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Author Topic: Last Regrets [Solo]  (Read 334 times)

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Offline Zero Undead

Last Regrets [Solo]
« on: March 03, 2018, 01:44:09 pm »
“I think we have everything in order now, Mr. Chambers. Was there anything else you needed today?” Lucien DeVaan, his lawyer (and thereby even more of a twisted snake than Deacon by default), asked with a smile that was never quite pleasant.

“Nah, sorry. Sold my soul ages ago, so there’s nothing left for you to get your paws on.” Both men smirked at each other, shook hands, and then Deacon was out the door of the law office. He hated lawyers on principle, but this was the same man that had taken care of both of his parents’ business and one snake was as good as another to use for all this end of life bullshit.

The only really hard part had been composing the letters (well aside from getting away from Eit). Thank fuck he only needed two of those. Not that he supposed they were strictly necessary, but it felt wrong to leave nothing at all. Maybe Eit and Gray would even find something cathartic about reading them one day.

Just two letters.

Sure it made the work easier when there were only that many, but was that sad? Out of all the people in the world, Deacon had only felt two deserved, needed, or would want a goodbye from him. That was all he had left, honestly.

Just two.

Deacon had ambled along the streets until he found a bench. He sat down heavily and stared at nothing as he tried to even begin to sort through his thoughts and feelings. Both had been a mess since this whole thing started. Fucking Dash just had to dislocate his shoulder and send him to the hospital, which lead to finding out about the cancer. Ignorance had been absolute bliss. He would rather not know. It just made everything harder.

Two people.

They were both mad at him, and Deacon knew it. Gray was obviously far more liberal in informing him how stupid he was for refusing to undergo chemo. Eit was far more quiet, but he knew his partner and beneath all the worry and fussing he knew there was anger. He just knew it.

Maybe he was being stupid, but neither of them was dying, were they? He could spout all kinds of reasons why he refused to be treated, but there were really only two: because he was fucking scared to death of what chemo would do to him only to end up dead anyway and because what exactly did Deacon have that was worth undergoing that kind of battle?

A soft sound of disgusted frustration huffed out of him as he leaned back, letting his head fall back and his eyes close. Deacon wasn’t a deep or philosophical person. He didn’t know what the hell any of it meant and he had never believed in anything beyond the here and now that he could see, taste, touch, and hear. It wasn’t that he feared hell or some divine judgement, but what he did fear was pain – far beyond the physical pain.

He had never spoken to anyone about that night. About how deeply it had affected him to hear his mother’s voice, frail but hopeful, calling him Misha. It wasn’t something he ever wanted to happen to him, to sit at the end of his life and be desperate for someone who wasn’t there. Naively he had thought that nothing could feel lonelier than that.

Nothing until now.

Deacon had vehemently avoided attachments like that; he hadn’t sought out a significant other and had no children. He thought that would mean there would be no one to leave behind – which was possibly the only thing he was more afraid of than being left behind. It turns out it just meant that he was alone. Ultimately his life had meant nothing, hadn’t it?

The worst part was Deacon knew it was too late to try to give anything meaning. He was only twenty-five for fucks sake, that shouldn’t be too late, but it was.

He slowly rolled his head down and ran his fingers through his hair with a sigh. If he didn’t go home soon Eit would probably send out a goddamn search party. His partner had been stuck to him like fresh gum on the bottom of your shoe since the night Dash had put him in the hospital. The elf had barely left his side and it was the thing he felt the guiltiest for out of everything.

Eit shouldn’t be wasting his life taking care of his stupid, worthless ass. Deacon didn’t deserve it. Part of him was glad, though, despite his grumblings of having a nanny or nursemaid. He felt bad for being glad; his best friend should be enjoying his life, not being dragged down with him in all this. Selfishly, he was glad to have him staying with him, because no matter what else, as long as Eit was with him then he wasn’t really alone and nothing (and no one) meant more to Deacon than that.

Now if he could just find the words to tell Eit that.

 

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