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Author Topic: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]  (Read 8883 times)

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Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #120 on: November 17, 2017, 11:32:30 pm »
If it's terrible you gotta tell me.

There was something about the way Vander protested his (shitty attempt at a) joke, that made Loa pause in the middle of eating as he looked over at the man. He'd been talking about the food but something inside the hemokinetic stilled for a moment.

Really, all of this was wrong. Not terrible, per say, but just... Wrong.

He'd tried to tell Vander from the beginning but the guy had just been so persistent and now here they were, defying the very laws that seemed to define Loa's plane of existence and he didn't know how he felt about it. Sure, there was a tiny, tiny part of him that liked it. That liked the difference, the feeling of having someone there, of not being alone anymore, and not feeling guilty or ashamed of wanting it. But that was only a small part--the rest of him felt guilty and ashamed. Disgusting. Vile.

Friendship was something he'd never thought himself to be cut out for--he was just odd. Stinted. Couldn't handle people. So this was wrong--Vander letting him in his home, cooking for him, trying to be friends with him... Was wrong.

For a brief moment he hesitated and felt the urge to get up and leave, but he also knew it wouldn't do any good--would it be running away, or fixing what was wrong, here? He didn't know anymore. So he just kept quiet, and kept eating.

"Your mom? Sounds like she knew a thing or two then." He said quietly, finishing the rest of his food and looking away from Vander sheepishly, even though he knew the man couldn't see him, when he was asked if he'd like some more.

"If... If it's not too much trouble, then yeah. S-Sure." Fuck. He felt so awkward and unsure of himself right now.

He pulled his hands into his lap, grasping tightly at his wrists as he waited for the plate of food; he could feel the scratches itching and burning under there, even with the bandages. He bit his lip, his anxiety climbing a little bit higher as he sat there and wallowed, until more food was presented to him and he then fixated on that, enjoying the taste of it (hell it was really really really good) and eating the rest of it in silence.

"Thank you, for uh. Dinner? I guess." He was so awkward about it, but at least he knew some manners.

Problem was, he'd only had sleepovers with one other person and he wasn't sure if the rules that applied then applied now. What were you supposed to do after you ate? He and Ru would usually go to bed after that--and by go to bed, that meant go to Ru's bedroom and stay up for a few hours with Ru rambling on about random shit that was neither here nor there while Loa would listen and insightfully say things like 'Yeah,' 'Uh-huh,' or 'Sure.'

"So... Now what?"

Offline Lion

Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #121 on: November 19, 2017, 10:29:16 am »
Maybe it was wrong. And maybe Vander didn't know any other way to be than friendly. Sure he could be like Rodion and just breath fire on the first person that came his way, but that didn't strike him as any kind of recipe for a good time. When a man had that much pent up bitterness, it's probably because he hated himself than anything else. Which was a real shame because they usually ended up missing out on the good things other people had to offer.

Vander just casually looked at the speaking inkblot in front of his eyes. They seemed normal to any others glancing into his eyes, save for the faint cloudiness over the pupils. They dilated just a bit when Loa moved, shifting with the light and after he served him a second plate, Vander cleaned up and gently dried and stacked the dishes away.

A small blossom of heat swelled in his chest at the compliment of his cooking. He'd grinned shyly, feeling his cheeks hurt from the tension and he slipped around the counter to gesture to Loa to follow him. Sorta. Vander shoved his hands into his pockets and tilted his head, feeling heat rush to his cheeks. "You can stay with me. In my room. I..."  He stopped and removed a hand from his pocket and gently tucked it into Loa's curling fingers with his.

"Just lie down with me?" he offered. "I mean if you want to? You can take the couch or the bed. I just...want you to feel comfortable here. What's mine is yours after all."

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Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #122 on: November 19, 2017, 10:54:46 am »
Something about the grin on Vander's face made Loa's heart flutter, his stomach twisting a little with... Pleasant knots? Which he didn't know could be a thing but apparently okay, they could. The guy didn't really respond to his question with a verbal answer, just nodded for Loa to follow him, and so Loa did, keeping a step or two behind him as he realized the direction they were heading was Vander's bedroom.

His first thought was oh, this was like one of Ru's sleepovers. They might hang out for a bit and talk or something, that was... Probably fine. Loa could probably handle that. It was at the very least something he was used to, something he knew. He could just sit on the floor then and--

And then Vander made the comment about lying down with him and before he realized it, the warmth and tingling sensation of flesh against flesh made him look down to see that Vander was... Holding his... Hand?

There was a moment's pause where if Vander could have seen Loa's face he probably could have imagined the gears turning behind his eyes, the clunk... Clunk... Clunk... Of something trying to catch as he tried to put together the pieces of the puzzle.

So.. He...Wanted to... Touch. Or. Something. The word 'snuggle' popped into his head but he didn't know if that actually applied or not.

Loa hesitated, unsure of what to do, how to respond. Ru had done this with him a few times, but he hadn't asked or said anything like 'If you want to.' And that was what was throwing him for a loop here, so rather than try and figure that bit out he tossed it out the window. Vander wanted to be physical and Loa wanted to make him happy, even if it meant... Even if it meant hurting in the long run.

Old pains of heartbreak made his chest throb and he nodded, before remembering Vander couldn't see it, so he awkwardly cleared his throat. "Yeah--Sure. That's fine."

He didn't realize he did it until after he did it, but he gave the man's hand the gentlest squeeze, standing a bit closer to him so their sides brushed. It made his heartbeat skip a little.

"Still don't get why you say that." He admitted, trying not to think about how this was making him feel, how much it hurt and yet how... Giddy he was at the same time? Excited? At the prospect of getting to touch him again? See that worried him, but he wasn't about to let that on right now; the last thing he needed were his emotions and fears meddling and messing up what was between them right now, because whether he wanted to admit it to himself or not, Loa wanted to enjoy this as much as he could.

Offline Lion

Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #123 on: November 19, 2017, 10:46:50 pm »
"You don't get it? Oh, I was pretty sure you could decipher it real easily, but since you don't get it, I'd be happy to explain. It means I'm willing and trying to share with you. What's mine is yours is like...if I have an apple and you're hungry and I see that you're hungry, I'm gonna cut my apple in half and share it with you. Because well.... I dunno, don't see why not. My momma didn't raise me to be selfish, so I'm sure as shit not going to start now."

