Remnants of the Earth
SPACE STATIONS => TRIM => Topic started by: Rhi-Rhi on August 26, 2011, 03:49:07 pm
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"I made you a picture!"
"I don't want it."
"I made you a picture!"
"I said I don't want it."
"I made you a picture!"
"So give it to someone else!"
"I made you a picture!"
"I. Don't. Want it."
"I made you a picture!"
"WILL YOU SHUT UP?!" Asher whirled on Cassius then and grabbed him by the front of his shirt. He shoved him up against the wall and held him there, face close to his. "Fucking seriously! What. Does it take. To make you shut up. For just five minutes?! FIVE MINUTES! That's all I fucking ask! Five! F-I-V-E! So I can fucking hear myself think! Hear something in my head that's just me for once!"
Oh yes. Recreational time with Cassius. So far, it was a fucking blast.
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Cassius's heart pounded and he gave Asher a panicked, sad look before his brain reset, face going blank for a moment before be beamed at his friend, "I made you a picture!"
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Asher wanted to scream.
He did let out a loud, exasperated groan before he released Cassius with a hard shove and threw up his hands. "FINE! Whatever! You win! Just...just give me the damned thing!"
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Cassius beamed at Asher, a little puzzled why his best friend in the whole wide world ever was so tense. He held out the picture, a simple abstract done with pastels. Cassius lacked his brothers raw artistic talent, but he wasn't bad. He had a good grasp of color and shapes to control the space and move the eye around the page.
"What's wrong Asher? You seem upset."
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Asher snatched the picture away from Cassius and glowered at him, pointedly ignoring the question. Then he flicked his eyes to the paper and back to Cassius. "What the shit is this?"
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Cassius smiled again and shrugged, "It's whats in my head. Do you like it?"
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"It's, uh..." Asher turned the paper this way and that and tilted his head, squinting at it. "It...which way does it even go?"
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"This way!" Cassius reached over and carefully turned the picture the right way, "But you can turn it a different way if you like it better."
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"I can't tell the difference." With a low sigh, Asher let his arm drop back to his side, picture still in hand. "Now what am I supposed to do with this?"
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"We can put it up in our room! Or um...I don't know. Do you not like it?" Cassius's smile faded for a moment, replaced with worry.
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"It's..." Asher shot Cassius a look and frowned, setting the picture on the table. When Cassius had been pestering him, he'd wanted nothing more than to just rip the thing to shreds and toss it in his face, but when Cassius was normal--or, more normal, Asher's standards for normalcy had changed since being here--it was far more difficult to hate him.
"It's fine. Hey, why don't you see if you can get some tacks, huh? Then we can put it up." It was worth a shot. He could find plenty of uses for tacks.
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"We aren't allowed tacks. Just tape." Cassius laughed, feeling better that Asher liked his picture, "But we can put it up! I like colors."
He didn't really like how drab their shared room was and liked to cover the walls with pictures when he could.
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Dammit. It had been worth a shot. Cassius was just so tight with Zachary and everything, Asher had hoped maybe, maybe that meant he could weasel certain items out of the staff. His shoulders slumped. "Ah. Alright. Tape it is, I guess."
Frowning, he crossed his arms over his chest and sighed. He needed a distraction. "Oh yeah, so, did Hillary ever ditch that douchenozzle?"
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"You mean Reggie? Oh yes." Cassius's whole face lit up, leaning closer. He adored talking about the TV shows with Asher. Partly because he liked talking about them, partly because Asher was extra super friendly with him when he did.
If he was lucky, Asher might give him hair pets!
"She caught him trying to steal Missy's dog at the hotel. And she had the gun, but she couldn't kill him. Instead she got him arrested, but Bill found out and he's really mad and then he kissed Laura!"
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"What? She was actually thinkin' about shooting him over a dog?" Asher asked, eyebrow arched. Then he made a face and groaned. "Laura's fugly, though. How could he stick his tongue in that? Fuck this show. It doesn't make any fucking sense and they're all idiots," he huffed, arms crossed.
"Besides, Bill should be with Joseph. I don't care what anyone says, they got a connection."
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"I agree! But Joseph is still mooning over Amy. Though I think Amy faked her cancer and isn't dead. But I don't want her to come back, because I want Bill to be with Joseph. I think he was thinking about Joseph when he was kissing Laura. And Laura isn't ugly! She just got burned and it wont go anywhere because her and Jamie and Rebecca are totally in love. She's just upset cause of the burns and she needs to have Jamie's baby. Oh! AND GUESS WHAT!"
All of that spilled out rapidly and Cass gripped Asher's arm, expression earnest, "The lady is back and she stole Marissa. And I'm worried she's gonna drain her like she did Andrew."
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"What? Seriously?" Asher groaned, grimacing. "I thought she died in that car accident. It exploded and everything. What the hell's she back for? I hate that fucking bitch, I was so glad when they killed her off." He gave a huff of agitation and added, "Does Kevin know yet? He looking for Marissa? That's bad news."
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"He doesn't know it's the lady! He thinks she is avoiding him, but he's worried. Oh! Oh! And I think that Angela is gonna have a baby! She was puking her guts out in the morning. I wonder who the father is. Cause it could be a lot of people."
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"Oh gods. Just what we needed. A pregnancy plot. Bets on her miscarrying? My hypothetical money's on her losing the kid and having some crazy angst spiral and--oh shit. Ya think it's Dan? That would be like the ultimate slap to the face. Crazy fucker'd probably try to take the kid from her." Asher grimaced. "I hope her being pregnant doesn't make her all gross. Angela's fucking hot. I'd do her."
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"She's beautiful. I would sleep with her. But I hope it isn't Dan. I don't like Dan, he hurts people. And it would be sad if she lost the baby! Remember when Natalie lost the baby?" Cassius had cried for days, on and off resetting when he was reminded of the plot.
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"...How could I forget?" Asher muttered. Yeah, he remembered, all right. Mainly because Cassius had annoyed the fuck out of him. "But yeah. Dan needs to eat acid, and not the fun kind."
