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Author Topic: Always Question Meatloaf [Cinnabun]  (Read 767 times)

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Offline Zero Undead

Always Question Meatloaf [Cinnabun]
« on: September 08, 2017, 11:20:31 am »
There was always a soft droning in the cafeteria during the typical lunch hours. Dozens of voices whispering among themselves at their tables, or not whispering at all – there were deep belly laughs coming from one table. Apparently those Candidates could find some humor in this place. Another time Matt would have been happy to laugh like that with just about anyone here, whether he knew them well or not.

Since learning his mother was dead Matt had struggled to find much humor in anything.

That’s why he was sitting at a corner table alone, away from everyone else. Surely he wasn’t the only one with a glum mood around here, but he’d hate to drag down a table full of other Candidates with his sullen staring at his tray. Matt was mostly just poking at the offerings. It was meatloaf day and he honestly couldn’t summon an appetite for anything.

Certainly not cafeteria meatloaf.

The other reason he was along was simply because he didn’t know anyone very well. He didn’t see any of his friends from the chat. Of course that was also assuming they were his friends. It was probably terrible for him to even think that, but how well did he really know any of them? Most of the time they were just text on his com screen. Landis not included, but that was his roommate. They had to see each other every night, unless they broke curfew.

Was Landis his friend? Matt wanted to think so, but he also felt like bursting with self-doubt. Maybe Landis just used him for convenience. They were roommates, so fooling around was easy. After all, if his own mother couldn’t even bother to care for him, why should anyone else?

Making a rather disgusted noise in the back of his throat, Matt pushed the tray away, any chance of eating already gone. His disgust was directed more at himself than the questionable food.

Some Pilot he was going to be if he couldn’t even keep his stupid head on straight.

Offline Bunbun

Re: Always Question Meatloaf [Cinnabun]
« Reply #1 on: September 11, 2017, 07:16:35 pm »
Meatloaf day. Sigh. Vanessa had never been a huge fan of the food they served in the cafeteria- which was an opinion that seemed to be shared by most of the other Candidates- but of course there wasn't actually anything she could do about it. She supposed not every day could be pizza party day, after all. Might as well try to enjoy what she was given, because running drills or trying to study on an empty stomach didn't tend to work out too well.

She wasn't planning on spending any more time in the cafeteria than was necessary, though, nor was she paying much attention to the conversations of the countless surrounding Candidates. Most of her attention was focused on just getting through the food set in front of her so that she could be finished earlier. The majority of the background noise was drowned out by her headphones, connected to an mp3 player resting in one of her pockets. Both of them were gifts; the headphones were provided by Aspen (or, more accurately, her sister) while the player had been given to her by her mentor. Funny how things worked out that way.

The headphones must have made her look a little strange, or at least more strange than usual. They had sections that pointed out in an imitation of cat ears, and Vanessa had made sure to the extra mile with the look, attaching some bits of red felt to the sections in order to make them look nice and fluffy. Combined with her wings, the girl was almost starting to look like some sort of chimera, an amalgamation of all different kinds of animals. Some people thought it was cute, others found it to be a bit odd, but nobody really said anything directly to her about it. Bullying was much less of a problem now that she was Stage 3.

Quickly finishing off the rest of her meatloaf, Vanessa got up from the table and, for once, actually took a moment to take in her surroundings. As could be expected from so many people, there was no shortage of emotions radiating throughout the room, but there was one in particular that seemed to stand out among the others. Something like... disgust? She scanned the room in an attempt to zero in on the source of the emotion, eventually locking on to a lone figure in the corner.

Matt. He definitely hadn't been himself lately, not that she could blame him. Most people would be pretty distressed if something happened to their parents, regardless of how strained that relationship might be. She knew that he sometimes acted like it didn't bother him, pretended to be happy for everyone else's sake, but it wasn't easy to keep your true feelings hidden from an empath. It bothered her that she couldn't do much for him other than offer hugs and a shoulder to cry on, but she certainly wasn't going to leave him there all by himself. Sliding the headphones from her ears and allowing them to rest around her neck, she made her way over to Matt and quietly took a seat next to him.

"...don't feel much like eating, huh? I can understand that, what with...everything that's happened. How are you holding up? I know this kind of thing can't be easy to work through."