Vander explained idly while he tugged Loa toward the bed, his side tingling up against the spot where Loa had brushed against him, the hackles standing up on the back of his neck. A small nervous chuckle and he ditched his shoes, kicking them to the corner of the room and casually moving over to his closet where he stripped, not quite thinking about being watched or Loa standing there.

He knew he was there. He couldn't ignore it. And when he pulled his shirt off, he pulled on another shirt, a wrinkled t-shirt, and dropped his pants to change into some sweats he normally slept in. He wasn't slow and deliberate, but neither was he rushed or anxious about it. Nothing of his actions displayed any hesitation or embarrassment.

Vander crawled over to the bed and ruffled a pillow up underneath his head.  "You can borrow something to wear if you want. I don't think sleeping in jeans is all that comfortable. Or you don't have to if you don't want to," he offered and tried to focus on the inkblot that was Loa. A blink and he closed his silvery eyes, scooting over to give room to the other man.

"Sweats are in the drawer, you can use a shirt too. Whatever you want to do."

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Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #124 on: November 19, 2017, 11:15:57 pm »
Loa was a little surprised when Vander offered to explain what he meant with no hesitation, or the slightest sign of annoyance at Loa's question. Ru would've been irritated, so this made the Pilot Echo pause for a moment as he listened.

"Oh."

Well when he put it like that, suddenly Loa understood and it didn't seem such a foreign concept; sharing was something every parent taught their kid, or something every kid learned at some point in their life. Loa was a bit of a selfish person himself, he wasn't so sure he'd offer half an apple to someone who was hungry, unless if it was Vander--then he would.

"Guess that makes sense." He said it quietly as he followed the man into the bedroom and paused awkwardly in the doorway as he watched the man start to strip.

For a moment he immediately looked away out of consideration and... Not wanting to be weird. With Ru he'd always snuck glances, as awful as it was, but he realized then that he wouldn't have to with Vander. The man was practically blind, he probably wouldn't be able to tell if Loa was staring. N-Not that that made it any better, but...

He did sneak a peek, his heart beating a little faster as he glanced over the curves and dips of those hardened muscles and he quickly looked away again until he heard the mattress shift under the other man's weight.

He hesitated a moment at the offer to borrow some more of Vander's clothes, and glanced down at himself. He was just in a t-shirt and no, jeans weren't very comfy to sleep in, not in the slightest. But if he borrowed some pants from Vander he'd smell like him and he had mixed feelings about that. Guess it turned out that the positive ones outweighed the negative, because he stepped over after a moment, found a pair of sweats in the drawer and hesitated again, glancing over his shoulder at Vander before he bit his lip and changed into them. He was the exact opposite of what the Cardinal had been--he was quick, didn't want the other man to look at him even though he knew he couldn't see. There was always that what if, and yes he knew the guy had already seen him naked but... This was different.

"Thanks." He said quietly, trying to swallow the lump in his throat as he came over to stand by the side of the bed, seeing the spot left for him as his heart continued to hammer in his chest.

It hadn't occurred to him that something so small as the offering to stay in the same bed with the man would cause him this much anxiety, this much fear. Nervousness. He thought briefly about lying that he left the stove on to go back to his own apartment and then lock himself in but that wouldn't go over well and he damn well knew it.

He slowly got onto the bed, sitting awkwardly next to Vander for a moment before he awkwardly shuffled to awkwardly lay there next to him, close and yet not quite touching him, their bodies a mere inch or two away.

This was utterly terrifying and he hadn't the slightest clue what to do. Would... Would he say something? Were they gonna talk? Did he just want to go to bed?

He looked over at him, unsure of how to ask because he'd already used the 'So... Now what?' line earlier, and he was kicking himself for it.

"You know you don't have to do this." He said suddenly, a little surprised at himself that it had come so unprovoked. "You don't have to be so nice to me. Gods know I don't deserve it."

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Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #125 on: November 20, 2017, 12:14:05 am »
He could hear the rushed shuffling of clothing, and that mere thought that Loa was so nervous he couldn't even change in front of him, even with knowing that Vander couldn't see him, made Vander more than a little crestfallen. He averted his gaze as if he could, and once Loa was in the bed, he forced himself to relax. He'd gotten this far, Loa didn't run away just yet. But he left that door open, just in case, to keep him feeling less 'penned in'.

He could leave any time, Vander would not hold it against him. And yet when he didn't a small sigh of relief left him. Soft quietlike and he cradled the pillow underneath his head, relaxing and kicking at the blanket at the base of the bed to cover his feet.

Brows furrowed and his cut twisted at the things he said.

"Why don't you deserve it?" he asked, genuinely curious. "Why do you talk like that?" There was no accusation in his voice, the tone soft and gentle enough to actually be inviting. "You think I'm just being nice? I'm being friendly, and I like you a lot. I think you're pretty interesting."

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Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #126 on: November 21, 2017, 06:36:27 am »
Loa wasn't quite sure yet to feel about this situation, this... Predicament he'd gotten himself into. He was in Vander's bed (more on it rather than in it, big difference there) with the man, wearing his clothes, and he was already regretting what he'd just said, because now it was seeming to open up to a bigger conversation he wasn't ready to have yet.

Let's be honest here, he'd never be ready to have it.

Vander's voice wasn't accusing, or even irritated. He seemed as if he genuinely didn't know and that fact alone baffled Loa. As if it weren't obvious from day one why he didn't deserve kindness? He only knew how to return it with a sour attitude and hatred, he'd never been grateful for Vander's friendship, had loathed him at first and there were times that he still did.

"I..." He hesitated, as if searching for the right words, when in reality he was trying to think of a way to get himself out of this, but he could think of none.

"I'm kind of an asshole, Vander. I don't know how to... Be friendly. Have friends. There's nothing interesting about me, what you see is exactly what you get--a depressed alcoholic counting down the days until someone or.. Something does me in on a mission."

His brows knitted together as his gut knotted up with tension; there was no way to sugar-coat it. There was no nice way to say he was a suicidal loser that no one cared about, and for damn good reason.