He flopped into one of the chairs. "I don't know why I even watch that. I wanna strangle half the characters. Oh yeah, speaking of strangling...how was that meeting with what's-her-bitch? The new Director?"
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"She took me home and had the sleepover! There was games and I won and we had cake and I got lots of ice cream scoops and it was really good and we had sex and I got to sleep in her bed and take a shower and use her shampoo!" Cassius beamed, excited to remember the fun time he had had.
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Asher nodded along, only half listening, because it was the sort of inane thing he expected from--what? He looked at Cassius sharply, having almost missed part of what he'd said with it slipped in so innocuously between the ice cream and sleeping. In fact, he wasn't so sure he'd heard him correctly so he decided to clarify.
"You what?"
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"I had cake and ice cream and fucked her and got to sleep in her bed and showered in her shower and used her shampoo and it was awesome!" Cassius beamed up at Asher.
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"Back up. You fucked her?" Asher stared at Cassius, mouth open. "The new Director. You fucked her? What the fuck!"
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"Oh, she asked if I wanted too. She's very pretty and I liked her breasts." Cassius tilted his head, puzzled, "Is that bad?"
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"She--what? What the fuck?! Yeah, it's bad! The hell does she think this is? A fucking whore house? We're not her fucking whores!"
Jerking to his feet, he started to pace restlessly, angry and not quite sure why. Probably because he had already decided he hated her by virtue of being the Director, and probably because he found her treating the situation so...frivolously and lightly insulting. They were tortured daily here and here she was slutting about, fucking her specimens. How dare she.
"And you!" he suddenly snapped, whirling on Cassius. "Don't you dare do that again. I don't care what she says. You don't fuck her."
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Cassius had no idea where the sudden anger had come from and he cringed back from Asher, looking scared and confused, "I'm sorry. She asked me too."
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"Well you don't fucking have to do everything anyone asks! If she told you to stab yourself, would you?" Asher snapped, punctuating his words with a shove.
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Cassius stumbled back, trying to figure out how to calm Asher down, "Um...yes. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you mad. I didn't know it was bad."
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"NO! What's wrong with you?!" Asher yelled, grabbing Cassius by the shoulders and giving him a hard shake. "No! If she told you to stab yourself, you don't fucking do it! If someone tells you to hurt yourself, you don't! If someone tries to hurt you, you hurt them back! Fuck, Cass. You don't just fucking take it!"
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Cassius whimpered, cringing back, panicked and unsure what to do. He didn't want to lie to Asher, but he didn't like saying no and he never, ever fought back, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
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Fingers digging into Cassius's shoulders, Asher held him there for a moment, glaring at him. But as Cassius whimpered and cringed and apologized over and over, he released the kid with an irritated growl. "Whatever. Just don't fucking do it again."
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Cassius's hands twisted into his shirt, feeling panicked and scared. Once the aggression stopped, Cassius twitched slightly, his brain resetting to a happier place, to broken to deal with the bad things, "Hi!"
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Asher felt his shoulders slouch. Fuck. There he went again. "Yeah. Hi."
It he wasn't so used to the weird resetting Cassius did, it would have been bizarre and kind of freaky--and it had been way back in the day, once he'd realized the kid wasn't just fucking with him. Now, after three years, he just accepted it as a normal, if aggravating, part of his daily life. With a sigh, he turned away and headed across the room. He needed to put some distance between them before he punched him.
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"Asher?" Cassius trailed after Asher, one hand absently rubbing along a small cut he had there, "Are you okay?"
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"I'm fine," Asher answered without looking at Cassius, flopping into a chair and crossing his arms over his chest. "How much time do we got left?"
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Cassius looked up at the clock and blinked, a little puzzled at the time. He hadn't realized so much time had passed, "We still have half an hour before dinner. Do you think they'll have fries?"
Moving closer, Cassius sat at Asher's feet, leaning against his legs, fingers picking at the back of his hand.
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"Maybe. I don't really care--stop that." Leaning forward, Asher gave Cassius's hand a sharp smack. "Don't do that. You'll just make it worse."
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"Sorry." Cass flinched at the smack, though it hadn't hurt much. He just hated Asher being angry with him, "I like when we get gravy with the fries. That's my favorite."
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Asher leaned in his chair, head tilted back. "I want real food," he mumbled. "Real stuff. Like...like soda. And coffee. And fat, greasy burgers smothered sauce and that you know, for a fact, isn't laced with something. Fuck, I never even liked burgers and now I want one."
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"I can bring you a soda! And coffee! Zachary lets me eat whatever I want and I bet I can bring you some. He's really nice." Cassius started picking at his hand again, unaware he was even doing it, "I like burgers too! The best are-" He paused, looking confused for a moment, shaking his head, "there are ones with bacon, ham and salami on them. They are really good!"
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"Yeah. Really nice," Asher agreed, muscles tensing as an undercurrent of anger ran through him. "For someone who runs a company based on human experimentation, I'm sure he's just as sweet as can be. Standup fellow, that Zachary. Because he gives you whatever you wanna eat."
Glowering at the top of Cassius's head, he nudged him with his foot. "I said stop that."
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Cassius nodded, smiling at Asher, the sarcasm lost on him, "Yeah! He's the best! We're best friends!" Cassius talked to Zachary almost every night, as he was allowed to call him before lights out. He stilled his hand, pressing against the angry red mark, "Sorry. I didn't mean too."
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"Yeah, well, fucking pay attention," Asher growled, then leaned down and grabbed Cassius's wrist so he could look over his hand. He made an agitated sound and shook his head. "What happened? This should be wrapped."
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"I just scraped it. During work out time." He fidgeted, "It doesn't need a bandaid."
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Asher gave Cassius a flat, dry look. "It will if you keep picking at it."
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"I didn't mean too." Cassius squirmed again, trying to tug his hand away. He liked picking at any injury he got. The pain reaffirmed that he wasn't dead, that he was still there.
