Beauty and the...Bug? [Brisinger!]

[Rhi-Rhi]

It was hard work stealing other peoples' shit to pamper yourself with.

After a long, exhausting day of selling the stuff she'd stolen and collected, Jericho was left with a fat wad of money to spend on things she probably didn't need but definitely wanted. And in this pirate's den of iniquity, she was never short of options.

First thing's first: she made a beeline for the nearest food place (a literal hole in the wag dig, but she'd been there before and the food was good and greasy) and ordered a large pizza, all for herself, because dammit but she'd been out in space munching on freeze-dried crap for goddess knew how long, so it was high time to shove some real food down her gullet. Cholesterol be damned--she ordered extra meat and cheese just to flip it the proverbial bird.

It didn't take too long to whip up the pizza, and then she paid up and headed back out into the crazy, haphazard halls of the Cancer, pizza box balanced in one arm, slice of pizza in the other hand. She drew some odd stares as she went, a young woman in a casual business suit and tie, hauling around a pizza box she was actively eating out of as she walked, and she just responded with a cheeky grin and a stuck out tongue.

They were just jealous. She would jealous of her, too. And her pizza. Because it was fucking delicious.

Hmm. But what now? The first item on her list was officially checked off; now it was just a matter of figuring what kind of trouble she could entertain herself with.

[Brisinger987]

Trygon closed his eyes, blocking out the noise of the fan he had decided to sleep next to, and listening to the indominable voice of the Hive Mind. He listened to catch even a whisper of the Hive Mind's ever present will. The minutes turned into hours with nothing but the silence. Was he disconnected? He began to dwell on the subject, when, abruptly, he heard the rabble of crowds. The fan was, in essence his way of observing the population. He saw people from multiple nations,bustling about their daily business. It was always like this, but now he had a chance to hunt.

People often went missing on the Cancer, as various criminals conducted their business, cutthroats and slave traders abducting the clueless for their own gain. He had made a habit of eating the locals, but, for an annoying reason unbeknownst to him, the humans tasted of metal. And he hated metal.

After trying to choose a prey, he noticed a human female, walking down the street with a box of human food. Pizza, he had heard them call it. She seemed like a prime target, looking relatively undefended, but catching a lot of attention. What better a way to make people afraid than for someone who seemed command enough respect that no questions were asked of her. By her own appearance, she looked to be a pirate, so that would explain why she had right of way. No one with half a brain on this station refused the will of a pirate.

He followed her through the vents, waiting to see if she took a shortcut through an alley. Sure enough, she did, and finishing her last slice of pizza, she threw the box onto the floor next to a mound of refuse. As the vent ran over head the alley, he switched to infrared to follow her. He found the vent grate, and leaned over the side to knock it out of place so he could eat his prey. But as soon as the grate fell, he lost all grip, for his claws were designed for flesh and dirt, not smooth metal constructs. He tumbled noisily out of the grate, letting out an involuntary screech. He layed on the floor dazed for a moment, the looked to see that she had turned to look at him.

[Rhi-Rhi]

Thaaat was not the sort of trouble she expected!

There was a loud crash, followed by an inhuman screech, and Jericho whirled around just in time to catch sight of a huge...huge...insect tumbling out of a vent and onto the floor. She was prepared to deal with a lot of things, and she had the sort of foolhardy overconfidence that allowed her to take shortcuts that would be risky for most people, but giant screeching bugs? She inhaled sharply and nearly choked on her pizza, but somehow managed to swallow the bite down.

"Whoa!" she gasped, taking several quick step backwards to put space between them, pizza box clutched to her chest as though she were protecting it and the four remaining slices within. "Whoa. Uh. Wow. I knew this place had a pest problem but this is really gettin' outta hand." She paused, lifted an eyebrow and cocked her head. "Unless you're actually sentient in which case--haha, no offense! It's really freakin' hard to tell around here anymore."

The mandibles did not look very fun.

Reaching into the box, she pulled out another slice and held it up like a peace offering. "Pizza?"

[Brisinger987]

Trygon picked himself up, rising like a charmed cobra. He clicked his mandibles in a slow manner, hoping that she was unarmed. Unlike a lot of his brood brethren he was not bullet proof. Instead he decided to speak. "Human, female... You offer me this pizza as a gesture..." He slithered closer, and stood as high as his balance allowed. He sniffed the pizza slice, then cautiously took the slice in his mandibles. He swallowed it whole, then immediately spat it out. "A gesture of poor taste... Perhaps you are worth eating after all!"