So why Vander was so nice to him was beyond anything he could even hope to reason out. It didn't add up, why he would go out of his way for a person like Loa. And for the most part, Loa didn't wanna know why he would. Why he would kiss him or hold his hand, or why Loa felt so lonely even though he was laying in the bed right next to him.

He glanced over to him, holding his breath for a moment before his hand ventured just close enough to brush against the warmth of the man's torso. It sent tingles racing up his spine and made his heart ache, how he was physically so close and yet he still felt as if he were a thousand miles away.

That was how he felt with everyone. Isolated. Forgotten. Alone.

"You're the first person in ten years to actually seem to care."

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Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #127 on: November 23, 2017, 09:57:39 am »
The hesitation couldn't have drenched his voice more if he was asked to leave his hand in a steel trap and trust that it wouldn't close on him. The anxiety was there, the wounds laden into him that were scabbed but never scarred over. Vander was almost hurt at the incredulity that this man couldn't so much as recieve a compliment without it clearly meaning he was unworthy of it. And that little ache in his chest grew, like a pebble in your shoe.

It was stuck there, small and prodding, never overly comfortable. But present and it made Vander knit his brow harshly.

Vander had asked for nothing of him, save his company. And even that Loa had been hard pressed to give. Was this too much for him? Was he really pushing him too much. The vagaries of guilt ebbed its way into Vander and he clenched the sheets a little of that bed, wishing he could see for once the look on Loa's face.

And that Loa would let him look.

"Did something happen to you? To make you feel that way?" he asked, voice still soft. "I know you're pretty rough around the edges. But I'm not trying to change you. I just want to spend time with you. I'm not asking you to be anything other than yourself. I just like you, I wish I knew how to better explain it."

Vander laid out on his belly, arms in front of him and he bunched the pillow underneath his head. Yeah, he really wished Loa would let him see his face, that he might better gauge what the other man was feeling other than the defensiveness in his voice

"I guess I been told my since Candyland that I wouldn't amount to anything. That'd I'd be trimmed from the first moment I got there. It really fucking sucks when no one has any faith in you. That you're science slab fodder. I couldn't have felt more alone," he admitted. There was a vague crack in his voice, and he paused to collect himself.

"I understood that was the nature of the beast. You're expendable. Happens all the time to candies everyday. But I made a decision right then and there that I was going to make it. I wanted to make it. And I didn't want anyone else to feel as alone as I felt. I don't know if you'll ever understand what I mean. Or if you think I have some ulterior motive. I just want to get to know you Loa. Maybe you don't have to feel the way you do. I don't know any other way to explain it."

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Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #128 on: November 23, 2017, 11:36:40 am »
Loa was quiet for a very long time, even after Vander spoke.

He listened carefully, the man's voice as soothing as his words were gut-wrenching; it almost felt like it was too much to take in, like some kind of sensory overload. It made him squeeze his eyes shut, trying to focus on his breathing while he paid attention to what the other Pilot told him because it was so important. Moreso than he'd ever thought it would be.

He had struggled through Candidacy, too. Which Loa found extremely hard to believe--he was just so... Jovial, confident, charming. He wouldn't have guessed in a million years that they'd have threatened him with being TRIMMed, even though it made a bit of sense given his eyesight issues, but still. Loa pursed and worried at his lips, his chest feeling tight.

Vander was everything but a failure. Certainly not expendable, not in Loa's eyes. He was a valuable member of his squadron now, a strong Pilot, a good man. People like him were so hard to find, and yet Loa didn't have the slightest clue on how to go about treating him well enough. Giving him the recognition that he deserved, he... Loa was such a shitty person, such a shitty friend.

After a few moments of silence between the two of them Loa forced himself to swallow the thick lump in his throat, feeling like he was drowning in a bog of tar.

"I'm glad you made it."

He said it so quietly, his voice wavering, he didn't know what he was saying or how to say it, how to put all of his swimming, mixed emotions into a tangible format for the other man to process, or even if he wanted to.

Did something happen to you? To make you feel that way?

Those words echoed in Loa's head and it made his gut lurch; he sat up suddenly, terrified for a moment he might actually throw up, but it was just the anxiety clawing its way up his throat as he remembered so many sleepless nights in Candidacy, so many punishments, screaming Ru's name over and over and over and over--

"Been this way as long as I can remember." He mumbled. "Almost got TRIMMed, murdered my best friend." He sucked in a breath and put his head in his hands, fingers weaving through his thick black hair, clenching tight and pulling at the roots to give him something, anything to focus on other than the flips his gut was doing because he was so conflicted and confused.

Should he talk to Vander? No, probably not--he shouldn't be here at all, but he wanted to. He wanted to tell him everything, wanted to be close to him, he wanted so badly to just be a normal fucking person. He wished he could have been born without the psionics, without the crippling social anxiety, without his depression, his fear--he wished he'd never been born at all. Gods all, how many times he'd wished for that. Wished that they would go back in time and remove him from existence--he didn't ask to be brought in this world. He never wanted to be here.

So why was he here?

He drew his knees up to his chest, resting his forehead against them and hugging his legs, he didn't know what else to say or do or what to tell Vander other than what he'd already said--he was a loser, a lowlife, a waste of space, a man who never should have been or existed. And yet here he was. He just wished he knew what to do about it.

"I'm sorry--that you went through that." He said, voice tight with his chin tucked so close to his chest, eyes squeezed shut; if he focused more on Vander that might help things go away, right? "You're--You're a good man. Good Pilot. Your squad is... Very lucky to have you."

And yet the images of Vander struggling as a young Candidate that popped into his head seemed to bring just as much stress if not more, thinking of him specifically going through things that he and Ru did, dealing with the same threats, the same constant worry and fear that one day you would wake up and be dragged from bed, told that you were a failure and then shipped off to be a lab rat. That chilled Loa to the bone.

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Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #129 on: December 05, 2017, 07:10:13 pm »
Vander didn't know what he expected by admitting that and he hadn't counted on telling anyone that that didn't already know. Already his heart was beating rapidly in his chest and he didn't know if he could speak again without his voice breaking. No one bothered believing in him, he was a waste of space. Just another Candy waiting to be shipped off to TRIM.  Nobody would have missed him. He would have been fodder for another's experiments.