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"I don't care. Do it again and I'm hollering for a nurse," Asher warned, still gripping Cassius's wrist. The picking bothered him. It looked gross and painful and Asher, despite his violent tendencies, was not a sadist. He didn't like shit like that.
"Think you can handle that?"
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Cassius squirmed again, not looking Asher in the face, "Okay. Yes. I wont pick at it." He knew that was a lie, but he didn't want a nurse called. Then he got the imposable bandages and it was harder to get that rush of pain.
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"Okay, then." Asher released Cassius's wrist and sat back, watching him. "But seriously. Stop. It's gonna get infected and then it's a lottery whether they'll test some new antibiotic or just cut it off to save on drug costs."
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"I know." Cass curled his hand against his belly, trying to resist the urge to pick at it in front of Asher, "I'll be good. Please don't be mad at me."
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"I'm not. I'm just sayin'." Asher shrugged, then eyed Cassius curiously. "Why do you do that, anyway?"
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"Do what?" Cassius glanced down at his hand, then shrugged, "It feels good."
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"Good? How? It looked ready to bleed if you did a little more." Asher grimaced and shook his head. "You're so weird."
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Cassius shrugged again, "It reminds me I'm still alive." He then smiled up at Asher, "Wanna watch more TV?"
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Asher arched an eyebrow. "If you need the reminder, I'd be happy to smack ya. Less chance of infection that way," he said, and shook his head. "Doesn't make much sense, anyhow. Just check your pulse." He tapped a finger to his neck, just below his jaw. "That generally works better."
With that said, he snatched up the remote and flicked the TV on. "Anything good on, even?"
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Asher didn't understand and Cassius didn't want to try and explain it to him. He just cuddled against his leg, head resting against Asher's thigh, "Ponies reruns are on. Can we watch ponies?"
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Asher paused for a moment, then shrugged and flipped channels, just in time to catch the tail end of the Ponies opening theme song. "Nothin' else on, so I guess. Hey."
He shifted his leg a little. The nuzzling against his leg was kind of distracting, especially in the rec room where he couldn't do anything about it. Grabbing Cassius under the arm, he gave him a light tug. "What're ya doin' down there, anyway? Get off the damned floor."
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"Can we cuddle?" Cassius crawled into the chair with Asher, half on his lap before he finished answering the question. He craved physical contact and Asher was his favorite to cuddle with. Though the ponies stole most of his attention, staring rapturously at the screen.
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"Hey, what're ya--wait, I--" But it was too late, and with a loud sigh, Asher relented. Fiiine.
"Uh, yeah. Sure. Now stop wiggling," he said, then wrapped his arms around Cassius's middle and hauled him the rest of the way up. He shifted a little beneath him to get comfortable, and to try and arrange his legs in a way that wouldn't make them fall asleep under Cassius's weight, then pulled Cassius back against him. Whatever. Wasn't like it hurt anything. He let his hands remain where they were, arms still circling Cassius's waist.
"Which episode is this one?"
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"This is the one where the ponies get sick!" Cassius snuggled back against Asher, his thumb brushing against the cut on his hand.
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"Aah, that one. The one where they gotta get the cure from the okapi and Vanity has a meltdown?" Asher asked, leaning his head against Cassius as he watched. He'd never admit it, but that had always been one of his favorite parts--and Vanity was, shamelessly, his favorite of the crew. Well, her and Flash, and maybe he secretly slashed them.
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"Uh huh!" Cassius hummed along as Butterfly sang a song, rubbing his cut, "I want Flash and Vanity to get together. With StrawberryTea too."
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Okay, maybe not so secretly. As soon as Cassius said it, Asher couldn't help but voice his agreement. "Yeah, seriously. I mean, I mean, I never thought I'd say I ship fuckin' horses, but those two, it's like--I mean, they obviously got a thing for each other, s'all I'm sayin'."
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"Those three. I think all three should date." Cassius nodded, his eyes never leaving the screen. He reached over and pulled one of Asher's arms around him, settling into the hug, "I love you Asher."
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"StrawberryTea?" Asher furrowed his brow. "Yeah, I could probably see that. They do seem to have a..."
He trailed off as Cassius rearranged his arm and cuddled up closer, and his eyebrows climbed when Cassius said those next words. It wasn't the first time but it never failed to throw him, because he wasn't sure how the hell to even respond to it. "Uh. Yeah."
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Asher's lack of a real response didn't seem to bother Cassius. He had started to sing along with the show, thumb rubbing the sore on his hand.
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Finally noticing Cassius's fidgeting, Asher wordlessly grabbed onto the kid's wounded hand and then just held it, his own hand covering the agitated spot.
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Cassius frowned, squirming slightly before settling back down to watch the show. Every so often his hand would brush against Asher's before settling back down.
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"Y'know, ya really gotta stop that," Asher muttered, leaning forward and pressing an absent kiss to the back of Cassius's neck. "It's distracting."
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Cass shivered at the kiss, still watching the show, rubbing at the wound, "You're the distracting one."
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In response, Asher lightly bit his neck. "Oh?"
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"Uh huh. You're kissing me." Cassius squirmed in his lap, torn between watching his show and what Asher was doing.
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"Mmm," Asher responded, lips still working along Cassius's neck. He wasn't really paying attention to the show anymore. "And?"
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"And the ponies..." Cass made a small moan, biting on his lip, a shiver running through him.
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"Yeah? What about 'em?" Asher asked, and slipped his hands under Cassius's shirt so he could run his fingers over his belly. He flicked a glance at the screen. "Ah, Vanity's about to have her meltdown, huh?"
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Letting out a small whimper, Cass nodded, hands gripping Asher's forearms, "Y-yeah." As the meltdown occurred, Cass twisted in the chair, kissing Asher on the lips, needy and rough.
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It occurred to Asher, somewhere deep in the back of his mind, that making out with Cassius while watching ponies might be a little weird--but the thought was brief and, in the end, he didn't give a fuck. After spending three years in TRIM, he was so past the point of caring about much of anything and there was no room for shame when you had no privacy.