Offline Zero Undead

Re: Always Question Meatloaf [Cinnabun]
« Reply #2 on: September 16, 2017, 04:47:41 pm »
Maybe if he weren’t constantly distracted by his dark thoughts these days Vanessa wouldn’t have been able to sneak up on him and surprise him. Matt started a little when someone sat down beside him. When he turned his head there was a deep scowl on his face, because who the hell couldn’t tell he wasn’t exactly in the mood for company?

That expression immediately changed when he realized it was her, and at what she said. Vanessa would know how he felt more than most. He couldn’t really hide his turmoil from an empath if he couldn’t even hide it from himself.

“Oh, hey Vanessa, it’s you.” Just a little of the tension left him, and he turned back to stare forlornly across the table at his tray. Matt didn’t want to drag everyone else down because of his problems. It’s why he pretended he was fine. Hard to hide it from Vanessa, but he tried to laugh his sour mood off anyway, even if the laugh sounded a bit hollow. “Yeah, meatloaf is never all that appetizing here on a good day, let alone a bad one.”

Trying to push it all away was how he’d tried to cope so far. Not that it was working.

“I guess it really doesn’t work with you, does it? Telling you I’m fine, I mean. You know better. Landis knows better. I bet most of you know better, but…I keep trying. Kind of hoping if I say it enough it’ll be true, you know? So…I’m fine.”

Offline Bunbun

Re: Always Question Meatloaf [Cinnabun]
« Reply #3 on: September 27, 2017, 03:03:04 pm »
Matt's initial reaction to Vanessa snapping him out of his thoughts was admittedly pretty scary, and if she didn't know him better, she probably would have expected him to lash out. If his expression alone didn't give away the fact that he was less than pleased with her at the moment, then his emotions were certainly making it abundantly clear. She tensed up for a moment there, but relaxed pretty quickly when she realized he wasn't really angry with her.

He was right, though- even if Vanessa hadn't completely mastered her empathy yet, it was an uphill battle to hide emotions from her. Even as they sat there and he was trying everything he could to convince himself that everything was okay, it was clear to her how Matt really felt. He was hurting, and she was determined to help him deal with that in any way she could.

"I hope you don't feel like you have to hide your emotions, Matt. Anybody would be upset after getting news like that, and... I don't think it'll start getting better if you try to hold it all in. And I want to help you through those emotions. We all do."

If Vanessa had been a slightly more confident person, she probably would have put an arm or a wing around him or something (well, height differences aside), but she didn't want to risk making him any more uncomfortable than he already was. Instead, she opted for something she'd experienced other empaths doing on a few occasions- projection. Radiating calmness tended to be pretty effective in helping to deal with strong emotions, so she figured it was it least worth a shot. It wasn't something that she had much practice with, though, and once again she began to tense up as she attempted to get the whole projection thing to work.

"So. Are you, uh, are you sure you're not hungry? I mean, you should probably eat something. I can't imagine that drills are very pleasant on an empty stomach."

Offline Zero Undead

Re: Always Question Meatloaf [Cinnabun]
« Reply #4 on: October 02, 2017, 07:19:39 am »
Empathy on a psionic level wasn’t necessary for Matt to see the look on Vanessa’s face when he’d first turned to her. It made him feel bad. He wasn’t cute and sweet looking like Landis. Being in a bad mood was no excuse to go scaring someone like her. Sometimes he wished that he hadn’t gotten his father’s tall, muscular build, but only in moments like these when he was unintentionally intimidating. The rest of the time being huge had some pretty great advantages.

A bone-weary look took over his face, as he kept staring sullenly at his untouched lunch. It wasn’t good to not eat, and he knew that, but just the thought of eating right now made his stomach protest – especially eating meatloaf.

“I had breakfast before morning drills. For me, it’s mostly just sims for the rest of the day. I’ve got to get my psionics in top notch gear to move up to Stage 5 when I turn eighteen.” Matt glanced over at her; she was such a sweet kid. He appreciated the concern from everyone, he really did, but he wished that they’d stop with the pity party already. It wasn’t helping him feel better about anything.

“I wish I knew how to feel about it, it’s not just hiding it all or sweeping it under the rug. My mother was a cold bitch, even to me. Why should I feel bad about having that kind of toxicity out of my life? It does hurt, way more than I thought it would, more than I think it should and I’m just so pissed at her for making me feel like this when she didn’t care about me. “ He was scowling again, but kept his eyes on the table so he wouldn’t be glaring at poor Vanessa who didn’t deserve it.