What would Loa think? That he was just trying to vie for attention? Feel sorry for himself? What would have been the point of that. What did he gain? He didn't reach out, not to pry into Loa's mind. He could understand smaller pieces of tech than he could people sometimes, but that didn't stop him from trying. He could only see the blurry blots that Loa was, and the desire to see his face made his heart leap into his throat.

Maybe. Maybe some day Loa would let him.

Vander listened to him though, pushed his thoughts away and although he could hear Loa moving he didn't know what he was doing. But the shift in weight on the mattress didn't dictate he was vacating anything. Taking that as a sign that it was okay, Vander wiggled himself closer and reached out a hand blindly to him. He felt skin, a leg, a knee, and just let his hand shift up until it was on Loa's shoulder.

A gentle squeeze.  "I'm sorry about your friend. I didn't know that, but I'm glad you told me. I didn't have much in the way of friends in Candidacy," he admitted. "Is this weird for you? Are you uncomfortable?"

Vander shifted closer and wanted nothing more than to pull Loa closer to him, to get the man to relax, even if that risk meant that Loa would pull away from him. But his touches were gentle, coaxing, but not pulling. "I'm glad your here though. Really I am. It really sucks to be alone sometimes, y'know. I know I have my little machines, but I know they're not people. People need other people. I don't think me and you are so different."

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Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #130 on: December 09, 2017, 12:20:27 am »
Loa felt the mattress move and he tensed a little, just slightly, as Vander shifted closer to him and suddenly the space between them seemed to shrink to nothing at all. He jolted slightly when he felt the hand on his leg, and suddenly he felt his heartbeat double in time as the blood rushed to his face and he felt the heat in his cheeks. But the hand was quickly moved up to his shoulder, and when he felt the gentlest tug, he obeyed.

"... No," He murmured quietly, reacting without really thinking when Vander asked if he were made uncomfortable by this.

Uncomfortable, no. He had done similar things with Ru, and yet somehow this felt different. His heart was still every bit as on edge, but it wasn't quite the same--the edge wasn't as sharp, wasn't as painful. It was like Vander was asking him to do a trust fall, and if the other Pilot didn't catch him he'd just fall onto a padded mat rather than fifty feet down. But his gut also told him Vander wouldn't let him fall, either.

So he laid down with the man, facing him with the softest, shuddering breath as the Cardinal told him that he was glad that Loa was here... And that made Loa's heart leap up into his throat, hard to swallow back down. He understood technology more than people, just as Loa understood music and liquor, although the other man's crutch was far less destructive.

Laying so close he could feel his warm breath on his face and it made his heart beat even faster, he could hear the blood rushing in his ears with every rise and fall of his own expanding lungs, and those words rolled over in his head over and over again.

"I'm... I'm glad you're here, too." He finally said after a moment, feeling the urge to desperately reach out and touch him but would that be weird?

It would most definitely likely be weird. And thus he didn't, instead curling up as their legs brushed against each other, and that brief warmth was enough to make his heart throb again. He'd forgotten what it was like, to be so close to another human being, to care about someone, because he sure as shit had never cared about himself.

His gaze flickered over Vander's pretty eyes, his lips, the shape of his jawline and the curves of his cheekbones, feeling strange knowing that even though the other man was looking right at him, he couldn't see him at all. He still felt as if his privacy was vastly being invaded, as if at any moment Vander could tell him he'd been lying about his vision the whole time and that he could really see Loa's face and that thought alone was terrifying, making every beat of his heart thud painfully against his ribcage, rattling with paranoia. And yet he kept the urge to run away down, stomaching his fear as he tried to focus on other things; the little things, like the strands of the other man's hair falling and obscuring his face, the rise and fall of his breaths, the subtle changes in his expression.

"I forgot what it was like. To be around others, around someone you like." He said quietly, his voice low, the slightest warble echoing throughout its tone.

He'd admitted it, albeit indirectly, but he did it. He admitted that yes... He did like Vander. And he did like his company.

Offline Lion

Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #131 on: December 09, 2017, 11:22:45 am »
Vander to hear his own heart pounding heavily in his ears. When was the last time he shared his bed like this? Oh, well he couldn't really remember...  Probably because the answer ranged from never - to not really - and not since that one game of spin the milk carton in his candy days. Yeesh. And even now, it wasn't quite like this could be considered really sharing his bed - not by most Aedolian standards. There were two bodies in it, laying side by side, and by Vander's standards, this was indeed sharing a bed.

The moment their legs made contact, Vander let out a slow breath from flared nostrils. He parted his knees a little and slid one leg back and let Loa settle a leg on his. In fact he pressed his leg into the mattress to encourage such a movement as he settled in beside him. Vander's heart was racing in his ears, throbbing  heavily as he felt the other man so close to him.

Vander's temptation to reach out and touch Loa's face won out - whereas the Pilot Echo had almost seemed too afraid to do so. The desire to touch him came from an odd mix of wanting to be close and being unable to see his face. The blob his features had become shifted and morphed when he opened his mouth to speak, when he admitted that he actually liked Vander's company.

Really now? It was...remarkably hard to tell.  He'd always thought he was being overbearing...and a small part of him feared that if Loa truly and thoroughly hated his presence, he'd tell him to go away. To which Vander would obey. He liked the guy well enough - even with his morose petulance - but he didn't want to be bother. Not if he was truly making him miserable.

His belly felt a jolt go through it and his heart sped up a little more, heat flooding his face. "I like you too. A lot actually," he admitted, his hand now resting on Loa's cheek. The back of his fingers curled against the other man's cheek, and he just felt the contours of it. This was as close as he'd ever get to actually seeing his face. No need to hide, no visors, no helmets, nothing to hide behind. Vander's hand turned so that his palm rested against his cheek, and he let his thumb rove very gently over the curve of his face.

Loa's cheekbone was so gentle, the slope physically pleasing as he stroked down to his chin, rolling he knuckle against the bottom of his lip and letting his fingers roll into the dips and curves of his features. Committing them to memory. Committing them so that he could properly visualize the face in front of him. "You're beautiful," Vander commented, the words spilling out before he could stop them. "I mean it. You're really pretty."

