"Candidates Brookes and Blackmourne... next!" All Aspen could hear as the heartbeat in her ears grew louder. It was simulation day and Aspen was scared senseless of what she was about to be thrown into. It didn't even register at first that Blackmourne was Viktor... she wasn't used to calling him that.
No, all Aspen could think about was how each foot step felt as she stepped into the simulation room. Her legs were heavy and her heart was racing as she waited for the scenario to present itself. "Just get through it... just like all the others." she told herself as she swallowed. It was no use though, Aspen was all nerves.
In an instant, the room around them transformed. Aspen found herself standing in a street almost convincing enough to make her believe she was actually outside of the ATC. She didn't like this, having the doubt that the safe walls that have protected her over the last few years were not there.
She could feel herself ripping in half. There was the part of her that wanted to fall to the ground in a full on panic. Then there was the part of her that wanted to fight... the part that wanted to live.
Standing there she waited for instructions, a mission... anything offered to them at the beginning of each simulation. Aspen was visually anxious as her body shook. She couldn't even manage to keep her knees still at first as she tried to gather her wits. The feeling was already growing, that complete and total loss of all function that usually came with one of her panic attacks. She was slowly fading... slowly losing herself to the anxiety that ruled her life.
"Is this what you want? To die giving up?" her sister's voice chiming in at the back of her mind. Havanah had told her this a few years ago in her first year of candidacy. Aspen was so much worse then and on the brink of being Trim'd for sure. Since then these words, this statement, always seemed to get her through most things. In truth, Aspen didn't want to die at all. She wanted to be a great Pilot and a stronger person.
The memory grounded Aspen, halting the panic attack in its tracks as her body recovered. Her knees stopped quaking and her breaths evened out as she began to regain what was going on around her.
"Candidate Brookes ready!" Aspen's voice probably more confident sounding than it had in a long time.
Looking over her shoulder she smiled, assuring her team mate that she was good to go.
"Let's do this."
