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Author Topic: Even the Toughest Walls Can Fall [Lion]  (Read 681 times)

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Offline Blink

Even the Toughest Walls Can Fall [Lion]
« on: October 18, 2017, 07:24:29 pm »
She knew she had fucked up, and not just a minor fuck up either. Sparrow had managed to not only outrage the entire Valkyries squad with a small comment but also their commander. Their commander who also happened to be a very near and dear friend to her own. She had already sent out her apology, but even she knew that wouldn't protect her from Grisham once he found out. Ever since she could remember he had been the one to reprimand her for such outbursts. Between him and Seiteki Sparrow could feel the shame stares on her back, even if they didn't know yet. They had that much of an influence over her.

Back in Candyland Sparrow having an outburst like that would have been nothing out of the normal. But that was years ago and she had been taught better than that. She knew better.

So why did she do it?

Another question Sparrow didn't have an answer to as she stepped into the simulation room. Maybe if Grisham saw she was working his wrath would be less horrifying. Doubtful, but something she hoped for nonetheless. There was a new batch of assault rifles that needed testing anyways, so why not do it now while trying to hide?

Leaving little time to worry about anything else Sparrow grabbed a sim version of the rifle and signaled for the simulation to begin. Quickly the room twisted into what looked like the inside of a cave. The sound of condensed water dripping in the distance with the musty scent of wet and aged stone filtering through. She was fine for the first few minutes, walking through the cave with the site of the rifle up. Thankfully the scope had night vision, meaning that as long as she held it up, she wasn't affected by the darkness.

"Everything's okay, everything's okay, everything's okay." Her whispers reverberating off the cavern walls as she continued pushing forwards.

With arms shaking and unsure footsteps with each stride Sparrow was clearly not herself as she advanced. It would have been almost like watching a Candidate go through a sim for the first time.

In Sparrow's mind she wasn't walking through a cave anymore, but tucked away in the small rock outcropping she lived in for almost a week. The smell was almost the same, triggering her version of reality to take over. That lizard was out there, watching her. It was flicking its tongue tasting her through the air.

"Someone will come they always come I'm not going to die out here I'm not going to let it get me. Can't let it get me. Don't fall asleep don't fall asleep. You're not tired stay away, don't close your eyes. Don't let it get you." More rambling as she tensed up. Sparrow had completely forgotten she was even in a simulation. As if she was never rescued and never brought to safety.

Then a flash across the site of the rifle. Something was ahead and so she pulled it up close but took a step back as her movements grew more frantic. Sweeping from side to side she tried to catch glimpse of it again, only scaring herself by the lack of anything coming up as she continued to back up.

Then she bumped into something....

All at once all the tension released as her finger pulled the trigger, releasing round after round of nerf bullets into the air at the emptiness in front of her. From her throat came a blood-curdling scream as she continued to let round after round go before the clip finally ran out.

"Come out you son of a bitch!"
« Last Edit: October 18, 2017, 07:28:02 pm by Blink »

Offline Lion

Re: Even the Toughest Walls Can Fall [Lion]
« Reply #1 on: October 18, 2017, 09:25:52 pm »
Grisham didn't have to be present at the moment that mess had exploded. In a way he was somewhat relieved he wasn't, and alternatively disappointed that he didn't have the opportunity step in when Sparrow was actively present. Something was off. Even more pointedly was a normally cheery man into someone that clearly had no patience for anyone's shit. And what was more, he didn't have to.

But that wasn't the issue at hand here.

He and Sparrow needed to have a chat because ever since she'd been back from the Wastes, there was a different air bout her. Even if she did all she could to hide it, some things just seeped through like a sponge that was overful and couldn't hold anymore no matter how hard it tried. The rivulets of emotion penetrated Grisham's psyche.

There were some things he just couldn't block out.

"She's in the Simulator," one of the grunts in the flight bay directed him. Grisham nodded in thanks and when he found his way there, he waited a moment outside the door before barging on in. This couldn't wait. Even if she was in the middle of a sim.  Maybe especially because of it.