He smiled slightly and he felt the scar, but did not speak of it, just let the small curve of his lip just relegate how sweet it was that Loa allowed him to be close at all. "You can see, I know, but, you can touch me y'know. If you wanted to. It could be nice."

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Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #132 on: December 11, 2017, 12:30:38 am »
Feeling the warmth of the other man's leg against his own sent a strange rush of feelings through him that Loa didn't understand. It was like a feeling you might get if you where high--that urge to become addicted, to want more, and to never stop wanting more. It was scary, to say the least, but he didn't argue as Vander adjusted and did as he pleased.

And yet he said that he liked Loa too, having picked up on the implications from his earlier comment, and then--his jolted a little, just slightly, at the sudden touch of warm and calloused skin on his face, and he blinked, eyes wide as he recognized the blush on Vander's cheeks as well. Why was he blushing too? Should he be blushing? Loa was the one with the strange feelings here--or was he not the only one?

The feeling of surprise that took him by storm for a fleeting moment when Vander said he liked him too, a whole lot apparently, was enough to send the Pilot Echo reeling for a moment from the shock of it--and that wasn't even all of it.

As the other man's touch traveled its way over the rise and fall of Loa's face, touching his scarred lips, it made his heart beat even faster still as his breath caught in his throat, undoubtedly noticeable by Vander when the hemokinetic's breath was literally brushing over his skin. The tingles that were racing each other up and down Loa's spine, and down lower into his abdomen were quite distracting and quite honestly, horrifying, but still not enough so for him to miss what the other man said.

He called him beautiful.

And he couldn't help but just stare at Vander then, mouth slightly agape as he froze and thought to all the times he'd ever looked in a mirror and looked away with shame and disgust because he didn't fit normal beauty standards. He thought about all the times he went to school hiding his face and got made fun of or called weird-looking. He'd never once been called beautiful before, in his entire life. He checked it over in his head, and then double checked it again. Had he meant to say that? Had it been a mistake? No, no he just said it wasn't.

"I-I--" He stammered, the words getting caught up in his throat as all the emotions came flooding up at once and Vander suggested touching him too and he could've sworn if he got any redder his face might explode.

His hands were trembling as he reached up, hesitated a moment, hand a mere two inches away from Vander's shoulder, before he finally touched him, the fabric of the shirt in the way and withholding any particular sensations he might've felt from skin contact from him just yet, something he was slightly thankful for. And yet he hovered over his shoulder/bicep, pondering it, wondering if he really should, before finally he moved his hand up and ran fingertips through his silver hair, realizing after a moment that of all places to touch a person, their head, their most important and vital part, was a kind of universal place to try affection.

Affection.

He knew absolutely nothing about it, and he was terrified to.

And yet he settled for pulling his hand back to smooth a thumb over Vander's cheek anyways, unable to deny even to himself that he wanted to touch the man before him just as bad.

"T-Thanks. Uh. You... I find you very... Very handsome. As well."

His words came out stunted, the tone of his voice wrung tight with tension as he fought the urge to run for the hills screaming bloody murder.

"I'm--I'm no good at these kinds of things, I'm sorry," He quickly blurted out.

He felt the urge to kiss Vander's fingertips, to nibble at him and fuck, fuck he shouldn't be thinking about this. With another choke on his own breath he hesitated a split moment before bringing their faces closer together, resting their foreheads against each other as his hand slipped down Vander's neck to let his fingertips explore the dips and curves in the other man's collarbone, feeling the strength and power in his shoulders there.

"But... You're right. It... It could be nice," He murmured a repeat, looking directly into Vander's eyes as he said it, despite knowing that without his visor he couldn't see Loa's eyes at all.

Their noses brushed and Loa pursed his lips, swallowing hard with the lump in his throat of pure nervousness and anxiety. He tensed his leg, feeling Vander's tangled with it and he glanced down at the man before his gaze made its way back up and he realized he felt like he was on fire. Hell. His mind instantly went back to that night spent together in the man's shower and that only made things far far worse. Part of him wanted to ask Vander to touch him like that again, but he couldn't, since he was pretending that he'd forgotten.

And yet he ached for the feel of the other's lips crashing against his own, and he couldn't help but hope (the tiniest, tiniest piece of him hoped) that the man would take notice and kiss him anyways. He had no idea if it would work or not, their faces only an inch or two apart. But all he could do was try.... right?
« Last Edit: December 11, 2017, 12:37:27 am by Cheesigator »

Offline Lion

Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #133 on: December 11, 2017, 01:27:39 am »
It was easier to dictate the outcome of things when there was very little variation involved in the formula. It wasn't exactly complicated, little machines that he could fidget with, gadgets that didn't need any more thought other than interacting with them with your hands, and being able to bend them to your will. They were easy, they were predictable and nine times out of ten Vander could understand them better than he could anyone else.

His squad was one thing; he could work in a team. But someone else, outside of anything he really did on a daily basis, he was at a floundering loss. He could have just as easily been made to nap on the couch and have Loa sleep on his bed. He would have given it to him. Hell he'd given him his own clothes and cooked for the man - now anyone else observing the situation could just as easily assume that he'd done so with a great deal of expectation, that he wanted something from Loa for all he'd shared with him.

That notion passed along Vander and set a small fear to broil in the pit of his gut. He shivered and the moment he was sure Loa was going to pull away from him, he held his breath until his lungs ached for release. An ache abated and satisfied when he felt the other man's hand tenderly grasping his arm before shifting over to his head. The relief that came with that exhalation crashed it's way through Vander's spine with a violent chill he tried so hard to suppress. And failed, failed miserably.

Because gods all did the touch to his head feel good, actual fingers running through his scalp and parting his hair. A soft noise escaped him, and he licked his lips. Vander blinked, wondering if his blurred blobs in front of him would focus long enough to make out Loa's expression. To know if he'd actually heard the noise he made. Heat still flushed his face, but he tried to smile anyway. Whatever panic he'd initially had, the fear gradually melted away.  And yes, gods, the hand in his hair felt better than he could have dreamed.

