Author Topic: Letting Go (Read 2468 times)

Aria · « **on:** June 08, 2011, 03:22:25 pm »

Anemone slipped past people who hurried along in the halls, her mind half elsewhere as her body moved, legs twinging with pain at each step. Every time her shoes hit the floor and the muscles in her legs stretched, she made an effort not to wince. She tried not to concentrate on the way she ached, the sparks of pain she felt from overuse and pushing past her limits. She was more then tired, it went beyond that. The exhaustion dragged at her body like a physical weight, pulling at her. The bruises helped none. It seemed as if basic training was becoming more grueling by the day, and it was taking its toll on her body. Obviously, her days as a message runner had been very little help to prepare her for this.

But after the days training ended, and everyone else's lessons had concluded as well, she had somewhere to be. It had been postponed by a few days unfortunately, due mainly to the fact that she couldn't do anything but gulp down a dinner she didn't taste, and try to hurry to her room to crawl into bed before any higher-up happened to catch a glance of her and think it'd be fun to mess with the little blue Gracie.

Ah well. Anemone folded her arms, blue-tinged fingers tucking into the crook of the opposite arms elbow. A slightly sullen look captured her exhausted features. She'd also put it off for different reasons. Reasons of doubt. She honestly hoped Eli would be there... after the pancake incident in the cafeteria a couple mornings back, embarrassment had really set in. She'd started second guessing the whole sending off her cats spirit thing... maybe he'd just been messing with her, or something. It wouldn't be unlikely. But his comfort had seemed so genuine, his words sympathetic.

So, Ane had sent him an e-mail that morning (carefully, as she was being especially wary of electronics these days), and now here she was. Standing outside the recreation room. She paused a moment wondering, what-if'ing as she hovered there in hesitance. Anemone glanced around, head ducked, feeling a bit embarrassed. But then, after decisive deliberation and almost turning around to go back to her room, Anemone opened the rec room door and stepped over the threshold.

Anonymous · « **Reply #1 on:** June 09, 2011, 02:46:15 pm »

Normally the rec room was a sharks nest of ranking, the entertainment there fought over, the biggest able to amuse themselves and anyone unable to hold their own tended to avoid the place. But Eli's jovial nature and lack of competitiveness made him stick out, but he also wasn't a threat and just hard to dislike. So he seemed to manage to find himself some space.

When Anemone arrive, he stood and gave a wave, heading over toward, giving her a bright smile, "Hey! Awesome! Just in time."

He was actually set up in another part of the ATC, but meeting in the Rec room just seemed easier, no one could get lost that way!

Aria · « **Reply #2 on:** June 09, 2011, 04:04:46 pm »

Anemone tried to avoid jostling shoulders and shoving hands, wincing against the overly loud shouts and laughter that made her ears ring. The movement and greeting caught her eye, and she looked up, spotting Eli. Her lips pulled into a smile, then she got distracted while trying to side-step an older, large candidate who just barged into her path without a thought or apology.

Reeling back slightly, Ane moved around the big lummox and then made her way over to meet him halfway. "Eli. Um. Hey. Hi." She tried not to visibly wince when someone elbowed her in the back, or when someone started screaming at someone else, close by. "Erm..." She tucked her hands behind her back, trying not to be nervous. His smile, as warm as it was, helped only a little. "Sorry, if I made you wait. It's rather loud and.. well, crowded, in here, isn't it? So, I apologize." Anemone ducked her head, flushing a faint blue along her collar. "Anyways..." She was unsure of what to say next, or what this whole thing entailed. The sending off ceremony, or whatever. She shifted her weight in a fidgeting manner, glancing up at Eli briefly.

Anonymous · « **Reply #3 on:** June 11, 2011, 10:48:54 am »

"Ah, sorry. My bad. I should have thought that through better." Reaching out, Eli took one of Aria's hands, forgetting most people had personal boundaries they didn't always want crossed by relative strangers, "Follow me. I'm all set up in a much quieter place."

Aria · « **Reply #4 on:** June 11, 2011, 03:10:56 pm »

"No, it's fine. After all, it's a good place to meet since everyone knows where it is." As long as you were able to avoid all the flying elbows and jostling shoulders. The small of her back throbbed in response to that threat, and she thought sarcastically to herself, Oh joy, another bruise. Anemone blinked at Eli taking her hand, glancing at his face. but she concluded, after a moments deliberation, that this was once again just his friendly, laid-back nature. And so, she relaxed her suddenly rigid shoulders, and nodded to her fellow, if senior, candidate. She gave him a tentative smile, and said,

"Sure, okay. Lead the way."

