My Neglected Candidate (ZC ^^)

[Anonymous]

Llyn watched Nika as he introduced himself, and smiled. He had a very cute smile, for a sociopath. Llyn was almost ashamed to show his teeth, crooked as they were. He liked them; they were sharp, and they got the job done. Llyn saw no reason to have them altered. Llyn grinned back at him. "That's good. I hope I will be a suitable tutor for you. You seem a very interesting student."

Latona's wings caught his eye, and he watched her leave the infirmary, a tired look about her. She didn't look like she'd be training Nika any further today... which was just as well for Llyn. "If you're not doing anything else today, Nika, would you like to start training?" He moved back to his chair, awaiting Nika's answer pleasantly. "I promise I won't injure you further." He looked Nika up and down; it would almost be a pity to injure him. Almost. Actually, it would look good on him.

Llyn crossed his legs, only covered by pants down to the knee, the white leggings he wore showing, if not in full detail, how long and unhealthily skinny his legs were. "Of course, she'll want me to train you in fighting as well..." he was talking mainly to himself, but he looked at Nika, "... or someone anyway. Latona hates me, for some reason beyond my comprehension..." He waved his hand, and continued talking. "At any rate, I don't think it wise to begin combat training until you're a bit more stable... right?" He grinned again.

[Anonymous]

Nika watched Latona go, noticing how tired she looked. His hatred towards her might fade someday, but that all depended on what happened between them. He was still to upset and deep down afraid of her currently.

He nodded quietly to her comment, still not saying anything, just watching with his pale, pale eyes. He didn't really know what to say to to her, so he was silent. He did smirk a little when he saw her wing. It was only too bad he hadn't managed to snap the delicate bones there, maybe if he had gotten a better grip.

Then his attention turned back to Llyn, smiling again. He rather liked the crooked teeth. They were all healthy and it was so rare to see any flaws on people. At least not the upper caste people Nika was used to seeing, "You have a pretty smile. And I don't think I'm all that interesting."

Nika gave a small wince as they finished setting his shoulder. He had to resist the urge to roll it a few times. That would really hurt, "Oh. No. I don't have anything else planned for today." Another perfect, pretty smile on his perfect, pretty features. He looked like a movie poster when he smiled, almost fake. And it was easy to see his mother in him, if one made the connection.

"I don't think Latona can teach me to fight. I can't fight like she does." Nika recalled her darting around, flying all over the place and the strength and speed she had, "I don't have wings and I'm not anywhere near strong enough to wrestle people." The idea was laughable. He might grow another few inches, but Nika was small and slender, he lacked any mass. Wrestling would go...well...patheti cally badly. Unless he was going to beat up midgets or small children.

Llyn's movement drew Nika's eye to his legs. He had felt how thin the man was, but he hadn't really absorbed it until now, having been to afraid earlier. He didn't pay it much mind, he had met several of his parents friends that had eating disorders, "If we aren't going to combat train, what are we going to do then?"

[Anonymous]

Llyn caught Nika's smirk as he saw Latona's injured wing... A natural reaction, I suppose, for an organism who has recently held his own against a stronger organism. Apparently, though, that's improper for a human. He also noticed his hatred of her... I'm lucky. At a moment like that, he would have attached to anyone who wasn't Latona.

Llyn was pleasantly surprised to find that Nika liked his teeth so much. He speaks the same way I do... no one else would call my teeth "pretty". "Thank you, and you are very interesting." It wasn't often that he encountered people like himself, much less psychics.

Nika had nothing else to do that day. "Splendid!" Llyn's day was going quite well. "I don't think Latona can teach me to fight. I can't fight like she does," Nika said. "Don't worry, I can teach you. As I'm sure you've noticed, I'm rather small as well."

And Nika did notice... he examined Llyn's legs with those pretty, pale eyes of his. Llyn was a bit irritated that an eating disorder was the first thing that came to his mind. Of course it's a disorder, thought the Pilot, but nothing so horribly vain. Nika looked up again. "If we aren't going to combat train, what are we going to do then?"

He grinned and lowered his voice, glad to be asked. "You're so cute... you're going to learn to be normal, of course." He flipped his hair and leaned toward Nika. "How else to appease Latona, in lieu of a full-scale brain-tweak?" He smiled pleasantly. "Don't worry, though. It won't be nearly as scary... but it will take more effort from you."

[Anonymous]

Nika tended to smile a lot, as he wasn't always sure what expression he should have. And smiling tended to make people feel more at ease and not pry so much. Happy people were fine. So it tended to be his default expression, "You are welcome. Were they always like that? Or did you make them crooked?"