Grisham thrust open that door and when her back touched his chest, he paused, waiting there and...then she shot him. Slipped, panicked, didn't even wait to hold her fire and those rubber tipped bullets plopped uselessly to the ground. Gah, why did she have to get that gun?  New stock and all that, but there were waaay better rifles.

"Sparrow," he murmured, rubbing at his chest where the fire was concentrated. "Take off the visor," he murmured and the sim ended as he called out and activated a switch on the far wall.  "We need to talk."

Offline Blink

Re: Even the Toughest Walls Can Fall [Lion]
« Reply #2 on: October 18, 2017, 10:00:37 pm »
Just as Sparrow was about to melt into a full-on panic a familiar voice snapped her back to reality. In a flash, the simulation ended and Sparrow slipped off the visor, revealing that she wasn't actually in a cave but standing before Grisham with a fake gun. The rest of what had happened already seemed like an unimportant blur.

"Listen..."

She could only guess what the 'We need to talk' bit was about. She had upset his best friend and now... well now was time for her to pay the price.

"I already sent out an apology message. I know I was wrong and I know that I antagonized them. I don't know what came over me. I was just so mad and I felt like...." She stopped, swallowing the last bit down.

"It doesn't matter what I felt because I was wrong and I am a trained Pilot. I know better."

Sparrow had even terrified herself on why she did it. It was like something just took over and she couldn't control it. Just how she was terrified by what had just happened in the simulation. She knew it was social suicide if she ever let it show she was losing control like that. Pilots that couldn't control themselves were defective merchandise. She had to fall in line again... she just didn't know exactly how to do that.

"It won't happen again."

Offline Lion

Re: Even the Toughest Walls Can Fall [Lion]
« Reply #3 on: October 18, 2017, 10:29:38 pm »
Before he even had a chance to speak she was pattering on. The girl had been back in Adstreia for just a while longer than he had and already she was talking fast and still..something was off. He could feel it coming in small waves, and his eyes honed in on her posture, even as she just held that gun in a semi-relaxed position. The muscles at her shoulders were tense and there was a vein at the base of her throat that refused to abate.

Grisham knew that posture, and knew it well.  The tone of her voice let on enough, and if he wasn't an empath he could tell enough from that alone that all of her pistons were firing, making her on edge.

"Stop," he said. His voice was actually soft and he motioned her to put the gun down, and he stepped forward to pull the visor fully off her head. The simulation could wait another day. It wasn't going anywhere. This however couldn't wait. And from the look in her eyes, it was only going to get worse.

"I know you apologized. Yavul told me. And I know you're a trained Pilot, one of our nation's finest," he said and motioned her to follow him. "Let's take a walk around the jets. They're closing down for the night. Everyone's going on home, or transferring out and doing boring night work. Watching the monitors and all that. And you, you're doing a sim run. I ain't mad. I'm just worried."

Grisham pursed his lips and furrowed his brow, trying to think back to when he had a conversation not completely unsimilar to this. With his therapist, and how pissed he felt when all they wanted was to give him pills.

"Sparrow, how are you feeling?" he began, walking out into the flight bay taking her with him, just a gentle tug on her sleeve.  He was wearing his jacket over his jump suit, and the cool air that filtrated itself through the vents above them. "I haven't had a chance to really talk to you since I got back from DoSaM."

Offline Blink

Re: Even the Toughest Walls Can Fall [Lion]
« Reply #4 on: October 19, 2017, 01:20:12 pm »
At his command, Sparrow hesitantly placed the rifle gun against the wall after he pulled the visor off. The softness in his voice gave Sparrow reason for more concern. Was he really so mad that he couldn't even muster the rage she so rightfully deserved?

He wanted to take a walk through the bay because apparently everyone else was leaving for the day. That wasn't right, there was still so much work that had to be done. So many jets that needed a few more safety checks, new equipment she hadn't personally tested yet.

With the gentle tug of her sleeve, Sparrow began following Grisham, her eyes darting all over the place as they walked. Again Grisham's voice brought Sparrow back to reality. Her commander would have to be an empath. She knew there was no way she was going to be able to fib her way out of this one.