Anonymous · « **Reply #5 on:** June 13, 2011, 07:53:33 pm »

"Awesome!" Eli tugged her along, breathing easier once they were out of the crowded room. He loved people and all, but sometimes crowds could be a little intense and there seemed to be an extra helping of people crammed into the rec room today.

Leading the way down the hall, he headed toward one of the small garden's hidden around the ATC, "How have ya been? Handling things okay?"

Aria · « **Reply #6 on:** June 20, 2011, 08:26:08 pm »

Anemone took a nearly silent deep breath as soon as they'd left the overbearing press of the crowded rec room. Her eyes glanced at Eli's hand holding her own, praying that her fingers or palm did not become sweaty, and wondering very awkwardly to herself exactly what was appropriate for the situation and their relationship. Should she just let her hand hang there limply, not respond at all? Hold his hand more firmly, entwine her fingers with his? Was it okay if she accidentally squeezed his hand? Which Anemone then did, very much not on purpose, she'd just been trying to very discreetly adjust her grip because she'd thought her hand was slipping from his as he pulled her along through the hallway. The blue flush spread from the nape of her neck, spotting her cheeks,"U-Um. Eli. Where exactly are we going?"

Anemone swallowed, trying to convince herself of how absolutely ridiculous she was being. She had to be the ONLY Aedolian out there who worried about stupid things like this. Affection and even sex to everyone else was just a recreational sort of thing, something done easily and without much fuss or bother. Unless that's how they liked it. But none seemed to genuinely worry or fret about it. She was just being stupid. "Oh. I've been..." Her mind briefly flickered to the various times she'd been beaten up, recently locked in a closet, and even the bruises that existed on her body now. At least nothing sexual had happened to her, nothing more then the occasional wolf-whistle hassling sort anyways, and one or two gropings. She'd... heard much about more than that sort of thing happening. "I've been managing," was the best answer she could manage, as she found it rather hard to lie to the older candidate. "But y'know... aren't we all?" She tried to laugh it off, trying to ease the tension she felt. "And yourself? Have you been alright?"

Anonymous · « **Reply #7 on:** June 22, 2011, 12:52:41 pm »

The hand squeeze surprised Eli and he squeezed it back. The poor girl was still deeply hurt and no wonder, keeping all that pain locked inside. You couldn't heal without cleaning out the wound first! His mother taught him that and it was so true.

"I've been good." That was only sort of true. There had been a rather dark, rough patch, but Eli was...moving past it. He was healing that wound and over all, he was doing well, "Made some new friends, which is always cool."

They were almost there and Eli smiled back at her, "You'll feel way better after this!"

Aria · « **Reply #8 on:** June 24, 2011, 05:05:04 pm »

Had he really been alright? Or had the slight hesitance she thought her delicate ears detected been nothing more then her imagination? She felt an odd urge to want to know. To want to hear about his problems. Or maybe that wasn't such a weird thing, seeing as he had been so... nice, and helpful to her lately. Her brows pulled closer together, and indent appearing. If there was something wrong, she wondered to herself, do you think he would tell me?

"Yeah, that is always good," Anemone found herself smiling. Yes. Making friends was.. quite good indeed. She glanced around when he wouldn't specify where they were going. Hm. Well... she supposed it being a surprise wouldn't be that bad. "Thank you... by the way. For this." Her voice was sincere. She really did appreciate it. She didn't want to seem weak, she'd certainly been feeling the need to toughen up lately, but the simple fact that he was a kind person was a gift these days. Her curious eyes broke away from his face when she realized she'd been staring for a few moments too long, and she nonchalantly looked around to try and guess where it was they were headed.

Anonymous · « **Reply #9 on:** June 27, 2011, 12:30:38 am »

Eli lifted a hand to his face, wondering if he had something on it. She kept staring at him and he hoped there wasn't food on it. But he wasn't about to let that slow him any, "Hey, it's nothing. Really. I'm just glad to help you! It's awful when your energy is all out of alignment."

Eli turned a corner, then led Anemone out a door. It was a small inner garden, almost never used. Bright sunlight filtered down and he gestured off to the side, "I thought this was a good place. Rooted, ya know? And open. This work for you?"

