Author Topic: Time stays, we go. [Tally~] (Read 11693 times)

Rhi-Rhi · « **Reply #80 on:** October 15, 2011, 12:08:25 am »

"Uh...yeah."

Gabriel stared ahead at the TV screen, hands tightening on his controller. "I was more wondering about the stuff after that. Like fast forward to the part where I visited you and, er, I kinda maybe said some stuff, and you kinda said some stuff back, and I was wondering if you, y'know...maybe remembered any of that. I mean, you were pretty doped up but, uh...I just wanted to say I still mean it."

Whoo, go him! Way to cut straight to the heart of the matter. He died a little on the inside even as the words left his mouth.

Tally · « **Reply #81 on:** October 15, 2011, 11:29:00 am »

Roman stared straight ahead. Not at Gabriel, not at anything really. In his mind was an expansive and spiteful nothing. He couldn't face this.

He ran away. Without a word and without looking at anything he left the apartment. He wasn't able to think clearly again until he was out in the hallway and saw the elevators at the end of it, waiting to get him away from there.

Rhi-Rhi · « **Reply #82 on:** October 15, 2011, 12:40:51 pm »

It felt like he'd swallowed lead. Roman left without a word and a wave of panic crashed over him. He knew. He remembered.

He wasn't happy about it.

For a moment, Gabriel was left staring at the TV, mouth dry and heart pounding. That...was about as bad of a reaction as he could have gotten. In fact, he'd say that was probably the worst reaction he could have gotten. Silence was worse than an outright rejection; he could have handled rejection. He expected rejection. The silence, that Roman hadn't even looked at him, was far more terrifying.

He'd wrecked everything.

But since when did he just let things sit? After a few more frozen seconds, he got to his feet.

"Hey, c'mon, wait." It didn't take long to catch up to Roman, though he didn't try to stop him. Didn't reach out to touch him or block him, just followed along behind him. "I'm sorry. I didn't wanna make things weird and--I don't expect anything, right? I just...I figured you should know, after everything, and--and it's still the same. I mean, us. Uh, not us us, not capital U 'us', just...regular us? I'm fine with that."

Shit, this was not coming out right.

Tally · « **Reply #83 on:** October 15, 2011, 12:58:37 pm »

Roman kept walking while Gabriel talked. He didn't rush, didn't try to get away or stop Gabe from following him—he just kept walking, losing more of his calm with every word until it finally broke.

"Gods, can't you...can you shut up. Can you just—" He shook his head and jabbed at the elevator button, but there was no waiting. It was right there, and he slipped inside and paced in the little space. He was struggling for oxygen again, from walking and from the agitation.

Rhi-Rhi · « **Reply #84 on:** October 15, 2011, 01:19:51 pm »

Gabriel stepped half inside the elevator, just enough to hold the doors open. "I could. Probably should, but--can we just--" He took a deep breath, struggling to fight down panic.

"Can I walk you to your place, at least?"

Tally · « **Reply #85 on:** October 15, 2011, 01:29:30 pm »

"Fine." More pacing, back and forth in the small space. "Yeah."

He leaned his hands back on the shallow rail that ran around the elevator at waist height. He closed his eyes—his head, his shoulders, all of him weighed down with weariness. The artificial heart pumped away in his chest, irregular, out of sync with the rest of him. He felt he was dying in a body not his own.

Rhi-Rhi · « **Reply #86 on:** October 15, 2011, 01:52:30 pm »

Okay. That was good. So he didn't hate him. Maybe it was a little extreme, but hey, having someone flee after you basically confessed, ouch. Relaxing slightly, Gabriel stepped into the elevator and the doors slid shut behind them.

The elevator lurched into motion and Gabriel leaned back on the railing across from Roman. "Sorry. I didn't mean to freak you out."

Tally · « **Reply #87 on:** October 15, 2011, 02:06:33 pm »

"Gabriel, are you still talking." He was able to look at him at last, with a little bit of anger, a little bit of challenge. He wanted things to be the way they were before, but that was impossible now, wasn't it?

Rhi-Rhi · « **Reply #88 on:** October 15, 2011, 02:21:42 pm »

"Right." He needed to shut up while he was ahead. Good plan! Just shut up, don't talk about it, and forget it happened. Here was his answer. Besides, it wasn't good to upset him when he was like this. He took another deep breath and focused on the floor.

It lasted for all of a couple seconds. This wasn't working.

"Alright. I just need to know. Just one thing? Then I'll shut up, I'll drop it. What you said...it wasn't true. I mean, meds, you were in a bad place, I get it, anything looks good when you're delirious."

Tally · « **Reply #89 on:** October 15, 2011, 02:36:20 pm »

Just as he was thinking, Thank the gods, he's given up, Gabriel started in again. Why should he expected anything else? This was Gabriel. Of course he wouldn't quit.

A stricken look flashed across Roman's face before he turned away. "I can't, this—" He laughed, short and humorless. He rubbed his eyes. "I can't...do this. Right now. What do you want me to say?" The right now was a diversion, a ploy. A way to deflect Gabriel. He didn't think he would ever be ready for this.