He had a sudden brainwave. If he was disconnected from the Hive Mind, he would need some way to survive. Perhaps this human had a ship he could travel aboard. Or he could simply make her into his breakfast. He decided quickly that asking if she would take him as a passenger would not be worthwhile. Perhaps a friend or two on this station wouldn't hurt though. "No, I will not eat you, you offered me a gesture, and as such deserve respect." He lowered his to bow to her.

[Rhi-Rhi]

Jericho startled when the thing actually spoke, the discovery surprising enough that she didn't even feel offended at being called female. So, it was sentient after all. Good to know!

Then it snatched up the pizza slice. And spit it back out.

Rude! And gross!

"Whoa, hey! That was a perfectly good slice!" Jericho snapped. "If you didn't want it, you could have just said you didn't..." Hold up, did he just threaten to eat her? Her eyes narrowed and her muscles tensed. "Wait, what?"

She had a semiautomatic handgun holstered at her thigh and she started to reach for it then, and even as the insect apparently reconsidered, she let her fingertips rest atop it. She took another slow step backwards as it bowed. What the hell even.

"Uh. Okay. So..." She tapped her fingers along her gun. "First you're gonna eat me, now you're not. Is that what's going on? This mean we're cool now? You're not doing a whole 'said the spider to the fly' thing here, are ya?"

[Brisinger987]

"If one has never tasted their prey, how do they know what to hunt? If the spider has never tasted the fly, how does he tell the fly that it is food?" He bared his fangs at her. He felt something crawl onto his tail, and he turned around to see a rat, which he picked up with the pincer on his tail. He brought his tail round to the front of him. He waved the rat in front of the girl. "This is food, not pizza." He picked up the rat in his mandibles, threw his head back, and swallowed the rat whole. He avoided letting his tongue touch it as even he agreed the pizza tasted better than these things, but he wouldn't concede the point so easily.

"And in response to your question, yes we are cool. Why do I have cause to eat you when you have that gun?" He pressed his conscious thought into hers. I am also a psychic, I know you have the gun, he projected. He withdrew his conscious, satisfied that she was now aware of his abilities. He had made his display of power, now if she desired, she would make one. "I am sure you have questions of me, yes? The whole where do you come from, why are you here, how did you do that, are you going to eat me? I hope the answer to the latter was obvious." He made another grin. He switched to thermal vision and scanned around, looking for other heat signatures other than her. Nothing. He folded his arms close to his body, so it looked like he had spines of varying lengths protruding from his torso. He took a second to listen for the Hive Mind again, to see if he was still disconnected. And another silence.

[Rhi-Rhi]

Jericho curled her lip and wrinkled her nose when he swallowed the rat, her stomach churning at the sight. Oh, nature. So beautiful. Reminded her of why she spent her time in cold, dark space and cold, metal space stations. But hey, whatever floated his boat! Maybe pizza tasted to him like hairy rats would to her. Duly noted.

She had been about to kindly point out that she didn't necessarily have to taste something to know it would be disgusting, but that was when he did his mind trick.

Jericho jolted, but kept her hand on her gun. The cat might be out of the bag, but hopefully he realized that him knowing it was there wouldn't stop her from using it if the need arose.

"It's bad manners to go all...feelin' up someone's brain, y'know," she said, expression briefly hardening and eyes going steely. "At least buy me dinner first."

She let out a breath and straightened her back, shoulders rolling to work out the sudden tension. "Whatever. Movin' on. So yeah! Lucky guess--unless of course you were just browsing my mind like a supermarket tabloid. But yeah! I do have some questions. Like what the hell was up with that whole leaping out of vents business? And what are you? And sure, let's throw in 'where are you from?' while we're at it."

[Brisinger987]

Trygon laughed at her expression. The humans considered the offering of paying for a meal as a romantic gesture. Of course a creature like him knew nothing of love. He had only examined human interaction. He also found the concept of him buying her dinner funny. He was amused by this human, she was definitely worth keeping alive, even if she was to be a jester for him. She made jokes that, despite his alien emotions, was considered good humour.