Aria · « **Reply #10 on:** June 27, 2011, 05:07:10 pm »

Anemone saw Eli touch his face, and her blush deepened. See? She knew she'd been staring too long. Oh. Jeez. She was awkward. Way to go, Andromeda. "Um... there's nothing there, you're fine." Her accompanying laughter was just a bit nervous.

She smiled when he said he was just glad to help, as Ane knew he was being truthful. Eli really was just a nice person like that. "Still... thank you. Kindness isn't often shown... here." She found herself looking over at him again, a silly smile trying to find its way onto her lips. But before it could, they'd reached their destination, and her attention was stolen.

"Oh..."
She'd had no idea this was here. But then, it wasn't like she'd had much time to explore, and often her poor muscles ached too much to allow her to. Anemone laughed, grinning. Sure, it was a small garden, but green was green. It was an odd thing, plant life, as most of her life she'd spent around metal, glass, and plastic. Man-made. Fake. "No, I mean, yeah, sure! Yes. This place is perfect." She lifted her face, looking up into the sunlight. She shut her eyes a moment, unaccustomed to the warmth. In the lower city, you almost never got a chance to feel or see natural light like this. "This is a very good place."

Anonymous · « **Reply #11 on:** June 30, 2011, 09:25:04 pm »

"Well, kindness is something that needs to get passed on, ya know?" Eli lived in his own happy world, but he wasn't totally clueless about how the ATC worked, "I mean, when people only give violence, of course violence will be returned. I just break the cycle is all. Build up that positive energy!" He smiled as he headed to the small corner he had set up.

There were a few candles, unlit, a bundle of herbs and a pretty crystal wrapped in a wire.

"I figured somewhere with some life would be good, ya know? And just, when yer ready we can start." Eli smiled again, happy to give her time. This was about her and her connection with her lost friend.

Aria · « **Reply #12 on:** June 30, 2011, 10:42:42 pm »

Anemone had to admit that Eli's outlook and optimism was admirable. Maybe she should take a page from his book. Or rather, she knew she should. The dangerous spikes of anger that hit her almost out of nowhere sometimes left her feeling out of control, trying to grapple with a power she did not know how to contain. She lowered her head from the sunlight, opening her eyes once more.

"Yeah, that makes sense..." Not that she really knew. Her gaze found the little set-up, and she followed closely after her fellow candidate. She leaned in close to study the objects. Anemone had honestly no idea how to go about this whole ceremony, and so the purpose of each item was lost her on. She puzzled over them briefly, touching the crystal, picking up a candle and sniffing it delicately, poking at the herbs. Then finally, she glanced at Eli with a soft smile,"Now is fine. I'm ready."

Anonymous · « **Reply #13 on:** July 01, 2011, 09:02:21 pm »

"Cool, well, remember that this is about you, ya know? It's not really about the ritual, that is just to help you focus. So find what feels good for you." He reached out, placing his hand over her heart, "Focus on your energy and finding his."

He reached over and arranged the candles around Anemone, lighting them, "Okay, so get comfortable on your butt or kneeling, which ever feels better. Ya know how to find your neutral spine?"

Aria · « **Reply #14 on:** July 17, 2011, 02:39:50 pm »

Anemone watched Eli carefully, feeling an odd, almost reverent, emotion for this whole situation. It was entirely a shot in the dark for her, so his guidance was much appreciated- it allowed her to relax a bit, some of the tension leaving her shoulders. "Yeah? ... Alright." She nodded, glancing down at his hand. He pulled away to light candles and she took a deep breath, trying to take his advice. Just what felt good to her, though?

Her gaze took in the candles placed around her. Focus, she thought to herself. "Oh. Um. Right, okay." Anemone knelt for a moment, then after a protest of her leg muscles, settled down into a more comfortable cross-legged position, placing her hands over her knee's. She watched a candles flame flicker upon it's wick. "This alright? ... Er, no, sorry. What is that?"

Anonymous · « **Reply #15 on:** July 18, 2011, 11:58:34 am »

"Okay, so sit back over your butt bone, right?" Eli was in a kneeling position, and he reached over, running his hand down Anemone's back, "You want your spine to be straight, but not ridged or anything. Neutral and calm."

Lowering his hand, he settled himself, "Now, just take some slow, deep breathes. Let yourself relax into the ground, feel your body get heavy. Connect with the earth again."

Aria · « **Reply #16 on:** July 18, 2011, 04:01:24 pm »

Anemone adjusted her posture to fit what Eli told her to do, guided by the pressure of his hand against her back, the press of his fingers through the fabric of her uniform shirt. Straight spine, neutral and calm, relax, focus.