Grabbing Cassius by the hips, he helped him turn around to face him and met his kiss eagerly, tasting him as he ground their bodies together. It didn't matter that they were in the rec room where anyone might walk in; they were watched even in their rooms and it was nothing no one had already seen.
Either way, he'd succeeded in getting Cassius to stop messing with his wound.
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Cassius ground against Asher, hands sliding up his shirt, finding the little scars and wounds he was intimately familiar with, "I love you Asher."
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Asher answered that by grabbing a fistful of Cassius's hair and yanking his head back so he could kiss his throat, grazing his skin with his teeth and tongue. It was always awkward when Cassius said that, even though he knew it was just the crazy talking--so he found the best method was simply to shut him up. Shivering at the feel of Cassius's hands on his skin, he let his own hands wander down to his the kid's pants and started to undo them.
"Done with Ponies, huh?" he asked right before he bit the place between his shoulder and his neck, hard enough to bruise.
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"N-!" Cassius's voice was cut off when he cried out loudly. He had no shame what so ever, too insane to be bothered by other people seeing or hearing him.
The pain sent a shudder through him, hips bucking, "Please! Please Asher!"
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"Please what?" Asher had gotten Cassius's pants undone by then and he slipped his hand into them, gripping his cock and stroking him firmly. Of course he knew the answer, but that didn't mean he didn't like hearing it, or that he didn't like forcing Cassius to say it.
Sex and pleasure--his own and someone else's--was one of the few things he could control in this place where everything else was beyond his control, and in a place of so much pain, it was one of the few ways he knew how to express affection. Replace the pain with good feelings, connect with someone else in one of the purest, most basic and primal ways.
He glanced at the clock from over Cassius's shoulder. Not much time left before they had to go back, but he could at least get Cassius off before then--and he fully intended to. With his free hand, he shoved Cassius's shirt up and leaned in to kiss his chest.
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Cassius squirmed against him, breathing heavy. His fingers found Asher's nipples and Cass lowered his head, brushing his forehead against Asher's, "N-not fair. I wanna make you feel good. Please."
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"Ya will," Asher answered simply, voice harsh as Cassius's touch made his breath catch in his throat. He squirmed a little under Cassius's weight and leaned into his hands. "Later."
But for now, he was focused on Cassius, hand working over him faster. Dipping his head, he caught Cassius's lips with his own and kissed him hard, tugging his bottom lip with his teeth as he pulled away.
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Cassius cried out against his mouth, hips bucking into Asher's hands, "N-not fair! Please?"
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"Do something about it, then," Asher growled against Cassius's lips, unrelenting in his actions. He made no move to stop and only dipped his head so he could bite Cassius's neck, hard at first before he sucked on the skin, intending to mark him.
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Cassius whimpered again, fingers twisting at Asher's nipples. He wanted to pleasure Asher, but it was hard to think straight like this, "Asher-I'm gonna-!"
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"That's it," Asher murmured, breath hitching on a low moan--a moan which he stifled against Cassius's neck, face pressed against his skin. His free hand tightly gripped Cassius's hip and he dug his fingers in until his short nails left small scrapes. "That's it. Come for me, Cass."
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Cassius nodded, breath hitching. He could feel the orgasm building inside him. Behind them on the TV, the ponies ended and the theme song started to play. Absently, Cassius started to sing under his breath.
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...Well. That was one way to kill a mood.
As Cassius started to sing the Ponies song, it took a moment for Asher's brain to process what the hell was happening and when he did, he froze. Slow-dawning horror crept over him and he dared to glance over Cassius's shoulder--only to see rainbows and bright colors and, well...ponies, the theme song merrily playing. And it was in that moment that he realized what he had done.
He'd gotten it on with Cassius to the fucking Ponies show. After admitting to shipping fucking horses.
Oh holy fuck, what did that make him?!
He jerked his hand away from Cassius as though his cock were on fire. "What the fuck?!"
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Cassius startled, confused, "Asher? What's wrong? Why did you stop?"
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Yep. His boner was so gone. No way it was coming back now. Asher stared at the TV screen and, for one of the few moments in his life, he felt like a giant pervert.
Which was impressive, given he had no qualms against fucking where people could see.
"Ungh...I...think I'm done here," he said weakly and gave Cassius a push. "Get off."
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"Huh?" Cassius obediently stood up and held onto his pants. He had been so close to an orgasm, now nothing, "What's wrong? Asher? Can we please finish?"
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It was a little cruel, he realized, to blue ball Cassius like that. But seriously, he just--he couldn't. It was so wrong, but--argh. Goddammit.
With an irritated sound, he grabbed the remote and flipped the TV off, tossed it aside, and then wrapped an arm around Cassius's waist and tugged him back toward him. "Fuck. Fine," he said and, still holding him like that, he took him in hand once more and started to jerk him off, hoping to get him off fast.
And then he was never, ever going to talk about this. Ever.
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The change in attitude confused and bothered Cassius. He was much less vocal than he normally was, the orgasms less intense.
When he finished, he ducked his head, starting to do his pants up, "Sorry."
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The change in Cassius was obvious, but Asher didn't respond to his apology. Instead, he just pushed to his feet and glanced again at the clock. It was best to just forget anything had even happened because just...eugh. Cassius's flipping back and forth between acting like an adult and regressing was, to say that least, unsettling at times.
"They'll probably be here any minute," he said, absently licking at his hand.
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Cassius nodded, still feeling guilty and fidgety. He didn't really understand what had happened, why Asher had stopped and what he was so mad. But it didn't last long, his shattered mind rebelling against the darker emotions, unable to handle them.
He blinked, twitched slightly, then he gave Asher a bright, beaming smile, "I hope they have gravy and french fries!"
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Even after all those years, Cassius's switch was still disconcerting--especially since it usually came with a 180 subject change. Asher twitched and scrubbed a hand through his hair, taking a deep breath.
"You always want fries and gravy."