When Nika payed attention to someone, he tended to completely focus on them, as if there wasn't anything else in the world. His eyes never left Llyn when he spoke, "I don't see why I would be so interesting. Well....other then that I can control blood. With my mind. It doesn't seem that is a common ability. Latona was trying to find out what I could do. Before she....you know."

Another bright smile for the pilot. He liked Llyn very much. Which was odd. Two people in such a short span that Nika actually liked. Though the thought of Vaughan made Nika's smile falter for a moment. He had made Vaughan cry and that wasn't good. He wanted Vaughan to smile. He really liked his smile.

"Ah. Yes. I would like to learn to fight from you. Latona showed me the big computer game thing. Where you can fight monsters. It seemed fun."

Llyn's next comment actually made the boys cheeks stain a faint pink color. Nika wasn't used to being called cute by someone he liked. And he did want Llyn to like him, "I...thank you. I do want to learn to be normal." He leaned closer, expression eager, "What is the first lesson?"

[Anonymous]

Nika had a prettier smile than Llyn, by the standards of most people. "You are welcome. Were they always like that? Or did you make them crooked?" Llyn laughed. He's intuitive... or maybe it was a lucky guess. In either case, it's not true about my teeth... "They've always been crooked, since they came in. Why would I make them that way?"

Llyn watched the boy, those pale eyes never leaving Llyn's one visible one. "That is interesting... and it explains all the people in the halls earlier." He grinned. Now I know what I'll do first.

A thought crossed Nika's mind; a redheaded boy, Vaughan. He'd heard about him, the singer... it seemed Nika really liked him, and had wronged him somehow... relationship etiquette will have to be taught directly. Llyn didn't let on that he knew; he wasn't the type to refrain from looking into people's minds for manners' sake. Nika would learn that soon enough.

"Ah. Yes. I would like to learn to fight from you. Latona showed me the big computer game thing. Where you can fight monsters. It seemed fun." Llyn beamed, glad to be appreciated. "Ah, the AEG. We could use that in your training, if you like. My technique is geared more toward fighting people, though. It could be altered for monsters and such things, but it would take longer to learn."

Llyn smirked at the Candidate's blush. He liked Llyn, which was good. That meant he'd work hard. "I...thank you. I do want to learn to be normal." He was excited indeed. So cute, Llyn thought. "What is the first lesson?"

"Hmm," he said, staring neutrally at Nika with dull black eyes. "I'll only let you know if you can pick it from my mind." He took down the outer layers of his mental barrier, and projected one thought over and over again: Today I'll help you separate your anger from your power.

[Anonymous]

Nika hadn't really meant anything by the comment. He was just wondering if Llyn had wanted them altered to look like that. To stand out in a place of such perfect beauty. And to Nika, having flaws was quite unique. The rich never kept theres. The boy reached out and touched Llyn's face, cupping his cheek and jaw, "So that you stand out more. I think it makes you very interesting to look at."

Another smile and he dropped his hand. Despite having clung to Intram earlier, Nika was now a little shy about touching him. He didn't want to mess everything up. Like...with Vaughan. Not that Llyn looked like the crying type.

"Oh...I hadn't meant to hurt anyone. I just lost control." Nika didn't feel guilty about it, he just knew that he wasn't supposed to do things like that. And he disliked that he didn't feel bad because of it.

"What is your technique like?" Nika really had no idea how someone as small as he was supposed to fight. He was sure there were methods, he just had no clue as to what they were, "And maybe we can fight humans in the AEG first? And upgrade me to monsters later then?"

At the next statement, Nika frowned. Damn it. Why did they keep wanting to make him read their minds? He was awful at it. But he took a deep breath and lowered his shields, his pale eyes focusing intently on Llyn's visible eye. He could do this.

Concentrate.

It took Nika a little longer then most of the candidates, but then he smiled, "You are going to teach me to separate my anger from my power."

[Anonymous]

Llyn stayed still as Nika reached out to touch him, parting his lips a bit to show his teeth. "Altering myself to stand out? That's a vain way to think of it. Though, I suppose I wouldn't show my teeth to many people... so maybe I would want to stand out only to a few..." He stroked the back of Nika's hand lightly. "Those who would show me theirs."

Nika was quite wrapped up in thoughts regarding Vaughan... he must really like him. I'd say it's his first real crush too... how sweet. Apparently, though, he'd done something he regretted... Llyn dove a little deeper into the boy's thoughts, curious to see how—Aah. The scene played through Nika's mind over and over again, fragmented... but Llyn knew what had gone on. Oh, my... this is going to be tricky to sort out.

"Oh...I hadn't meant to hurt anyone. I just lost control." Llyn looked at him, keeping his thoughts to himself, and his face blank. "I see. Yes, well, I'll have to teach you about that sort  of thing as well." Will Vaughan's mentor ever be pissed...

