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Author Topic: Still Counting [Solo Oneshot]  (Read 273 times)

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Offline GoblinFae

Still Counting [Solo Oneshot]
« on: March 11, 2018, 12:02:10 pm »
He sighed as no further messages came back in response before tossing his com onto the couch and dropping to the floor in a push-up position. His body creaked in protest to the sudden demand to exercise so early in the morning without a warm-up but Dashiell was restless and now had a lot on his mind he needed to sweat out.

Because you haven't apologized for anything you've ever done.

That wasn't entirely true now, was it? Up until three years ago it seemed he apologized for everything and anything if it meant making Reese happy. He, who had always believed he would not bow or bend to anyone, had tied himself into pretzel knots just for that bewitching creature. Now with them gone he had been spiraling out of control, and happy to do it too.

Dashiell had meant what he had said though. He was an asshole. Always had been and likely always would be. Mr. Perfect didn't exist and he had no interest in trying to be him. Back in the day he had even taken pride in being a dick to others. Then again, back then he had also had friends and later a partner in crime and life.

What did he have now?

He paused, holding in a plank position as he raised his head to look around the dimly-lit place he called home. It was cluttered and messy but then without Reese to harp on and on about cleaning, he had felt no need to constantly shuffle things about. It wasn't much to look at that was for sure. Clothes and books were strewn about and the trash was overflowing again with empty takeaway boxes. He'd have to take care of that at the very least later in the morning before work.

Work.

He supposed he had that if one could call his mandated community service, work. It was vastly different from what he was used to as a military man but he applied himself to task with the same sense of responsibility as he did as a Jockey. Dashiell was not a dumb man and knew that all it would take was one slip-up, one word from Ryul and he really would lose even that. It was already uncertain whether after his six month sentence he would ever be permitted to return to service but with even this small chance he would still fight for it.

Dashiell shook his head and returned to his exercise as recent conversations with the bakery owner played back in his head. It seemed that no matter how frustrated he could and would get, Ryul was always just as pleasant and encouraging as ever. It actually made Dashiell feel grateful to the other man. He knew he had been venomous and extraordinarily cruel of late, more than was even in his nature. He could fool himself into thinking too that what had happened with Gray and Deacon had been their faults for throwing the first blows. It wasn't his fault after all that they couldn't handle a bit of goading.

But, then there was Reese's former lover, the man Dashiell had always thought had been the other one. It had been a shock to find out that after all this time his hatred had been misplaced. He was the villain in that part of his own tale. Dashiell had been the one stealing Reese away from this “Novilunio” and not the other way around.  When that realization had sufficiently sunk in his stomach had churned in disgust. Of all the things he was and was not, Dashiell had always been proud to be able to state he was not that kind of man, that he was not one to steal someone's heart away from another. Then, he had gone and done just that without even realizing it. It was no excuse though. Reese had played him for the fool and he had let them,just like he always had.

Worst of all though he had nearly killed the man over the misconception. He didn't even know his name and had attacked the man without thought or question, acting on instinct alone. The others had been equally at fault but “Novilunio” had simply been an innocent in the face of Dashiell’s rage and fury. That sickened him more. It had been nearly a month since the incident and Dashiell felt genuine guilt and remorse over it.

And yes there are people owed apologies...would you even listen if I tried?

Those words had come spilling out from his fingertips and sent before he had really thought them through and yet, once the enter key was struck Dashiell's heart had pounded within his chest. He had found that he had wanted to know. If anyone deserved an apology from him, it was certainly that sorry sod. His therapist had insisted on making Dashiell write out not only his feelings but also letters of apology to each of the three he had injured with his fighting. It had been meant as an exercise of contrition and yet Dashiell had done only what was required of him and rolled his eyes at the rest. It was not as if he was sending those letters anywhere.

I would. I genuinely would. But I don't think that's going to happen. Because I think you're a coward.

The answer had come though and while the conversation had turned and moved on until “Novilunio” had stopped answering, Dashiell was still hung up on it. It was not even the accusation that had captivated his attention but the fact that there was even the slightest chance of trying to mend what wrongs he had committed. There was never any going back. Once broken it could never be whole again, Reese had taught him that time and time again. But, at the very least he could apologize for both wrongs he had done to this man both in the distant past and more recently. It was the least he could do in a long list of things he should be doing.

In the bedroom his alarm sounded, reminding him it was time to get up and moving. His jaw set firmly in determination, Dashiell dragged himself back to his feet and off to the shower. He had to be at work soon and he had some new questions for Ryul now, namely how did one pen a genuine apology without snark.

 

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