Man did he have some lame dreams if that was the best he could feel.

"No, Loa," he tried to quickly add the moment the other man's fear was blurted out. "It's okay. I'm not so good at it either. But I still like it. And if you like it too, I want you to do what you want to do."  He smiled genuinely and his heart was throbbing so heavily in his throat he could he could choke on it. Nope, instead that was just the knot that settled itself in the base of it just at his adam's apple.

He stopped himself from babbling, first instincts being what they were. Feeling his breath against his skin gave Vander a trail of goosebumps, the hackles on the back of his neck making everything else prick up. Their foreheads touching couldn't have brought them any closer. His hands were still resting on his face, and Vander slipped his hand down to rest his thumb against Loa's chin, feeling the roll of skin and bone and cartilage. No, he wasn't wrong at all. He was absolutely beautiful, and there wasn't any doubt in his mind that he'd see the same result if ever Loa would let him look at his face with his visor on.

"Yeah, it is. Isn't it?" Isn't what? Nice? Loa already answered that question. Oh yeah... Then why was he looking for an excuse to lean into him, their noses already pressed close to one another.  Why not?  Just once, to see how it felt when he was actually sober enough to remember what he was doing.

He didn't ask permission, not the way he would have, but nor was he going to pass up the opportunity staring him so blankly in the face. One that Vander would have met could he see with steadied vision. He did crash his lips to his, and the second they connected sparks jolted through him and his heart was just about ready to burst for all the thrumming it did in his chest.

Vander's arm slipped at the back of Loa's waist, gentle but firm, wanting to encourage him to press closer and return that hungered kiss. A soft moan and Vander parted long enough to catch his breath, ending with a nibble on the Pilot Echo's lower lip. No words, only the need to lean hook his arm tighter and pull Loa closer until they were hip to hip.

Well hello there, he thought, faced thankfully thoroughly flushed, feeling where the blood had rushed southward and the tension already growing in his boxers that decided to pop up at such an opportune time. Nice to meetcha.
« Last Edit: December 11, 2017, 01:29:30 am by Lion »

Cheesigator

  • Guest
Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #134 on: December 11, 2017, 11:50:32 am »
Loa's eyes couldn't help but widen in surprise when the simple thing of his hand running through those silver locks was enough to bring out such a soft and sweet sound from Vander's lips. It was at that moment that his stomach jolted and he felt some of his blood rushing down with the tingles that raced down his spine southward. Vander was blushing just as hard now, the two of them with faces so bright and red it might've been comical to anyone from the outside who looked in.

Vander grasped his chin and his breath caught again, his heart working its way up through the tightness of his ribcage, steadily climbing its way up into his throat. He said that he wanted Loa to do what he wanted to, and that he wasn't any better at this--which Loa could have heartily disagareed with, at least Vander could pick up on social cues--and then he kissed him.

The feeling of the other man's lips against his own sent tingles all throughout his body, blooming like fireworks and he instantly found himself melting into it. The arm around his waist pulled him flush against Vander's body and a needy moan escaped him into the other's mouth, as one escaped Vander as well. That noise, that sound, oh it made Loa's heart clench, the muscles in his lower abdomen tensing as that sound went right down into the borrowed sweatpants.

When the kiss was broken and Vander pulled their hips afainst each other Loa quickly bit his lip to stifle an escaped whimper, only able to mask some of it. Vander wasn't the only one aroused, and as he felt the other man's hard length pressing against him an obvious shiver ran up his spine, his face burning with his own embarrassment.

His brain kept reminding him of that shower, and of Vander telling him not moments prior to do what he wanted--but what if what he wanted was something that he shouldn't do?

His body ached, he felt so empty and the urge to ask Vander to take him however he pleased was so fucking strong,and yet he knew if he did they would do something that could never be undone. There would be no going back, particularly for Loa; and yet he realized in that split second that it was already too late for him. He already cared about Vander so much, there was already no going back.

He moved instinctually, cupping Vander's face in his hands and pulling him into another kiss, this one much more than the last; needy, desperate, starving. He parted his lips for the man if he prodded, moaning into his mouth once again as the taste of him sent Loa's head reeling as he slid an arm down to Vander's hip, pushing his own against him and grinding against that heat, the sensation making everything tingle.

There was already no going back so at this point what did it matter if he pressed on forward anyways?

Offline Lion

Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #135 on: December 11, 2017, 01:49:36 pm »
Inclinations toward things that went boom was Vander's forte. He liked a good explosion and a thrill went through him at the thought of taking Loa, of the chills that had been building up for so long. The tension was thick enough to slice through with a plasma cutter, made apparent by the hitched breathing, and how his muscles clenched at the mere thought of being inside him. His lower abdomen jolted, at the sound of Loa's needy moan.

He couldn't help himself, and the second Loa allowed him to stay close to him, Vander shifted so that he half dragged the man to lay on top of him. A shift of his hips so he could better feel at the hardness in the Pilot Echo's sweats. Never had there been a more fitting name for a piece of clothing. And Vander's couldn't have been more stifling than right then and there.

"Loa," he groaned, feeling the other man grip at his hip and grind down on his erection. Gods it felt so good, a deep rumble erupting from within his chest, his core already aching and wanting. The second Loa distracted him with a kiss, parting his lips and sliding his tongue inside with ease. The lack of resistance, how good the other man tasted on his tongue set the sweetness locked away in his memory. Gods fuck all he wanted him and he wanted him bad.

"Loa, I want you," he panted heavily, biting his lips and grinding up against him, the fabric of his sweats only serving to make him growl in frustration. Vander released Loa's mouth with reluctance, shifting up and pushing the smaller man's shirt off his body, pulling it up and over his head and following suit with his own. It wasn't a vast improvement, but it let Vander feel Loa better, runn calloused hands over the small dips his chest and abdomen.

"You got me Loa. You want me, I'm here, I'm all yours," he panted, bringing himself back up to face him. No vision forced Vander to focus even more on touch, and the tingles could no longer be hidden behind clothing. He moaned softly, dipping his head to kiss and nip at the curve of his neck and collarbone.