Llyn was kind of glad for the change of subject. "My technique relies on the weak points of others." He grinned; it was so fun to explain. "When someone else throws a punch or a kick, or a thrust with a knife, his weight shifts... if you can be observant enough to locate his center of gravity, and quick and forceful enough to deliver an adequate blow to the opposite side of that point, he will fall." His face fell back into a neutral expression. "Training against humans in the AEG will be difficult, but helpful. Since they are programmed to execute their moves perfectly, you'll find it easier to fight actual people, with flaws."

Nika's aversion to attempting to use his powers was... interesting. They were only trying to help him improve... the Candidate stared into Llyn's unblinking black eye, and he could feel the psychic energy building up around Nika, reaching outward, searching...

After a while, he found what he was looking for. Llyn clapped his hands together ecstatically. The action looked almost mocking, coming from him. "Good job!" He was proud, truly. "Shall we go to one of the training rooms, then?"

[Anonymous]

Nika's smile flashed wider, showing off his perfect teeth when Llyn mentioned that he only showed his teeth to a few people, "I'm glad you showed them to me. I like them." Though the boy's default assumption that anything you did to your appearance was out of vanity. Why else would anyone bother.

His free hand lightly played over the skin on the back of his hand where Llyn had touched him. It had felt nice, gentle. Nika wasn't used to touches like that and it made his skin flush a little darker. He had to push down the urge to just crawl into the pilots lap and curl up there, head tucked under Llyn's chin.

For the first time, Nika looked away from Llyn, embarrassed at what had happened. That he was so broken inside that he didn't even know how to handle himself when the person he liked flirted with him. That it was so easy for him to lose control. When he replied, he still wouldn't look at Llyn, his voice soft, "I'm sorry. I didin't...I didn't mean too."

Only when the subject changed back to something safe did those intense pale eyes of his return to Llyn, listening to him intently. His way of fighting seemed quite interesting to try and Nika liked that his small size wouldn't hinder him. Normally his options were just to work harder then everyone else to balance out his lack of mass, "Can we train on real people? That's allowed?"

Nika had some bad habits with his mental shields that would need to get fixed. But because he had built such heavy and awkward mental walls, it made it hard for him to sense other people. He was quite clumsy and awkward about using it, having little practice with it.

At the praise, Nika beamed, smiling brightly at the pilot, "Okay!" He started to slid out of the chair when one of the medics returned with a sling. The pain shot had been keeping the boy from realizing his shoulder was still going to be tender.

The boy was patient as they helped him into the sling and adjusted it for his comfort. Once his arm was settled, he smiled at Llyn, "Okay! Now we can go?"

[Anonymous]

Llyn smiled and licked his lips, leaning back into his chair a bit. "Somehow I think I'm being far more metaphorical than you. I'll have to ease up on that." He saw Nika's reaction to his touch, and grinned. Oh, he wants to curl up with me? That's different indeed. Most Candidates—nay, people in general—who see me would much rather curl up in a far corner, away from me.

Nika looked away; according to his body language earlier, that was a big deal. He felt embarrassed, which was something that happened a lot in young relationships... but at least this would motivate him to work. "I'm sorry. I didin't...I didn't mean too." Llyn would have reached out to him, but Nika was the sort who didn't like being touched, as a general rule. "It wasn't your fault, Nika. You didn't do it out of malice. You just loved him and didn't know how to show it... we'll talk about it later."

The Pilot was glad his fighting technique interested Nika. "Can we train on real people? That's allowed?" Llyn was glad he was so enthusiastic. "We can arrange spars between Candidates. As far as your first year is concerned, that should be sufficient... maybe we can ask Remi's Candidate, when you get good enough. He's big; he wouldn't be hard to take down with my technique." Llyn smiled. "As long as you don't kill him."

The barriers around his mind... they're countereffective. That had been one of the first things Llyn had noticed; those big walls were constructed more for a sense of security from the inside. Maybe they could work on that today as well. Walls were very important to Llyn, for reasons hopefully not obvious to most people. If Nika was to live the same way, he would need to improve his. I can't tell... maybe he'll really want to change himself.

Llyn watched the medic put Nika's arm in a sling, an amused expression on his face. He was quite eager to begin training... that's cute too. Nika smiled at Llyn again, once his arm was in its sling. "Okay! Now we can go?" Llyn smiled. Kids were so enthusiastic about everything! It was uplifting, somewhat. "Yes, yes," he said cheerfully. "Come with me." He got up from his chair and held the infirmary door open for Nika.