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"I like it! It's my favorite meal here." Cassius beamed again. The door opened and two orderlies arrived to escort the pair to dinner. Cassius was never a problem, the two were actually for Asher, to make sure he didn't try anything.
"Yay! Our friends are here! Hi Jamie! How is you mom?"
"Uh. Good. Thanks for asking." The large, broad shouldered orderly smiled at Cassius, finding the kid a little creepy, but nice.
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Asher glared at the orderlies, but he didn't make a fuss. It wasn't worth it--yet--and besides, he was hungry. So for now, he just hunched his shoulders and trudged along while shooting them the occasional death glare.
The subjects that were neither too disruptive nor too broken were allowed to eat in the mess hall, and it was a "privilege" that Asher had only recently earned back; he had taken many of his meals alone in his room after one too many outbursts in the hall. Still, they were all heavily watched and thoroughly screened before they were returned to their rooms, to make sure no one was trying to sneak in any utensils--as Asher had attempted before.
They were seated together and their meals were brought out--with fries and gravy. Asher shot Cassius a wry look. "There ya go."
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Cassius had kept up a happy, chattering stream with both orderlies. He tended to remember everyone who he met and liked knowing about them. Waving to them as they sat, Cassius squealed with delight over the food, "Yay! It's my favorite! If you don't want yours, I'll eat them!"
The rest of the meal was a sort of mystery meat steak thing and some vegetables. Cassius happily tucked into his fries and gravy.
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Grimacing at his food, Asher scooped his gravy-covered fries up and plopped them onto Cassius's plate. "Have at it." To him, that stuff just tasted like the can and he hated soggy fries.
Looking at the meat, he poked his fork at it, then cut off a piece and took a bite. "At least it's hot this time."
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"Thank you!" Cassius gave Asher a giant smile, thrilled with the treat. He happily finished off the fries, wishing there were more as he started to scoop the left over gravy onto his fork and licked that clean, "I'm glad you can eat with me again. It isn't as much fun eating without you."
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Asher skated his vegetables through the gravy, already finished with half his steak, and felt the corner of his mouth lift a little in a half smile. Cassius was so simple; it was so easy to make his day with just a few fries. It was both amusing and sad and annoying.
"Yeah. Fun. Not many things are fun here, Cass."
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Cassius was still glowing happily from the fries, eating the rest of his dinner, "Really? I think there are lots of fun things here. There are lots of friends and puzzles and TV and working out and games and you! Asher is my favorite!"
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This was the perfect opportunity. Leaning in close to Cassius, Asher darted a look around the room to make sure no orderlies were close before he said, in a low, hushed voice, "Things are more fun outside of here."
Another quick look around and he continued. "There's even more TV and better fries and more puzzles than you can ever finish. And lots more people. It's way better out there. You can have fries and gravy everyday and watch as much TV as you want."
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Cass tilted his head, puzzled, "I know. Zachary has more TV channels then, um, well, something huge. And I get to eat whatever I want."
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"But you only get to go there sometimes. Imagine if you could do that everyday, though. Wouldn't ya like that?" Asher asked, keeping an eye out for anyone that could be eavesdropping.
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"I guess. But I like it here too. There's lots of fun things here and it's safe." In it's own way, TRIM was Cassius safe haven from the world, from Aedolis and the candidate program. The horrors of it were lost on someone that just erased the bad parts.
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"Safe? Cass, they fucking cut on you. Hurt you. It's not safe here. We need to get the fuck out." Another quick glance around. "The fun stuff is so you don't pay attention to the bad. But it's fucked up here, understand?"
-
Cassius's hands slid into his lap, fingers picking at the wound in his hand, "That's okay. I don't mind that. It's okay. It's better here. A lot better."
-
"Better than what?" Asher hissed, starting to lose his patience. "Freedom? We're gonna die here. It's gonna kill us. That's better?"
He couldn't stand it, couldn't stand how oblivious and blase Cassius was about this. They were human lab rats, no rights, no one gave a fuck about them and one day they would die here, either from some drug or test or who knows what, and Cassius was okay with that? Fuck!
-
Cassius shrunk back from Asher's anger, digging his nails deeper into the wound. The skin was broken again, though he remained focused on Asher, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I don't want to die. But I can't go back. I can't. Please don't make me."
He had started shaking now, drawing the attention of the orderlies, wondering if Asher was about to cause problems again.
-
Fuck. As the orderly came over, Asher drew back from Cassius and turned back to his food, shooting the man a glare.
"There a problem here?" the man asked, and Asher took a large bite of his steak in response, too pissed off to bother with an answer.
-
Cassius shook his head, mute and picking at the cut on his hand under the table. The orderly frowned, but there didn't seem to be a problem so he left them alone, heading back to talk to the other staff.
After a moment, Cassius twitched slightly, "Your hair is getting long Ash."
-
As soon as the orderly was gone, Asher let out a sigh of relief and let his shoulders slouch. That was close; for a second, he'd been kind of afraid that he'd been caught.
When Cassius spoke up, he blinked in confusion for a moment, then reached up reflexively to feel at his hair. It was getting pretty long, almost to his shoulders now. "Oh. Uh, yeah. Guess it is." He gave a light shrug and finished off his meal. "Guess they're letting it grow but it's getting annoying."
It got in his eyes all the time but, for obvious reasons, no one trusted him with a pair of scissors.
-
"Maybe you should ask to get it cut." Cassius's fingers still picked at his hand, hyper now with nervous energy, "I should get mine cut. Mine's getting really long too. Asher still looks hot with long hair though, but I like you best with shorter hair."
-
"Shorter hair, huh?" Asher mused, fiddling with a strand of hair absently. "Yeah, I never could rock a rocker look. Yours looks alright like that."
Of course, Asher could always ask for a hair cut--but the problem lay in that very sentence: it required asking. And there was no way in hell he was asking these people for anything. Instead, he dealt with the irritation, because they'd cut it eventually. Or he'd lose it from radiation or getting his skull cut on or fuck knows what else.