He couldn't lie, and he couldn't tell the truth.

Rhi-Rhi · « **Reply #90 on:** October 15, 2011, 09:56:04 pm »

Gabriel shook his head, giving Roman a helpless look. "I dunno."

He wasn't going to tell him what he wanted him to say, because he didn't want him to say that unless he meant it. And truth be told, he didn't even know where to go from there if he did. It wasn't like he knew what the hell he was even doing right now. There was no manual for this, and he didn't read instruction manuals to begin with. All he knew was he was on shaky ground and that something had changed between them the moment he'd opened his mouth, inexplicably, and he didn't know if it was for better or for worse.

And Roman's reaction was only freaking him out more. He didn't know what he expected--maybe a solid answer one way or the other? He hadn't really thought it out much further than that. But running away from him? Trying to get away? That hadn't been on the list.

"I don't expect anything. Roman, you can say no. I just...wanted to know if what you said back then was true." He scrubbed a hand through his hair, nervously, out of his league and not really knowing how to make this better but unable to stop what he'd set into motion. "I said a lot of stuff. I meant it. You almost died and I thought you should know. But I don't--it's okay if you don't...I mean, I never thought it'd happen, so...you know?"

The elevator came to a halt then, doors sliding open.

Tally · « **Reply #91 on:** October 16, 2011, 01:14:31 am »

Something was dying in Roman, and rising up into something new. The transformation was an agony, as such transitions always were. He fought against it but there was no going back. You could never go back.

He kept shaking his head as Gabriel spoke on, and when the elevator reached his floor he held the doors open with one hand.

"Don't follow me." He looked over his shoulder. "I'm serious. Don't." He had been surrounded by people in the hospital, all the time, and even with just Gabriel here he still felt crowded. He hadn't been truly alone in weeks.

He broke while he was walking away. He turned around, walked backward for a few steps. "I did mean it, okay?" Just as the doors began to slide shut.

They could never go back.

Rhi-Rhi · « **Reply #92 on:** October 16, 2011, 12:57:01 pm »

Gabriel stared at the closed elevator doors. He made no move to follow Roman. His insistence that he didn't was enough--it sent a fresh jolt of panic through him, made him think he'd gone way too far--but then Roman went and dropped that last bomb.

He'd gotten his answer.

Now he had no idea what to do with it.

It was only then that he realized he felt all shaky with a mixture of nerves and fear and excitement because freakin' gods what just happened? And what now? He'd never gotten so many mixed signals in his life. He meant it, but he was getting the hell out. Then again, what the hell was he expecting? It was Roman. And spilling his heart had been one hell of a lot easier when he was badly sleep deprived and high on stress and low on functioning mental faculties. If it wasn't Roman, he'd be the one fleeing as soon as what he'd said and done sank in.

It started to on the elevator ride down.

Roman wasn't the only one that needed time to process it. Sure, Gabriel had been the one pushing for an answer, but now that he had it, and with Roman giving no feedback, shit if he knew what to do with it.

It didn't even seem possible. So Roman...liked him? Since when? He knew when his crush had started, kind of. It took a while to realize that's what it was, and even longer to realize it was more than that, and then began the process of squashing it because what was wrong with him? The guy was twelve years older, presumably straight (until Bart dropped that bomb), his former mentor, knew more about him than he knew about himself, and...was pretty much everything he wasn't. Had his shit together (well, he'd thought that until the drug thing), mature, had relationship experience (okay, so he'd only heard about the player rep, but he assumed), had a prestigious career, war hero. He could have anyone. He'd want someone more like that, someone classy or something. Not an awkward, prudish, geeky dude, over a decade younger that pushed every button he had just to get his attention. He wouldn't want all that.

He'd convinced himself of that. It was okay. It wasn't gonna happen and he'd accepted that and he was fine with that. He loved Roman, sure. But he could do that as a friend. But now, after everything, where did that leave them?

A couple days went by and nothing. One of them needed to bend first, and Gabriel knew it wouldn't be Roman. Why should he expect that? On top of everything, he'd just gotten out of the damned hospital, so go him and adding to his stress.

That left him.

The elevator reached Roman's level and Gabriel took a deep breath as the doors slid open. He didn't even know if Roman was in right now but he couldn't bring himself to actually call him, either. Too easy to chicken out and hang up, couldn't really do that if you were face to face, and some small part of him hoped he wasn't home. He wasn't good with this stuff. Haaah, who was he fooling, he'd never been in this position before.

He took a deep breath just before he reached Roman's door, let it out slowly, and knocked--and simultaneously hoped he'd be home and hoped he wouldn't.

Tally · « **Reply #93 on:** October 17, 2011, 02:46:25 pm »

The last couple of days were fair to Roman. Not kind, but fair. He saw only his physical therapists and found some equilibrium in the solitude. He even found a way to keep busy. Not a way that would last, but until he could stand to socialize again it was something.