[Anonymous]

"Um...yes." Nika smiled at Llyn, not quite getting it. Things went over his head on occasion, not used to catching them. But he did like the teeth, they were far more interesting then all the normal straight teeth he always saw. And while Nika normally didn't like others touching him, Llyn didn't bother him. He didn't know why he wasn't bothered, but he chose to not dwell on it much. Though he didn't think it was really appropriate to crawl into his lap just then though.

Nika nodded, glad to not be talking about it then. It made him sad thinking about it. Vaughan had cried. But he smiled at Llyn, slipping the mask back on. It was strange that Llyn seemed to get it. In a way few people do.

"Oh, well, I think that would be fun." Nika hadn't really been in many fights. He had been beaten up a few times at school, for being small, too pretty and weird. He had fought back of course, but the vicious tendencies he showed only made the other kids gang up more. Until Nika exploded the blood out of two of them.

Nika glanced away again, frowning, "I don't think I want to kill anyone. I-" He paused, trying to think of the right words. Though he felt Llyn was the only one he could even start to explain it too, "I think if I kill someone, the way I am now....I don't think I will be able to come back." His eyes went back to Llyn, watching him with that intense stare of his.

Adjusting the sling slightly for comfort, Nika beamed at Llyn before shyly held his good hand out to the pilot, "Okay. I am ready."

[Anonymous]

Llyn was glad that at least Nika responded properly to Vaughan's negative reaction. If he'd enjoyed making people such as him cry, that would be more difficult to fix. Nika smiled again; that smile was Nika's expression for when he couldn't think of another, Llyn could tell, the same as his own grin. It's not strange at all that I understand you, he thought, on a level too low for Nika to pick up. You'll learn soon enough why I didn't want you ruined.

"Oh, well, I think that would be fun." Llyn was glad Nika wasn't averse to sparring; he'd thought someone so small would shy away more from physical training. He had been bullied in school, apparently.. Weren't we all? Llyn paused in his thoughts. No, that's not true. Some of the weirdest ones are those who were always perfectly normal... "We'll decide between us whether to make it purely physical, or to allow psychic techniques as well."

Nika's eyes left him again; he'd said something to make him sad or unnerved. He'd really have to filter his speech... "I don't think I want to kill anyone. I-" Llyn watched him try and gather his thoughts, a more concerned look on his face now. "I think if I kill someone, the way I am now....I don't think I will be able to come back."

Llyn could hardly think of a response. "You..." he bit his knuckle, engaging his brain-to-mouth filter. "That's... a valid concern indeed. You're, for lack of a better analogy, at a divergence in the path of this life..." Llyn felt empty and superficial for saying anything at all. After all, he does not seem to have any desire to follow the path I did. "That sounds so silly, when I say it. What I mean is, as a Pilot, you will have to kill the enemies of Aedolis... however, my job is to set you far enough down the right path that it doesn't... that you can still be normal."

I don't think I will be able to come back. That echoed in Llyn's head, and he assumed a dutiful grin as he sorted his thoughts out. He's so naive and virtuous... surely, I'm looking back at him from the end of the wrong path. I wonder... His expression didn't falter, but he felt for a moment that he would like to turn away from Nika. If I tried... am I capable of going back?

When he went back to looking through his eyes, Nika was smiling up at him and offering a hand... to Llyn in his present state of mind, it seemed almost accusatory, as though Nika were a bit too happy about his being a better person than Llyn... too prideful. He isn't. He's smiling innocently, Llyn told himself. He took Nika's hand, reciprocating with a smile of his own, a bit too hollow. He walked down the hallway with Nika a bit, looking ahead, to the side, anywhere but Nika, trying to keep his hand from shaking.

Once he decided they were far enough down the hall, he let his other hand fly to his forehead, not letting go of the one holding Nika's, and leaned weakly against the near wall. His expression was pained, but it quickly turned calm. He leaned there a few seconds, reconstructing the walls around his mind before he could speak. "Don't worry..." he said, to Nika. "I'm a bit dizzy, I'll be fine in a moment..." He closed his eyes and calmed his breathing, fishing around in his mind, catching the thoughts about fixing himself, about the difference between himself and Nika... and locking them away, in the back of his mind. This evening, he told himself, When I get home, I will remember this, and sort it out... but for now, stop harassing me!

Llyn tensed up, then sighed, the troublesome preoccupations forgotten. He got back to his feet, cracked his neck, and smiled down at Nika. "Sorry if I scared you... that happens sometimes. Shall we find an unoccupied classroom, then?"

[Anonymous]

Nika hadn't been very excited about physical training until Llyn had explained that he could teach Nika a way to fight. Not just show him what moves larger, stronger boys would use to take down someone more their size. Nika needed moves to take down someone bigger then he was, "I'm not very good at...um....controll ing my power when I get distracted. Would you be able to stop it if I went too far?"