"If I'm being honest, I was going to eat you, but I didn't leap out of the vents, I fell. Not intimidating or predatory." He clicked his mandibles awkwardly. He was being honest considering that she was ready to point a gun to him. And he knew that lying and upsetting her would only put a bullet in him. "And I am a Tyranid. We are of the Vorace system, the planet of Tyran is our home. We are galactic devourers, and have devoured countless worlds to grow our armies. I am here to examine this system's worth in devouring, but I am disconnected from the Hive Mind, the shared conscious that all Tyranids share." He let out a low growl, obviously frustrated with the issue. "Have you read the recent communication article on the holiday cruiser you humans know as the Elysium? If you have, the creatures that are responsible are known by your tongue as Genestealers. They are my brethren."

[Rhi-Rhi]

In one smooth motion, Jericho had her gun out and trained on the creature, her eyes narrowed.

"You're tellin' me all this, and now suddenly this whole me shooting you thing is sounding like an awfully good idea." There was a click as she cocked the gun. "Too good to pass up, in fact. So if you're here actin' as the lone drone ant scoutin' for ripe, fertile lands for the plunderin' and devourin' like ya said, why don'tcha give me one good reason why I shouldn't squash ya and save us all a whole load of bullshit."

[Brisinger987]

There was nothing that should stop her. He was the general of an army of ravenous, world devouring creatures. Why shouldn't he be stopped?

"If you kill me, you understand that all the souls and magic of those I have devoured will be used up propelling my presence out over the light years, and I will eventually be reborn on a hive ship, and I will draw them here, to devour your system. I can project an image of you out to all my comrades and they will leave you for me to kill personally. And as another point, I can change my form when I am reborn, and I will choose the form which allows me more combat capability than I currently have. I may choose the form that my subordinates have chosen, we know the form in your tongue as a Hive Tyrant. They stand taller than me, with a large tentacle whip, a sword made of bone, and a venom cannon. Your gun wouldn't put a dent in their armour." He stood, smug and satisfied that his response demonstrated the issue that killing him would cause.

Of course, if there were no Hive Ships his conscience would dissipate into any creatures that were capable of supporting it, or if no psychic's were available, he would invade the conscience of any nearby creatures. In this case, hers.

[Rhi-Rhi]

Her gun didn't waver. "Alright, Bug-boy--or girl! I actually can't tell! Anyway, while we're waving our cocks around, allow me to whip out mine for measurin'. I happen to run one of the biggest fleets in the galaxy. I've got eyes and ears all over the place, some in places too indecent to mention--I wouldn't wanna scar your ears, or whatever you've got that passes for cartilage nubs. Moving on! I kill you, you try and kill me, this fleet of mine'll hunt your kind down and stomp 'em 'til there's nothin' left worth stompin'. So in other words, for the sake of interplanetary diplomacy and bein' mature adult-things about this whole issue..."

She smiled cheerily. "Why don'tcha just forget this whole world devourin' thing, eh? Y'know, 'let's not and say we did'? I mean, pshaw, look at this rusty dump. Not much worth eatin' unless ya really like rats and diseased, bony people with no few artificial parts."

[Brisinger987]

"I am disconnected from the Hive Mind so I can't call anything in... And I am male." He narrowed his own eyes. He decided that he would not challenge her. He wasn't bullet proof. "I will concede. I assume I should try and fit in?" He spoke with the highest level of sarcasm he could. He evaluated the gun. It looked to be magazine fed, standard slug projectiles, high caliber, with a high fire power. Not a good gun for him to try out against. He swayed a little, testing her aim, and she followed him, perfectly.

 "I agree, let us drop the subject." He considered what she had said. He had heard the word cock before. "What is a cock?"

[Rhi-Rhi]

Jericho let out a breath. That could have ended very badly.

"Fine, then. A truce, eh?" she said, and lowered her weapon though she didn't yet put it away, her eyes never leaving him. This guy was trouble, that much was certain, and while it was possible he was just blowing a lot of smoke, and while she generally didn't give a shit what other people did to other people...this was kind of relevant to her interests. Given she lived in this galaxy and all and kind of wanted to keep on living here.

She opened her mouth, about to say something else, but whatever she'd been planning on saying flew right out of her brain and came out of her mouth in the form of a loud, sudden guffaw.

