Land of Training and Darkness [Liiioooon!!!]

[Nix]

He turned back to face the Pilot even though he didn't need to to 'see' him. He didn't understand what Banning meant, and he was hurting and finding it hard to concentrate. He was just trying to shove his feelings back behind the wall. Wasn't not feeling anything better? Wasn't that easier?

Part of him wanted to lie and just 'yes, sir' Banning because it would be easy and unquestioning. But he didn't want to lie to his mentor, even if being honest was insubordinate. "I don't sir. I don't understand. I usually don't doubt myself. I trust that this is the right way. That not letting others affect me is easiest and best. I don't stoop to their level. I just ignore... everything that isn't important."

[Lion]

"You're not wrong, Annsley," Banning leveled with him. "But that doesn't make it right either. Consider this. For all the time you've been a Candidate, and people have gotten on you, teased you, beat you and berated you, how far have you gotten? Already the odds are against you, and if you don't fight back against them, they'll keep stacking until they bury you."

Banning took a seat again. "I'll ask you this one thing: What is it that you want to get out of this, Annsley?  Honestly."

[Nix]

How far had he gotten? Well he was stage two but he was also very young so, how far was he supposed to be? He looked at Banning and sat down too, hoping that was ok with his mentor because he really needed too. His head was spinning and the conversation was a bit too intense for him at the moment but he had to focus.

What did he want? It was simple.

"I want to become a Pilot of course."

[Lion]

Banning made a soft grunting noise. It was one of thought, and while he didn't want to invade Annsley's mind, he figured he wasn't going to get anywhere with this sort of questioning. The boy was exhausted and needed his rest or he was going to pass out.  Part of Banning was curious about just how much the lad could take.

And he was getting a little irritated by how little he was getting.

"Why?" Banning said, almost a bit harshly. "What's the point of it all?  Why does it matter to you to graduate this hellish experience and become a Pilot?"

[Nix]

Windsor could 'see' the spikes in Banning's mood. He was frustrated it seemed. It was understandable. Windsor was aware he often had that affect on others even though he did not intend to. He cracked one eye open to see the blur that was his mentor. He wanted to focus on him again but his head was pounding. How long had it been since he had seen someone's features so clearly? He was still amazed he had done that... but he would be lying if he said the issue with the cup had not made him nervous.

That harshness was obviously out of Banning's frustration. The Pilot Royal seemed quite reasonable, a bit prone to irritability but not irrational.

Why did he want to graduate? The question was knocking on that wall inside him. Of course there was the obvious answer... if he failed he would be trim'd. No one in their right mind would wish for that. Then of course there was the loyalty to Aedolis, wanting to be useful, not wanting to give up... But he was sure Banning would not accept these answers, as true as they were. They were shallow and simply the surface of his motivations. "Pilots have homes in the upper levels. They have credits."

((I put the last paragraph in italics because he is thinking loudly without realizing it. So it would be right on the surface and easy for Banning to hear without even meaning to. Hope that's ok.))

[Lion]

Those thoughts just on the surface. Easy to read and only seemed to make Banning all that much more frustrated. He sealed it inside himself however and instead tilted his head, reaching up to nudge Windsor's side with his closed fist.

It wasn't a punch perse, like a hard nudge to make him wake up from his reverie.  "And what will they do with those credits, Annsley? More to the point. What will you do? How will you make a difference? Because being a Pilot means more than serving yourself. We have enough assholes that do that on a daily basis. One you're a Pilot, you're connected to something greater.  Beyond that, with what power you do have, how will you use it?"

[Nix]

That knock brought him back out of his muddled thoughts and had his mental shields go up immediately. But with it was a sense of annoyance. It seemed almost foreign, especially to him, but it was there and it was radiating in his gut. Serving yourself.

With everything he had done, with all the things he had to go through, all the shit he took- still took. For himself? No. Never. "I don't know sir. I don't know what I will do with what power I have but I will do what is asked of me. I will do whatever is necessary. As always." His own voice sounded wrong in his ears.

That could not have been his voice... it was angry. The words were practically spat out. And he felt hot. Inside and out. Like he was burning. Had he really spoken to his mentor in such a way?

[Lion]

Banning straightened when those words echoed back to him. He didn't have to ask again for his Candidate to repeat himself. He knew damn well what he said and how he said it. Even the gall it took to say it. Banning rolled his shoulders backwards and frowned.