And in a fight there was often blood spilled and that always made Nika want to see more. The blood called to him, wanted to be with him and it was trapped inside those fleshy bodies. And it was far to easy for Nika to pull all of it out. But then Vaughan might hear about it, and Nika was pretty sure he wouldn't like that.

For all of LLyn's trite sounding comments, Nika wasn't offended. Llyn understood, actually honestly understood what Nika meant. Though the fact he bit his knuckle seemed strange to the boy, "I understand that I will have to kill. But I can't....I can't right now. Because its too easy right now."

Nika knew very well he wouldn't even lose sleep if he killed someone today. And he was confused about how to feel about that. He had sometimes been frustrated that he wasn't like other people, but he had never really felt like he had needed to change before. Not even for his parents, Nika didn't even really like his parents much. He didn't dislike them, but he wasn't comfortable around them.

But Vaughan had been different. Nika hadn't known him for long, hardly knew him well at all honestly. But he was drawn to something in the redhead, physically and mentally. He couldn't put his finger on it, but he just knew he wanted to be around him a lot, and touch him and make him smile. He wanted to have sex with him again, but without the tears. He had liked it when Vaughan had kissed back.

Even while thinking, Nika had kept the smile plastered on his face. As he held his hand out to Llyn, he sensed a subtle change in the pilot and Nika started to drop his hand away. Had that been wrong? Was he not supposed to do that? But then Llyn caught his hand, wrapping his fingers around Nika's.

The small boy frowned, a little confused about having bothered Llyn. Maybe he just didn't like to be touched. Nika started to pull his hand away when suddenly the pilot was grabbing his forehead and he leaned against the wall for support.

"Llyn? Are you alright? Do we need to go back to the infirmary? Do you need juice?" Nika stared at Llyn, listening to his blood, trying to see if it could tell him what was wrong. Was it just low blood pressure or something?

When the taller man straightened up and smiled again, Nika awkwardly returned the smile, not sure what else to do, "I'm fine." Nika glanced down, not sure what to say, "Do you need to get some food?" He brightened a little at the mention of an unoccupied classroom, "Lead the way then."

[Anonymous]

((OOC: Maybe if Llyn didn't speak to himself in metaphors, he'd be less fucked-up. c: ))

Something about sparring seemed to worry Nika, at least a little. "I'm not very good at...um....controll ing my power when I get distracted. Would you be able to stop it if I went too far?" Llyn thought about that a bit. "Distracted?" Certainly Nika meant the hemokinesis... Ah, I see. Not only anger, but... for lack of a better word, bloodlust. "We'll work on that," he replied. "A trained fighter is always in control of his mind and body, right?"

Llyn looked up, consciously moving his hands to his lap. His knuckle wasn't bleeding, which was good. That sort of thing was a nervous habit of Llyn's; pain cleared his mind. Not that he was nervous often. Now, though... it's odd, but this self-diagnosis makes me quite nervous. Nika spoke again, fixing Llyn with those clear eyes. "I understand that I will have to kill. But I can't....I can't right now. Because its too easy right now."

"I know," Llyn said almost automatically. "I mean, I understand. Right now, you're too close to..." to me, Llyn thought, but he wouldn't say that... "to the bad side of that road." That is myself, indeed. I haven't killed anyone lately, but just in the past twelve hours, I've dealt grievous physical harm—probably mental as well—to one, and let another die... and chopped up his body as though it were nothing but meat. Llyn's expression was more serious now, though still hardly readable. When I'm doing it, it comes naturally to me. I enjoy it... but comparing it to what a normal person would have done, or thinking of Nika doing such things... it's not a grinning matter at all.

Nika was thinking about Vaughan again. So, this is the boy for whom he would change himself. He would give up this wonderful, unhindered mind of his to have a normal relationship with this boy... And for whom, or for what purpose, would Llyn change himself? The first time, when I chose between these two paths, I thought only of myself... and I closed my eyes and ran down that path. Now, though, I'm so far down, and it appears there is another fork. One side goes to the true end of this path... and the other, though smaller and harder to see, back to the start. Someone should be standing at the entrance to that second path, to beckon me... but who? Azrael, Dyerlich, Victor... even the girl Iko, or this Candidate... I care for all of them, to some degree...

Llyn's mental turmoil confused Nika, which was natural, as it confused Llyn as well. He wasn't averse to being touched, it wasn't even Nika that had bothered him. He was just... disturbed, in all senses of the word.

When he opened his eyes again, Nika was concerned about him... again, unusual, because he actually cares. "No, I'm alright..." he led Nika down a less-frequented hallway, and chose one of the smaller classrooms, and opened the door. "Something was bothering me quite a bit," he said pleasantly, "but I won't remember it until later, when I get home. I'll sort it out then, I'm sure."