Offline Bunbun

Re: Always Question Meatloaf [Cinnabun]
« Reply #5 on: October 13, 2017, 08:55:11 pm »
Another wave of emotion hit Vanessa, but this time it wasn't sadness, or anger, or even disgust, but rather pity. Pity for her. Well, that was just great. She'd only been sitting there for a few moments, and already the only thing she'd accomplished was making Matt feel worse on top of everything else he had to deal with. Gods, Alec made this sort of thing look way easier than it actually was.

It sure didn't seem like it was getting any better, either. Matt's mood didn't seem to be improving in the slightest, and once again, Vanessa could feel anxiety beginning to make its way through her body. She hated when this happened- it usually just ended up with her getting all worked up and being in a terrible mood for the rest of the day. Part of her wanted to simply excuse herself and leave before something like that happened... but that would just be plain selfish, not to mention cowardly.

Just... stay calm. Take a few deep breaths. She could do this.

"Well, that might be true, but... she was still your mom, right? Family is family, and they're an important part of almost everyone's lives, whether they really deserve to be or not. So there's nothing wrong with being upset when all of a sudden they're just... gone. And those feelings might not go away for a long time, but maybe that's okay. Maybe that fire can help push you to graduate. You can be angry with her for not being there for you, but you shouldn't be angry with yourself. At least... that's what I think."

She swallowed nervously as she finished talking, scanning Matt's face (and his emotions, of course, but that was more of an automatic thing) for any changes. It wasn't exactly easy to tell if she was saying the "right" things, or if she was just making things worse.

Offline Zero Undead

Re: Always Question Meatloaf [Cinnabun]
« Reply #6 on: October 20, 2017, 08:21:52 am »
Matt was well aware his feelings of resentment and anger towards his mother could go on for a very long time, maybe even the rest of his life if he couldn’t find a way to forgive her for being a cold, distant bitch and for not wanting him. The negative emotions would only hurt him, of course, and he knew that too. Anger and resentment could be like poison, but it was still hard to just let go of them. His only real consolation on the matter was that his mother had probably drowned in her negative emotions, but even that just made him sad to think about.

“I know all that, and believe me; I’m throwing myself into drills and simulations and studying for the Stage 5 exam like nobody’s business. My mentor threatened me with a chair if I didn’t move up when I turn eighteen.” He chuckled a bit, trying to lighten the mood – even if his mentor really did do that it was still funny!

Brooding wasn’t going to help anything, and given present company could actually hurt someone else – which Matt never, ever wanted. Causing him pain or problems? That was totally fine. Causing somebody else distress? That was never okay to him.

It was especially not okay when it was one of his friends.

“So other than trying to cheer up gloomy buttheads like me, what are you getting up to right now? Do you have a class or something you’re going to be late for? Don’t go getting yourself in trouble on my account.” Matt was looking down at her with his signature playful grin, his anger and frustration having been pushed back down for now as he focused on happier things – like her.

Offline Bunbun

Re: Always Question Meatloaf [Cinnabun]
« Reply #7 on: October 29, 2017, 09:14:01 pm »
Well, whether or not it was because Vanessa had done or said something to make it better, Matt at least seemed to be in a slightly better mood. It was a huge relief to her- knowing that he wasn't going to let his emotions hold him down was always nice to hear, and of course, it could sometimes be difficult for her to separate her own feelings from someone else's. The chair thing did sound a little scary, though- she couldn't imagine that it would be too pleasant if that actually ended up happening, and while she doubted her own mentor would resort to doing something like that, Matt's mentor could be a whole different story.

Oh, well. There wasn't much sense in worrying about that if he was going to graduate anyways, right? And of course he was going to graduate, as was she, and all of her other friends. Everyone was going to graduate, or at least that was what she told herself. The alternative was just... impossible.

"Hmmm... no, I'm pretty sure it's just the cheering up buttheads thing. I did finish my food pretty quickly, and I don't have class for a little while... and hey, besides that, learning how to cheer people up is part of my training. At least, that's the way I see it."

She thought for a moment, staring at the cafeteria's wall as she tried to figure out where the conversation should go next before suddenly shuffling a bit closer to him and resting her head against him. As far as she could tell, he was feeling a little better, so she doubted he would mind too much.

"Soooooo. That's my situation, but what about you? I mean, if you don't feel much like eating, and you're not too busy, then maybe we can hang out for a little while. Y'know. If that's not going to result in a terrifying chair assault. That wouldn't be good."

 

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