She heard his movements as her sat as well, and shut her eyes so she could simply listen to his voice. At his bidding, Anemone took several deep breaths, feeling her shoulders and legs relax against the ground that was so unnatural to her after so much metal and glass. Connect with the earth... she wasn't entirely sure how to go about that, but decided she was appropriately relaxed. Actually, this whole thing was rather similar to the calm she felt when trimming the bonsai tree back in her dorm room, the ease of mind when everything was in it's place. Her breathing slowed, and she could taste the smoke from the candles. "Now what...?" Her voice was hushed.

Anonymous · « **Reply #17 on:** July 22, 2011, 08:50:58 pm »

"Now just relax and focus on Orlando. Reach out to his spirit, his essence. Feel how at peace he is, feel how connected you are to the universe, to him. Talk to him, tell him what you want him to know. And you can speak out loud, or not. Which ever feels best to you." Eli's voice was soft and melodic, "Then, when the time feels right to you, say goodbye and let him go. I'm going to quiet my voice now, but if you feel lost or confused or anything at all, I'm here, okay?"

Aria · « **Reply #18 on:** August 02, 2011, 09:27:46 pm »

Anemone had approached the situation with as much seriousness and open-mindedness as she had been able to muster, trying to not be disbelieving or cynical. That said, she struggled a bit with Eli's instructions at first, feeling silly, rather bumbling and unskilled. But she focused on his words and the hypnotic quality they possessed. And slowly, she opened her mind bit by bit, a flower blooming. Body relaxed and breathing slow, she thought. Thought of what she would've said, could've said, should've said.

"I... I'm... sorry..." Ane started aloud, voice wavering with emotion that came upon her suddenly. "For.. what I did..." Embarrassment hovered at the edges of her mind, and she continued on mentally. I'm so sorry for killing you... I never meant to. It was... it was an accident... I...

A tear pooled at the corner of her shut left eye, and a part of her was mortified as it slipped down her cheek, and was soon followed by another, and another. But that part was distant at the moment. It was just an accident, a stupid accident. All my fault... I couldn't, and still can't, control myself... but.... but I will. I'll learn. I promise I will. I'll control it so I'll never make the same mistake again. Really. I'm just... so sorry....

Anemone stilled. Ever so faintly, she would've sworn at that moment (yet would deny later), she heard a familiar purr. The faintest sensation of soft fur pressing against her knee tenderly. Anemone could see his wide yellow eyes staring at her, see the flick of his ear and the swish of his tail. She wanted to reach out, run her fingertips over the feline she was certain was there, feel the ear that was missing it's tip, the scar on his side that he'd gotten as a kitten, before she'd found him in a gutter. Memories of her cat flooded her mind- him greeting her whenever she got home, meowing as if he understood every word. Attacking her feet when she took too long to feed him. The dismissive flick of his ears when he was unhappy with her. The playful push of his paws against her arm, claws just barely sheathed. The way he twined around her legs when she cleaned. The way he curled up next to her at night, his purr lulling her to sleep.

Ane didn't move, despite the almost undeniable urge to, just absorbed the feeling of his presence, the lingering warmth his fur left against her knee. I miss you.... I know you'd make me feel better, if you were just here.... But he wasn't, and wouldn't be. He was gone. Dead. And it was her fault. I miss you. So much. But I love you so much as well, too much to hold on to... this... I want you to be at peace... I hope you are. Eli says you are... Anemone could feel him fading, one last farewell brush of a tail against her arm, his purr trailing off into silence- if it had ever been there at all. She stumbled over herself mentally, hurrying. Let him go, Eli said to do. So she did.

Goodbye...
Goodbye.
She opened her eyes, face crumpling as her surroundings blurred with unshed tears. "Sorry... sorry..." She reached up to hide her tear stained face, wiping at it roughly as embarrassment set in. She wasn't sure who she apologized to, Elijah, or Orlando.

Anonymous · « **Reply #19 on:** August 04, 2011, 12:15:08 am »

Eli just let her have her moment, staying silent and watching her. When she was finally done, Eli moved forward, hugging her tightly, pulling her against his chest.

"Hey, it's okay." He made soft, calming noises, stroking her hair, just letting her cry, "Let it out. Just go ahead and cry. I'm here."

It didn't do anyone any good to fight their emotions. Embrace them, experience them and when they had run their course, you were much better off than before.

Author Topic: Letting Go (Read 2468 times)

Aria

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