He closed and locked the door behind him; the lock was such that it could still be opened from the inside, but not from without. "Sit down, please, anywhere's fine. I'll sit next to you, unless you'd rather I sit farther away. Whatever makes you feel more comfortable. I feel I should tell you about... myself, in relation to you, right now... unless you don't want to hear it. Either way, you should at least have some idea that I was once in the same position you are now."

[Anonymous]

It was so nice speaking to Llyn. He actually understood what it was like the be Nika, to be inside his head with all that empty darkness. To realize that while you could like or dislike someone, you had no real feelings for them. You couldn't understand how people so casually interacted with each other.

How did you explain to someone that torturing a puppy didn't bother you, that it was fun? That you could enjoy someones company but if they were to die the next day, you wouldn't really miss them? How do you tell express that seeing Vaughan cry wasn't what upset Nika. It was the fact that he wasn't upset by it.

The boy nodded smiling again, "I would like that. Very much." It was so fun to spar people, to hurt them and have it be allowed. Watching blood spill always excited him. And for the first time he felt hesitation about going down the dark road. Because he knew Vaughan couldn't go down that path.

Llyn's knuckle wasn't bleeding, which was good. Nika didn't want to do something bad in front of Llyn, "Is there a better side of the road?" Nika tilted his head, watching Llyn, "Or do I just get better at hiding the darkness?" Honestly, Nika wasn't sure he really cared about the road. It seemed best to try and change and fix himself. But maybe it wouldn't matter if he could just make a better mask to hide what he was.

His hand came up, touching Llyn's face lightly, "You are like me, under a better mask then I have. Does it really matter? If I change or just look like I've changed?" Nika just...didn't know. He didn't know how to think his way through this. This wasn't something he knew how to handle.

Nika wasn't convinced that Llyn was alright, but he wouldn't pry. He hated when people tried to pry into his thoughts, so he just nodded and stuck extra close to Llyn, as if that would somehow help. Comfort was something the boy was particularly bad at doing. Inside the class room he obediently took a seat, "Why would I want you to sit far away? I like Llyn."

Another smile and Nika rested his chin on his arms, watching Llyn with those pale eyes of his, waiting for Llyn to continue. Was this another of the mentor speeches? But Llyn wasn't his mentor, as much as he might wish otherwise.

[Anonymous]

"Is there a better side of the road?" Llyn snapped to attention. "Or do I just get better at hiding the darkness?" That was a rather dark thing to say. Llyn wrung his hands, a concerned look on his face. I definitely do not want him turning out like me. "Of course there is! There's always a choice... at the point you are now, you can definitely choose the good side of that path." Llyn smiled at him, trying to look non-creepy. "Of course, it's up to you. If you don't want the good side, I'll still counsel you... I'd just have to adjust my curriculum."

He tried to listen calmly to Nika's thoughts, all the while arguing with himself. Shit, he's rationalizing the wrong path... Nika's hand touched Llyn's face, just lightly. "You are like me, under a better mask then I have. Does it really matter? If I change or just look like I've changed?" Llyn wanted, in his heart of hearts, to turn away and just... find someone better to teach Nika. He was a horrible example; he would fail and turn Nika into something horrible... No I won't. I'll help him... there's no one else who can.

"That's all the difference, Nika." He pulled his hair back and looked Nika in the eyes, speaking calmly and quietly. "You've seen through me... the good side of the road is actual change... the bad side is hiding under a mask... you see, when you separate the darkness from the face you project, it only gets worse... I'll explain later, about myself." Llyn felt, in truth, completely inadequate.

Nika sat down, as directed. "Why would I want you to sit far away? I like Llyn." Llyn smiled. Thirty seconds ago, Llyn would have stuck his head between his legs in shame or lashed out against Nika, but now he was flattered. "Alright, then. I'll sit here." He pulled a chair up next to Nika.

"Now, what I wanted to tell you..." Llyn cleaned under his nails as he talked, more relaxed now than he was. "You and I, while similar, are in our ways completely different. You know when I said... you know, the big paths metaphor, and you said I was wearing a better mask than yours? Well... yes. I mean what I said about the 'mask' method being the crutch of those who choose the darker road. That is to say..." he would have been more ashamed of himself, but he had locked those feelings up... "that's the road I chose."

[Anonymous]

Nika felt so confused, torn between the two sides. He didn't know what he wanted to do, he didn't know how to deal with all of this inside him. And it was starting to get swallowed by the darkness inside him. Could he even change, be like all those people around him?