His hands shifted to Loa's ass, dipping at the small off his back and encouraging him to sit up enough to allow Vander to shift his pants off him, letting it rest mid-thigh. "Well boy howdy my friend," Vander smirked, feeling Loa's cock tucked firmly in his palm. He gave a gentle tug, and with a twist of his wrist, he pressed it against Loa's lower abdomen, rolling his thumb over the tip. "I like it. Do you like it?"  Vander couldn't be sure why he was babbling, maybe it was keep Loa calm, keep him here with him. Because the last thing he wanted right now was for him to go away.

Cheesigator

  • Guest
Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #136 on: December 12, 2017, 12:44:16 am »
The sudden shift in position admittedly caught poor Loa by surprise; his heart was already in his throat, now it was at the back of it, as his breath caught and he let out a gasp. The way his name sounded on the other man's tongue sent a visible shiver rolling down his body, the movement making his breath shudder in the middle of their kiss. He liked the way Vander claimed his mouth with such passion and heat, the way he fought him aggressively with his tongue to which Loa responded with soft whines and pleads that he'd do whatever the other man asked of him if it meant he could have more.

These emotions, these sensations, these were things that Loa had secretly been yearning for for years now; things he'd been too afraid to confront with anyone before, and yet he had never in his life felt more safe and yet nervous with as he did right now with Vander. The adrenaline had his blood roaring in his ears and all he could think about was the scent of the other man so close to him, the way he tasted, and the distinct urge to ask him to take him and destroy him.

Suddenly the concept of being fucked to death sounded quite appealing. And that had nothing to do with the death aspect.

His shirt was pulled over his head and he watched with a kind of dazed expression, eyes clouded with lust and heat and want as he found himself tingling with excitement? Nervousness? Joy? At getting to see Vander shirtless again because gods be damned he was gorgeous. Almost instinctively his hands moved forward to touch and feel as the other Pilot did with him; he moaned when those calloused fingertips slid over his nipples and made him shiver again, and his hands reacted by squeezing Vander's sides, digging his fingertips slightly into the warm flesh he found there.

He said he was all Loa's and his heart throbbed, and the kisses and nips at his collarbone and throat made him moan again, this time slightly louder, his lips parted as he panted and slid his hands up to brush them through silver hair, clutching at strands and tugging gently as he rocked his hips.

"I want you," He whimpered as he obeyed the other's commands and raised his hips enough to let him pull those sweatpants down, and the moment that hand was around his aching cock he moaned as he tried to continue, "I want you so bad, Vander, p-ple~ase,"

His nerves felt like they were on fire, and yet he was hyper aware of every touch from the Pilot Cardinal at the various spots on his body, it was a both too much and not enough and he let his forehead fall to rest on Vander's shoulder as he moaned and whimpered at the wonderful, wonderful feeling of being touched and stroked, the sensations almost too much, almost slightly painful or raw from how nervous he was. He nodded feverishly, unable to speak as he palmed Vander with that layer of clothing still in the way, and yet he was almost too scared to touch him and return the favor. Like there was still that tiny shred in him that was squeaking no, no! Don't give in, there's still time to escape!

No, his chance to escape had passed him by weeks ago by this point.

His hands had the slightest tremble as he pulled Vander's waistband enough to slip in and grip his hard length, the size of it making Loa worry for a split second that holy hell, he didn't know if he could do this--but fuck, he wanted to. He wanted to.

He mimicked Vander's movements without thinking about it, swiping his thumb over the tip and stroking him as he rocked his own hips into the other man's hand, little moans escaping him with each movement or thrust.

"Please, please do w-whatever you want to me. I want it. I f-fucking want it so bad," He whimpered, words slightly muffled with his face tucked into the crook between Vander's neck and shoulder.

He didn't realize it but he was thankful the other man was talking to him, it was honestly helping him stay grounded in the here and now rather than just getting lost in his own thoughts, which before he knew it would have him panicking and trying to run out that front door again.

Offline Lion

Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #137 on: December 12, 2017, 11:27:05 am »
"I want you." uttered so delicately, Loa's voice filled with such desperation it made chills course down Vander's back. He tensed again and could have asked him to say that again, but he didn't have to because Loa had repeated it with a begging lilt to his voice. It played over and over again, a mantra to the match the rise and fall of his chest, the pounding of his heart throbbing so heavily, it played in time with it and continued to stroke Loa with zealotry.

Vander could feel the other man touching him, the hesitation that followed until he slipped a hand into the waistband of his sweatpants and found his cock. Fuck.  Fuckfuckfuckfuck.  It was Vander's turn to whimper and moan, a shooting spark jolting it's way down his lower abdomen and into his groin. He couldn't help himself, that even with Loa's nerves, he still managed to touch him, to do something, and it made his heart leap into his chest. It didn't even matter if whatever he was doing was right, only that it felt right.

And gods fuck all did it feel so right, at this very moment.

"All right," he nodded to Loa, gripping the other man firmly and only loosening his fingertips from around him to allow him to shift them around on the bed. A whimper escaped him at the thought of loosing Loa's grip around his shaft, but alas he forced himself to pull away with a great deal of reluctance. He coaxed Loa to lie back, and focused on his sense of touch to scrape his nails down the Pilot Echo's legs, hooking at the remainder of his pants and sliding them off his legs.

Vander followed suit until he was as completely bare, his cock bobbing with each movement. He shivered at the sensation of cool air to heated flesh and with memorized mapping, he crawled over to his nightstand where he pulled out a small packet and a bottle of lube to follow.  The bottle was clear but had small pink beads in it. The packet itself was ripped and he carefully rolled the condom over his tip before sliding it slowly the rest of the way, his fingers used to a delicate touch making it's way down to the base of his cock, then applying lube to the outside of it.

He crawled back to Loa and coaxed him to shift around onto his stomach. "It gets tingly. I hope you like it," he panted, swallowing hard on a dry throat, feelingly maneuvering around to his ass, and testing the sensation at the base of Loa' spine, rubbing the excess on his hand on his tender skin. Vander set the bottle to the side and felt around to the muscles of his backside, present, an inviting shape that had Vander squeezing Loa's hips again.

He pulled them back and pressed them against his hard length, focusing long enough to find that entrance and slide inside.  Gods he was tight, Vander squeezed Loa's hips again pushed and pulled out to push in deeper, harder.