-
"You still look good." Cassius beamed, still feeling hyper, "You think I look good? I like my hair long, everyone tells me it's pretty! I think my-" He paused, his brain hiccuping slightly as he thought about the past, working out the bad parts, "My mom has the same color."
-
"Yeah. It's pretty neat. Not a color ya really see."
Leaning an elbow on the table, Asher looked at Cassius curiously. "Ya miss her?"
-
"Who? What?" Cassius blinked, looking confused for a moment. His past was hard for him to focus on, his brain skipping around so much, "Oh, yes. She was wonderful. We would play together all the time."
-
"So ya don't wanna see her again? You're totally cool just livin' here as a lab rat? Worthless?" Asher stabbed irritably at a leftover green bean with his fork.
-
"No no. Can't go back. Can't ever go back." Cassius shook his head again, then suddenly stood up, "I have to go now."
The orderlies stood again, one of them heading over. Cassius moved closer to him, "I'm done now. I gotta go back." The picking at his hand was obvious now, bleeding and a vivid red color.
"Hey Cass. What's going on there? We better get that covered."
"No no. It's okay."
The orderly reached out, arm around Cassius's shoulders, "Yeah, let's go see the nurse and get that bandaged."
-
...Fuck. He'd tore up his hand and Asher hadn't even noticed.
As the orderly escorted Cassius away, Asher waited out the remainder of his dinner before a couple of the staff came back over to show him to his room. Frustrated with the whole situation, Asher didn't put up a fuss. He let himself be lead back to his room, went inside without a hassle, and threw himself onto his bed with a groan.
Well, today had been a right fucking disaster. But most days were.
-
Cassius came back a short while later, chattering happily to the orderly, his hand now bandaged in a cheery color. His hand still absently rubbed at the bandage, but the wound was safe from his fingers. When he entered and saw Asher, he beamed and headed over to his bed, crawling on top of it, "Asher! Hi! I missed you! Did you miss me?"
-
Asher cracked his eyes open blearily and rolled onto his back so he could see Cassius, then scowled at him. He propped himself up on his elbows. "The fuck happened back there, Cass?"
-
"What ya mean?" Cass gave Asher a puzzled look. That was already gone from his brain, unable to deal with the issues, "Did you like dinner? I love when we get gravy."
-
"Uhhh..." Asher stared at Cassius, then let out a loud sigh and flopped back onto the bed, sprawled on his back. "No. I don't like soggy fries."
-
"Oh, but it's so good. They suck up the flavor." Cassius curled up next to Asher, feeling needy and clingy. He scooted closer, watching Asher intently.
-
"And make them mushy," Asher said, making a face.
As Cassius drew closer, and as he felt his intense stare, Asher raised an eyebrow and tilted his head to look at him. "Yes?"
-
Cassius took that as an okay, and he immediately moved closer, burying his face against Asher's side. One had wrapped around him and he stayed pressed close, needing the contact, "I like it when they are mushy with gravy. And the steak thing is gross. I like the chicken fingers the best. I wonder if we'll get new puzzles soon."
-
Asher sighed and let himself relax, in no mood to fight Cassius. He was tired and still a little moody and disturbed, but not an angry sort of moody, for once. He let his eyes close and draped an arm loosely around Cassius's shoulders. "Lemme guess: ya already did all the puzzles?"
-
"Oh yes. Ages ago. They don't last long." Cassius relaxed a little when Asher hugged him back. He still had a lot of nervous energy, desperate for Asher's approval and attention.
-
"You could have all the puzzles ya wanted if we weren't in TRIM," Asher said quietly, stroking Cassius's hair.
-
"Really?" Cassius closed his eyes, enjoying the hair stroking, "This feels nice."
-
"Yep. Really." Asher kept petting Cassius's hair and let his hand trail further down along his spine and back up again. "More puzzles than you'd know what to do with, whenever you want. But we'd have to leave TRIM. They won't give you that many puzzles."
-
"Oh, well, I'll just ask Zachary or the director for more. It's against the rules to leave."
-
Annoyance started to spike within Asher and he bit back a frustrated sound, clinging onto calm so as not to flip. "They won't give you more. Not as many as you go through. And...and besides, we wouldn't have to leave forever. Just, uh...a little trip."
-
"Oh, yes they will.Zachary gives me lots of things." Cassius perked up a little, "Oh! I like trips! I'll ask Zachary when we can go!"
-
"No!" Asher said, arm tightening around Cassius. "No. Zachary can't know. It's...it's a surprise. Just you and me."
-
Cassius shook his head, "That's not allowed. We have to sign out and let people know when we go out. It's in the rules."
-
"It can't be a fuckin' surprise if he knows about it!" Asher snapped, starting to lose his threadbare patience.
-
"Well, Zachary likes surprises, but that is a not allowed surprise. And we can just sign out with another person and still surprise Zachary."
-
"But they might tell Zachary and--that isn't the fuckin' point! Point is we're gonna fuckin' die if we stay here! You understand that? They're gonna kill us! Then there'll be no more fuckin' puzzles ever 'cause you'll be dead!"
-
Cassius cringed back, hands covering his ears and shaking his head rapidly. He didn't want to hear this, he didn't want to deal with this.
-
"Cass, stop it!" Asher said, grabbing Cassius's wrists and pulling his hands down. "Ya can't just bury your fuckin' head in the sand! Ya gotta fuckin' wake up!"
-
"No! Nonononono-" Cassius stopped, eyes going unfocused and he blinked at Asher. A bright smile then slid across his face, "Hi!"
-
"FUCK!" Asher released Cassius and jerked back, then scrambled up and out of bed. He couldn't deal with this right now and he needed to get away from Cassius before he hurt him.
-
"Asher? What's wrong?" Cassius sat up, eyes following Asher, "Why are you so upset?"
-
Asher retreated to the other side of the room, sinking down onto Cassius's bed with his back to the boy. "Leave me alone."
-
Cassius trailed after him. The room wasn't very large, so it wasn't hard to get close. He sat on the edge of his bed, head cocked to the side, "Asher? What did I do? Can I make it better?"