He gave a small laugh, "I've never even thought about changing before. I don't...I don't know what I want. I just...I like Vaughan. And I don't like that I made him cry. But I....can I even be like all those other people? Interact the way they do?"

When Llyn pulled his hair back, Nika's eyes widened in surprise as he stared into the pilots eyes, not blinking, "I don't think I fully understand. Is there really such a difference? Don't people see you the same way?"

Nika was glad Llyn sat next to him. He actually scooted closer. If he had thought he would fit, he would have just crawled into Llyn's lap. He wanted to hide there and hope that things would start to make sense.

Watching Llyn through his hair, Nika chewed thoughtfully on his lip, hard enough to break the skin. He didn't seem to notice, just flicked his tongue over the blood there. Then he let out a slow breath, "I don't know what path I am going to take. I don't know what to do. I've never even noticed there was another choice I could make until I met Vaughan."

He smiled again, his lower lip stained red from the cut on his lip, "But I do like you Llyn. And I'm glad you will be teaching me."

Nika felt quite over his head here. He wasn't sure what he was supposed to do or say to Llyn. He liked the tall, creepy man, felt a kinship with him. And the fact that he took the dark path didn't bother the boy at all.

[Anonymous]

When Llyn sat down, Nika scooted his chair closer. That's cute. He's cute. "You know, I don't mind if you sit in my lap. Just remind me not to try and cross my legs again," he said, smiling.

Nika chewed his lip until it bled, probably as much a nervous habit as Llyn's knuckle-biting. "I don't know what path I am going to take. I don't know what to do. I've never even noticed there was another choice I could make until I met Vaughan." Llyn nodded, placing a consolatory hand on Nika's knee. "That's usually how it is. If you think you're viewed as a person doomed to turn bad, then you are, effectively, doomed to turn bad. However..." he smiled. "If you meet a person who thinks you're good inside, and makes you want to change... maybe you'll change. No one outside should ever truly change you, but they always have a hand in it indirectly."

Llyn smiled. "I'm glad you like me, Nika... still, you shouldn't let your feelings for me cloud your judgment. I'm not a good one to imitate..." He ran a hand through his hair. It was troublesome, that he had been the one to stop Latona from tampering with Nika's brain. He didn't want to make Nika hate him, but... it would be easier if he could.

It kind of worried Llyn, that Nika didn't see him as any worse for being bad. Of course, Llyn was a very good example of someone behind a mask. "I see that you like me as a person, but..." he was alert, making sure no one was listening in. "I don't think you understand. Since I made that choice, the darkness inside me has increased, almost become its own entity. I do things on a weekly basis that normal people could not bring themselves to do even once.

He scratched his head. "It's hard to explain without actually saying it, in such a way that you'll fully understand why this path is bad..." he sighed. "Would you like to see some of my memories of last night? I can erase them after you've seen... but at least you'll have a sense of understanding."

[Anonymous]

"I can?" Nika smiled and quickly got out of the chair and awkwardly climbed into Llyn's lap, curling his head up under the taller mans chin. Nika was small enough that he could just manage to stay seated on the pilots narrow lap. Nika liked listening to Llyn's pulse, it was comforting. He just had to be careful not to start thinking about how it would feel to pull that pulse out of Llyn's skin.

His tongue played at the wound in his lip and he would sometimes draw it in and suck on it, tasting the coppery blood there. It was just a habit of his, the blood calmed him a bit, "I suppose that the right thing to do is to change?" Nika spent so much time trying to follow the rules of normal people that he had problems making his own choices. And turning bad seemed the wrong choice to make, "And....Vaughan would maybe like me then?"

Even speaking of change, Nika really wasn't sure how exactly he was going to change. He only had a vague sort of concept of what that meant. Was he going to start having feelings, like all the people around him? Was his mask just going to get good enough that even he didn't realize it was there? Was there some light inside him he had just failed to realize that would beat back the dark like some early morning cartoon show?

Nika shrugged, snuggling closer to Llyn, "Of course my feelings for you will effect me. The same way my liking Vaughan makes me look at another option. I try to fit it, I look to those around me for how I am supposed to act. You aren't any different."

Nika reached his hand reached up and started to play with a small strand of Llyn's hair, feeling comfortable against him like this, "Is it really so bad? To have the darkness take over? Do you really hate it so much?"

He honestly wanted to know. Was it really that awful of a thing? He had no real idea of what it was like on the other side, so the darkness didn't seem so bad to him, "If you could go back, would you take the other path? Or do you just think you should tell me to change?"

Nika had started to loosely braid the strand of hair he was playing with, watching it intently. He didn't really seem to watch anything any other way, "Would the memories really change anything? Seeing you kill someone, or hurt them? I have never cared if someone was hurt. I didn't even care enough to stop with Vaughan."