"I'm fine. Happy to be home." Biting down on her lip Sparrow's eyes caught sight of a shadow moving across the bay. Her entire body tensed up for a moment while her mind tried to sort it out. At first, she could have sworn it had a tail... but then a fellow pilot came into view that was clearly leaving for the day.

"I won't lie that I'm still a little jumpy. I'm sure it will pass in a few days." Who she was trying to convince with that she didn't know. Sparrow had told that same line to so many since she arrived last week. 'Just need a few days' or 'It will pass.

"Regardless I am happy you are back. Also happy to see your new lungs are holding up nicely." For a second she watched Grisham take in a breath, studying the common action to assure herself that they were working properly. "It's nice to talk to you without a tube down your throat."

Offline Lion

Re: Even the Toughest Walls Can Fall [Lion]
« Reply #5 on: October 19, 2017, 08:09:24 pm »
Nope. That's not what he asked her. He didn't want to hear what she thought he wanted to hear. He wanted the truth, and if she thought he didn't deserve to hear that, then there were going to be definite problems. Grisham listened to her thoughtfully though and refrained from judging her too quickly. The last time he jumped down her throat it was because she threw hot coffee in another Pilot's face.

But this time...

"Jumpy? Is that what you call jumpy?" Grisham actually grinned at her and flashed remarkably pearly teeth. Pearly for someone that smoked so much. Grisham smelled of his old stogies, and the new ones that Vaas had gifted him when he got back.  "You leveled a whole clip of rubber bullets in my chest and you call that jumpy. Huh!"

"Clearly I'm doing it wrong then."

He chuckled softly. 

"But uh, I don't think that's really what I'd call jumpy. Sparrow...you're trying too hard. And it's showing. The cracks in your veneer.  They'll get worse. You try and figure that they're just small squiggles and don't mean nothing beyond the visual aspect of scars. But they turn into cracks, and affect the entire structure," he slowly explained. He could feel her fear even now, and although he didn't see the lizard that still hunted her, that imminent fear, the one that hounded you when you were on the run, trying to hide  - to escape and there was no out.

His head pounded and Grisham grunted with indignation.

"I'm glad you're safe from being out there. Physically.  But...I also know that being out there like that...can make you scared of your own shadow."

Offline Blink

Re: Even the Toughest Walls Can Fall [Lion]
« Reply #6 on: October 19, 2017, 09:28:42 pm »
Grisham was still throwing her off by his calm and almost cheerful attitude. Something was up and she hadn't quite figured it out yet. She knew she was due for an ass chewing, yet instead, he was pretty much asking her how the weather had been.

Even as he went on about how she mistook him for something else he was almost laughing. It wasn't until he started again about her trying too hard that Sparrow realized which direction this conversation was going in.

So he saw it too. Grisham figured it out.

Sparrow stopped, her body frozen but not from the fear she had been carrying up until this point. Something Grisham said struck her deep. Something made her realize that perhaps this wasn't just a blip on an otherwise clear radar.

"Grisham... I..."

She hated this. That feeling like she was anything less than the pilot he expected her to be. She didn't want to be damaged, she didn't want to be 'fractured' or 'cracked'.

Tucking her chin into her own shoulder she couldn't bear to see the look of disappointment she assumed he would be displaying. Her face twisted and creased as she fought the tears she could feel forming behind her eyes.

"...I really do just want to be fine again." Pulling her arms up she grabbed at her sides, wrapping herself up as if that would protect her from the vulnerability she was displaying. "I just really hate this. I really really hate it and I don't know how to fix it anymore dammit!"

Offline Lion

Re: Even the Toughest Walls Can Fall [Lion]
« Reply #7 on: October 19, 2017, 11:36:25 pm »
It was coming in waves now, the floodgates were opening and there was no way that she could stop it, no matter how much she tried. Grisham didn't even fight it this time. He didn't even bother trying to block it out and just let the tidal waves of her emotions wash over him. That fear, the terror and the sorrow and guilt that came with wondering when that ache inside was going to end. Grisham shuddered and he kept his eyes steady, looking at Sparrow dead square within her own.