Cheesigator

  • Guest
Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #138 on: December 12, 2017, 11:53:37 am »
Loa had absolutely no idea what he was getting into. Sure, he'd seen porn before, after all come on he lived in Aedolis for fuck's sake. He'd daydreamed about it before, read about it. But that still didn't change the fact that he was a complete newb to this, despite his age, despite his hard experience in battle and life in general he had absolutely no clue what to do, what to say, or what to expect.

Of course the thought kept plaguing his mind that hey you know what? Maybe he wasn't ready yet, maybe this wasn't a good idea, maybe they should stop. But he'd already asked Vander to keep going, and Vander had already said that he would. His fate was sealed, and now he was doomed to lie in the grave he'd dug for himself.

Completely unsure of what exactly was going on, how they were going to do this, he obediently did as he was instructed, lying back and almost missing the warmth of the other man's cock in his hand like it'd been some strangely reassuring thing, because now he didn't know what to do with his hands, or any of himself rather.

He laid down, watching Vander with fear in his eyes and it was a good thing in that moment that the man didn't have his visor on or he definitely would have seen it. He didn't know what the man was doing after their pants were off, and then he watched him pull things out of the nightstand and the reality of what was about to happen sank into his gut like a block of ice. His heart was in the back of his throat threatening to climb out his mouth and leap, and yet he still lay there on that bed, partly petrified, partly because he wanted to stay and do this. He still wanted to go on

Most of his doubts were all on himself--it wasn't Vander he was afraid of. He was afraid of himself fucking this up, ruining it beyond repair, and generally being awful; but he also knew if he let those fears get to him then that was exactly what would happen.

He rolled over onto his stomach as instructed, the pressure of the mattress on his throbbing length making him let out a soft whine. He had half a mind to tell him the condom wasn't necessary because Loa had never been touched in his life--but he stayed quiet.

Vander said it would tingle, and he blinked, brows knitting for a moment in confusion. Tingle? Lube could do that?-- But before he really had time to question it, Vander's hands were squeezing his hips and he let out a moan, his body shivering and then he felt something warm and cold at the same time pressing against his entrance and pushing in in that perfect moment where he'd been relaxed enough from the pleasure of the squeeze to let him in.

Immediately after that? Oh yeah he was tight. Every muscle was tense and as the fear seized him and made his hands twist in the sheets letting out a shuttering breath and a short whimper, everything burned and it wasn't at all in a good way. It was no fault of Vander's--his fear was getting to him and making him tense, making it hard for him to adjust to the feeling of someone inside of him because yes the lube was tingly and warm and it did help the other Pilot slide in without too much friction, his muscles still burned from trying to clench and being forced open.

It was absolutely horrifying.

Of course he knew your first time could hurt and all that, duh, obviously, he'd read about it hello internet. But that paired with the awful fakeness of porn videos and the mixed responses that every person had because every person was different and he realized that no amount of research would have ever prepared him for this, ever helped him know what to expect.

He pressed his forehead to the sheets and squeezed his eyes shut, falling back on onstincts as Vander pulled out to push back in again and oh fuck it hurt--he focused on his breathing, trying to tune everything else out, like Vander's moans or the sound of his heart throbbing in his ears. Just breathe. It was ironically a technique he usually used to calm nerves when on a mission, something he'd discovered to get his mind back on track, focused, to get a job done and really he'd done things way worse than this--obviously way, way way worse. This was nothing.

He let out that breath and his muscles started to relax, letting the other man in deeper as he bit his lip, hands white-knuckled in the sheets as he let out a low groan at the feeling of him coming in so hot, the lube feeling like it was on fire and yet somehow not burning him. His muscles still burned with the ache of something unfamiliar but he got himself together quickly enough that Vander shouldn't have noticed, hopefully.

He could only hope that his inexperience wasn't painfully obvious, because he didn't want to ruin this for Vander or make things awkward. If things went Loa's way, the man wouldn't realized he'd popped the Pilot Echo's metaphorical cherry until after everything was said and done at the very least.

Offline Lion

Re: Diamond Eyes [Lion!] [M]
« Reply #139 on: December 15, 2017, 02:53:51 am »
Vander hadn't noticed, thankfully, for Loa's sake, that his inexperience was at all apparent in the shudders and noises he made. For a full minute, Vander thought only of Vander and wanting to thrust as hard and deep as he could inside him. The tension was enticing and every time he pulled out, he wanted back in, rolling his hips and pulling Loa's back against his, meeting them with increasing fire.

He'd wanted it, he'd said. Practically - no actually begged him for it - and as much as Vander himself wanted to screw his brains out - he reined it in enough to keep from coming just yet. Vander's entire body shuddered, and he poised his legs just outside of Loa's, his hand at his back to coax him downward, and to encourage his hips to meet Vander's.

They were so sweet, that skin pulled taut over muscle, slender yet tender and Vander's calloused hands gripped those hips with encouraging pressure, rolling his hips and feeling another shudder roll on through him. He didn't know how long he could hold he, that excitement just waiting to burst. He didn't know just how often Loa got laid - if more or less than himself, but he didn't want it to be over, not so soon.

"Gods Loa," he panted, moaning heavily, working those hips back against his, beads of sweat already forming on his forehead.  Vander closed his eyes, let himself get lost in that soft velvet heat, feeling muscles clench around him at times and favoring the sides that made Loa twitch and write the most. Every sensation passed across his 'vision' like a liquid inkblot, rolling into smoke clouds and shapes that his mind made, lost to how hot everything suddenly become.

Was it his blood, or Loa's hemokinesis.  Either way, when he opened, them, he still reached down feelingly at his back, pressing lovingly to his ribs, his sides, his spine and encouraging him grind back against him if he wanted to. Finally his fingers curled around what he was looking for, holding Loa's cock in hand and squeezing it and letting it slide in the crook of his palm, his thumb rolling over that tip, soothing over a bead of precum onto the foreskin.

"F-fuck Loa," he groaned, mouth dry from breathing so hard. "You feel so good...fuck."  If he could see, this was the part where the beads from his forehead would sting and blur his vision.

 

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