"I just have one more question, Annsley," he said levelly. "One before before I dismiss you for the day. What's the one thing in the world - no in the galaxy - that's important to you? No pretense. No country. No Dragons, no military to get in the way of that. I don't want you to tell me what I want to hear. Just an honest to gods answer."

[Nix]

Windsor was expecting to be hit. He wouldn't have blamed the Pilot Royal either. He deserved to be reprimanded for his attitude and insubordination. When he wasn't, he found himself shocked and grateful. He didn't need another blow to the head today. Though at least this time he was truly asking for it.

He stood there mouth slightly agape for a moment before processing the question. "...My family sir. I am sorry for how I just answered you... that was beyond disrespectful and any punishment I receive for it is well deserved."

[Lion]

Banning didn't know why Annsley seemed so...mushy. It was sickening in a way, and frankly Banning hated that he felt sorry for the kid. But he couldn't help it. He was just such a sorry piece of work. But he still kept his annoyance in check and simply shook himself.

"You're dismissed for the day Annsley. Go and...I dunno, do whatever it was you were doing before. That'll be all. We can um, resume some exercises tomorrow I guess," Banning sighed and stood up. He made no comment on what Annsley added to that, and simply shook his head of it.

He was the first to leave the training room and put the chair back in the corner of the room, closing the door gently behind him. It was a damn good reason. So why the boy felt the need to apologize he didn't understand? He supposed it simply went deep down with everything else that Windsor took from everyone else. Pilot Lockhart so no reason to punish the boy for doing exactly what he asked.  But he also knew the Candidate needed some time to himself.

[Nix]

Windsor was in a bit of shock. They way he had spoken to his mentor; a Pilot Royal, he knew Pilots that would crack skulls for half as much insubordination. "Yes sir." Was all he could muster before Pilot Royal Lockhart reset the chair and left.

Windsor didn't move for some time, half expecting someone to come back and yell at him at the very least. But no one did. He still had this flood of feelings crashing waves on the wall in his mind; in his heart. Now that it was cracked what was there to do? Push it all back, rebuild the wall? Or deal with it. Face it...

Right now his face and head hurt so bad he just wanted to sleep, though he wasn't sure he'd manage that. He head back to his dorm anyway. Tomorrow. His mentor said they'd continue tomorrow.

[Lion]

"Annsley. Report to the cafeteria at 0600. Grab a nutribar a d a thermos of coffee. And something for yourself. Then meet me out in the practice field. ASAP. -Pilot Royal Lockhart."

It was a simple enough message that Banning sent. In truth, after yesterday, he didn't feel much up to this whole mentoring gig. Then again, who did? Fuck it all.

He should have beat the crap out of Annsley for speaking to him the way he did. That's what his father would have done. But this wasn't a matter of rebellion against patriarchal rule. It was a matter of superior and subordinate. And maybe the reason he didn't turn kid into ash was because maybe there was some hope for him yet.

Banning was already waiting out on the field, in a set of worn training clothes of his own and he stood when he spotted Annsley. "You know, brat, I'm wondering. If you can't see very well, how do you go about navigating those halls? Just your gift in small doses?"

[Nix]

Wis face and nose were still sore the next day, but nothing he couldn't handle. The message from Banning woke him up and forced him to grab his stupid glasses, wincing as they sat on his sensitive nose, to try and stare at the screen of his com to no avail. Fuck. Screens were the hardest thing to see, especially upon just waking up. He pushed the button shortcut his technopath roommate had set for it to read the message out loud. He knew that his roommate was almost always annoyed by having to share a room with disabled TRIM fodder, but he still helped Windsor out here and there because in Sinjin's opinion they were all on the same team.

The technopath groaned and rolled over on his bunk when Banning's message was read out by the computerized voice. "You know you should put head phones in before you do that. Fuck man what if it was confidential?" The guy grumbled.

"You are right. Sorry." Windsor replied, yawning and stretching.

"What time is it anyway?" He asked before realizing it was easier for him to just check, and looked at his own com. "5:15. You better get moving. There's probably a line for the showers."

Shit. Early morning training sucked not because of the time but because a lot of mentors opted for it before their own duties, and that meant shower lines for the Stage 2 Candidates especially. Rumor was it wasn't as bad up on the Stage 3 floors and of course the Stage 4 Candidates had bathrooms in their dorms.

Windsor got up and navigated the room based on mainly memory while his eyes tried to adjust to his thick glasses. He grabbed his towel and fatigues shoving them into his shower bag. He was just heading for the door when Sinjin sat up. "Windsor. Glasses."