-
Asher tensed when he heard Cassius's footsteps, when he felt the bed indent where he sat. By the time Cassius spoke, he was ready to explode.
"Get away from me, Cass!" he yelled, twisting around to give Cassius a shove. "Go. Away!"
-
The dark haired boy just blinked again, then beamed, "Hi!"
-
That was the final straw. With a sound of rage, Asher swung his fist and slammed Cassius in the face.
-
Cassius squealed in alarm and pain, head jerking back and he was knocked back just enough that he slid off the bed and landed in a heap at the base of it. Eyes wide, he stared up at Asher, hands on his nose to try and stop the bleeding, "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I'm sorry!"
-
"I told ya to get away! So get away!" Asher shouted, blind anger filling him. "And stay away, goddamn it! See whatcha made me do?!"
-
Cassius's eyes filled with tears and he shrank back, trying to make a smaller target, "Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
-
"Ya damn well should be! Now just...just go. Alright?" Asher turned his back on Cassius and crossed his arms over his chest, curling up. He'd hit him, and part of him regretted it, but he knew he'd do it again and worse if he didn't lay off.
-
Cassius stayed where he was, unsure what to do, blood seeping through his fingers. He wanted to talk with Asher and curl up with him, but he was so angry. But with the violence paused, Cassius reset and he held up his hands, confused by the blood, his brain erasing that part, "I'm bleeding..."
-
It was a few moments before Asher replied, too angry to do so. But when Cassius spoke up, confused as to why he was bleeding, Asher let out a long breath and let his shoulders slump. It was hard to hold onto anger when someone was so...he didn't even know the word. Pathetic? So pathetic he didn't even remember how he'd been hurt.
"...Yeah." He let out another sigh. "C'mere."
-
Cassius crawled onto the bed, looking confused and bewildered, hands trying to catch the blood still, "It hurts. And I'm making a mess. I shouldn't make a mess..."
-
Gathering up some sheet, Asher started to dab at Cassius's nose, gingerly so as not to hurt his nose more. Ugh. He was still angry but it was no longer the blind rage that filled him, the rage he had no outlet for here save through violence.
Now he was just angry at himself for losing it.
"It's...alright. Someone'll come in to change the sheets and shit soon. Here, c'mon."
I'm sorry.
-
Cassius made a small whimpering nose, fidgeting as Asher helped clean him up. He wanted to get closer, curl up against him. He was anxious, though he didn't really know why. He just knew he wanted to be closer to Asher. But he stayed where he was seated while Asher tried to stop the bleeding.
"I love you."
-
Asher balled up some sheet and held it to Cassius's nose, directing him to keep it there until it stopped. But when Cassius spoke up, he flinched. Not noticeably, unless one was paying close attention, but it was there.
"You shouldn't."
-
Cassius obediently held the sheet to his face, his eyes never leaving Asher's face, "Why not? You're my best friend and I love you best of all." He smiled, wincing slightly as the movement jerked his nose, "I wonder if there will be a new pony episode tomorrow."
-
Asher grabbed onto that safe subject and held on tight. It was the perfect opportunity for a subject change, something he didn't have to feel guilty or awkward about.
"Oh, well, have they started the new season yet?" he asked, trying to put some excitement in his voice, even though he didn't feel it.
-
"I donno." Cassius shrugged, shifting a little closer, "Can I sit in your lap? I promise I wont drip on you."
-
"Uhh..." Asher wasn't really worried about the blood. He'd had plenty of it on his hands before, some of it his, some of it others', some of it Cassius's. It was just that he wasn't able to switch gears like Cass was and he was still a mess of emotions, anger and guilt at the front of his mind--and he still wanted to be alone but couldn't.
But...
"I guess," he said after a long pause.
-
As soon as he got the okay, Cassius crawled into Asher's lap and curled up against him, head under Asher's chin. He still had the sheet pressed to his nose and the bleeding had mostly stopped. He still felt nervous and wanted the contact with Asher.
"I hope there are new ponies. I wanna know what will happen next. Do you think that Night Star will come back?"
-
"Yeah, they'll probably bring her back. Make her the villain and do some redemption arc. Maybe. At least, I hope so," Asher said, finally relenting and looping his arms around Cassius's waist. He rested his chin atop Cassius's head and stared ahead at the wall across the room.
"Second chances and all that."
-
Cassius melted into the hug, his free hand wrapping around Asher and snuggling close, "I hope she's nice. She's so pretty and sad. I love you Asher."
-
"Um...yeah. I always liked her. She and her sister just need to, I dunno...talk it out," Asher said, a little distractedly with Cassius hugging onto him and telling him he loved him.
-
"I think so. Then everyone can be happy. I think her and Dawn Glitter would be cute together." Cassius pulled the sheet away from nose, "I think my bleeding is done."
His entire face was a mess, his hands too, blood smeared everywhere and dripped down his shirt and onto his pants.
-
"Uhhh...yeah." Asher was a little too distracted to properly answer, staring instead at the blood smeared all over Cassius's face and clothes. It made it look about ten times worse than it actually was. He grimaced. "Ahh...I think you're gonna need something for that, hold up."
Extracting himself from the hug and rising to his feet, Asher headed over to start banging on the door to their cell. "Hey! Hey bigshots! We got a bleeder in here! Kinda needs some attention!" he yelled between slamming his fist on the door.
It didn't take long before a couple orderlies arrived, took one look at Cassius, and had one hold Asher back while the other went to collect the kid.
-
Cassius froze when Asher got up, not liking the lack of contact. When the orderlies arrived, he waved, relaxing a little as he felt less alone. Being lead out had him upset enough he kept resetting as he spoke to the guards, causing them to have to listen to him ask where Asher was over and over as he was lead to the infirmary.
As the bleeding had stopped, Cassius was cleaned up, given a new set of pajamas and an ice pack and sent back to his cell. Once inside, he smiled brightly at Asher, ice pack pressed to his face, "Hi!"
