everything.
"But how can you throw somebody into this and expect them to become a whole different person without anybody there to at least give them pointers!? You keep making it out like everyone just 'gets it' and goes on their merry way! But they don't! They get TRIM'd!! Excuse me for being scared out of my mind! I'm trying my best and I'm aware it's not good enough! I don't know HOW to use my abilities, and I don't know HOW to become one of these great candidates that go on to be a Pilot! Everyone says that I'll be taught that later, so what about now?? How am I supposed to get through this part in one piece?? It's all I can do just to keep out of trouble and understand the classes! You're the first person to have actually really just wanted to sit down and talk with me! I don't want to be pathetic but this is a lifetime of habits I have to break and it's not going to happen OVER NIGHT!"
The table abruptly cracked down the middle, responding to her overstressed emotions as it always did - the only time she was ever 'destructive'.
Stumbling backward, Ellie realized she was also crying, and immediately moved to wipe at her eyes.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry...I'm not mad at you Finaa...I'm just...I don't even know anymore..." She hadn't meant to lash out at Finaa, that wasn't really her intention...maybe she was a lot more stressed than she had thought. But she was telling the truth...it wasn't as though she wanted to be pathetic! It stung horribly to be called that, and to hear it in people's thoughts about her, and to know that it was true. She wanted to be able to stand on her own, she just...didn't know how. She was so used to things being a certain way...now everything was turned upside down and she was attempting to adapt. She was trying! The only other option was TRIM, and who honestly wanted that??

[Anonymous]

Finaa was rather startled by the sudden outburst, blinking as she leaned back, watching the girl.

Oh dear. Well, it was good she was showing some spine. However, it really wasn't the right kind of spine. But she was a gracie, hopefully she would learn. Finaa shook her head, her hair bouncing with the movement, "It's okay. Calm down, okay? Take a deep breath. It's not that anyone expects you to do these things overnight Ellie. I don't and the Pilots don't. Despite what a lot of people think, they want you to succeed. But Ellie, you have to try. You can't hide behind your problems. We all have habits that have to be broken. At least you can walk. At least you are smart. Stop finding excuses that you can hide behind and start telling people what you need done so you can move past them."

Pushing her chair back, Finaa stood up, brushing her hair out of her face, "Look. I just seem to be upsetting you, and I'm sorry that I upset you. But I'm saying these things because I don't want to see you fail. This isn't a soft place and if you keep hiding behind your disabilities, you'll fail. There have been blind Pilots and candidates before and they did it. You can too."

[Anonymous]

"No, it's not you that's upsetting me really..."
She rubbed harder at her pink-hued eyes, trying to dry them, trying to save at least a little face.
"I was just...holding so much in...so I guess...it just needed to get out somehow..."
Sniffling a few more times, she finally managed to dry most of the tears, and let her arms fall to her sides.
"You really are the first to...to just talk to me...I appreciate it."
Sighing a little, more a sound of fatigue than anything, she managed a small smile.
"Thanks."
Shifting her feet a bit, she finally bumped her upturned chair, and so knelt to pick it up and place it in it's proper position. She then ran her hand over the cracked table, and visibly grimaced. Oops...I really hate that ability...
"I guess...I'll have to tell somebody about this...um, Jaxx, can you find the um...librarian? Whoever is in charge?"
"Affirmative."
Standing, the metallic dog calmly trotted off to find an appropriate person to alert, meanwhile Ellie felt her way back into her seat and flopped into it.
"...Eheh, crying is surprisingly tiring..."

[Anonymous]

The table breaking wasn't all that odd in the ATC. Candidates often lost control of their abilities and things happened. Finaa's expression softened as Ellie spoke and she moved closer, helping her clean her face off, "Here. You are a mess. And, I know. It's scary here. And painfully lonely sometimes. But it really isn't that bad. I met my best friends here. Honestly, being here has been the best thing that ever happened to me."

She hoped the girl would do okay. She seemed like a sweet kid, she really did, "It will be okay, it really will. Put the effort in and you'll do fine."

[Anonymous]

Ellie shut her eyes as Finaa rubbed some of the crying-mess from her face, her nose scrunching up cutely, but she was grateful for the help. Once Finaa had finished, Ellie gave her another soft smile.
"Thanks, hehe. Um, I think I can agree...I mean, this is better than where I was at before. Way better. I really meant it when I said I was already rescued; being sent here was my rescue from being a...a house slave, basically..."
She chewed her lip as she thought back on it, on the painful memories of being treated like something sub-human, as low as the dirt on the floor she had to vigorously scrub every day. Because she was 'flawed' and a burden...
At least here, she could have a purpose. She could DO something with her life. She could prove that she wasn't just a doormat for people to walk all over.
"Thank you again Finaa. I mean, I know I keep saying that, but I mean it! I'm...I'm going to put in the effort. I won't give up. I want to be able to stand up straight and not cower when people yell...I really, really want to break those habits."
She wasn't a 'slave' any more...she didn't want to act like one the rest of her life!

[Anonymous]

Finaa wasn't sure what to make of all the slave references. She had gathered Ellie had a rough life before this, but she didn't know what to say to that. But Ellie at least seemed like she was going to try, which was a good step. It was too easy here for candidates to hide behind their problems, use them to say why they couldn't do it.

And those kids didn't do well. Finaa smiled at Ellie, "Good. I'm glad. And, really, you don't have to say thank you so much. I know how hard it can be here. I'm always around if you need someone to talk too."