Right. Last time he brought them to the bathroom someone broke them and he had to get a replacement. He left them on his desk and closed his eyes as he headed out to navigate the busy halls with his mapping.

It was 5:58 when he spotted Banning out on the field, saluting him once he stood before the Pilot Royal. He put in his contacts after his shower but they still didn't help much. He handed over the coffee and nutribar. "Yes sir. My head hurts both when I use my eyes and when I use my ability so its just a matter of balancing the two. Hall ways are easier to 'map'. I can 'map' walls and people easily. Its details that are harder to make out." He explained as best he could.

"Sir I want to apologize again for my behavior yesterday." He was still a bit more emotionally shaken, his walls of stoicism still breached, but he was more composed now. More collected.

[Lion]

Training at the crack of dawn wasn't Banning's idea of a good time. But like everything that came with this mentoring gig, there was a learning curve for Windsor Annsley as much as there was for him. Hence the coffee and the energy bar. Why get his own breakfast when he had a perfectly good Candidate with legs to get it for him? There were lots of other Pilots, he was sure, that saw the Candidate pool as their own personal servants and whores to choose from. You couldn't refute a Pilots word after all.

For Banning, however, it was merely a matter of two targets, and a split shot to knock them down. They'd get to guns and other weapons later, he assumed. For now, Banning was still trying to decide if this venture was even worth it. Windsor Annsley seemed to have  hard time grasping the concept of self-preservation.

Or perhaps his grasp of it was simply tweaked the wrong way.

By the time Annsley showed up, Banning was yawning and he coughed into his arm. The crusts forming in the corners of his eyes were scraped away and he took the thermos and energy bar in hand. The snatch was unintentional, but the tearing off that plastic wrapper was entirely on purpose. Banning shredded it with his canine and took a bite. He was hungry, but he wasn't that overzealous.

Oh...gods there he went again with that apology.

"Shut up, Annsley," he said simply. There was no anger in his tone, nothing more than vague annoyance as he carefully ate the nutribar and sipped the coffee. Ahh, there was nothing quite like the kick of ultra-processed, ultra-pastuerized, high sugar, low carb, synthesized peanut-butter choc crunch that tasted a lot like eating a brick scraping down his throat. It wasn't an ideal breakfast, but it would tide him over for now.

Banning washed it down with a swig of coffee.

"Stop apologizing. I don't want to hear it. What I do want to hear though is that you've eaten and you're ready to train? So, are you?" Banning didn't even look at him, tossed the empty wrapper in a disposal receptacle and downed the rest of that coffee. It's burning path scorched its way down his throat and left his ears ringing.  Ah well, it was too late to yell at him for not adding enough creamer.  Next time for sure.

[Nix]

"I had a breakfast bar on the walk here sir. I am ready to train." He was fairly certain that Banning wasn't actually pissed at him and he wasn't about to press anything further.

The last thing he wanted to do was alienate and anger his mentor. He wanted to train. He wanted to excel. He wanted to graduated.

He still felt badly about his outburst yesterday and his entire face was still sore, bruised and swollen. Still he was ready. He could still vividly remember the details of Banning's face and the color of his eyes. To be able to map in such detail, to map in color... that was incredible. He wanted to do that again. He needed to do that again.

[Lion]

Banning burped, just a quick one, and tried to carefully disguise it with his hand. Oh, it wasn't like Windsor could see him. Still, he was only so much of a brute. But for now, he wanted to see just how much Windsor could take.

"All right then, let's begin. I just want you to know, that while you might seem in pique physical condition for your age, being a Pilot will put all sorts of wear and tear on your body like a muthafucker. It's one thing to take a hit from some smarmy Stage 4 or 5 with nothing better to do. And another to face down a fuckton of swarming enemies that are looking to put you in your grave, much less your place," he murmured, burping again.

"Sorry."

Banning nudged Annsley in the direction of the field. All this open pace, and the track around it that had spots of red dabbled out in etched in corners, where other Candidates before him ran their drills, until blood was coming out of their noses, their eyeballs, their ears. That's just what he planned to put Annsley through today.

Banning removed his shirt, and tossed it onto the bench. He was in joggers and athletic shoes, weird soft squishy things on his feet that made him feel like he was walking on air.

"All right Annsley, On my count, we run. One, two, GO!" And shoved him off down the track. "Keep up with me, Annsley! Or I'm leaving your ass behind!"