well now that my FRIEND is no longer talking to me, i'm forced to write a blog instead. i guess it's not too bad, though. blogs used to be all the rage once. i used to be into things that were all the rage, but i sucked at it. just like i suck at being a candidate and i'm PREEETTY sure I'm gonna suck at being a pilot. if i make it that far, that is.
uh, i'm not feeling sorry for myself, just wondering how i got myself into this place. it's not like i can even use my ability unless given permission. a pilot had a talk with me about it and everything. i'm not allowed to heal anybody unless given express permission. i guess that's a little depressing since it was basically the only way i could help anyone. so i'm training a lot more. it helps though, by the time i'm done i'm so dead tired i fall asleep immediately. no more pesky worries and thoughts getting to me and keeping me awake.
oh! but i get to be a tutor kinda! his name is vaughan and his friend nika! it's not like mental tutor stuff though. i'm doing all i can not to lag there myself. but you know, martial arts and physical training. is it loserish of me to be psyched about training with people? i guess i really just miss having somebody to talk and joke and laugh with. this place kinda breeds a freaky atmosphere. it's not easy making friends. most everybody says the ones who do make friends fast are the ones who will stab you in the back the fastest. i don't think so. i think maybe people thinking that way is the reason nobody's making friends. is that silly? i know it's silly, sorry. can't help wondering why it's always gotta be so negative though. if everybody stays so negative, it makes it hard to keep my chin up. but you ever get the feeling if you let yourself fall prey to that it's pretty much over?
gah, i don't know why i'm thinking like this. bad sascha! bad. ):
also, um don't ever check out the candidate message board. i was procrastinating on some homework tonight and i decided to see what was up. they're always so dirty in there. i think a little more of my innocence died just reading that stuff. Dx
-sascha