He didn't dare blink away lest he miss something she said, lest he broke apart the waves that were rapidly going to drown him. Grisham breathed out low and slow. A feeling to imbue into a marble - later, when he got home and when he wasn't bothering Yavul with his usual brand of nonsense.  This was a squadmate, a member of his team that he couldn't afford to risk losing. Not everyone could call themselves a Hellion, but those chosen few that did were just as much a part of him as he was of them.

And what was more, Sparrow wasn't just any Hellion. The moment she'd been recruited, Grisham knew, had that distinct feeling that wasn't going to be easily broken. Candyhood didn't break her, and neither did her adoptive parents. She had potential. He saw it and knew that if there was anywhere she could find home, it'd be here.  And once she fell into that fold, that's where she would stay.

But right now, he didn't need her to fall in line. Didn't need her to be a soldier. He wanted the truth. Nothing short of it.

So even as she tried to hold herself together, Grisham did the only thing he could think to do, something his father did when he was a boy, something he did with Isaak when he was a child. His hands fell around her face, holding her temples and gently coaxing her head forward. And pressed his forehead against hers, closing his eyes.

"You're scared, Sparrow. It's okay to be scared!" he hissed gently. "I'm afraid I'll never be fine again. I'm scared, all the time. I see beams glitter in the dark, ships exploding in places unseen by a civvie's eye. Sparrow, you were made for this. But that fear....it's okay to feel it. You're human too. Denying that feeling and it'll eat away at you. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Offline Blink

Re: Even the Toughest Walls Can Fall [Lion]
« Reply #8 on: October 20, 2017, 06:48:01 pm »
When Grisham leaned his forehead into hers Sparrow calmed, drawing in a breath and grounding herself to the moment. Never had she had this kind of heart to heart with Grisham, and seeing him express his own fears like this made her feel not so alone anymore. Even Grisham, one of the strongest people she knew, was afraid of things that no one else could see.

Closing her own eyes Sparrow tried to fully understand what he was saying. "If I keep holding it in and pretending it's not happening, it's going to get worse?" For anyone else that may have been an easy enough answer, but for Sparrow, she knew it was going to be much harder than that. Never had she been the kind to express her feelings well, usually just pushing the uncomfortable ones aside until they faded away. Especially fear. Anger though was one she let bare its angry teeth far too often.

Slowly she unwrapped her arms from around herself and instead wrapped them around Grisham. Another surprise to even herself as she hugged one of the toughest men she knew. Ever since she could remember Sparrow had hated hugs, yet here she was hugging this large man as if he were nothing more than the softest teddy bear. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I never thought you would understand because you're always so collected."

Offline Lion

Re: Even the Toughest Walls Can Fall [Lion]
« Reply #9 on: November 16, 2017, 09:16:40 pm »
Toughness had nothing to do with it. Accepting your fears and turn them into a strength instead of a weakness what mattered. Grisham knew she was hurting bad, he could feel it radiating off of her in droves like clouds and puffs of dry ice. And that pain ebbed and weaseled it's way into the core of his chest as he pressed his forehead close to hers. What kind of a commander was he if his own squaddies couldn't trust him. He'd lost his family, he was going to be damned if he was going to lose anything else.

The moment though, that Sparrow let her guard down, Grisham couldn't help but respond to that and the pain she released into him was real, present, that fear. Grisham felt his own eyes start to get hot and the second her arms fell around him, his arms followed suit. There was no reservation, no worry that there was any miscommunication between them, and he relished in to easily she fit into his embrace.

Grisham wouldn't admit it anyone,  that he missed this, the closeness that he'd been robbed of. The heat against his eyes became all that much more real, and they were soon wet in the corners of them. When was the last time he got to hug Isaak? Right before he was recruited...  He was so small then, smaller than Sparrow, who fit just underneath the crook of his chin and Grisham felt a tear roll down his cheek.

"Collected?" he whimpered, unable to choke back that note in his voice. It was followed by an indignant laugh, at himself than because of what she said. "The only thing I collect, Sparrow, are marbles, amigato."  Another laugh, this time lighter and he kept her firmly pressed to him.  "Sometimes I go to sleep, and wake up in the middle of night thinking the things looking back at me in the shadows are real. Thinking I really am mad after all."

 

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