The boy suddenly looked ready to cry, "I'm too broken to care. Too messed up, to weird. I'm a monster."

[Anonymous]

Llyn was kind of glad that Nika felt this comfortable with him already, and yet... it would bias him. It struck him then that this Candidate wouldn't be pushed one way or another; he just wasn't that type. Please don't drain me of blood, he thought, though not to Nika. It would be such a waste.

"I suppose that the right thing to do is to change? And....Vaughan would maybe like me then?" Llyn stroked Nika's hair with one hand and rested the other at his side. Part of him wanted to kiss Nika, if only to taste the blood on his lips... "It's a matter of differing opinions," he said calmly. "To normal people, yes, the right thing to do is to change. If Vaughan is normal, it stands to reason that he would like you to change as well."

The boy had quite a lot of doubts, and, to be fair, Llyn didn't know how he would begin to change either. He'd always thought of it as building habits: if repulsion was the normal reaction to a mutilated body, one simply needed to wire himself to act repulsed automatically at the sight of a mutilated body. It shouldn't be that long before they become so ingrained in him that he is, functionally, normal.

"I understand." Llyn rested his cheek against Nika's head. "It must be hard, with role models who contradict each other." Llyn knew that was what he was doing, too... confusing Nika all the more.

Nika played with Llyn's hair idly as he talked. "Is it really so bad? To have the darkness take over? Do you really hate it so much?" Llyn didn't really want to answer this one, but, well... he asked. "That depends on your mindset. I rather enjoy it, myself... still, you have to be careful, and be sure to clean up after yourself. It's a difficult way to live, without a doubt."

"If you could go back, would you take the other path? Or do you just think you should tell me to change?" the questions just got harder... "If it were me, I would never want to change completely. Of course, I'm twenty-four now... I should probably consider settling down. Still, I like the feeling of being able to do what I do, and sleep soundly not long afterward. If I didn't know that about myself, I might have to be removed from service... look," he said, and sighed, leaning back to look Nika in the eyes. "Let me just tell you that it's my job to tell you to change. The rest probably want your brain messed with. However, as a person, I couldn't care less which side you choose. I'll teach you either way, and you'll look the same to everyone else." That was the truth. In fact, Llyn might even enjoy having someone more like him around.

"No, then," Llyn said, sitting up straight again so Nika wouldn't feel like Llyn had abandoned him. "The memories wouldn't change anything..."

Nika looked up at him, on the verge of tears. "I'm too broken to care. Too messed up, to weird. I'm a monster." Llyn held him close, stroking his hair, just... being near him. "No, no. That's not true. You're not broken, you're not messed-up, and neither am I. We're just different... Please, though... consider this. If you don't kill or hurt others for your own pleasure, you're technically not on the bad path. Alright?" Llyn rested his cheek against him again. "If you want to, that's okay too. Just... don't worry, don't cry. Either way, I'll help you. Either way... you'll be closer to one of us."

[Anonymous]

Llyn didn't have to worry about Nika draining him. Not because Nika wouldn't, though he was unlikely to want too. But he lacked the control and the skill to fuck up a fully trained pilot. Once he had mastery over his abilities, people could start to feel nervous, but for now a trained physic was safe.

When his lip stopped bleeding, Nika chewed on it again, breaking the skin again. They weren't deep bites, just enough to bleed a little. His parents always freaked out at scars and then Nika had to go get them removed, so he tried to be careful. He hated doctors, they always got too close to him.

He didn't say much as Llyn spoke, he just listened as he did his best to take it all in. It was so strange to have someone who actually understood this part of him, who he could talk to about it all. That had the same darkness inside him. There was no shock in Llyn's voice, no pity, no disgust. Just understanding and options.

"Thank you. Thankyouthankyoutha nkyou." Nika was a little surprised to find that he was crying. He didn't really know why he was, just that there were tears on his cheeks. But he felt happy and relieved that Llyn wasn't going to push him or judge him. He was just going to be there for him no matter what he did.

His slender arms came up and wrapped around the pilots next, surprising strength in such a small form. He didn't know what he was supposed to do here. He felt such confusing and strong emotions toward Llyn right then and lacked the experience to express them. It was like being with Vaughan again, though not quite the same.

He knew his parents like it when he hugged them. So that was what he did. He held tightly to Llyn, his mind a whirl of confusion. What was the right thing to do here? What did all these feelings mean? How did one respond to them?

"I'm really not broken, am I? If you are like me too." Nika nuzzled his face against Llyn's neck, hiding his face there, "And I don't have to pick right now, do I?" He wanted to be someone Vaughan liked, but at the same time, what if changing was like fixing his brain? Would there be any of him left once the darkness was pushed back?