"Pfffffhahaa, what?" It was the suddenness of the question that tickled her, and the fact that it was being asked in all seriousness by an alien insect guy. It took her a moment to collect herself, wheezing with laughter, but finally she took some deep breaths, wiped away a tear, and did her best to compose herself.

"Wow, great icebreaker, man! A-plus, would laugh again. Heh, cocks. That's..." She cleared her throat. "Ya know, a dick. Schlong. Johnson. Purple-headed warrior. Penis. Sometimes a rooster."

[Brisinger987]

He stared at her. For a long while. His brain was very confused as to all the names he had. And it now made even less sense. "The function of the cock is to do what?" The subject was an odd one as he was now completely unsure of what he had digested. If this was a part of human anatomy that contained a poison, he was fucked. Humans mentioned it in taboo tones, demonstrating a clear social stance on it. But he knew nothing of humans other than the taste of their flesh. Humans had many odd bodily structures, or odd to him anyway. There was the liver, an organ which apparently breaks down chemicals, which, apparently were poisonous. Did humans make a habit of consuming lethal poisons as a test of their liver?

[Rhi-Rhi]

Was that actual worry in his tone? Jericho's grin broadened.

"Weeeeell." She cracked her knuckles. "It's a rather advanced organ, crucial to the propagation of our species! It functions by stabbin' the orifice of another creature until it shoots a white substance into it. This substance contains genetic material that, if viable, will then go on to form a fetus inside the host. After nine months--during which it'll grow within the host belly and leech off its nutrients, often causing nausea, vomiting, swelling, and mood swings--it will then shove its way out from the between the legs of the host in a bloody show of screaming and fluids."

She rocked on her heels, pleased with herself. And hey, wasn't like she was lying, either. That was pretty much exactly how she viewed childbirth and exactly why she never planned on getting knocked up.

[Brisinger987]

He was genuinely horrified upon hearing this. For such a simple being, their method of reproduction sounded horrifying, even by a creature who had watched a Norn Queen birth a thousand Hormagaunts at once! "So this structure...Is it present on all humans? And is it a uniform structure, or are there variation? Is the white liquid toxic when digested?" He was scared. Humans produced milk from females, he knew that much from watching breastfeeding in a public place. But another white liquid?! He was in overload mode, trying to ascertain that humans were safe to eat. If they weren't, the Hive Fleet would stay away. If not, then maybe. Depends on the answers to his questions.

[Rhi-Rhi]

"It's present in roughly half the human population and comes in all shapes and sizes! Though to be honest, some variation of it is present in all mammals and similar versions are present in birds and reptiles--sometimes more than one! As for toxicity..."

Aw, man, he was just asking to be fucked with. "Let's just say, after that graphic example of reproduction I gave ya, would you want that stuff inside ya?"

Jericho then paused and gave him a shrewd, sidelong look. "What? Ya been chompin' a lotta cock lately or what?"

[Brisinger987]

He felt slightly better, considering that the acid in his stomach would allow him to eat metal and arsenic. "How does one know if a human has one?" He thought about this human organ... Could it be the homologous organ to a Hormagaunt's hierodule? If it was, she was over exaggerating. But who was he to argue, he had no legs but a gun into his chest. Human anatomy had to be different.

Now he had a different question, one entirely off topic. "Is there a ship nearby or do I need to grow one?" Tyranid ships weren't metal constructs, but an entire living organism, built to live in space. And he would need a lot of biomass to make a ship. Possibly the whole station's worth.

[Rhi-Rhi]

Jericho snorted. "Well, you'd just have to go around and pull peoples' britches down if ya really wanna know, I guess!" she said with a laugh. "Because that is completely socially acceptable. Give 'em a good sniff while you're at it! It's how people say 'hello'."

His next question drew a raised eyebrow. "...Grow one? What?"

[Brisinger987]

This human couldn't be serious. Bioships had to grow, otherwise they were craft. "All bioships have to grow, they couldn't just appear. No organism can just appear." He paused for a moment. It was a common myth that Tyranids made a habit of spontaneously existing. It was just a rumor based around how Tyranids reproduce. Underground usually. And the newborns matured in days.

He looked at her, finding her surprisingly interesting. Maybe all humans were like this. If so, they needed to allies. "A space ship, a space craft. A space borne vessel." He clicked his mandibles. "Is there one with a control system I can use?"