He buzzed Gabriel in with his elbow, because his hands were covered in egg. He washed them off and went back to the dough. This would be his sixth or so batch of cookies, each one of a different kind. A few pies, some cakes and brownies, and those five plates of cookies sat here and there around the apartment, and each one had a sticky note with a name on it.

"Oh good. I was just about to call you." He pointed a spoon covered in cookie dough at a pile of plates with Gabriel's name all over them. "You need to get that shit outta my apartment."

Rhi-Rhi · « **Reply #94 on:** October 17, 2011, 03:24:37 pm »

Gabriel stepped inside cautiously, prepared for anything--except what he actually got. Roman, baking, and in a...surprisingly okay mood? He blinked, shut the door behind him, and headed toward the kitchen, a little slowly. His nerves were on edge as he'd been all fired up for, he didn't even know, anger or something, and instead got...this. No complaints there! Except he had a million different things he'd planned on saying for a million different scenarios and approaches and this? This wasn't one of them.

This was so...normal? So normal after what had just gone down that it felt surreal like maybe he'd just made up that whole thing.

"Whoaaa...someone's sure been busy," he said, staring at all the plates piled around--and the group with his name on it. He laughed, lightly, a little forced. "Man, it's gonna be all your fault when I can't fit into my flight suit."

Just act natural. "Sooo..." he said. "Uh, you need any help back there or anything? I'm a good spoon-licker!"

Tally · « **Reply #95 on:** October 21, 2011, 12:05:54 am »

Roman clanged the cookie sheet down on the countertop. It made a gritty sound—sugar and flour dusted the counter tops and he hadn't bothered yet to clean it up. The cookies went on in irregular shapes and straight rows. The kitchen was a mess, and that pissed him off. Dishes piled in the sink that he couldn't wash because he was baking about five different things at a time.

"That's so helpful," he said. His voice was neutral. Even he couldn't read it, and he'd said it. He held the cookie dough spoon out to Gabriel. "Go nuts."

Rhi-Rhi · « **Reply #96 on:** October 21, 2011, 12:38:06 am »

"I live to make your life easier," Gabriel said, grabbing the spoon, but he didn't do anything with it. Instead, he found himself just staring at it. Another time, and dammit, he would have been all over that but right now he found he was just going through the motions. He said that because that's what he did, but right then it was the farthest thing from how he felt. His stomach was a mess of tight, fluttering nerves and he couldn't have eaten anything if he'd tried right then, not even a little dough.

Roman was acting so normal it had thrown him completely off--and, once again, it had sprinkled seeds of doubt into his brain.

Part of him wanted to just...go with it. Just stop pushing and go with it. The chicken part of him wanted that. It was the easy, less freakin' scary route, and Roman was not helping and he sort of felt like he was going crazy since he was apparently the only one who wasn't resetting. Maybe...

"Why do you keep running?" he blurted, forcing the words out before he could lose his nerve. Not that he felt very brave right then--needing to know just outweighed the nervousness. He'd hadn't come here to...lick spoons. He'd come here to talk. It would be so easy to just do what Roman was doing.

But he'd never been very good at that.

Tally · « **Reply #97 on:** October 21, 2011, 12:49:25 am »

Roman set his jaw and scowled at those cookies like they were everything wrong with the universe. When they were all on the tray he near threw them into the oven and let the door slam.

"What, this again?" He faced Gabriel in a way he hadn't been able to since he got out of the hospital, fully, looking at him dead on for the first time in three days. He couldn't say that these two days of solitude had made his head any clearer, but they had given the chance for old habits to reassert themselves, habits like the way he responded to confrontation. He despised the cringing aversion that had overtaken him in Gabriel's apartment.

Rhi-Rhi · « **Reply #98 on:** October 21, 2011, 01:02:03 am »

Gabriel stared at Roman, meeting his eyes. This again? This again? That's what he had to say? His mouth dropped open but it was a few seconds before he was able to muster up a response.

"Seriously? 'This again'? You dropped a freakin' bomb on me and it's just...it's just 'this again'? That's it? That's what you have to say? What is this?" Gabriel tossed the spoon into the sink as he said it, Roman's response tipping him well past nervousness and into...he didn't even know! Incredulity? Frustration? After everything, after all the stress of the past few days, weeks, after having to chase him down and wrangle him for answers Roman didn't want to give asking questions that were hard as hell to ask and the epic awkwardness and crazy of a few days before and--and that's what he had to say?

Just this blase acting like it was an inconvenience or something they both mutually understood and had discussed or something? What?

It was Gabriel's turn to pace, running his hands through his hair. "What is going on? I don't--I don't understand what's happening. I don't know what you're--I mean, are you just trolling me or something? 'Cause I think you said this one thing and I know I said this other thing but you're just--am I going crazy?"

Tally · « **Reply #99 on:** October 24, 2011, 08:18:15 pm »

Something about others freaking out always made Roman all the more calm. He settled down the more Gabriel became irate and waited until he'd run out of things to say.

"Done?" he said. Meaning done with the fit, not done with the subject, because Roman didn't think he was going to get out of this that easily.