-
Another pair had come in to clean up the bed and change the sheets while Cassius had been gone, and when Cassius returned, Asher was spread out on his belly on a clean set of sheets. He raised his head and gave a little wave.
"Hey," he said. "Better now?"
-
"Yeah! I started bleeding, but it's all better now!" Cassius had no memory of the attack. He crawled onto the bed next to Asher, hovering, ice pack still pressed to his nose, "I missed you lots. I asked if I could have a sticker, but the doctor said not this time."
-
Asher bit back a guilty wince. So he didn't remember. He'd already reset, just as he always tended to do. But that made it okay, right? It was better that he didn't remember.
Yet somehow that just made it worse.
"No stickers, huh? That's lame," Asher said, sitting up and lightly ruffling Cassius's hair. Tilting his head, he frowned. "Does it hurt?"
-
"Yeah, but that's okay. It's a good pain." Cass reached up and pressed his nose, wincing a little and grinned, "But I don't mind not having the stickers." He shifted closer, curling against Asher, "Cause I didn't get a sticker, you should tell me a bedtime story. Please?"
-
"Pain isn't good, Cass. It means something's wrong," Asher said with a sigh, taking Cassius's hand in his own and pulling it down from his face. He held onto it so he couldn't keep prodding at his wound, and leaned against the kid.
Cassius's next question made him pause. He shifted awkwardly, looking away. "Huh? Oh, uh, I dunno. I don't know that many...what kind do ya want?"
-
"No, it means that I'm still here." Cassius squirmed, wanting to poke at his nose. Asher's question distracted him a little and he frowned, "Um...I want an adventure!"
-
"Ya don't have to hurt yourself to confirm that, Cass," Asher said with a frown. "I could as soon touch ya and confirm that just as well."
Shifting a little on the bed, Asher wrapped an arm around Cassius's waist and pulled him back against the pillows with him. He wasn't good at this shit. Wasn't even really interested in telling a story. It was kind of embarrassing and stupid. But he'd freaked out at Cassius, punched him, and guilt made him feel like he owed it to him.
"So, er, adventure." He racked his brain. He wasn't so broken yet that he couldn't remember his past or had gone totally off his rocker, which perhaps made being here hurt more, because he could remember his childhood, remember his parents, and he could remember it with absolutely nothing clouding reality.
"I do sorta know this one about this space pirate that was actually a good guy. Sparrow or somethin'. Ya ever heard about him?"
-
"Pain makes it easier. Pleasure could be a lie." Cass shifted again, squirming a little, his voice getting an odd edge to it. His mind was irreversibly broken, even he was aware of that on some level. And when he tried to express his own warped view to the rest of the world, it tended to end in frustration.
He blinked rapidly, still shifting, finding it hard to get comfortable, agitated with the repressed energy from earlier, the need to touch his nose and feel that rush or pain and the irritation of not being able to express himself. He shook his head, "Sparrow? No, no. I don't know him. Tell me about him. Please?"
-
That made no sense to Asher, and he wanted to ask what the difference was. Pain, pleasure, it was all physical sensations. Why was one more real than the other? Pain could just as easily be a lie, whatever that even meant.
But that was a question for later--and he didn't count on getting an answer that made sense, anyway.
"Well," Asher said, still keeping a grip on Cassius's hand, "there's a lot of different stories. But Sparrow was a pirate--but the good kind. Stole supplies from greedy corporations and supplied 'em to folk that couldn't afford shit."
He felt a little foolish, telling stories like this, but when he was a kid he'd devoured those stories like crack and his mom even made up new ones to put him to bed. Seemed like the sort of thing Cassius would like, so why the fuck not? Wasn't like there was much else to do.
"The catch was that his girl? She was the daughter of a bigass loan shark. He had a thing for her, she had a thing for him, but daddy had a hit on him. So he had to get creative. So like this one time..."
It was easier once he got going, so he launched into one of the stories his mom had told him, if modified a little. He didn't remember everything (so he improvised) and there was a deal more foul language involved in the telling, but he managed to tell the story--and got more into it as he went, gesturing with his hands and even using different voices by the time he'd gotten halfway through. It was a tale about a time when Sparrow had sneaked into corporate, with the help of his lover, and liberated them of a good amount of money, a tale full of close escapes, a lot of sneaking around, brutal brawls, and sex in an elevator.
Well, alright, so that hadn't been in the original story, but c'mon, the guy went weeks to months between seeing his girl so he had to figure...
"So there they were, cornered in the elevator, her shirt half off--probably flashin' some nipple--and six armed men surrounding them...but we'll have to leave their darin' escape for another time," Asher finished with a yawn. "Can't spoil it all in one go, yeah?"
-
Cassius kept quite and still when Asher spoke, staring in bright eyed wonder. He edged closer every time things got intense, his hands gripping Asher's pant leg, mouth hanging open. But he never uttered a sound, too scared that he might break the magic Asher was weaving.
Not until the end. He made a low, upset sound, tugging at Asher's pajamas, "Oh please don't stop! Asher! I wanna know what happens! Do they get away?! Asher! Please!"
-
Asher grinned, pleased that he'd done a fair job at that. "Nope, nope. Can't tell ya. You're just gonna have to wait until tomorrow. If I tell it all to ya now there'll be nothin' left for later!"
-
"Promise? Promise you'll tell me the rest?" Cassius squirmed, nervous and worried that he wouldn't get to hear the rest of the story, "I wanna know the rest! I'm not tired yet! Can't you tell just a little more?"
-
"No, no, no. If I start now, I'll just have to tell you 'til I finish the story, then you'll want another one, and another, and then I'll be all out." Grinning, Asher ruffled Cassius's hair. "You're just gonna have to squirm until tomorrow."
-
Cassius looked ready to explode, clinging closer to Asher. He nodded, then buried his face against the other man, "Promise then! Cause I really want to hear the rest! You tell good stories!"
Eventually, Cassius managed to fall asleep, cuddling tightly against Asher, twitching softly, locked in his dark dreams.