How Frightening.

[Anonymous]

Remi was actually nervous. Of what? What was there to be nervous about. “Nothing.” His voice rang out through the empty apartment, he idly played with the gold ring on his right index finger. Alaric was going to visit, and he felt nervous. He’d actually cleaned the house. The dust was gone, Izya’s cheesy romance novels were gone and up sitting in a closet. It looked like a Remi home now instead of a ‘someone used to live here but they’re gone now.’

And he was nervous.

Maybe because he changed stuff around?

Remi pushed his hand through his hair. It was a little shorter now. Because it’d been long, to hide his mutilated ears, but since he’d realised that he wanted to go to a metaphorical somewhere with Alaric he felt... Different. Less weighed down. Less angry. Even Izzy being a candidate one day wasn’t an awful thing because he knew she’d make it through. If she could prepare from such a young age she could do it.

So why was he so nervous? It wasn’t really a date. Remi swallowed and he sat at one of the chairs at his counter, his feet resting on a lower rung. He was too old to be nervous.

He wasn’t smoking. He didn’t have a glass of booze out.

Maybe nervous because he was changing and the Remi Alaric liked wasn't the same old alcholic asshole.

Remi stared at the door and he held onto his hands. Hopefully Alaric would show up soon and they could chat, since going out never seemed like a good idea when Remi was involved. Shit. Should Remi have bought groceries? Were they going to have dinner? Remi stared at the pot of coffee sitting in the kitchen. He had that and a few bowls of instant noodles.

[Anonymous]

Alaric's stomach was in knots and he really wasn't sure what was going to happen. He felt sick, dirty, that he had ruined Izzy's life. She was going to have to go through the same hell he had. He had no doubt she would make an amazing Pilot, but the candidate program was still a source of shame and hell for Alaric.

And he just...didn't know what was going on with Remi. Things were just so confusing with him. He couldn't tell where he stood with him, or what he was thinking. Sometimes he did things like bring him a stuffed lamb with his wedding ring on it. Other times he totally ignored him, or told him he was just a stepping stone to get healthy.

It was just confusing and weird and, well, Remi kept acting strange. There was hardly any of the fun banter anymore, mostly if just felt like it was one big emotional drama storm every time they talked. It was hard to keep up with it all.

But he couldn't really keep running from it all. So Alaric lifted hand and knocked on the door.

[Anonymous]

Deep breaths. Of course that would have worked fine if the door didn’t knock and Remi tripped and fell. His voice rang out in a swear and he was rubbing his elbow when he wandered to the door and pressed the button to open it, feeling too lazy to do it manually today. His heart skipped a beat and he nodded towards Alaric before ushering him in and closing the door.

How to make this not amazingly awkward. Nothing was awkward before, was it? No. No it wasn’t. So what was the problem now? Maybe because Remi wanted this to go somewhere and he didn’t have a clue how to do that. His hands were twitching and he stared down at Alarics collar. Only slightly down. Remi suddenly felt self consiouse about his shorter hair, how it let his ears be seen. His shirt was the usual, a dress shirt with a tank top underneath to keep the white clothing from being completely see through.

“Hi.” Remi nodded and he wandered over to the kitchen again to take a seat. The booze was still right there.  He eyed it for a moment before taking a deep breath. “Come sit.” He nodded towards the seat beside him before he grabbed a cigarette out of his pocket, stuck it in his mouth and produced a lighter. Being a fae, cigarettes tasted awful, not matter how addicted he got. Coffee tasted awful unless there was mounds of sugar in it.

"I didn't really plan anything. I didn't realise how much of an air head I was until just a few minutes ago. I even forgot to get groceries." He flicked the cigarette onto the counter top, the cool ashes dusting it before he took another drag. Remi couldn’t hide behind his hair anymore so he didn’t duck his head, he just simply watched Alaric.

[Anonymous]

Alaric's eyes widened slightly at the site of Remi. He looked different with the shorter hair and Alaric was a bit surprised he had gotten it cut between the date and now. He wasn't quite sure what to make of that, other than he knew some cultures cut hair during morning. But he didn't really think Remi followed those cultures, but maybe he did and Alaric didn't know?

Following Remi inside, Alaric was again surprised by Remi. Suddenly all of the things he had never been allowed to touch were cleaned up and put away. It almost looked like another apartment. He felt rather unsure and somewhat confused. He couldn't tell what Remi was thinking.

"Uh...I didn't really think there was a plan. Don't worry about food or anything. I just..." Alaric frowned, not sure what to say next, taking a seat, "I guess we should talk. I just turned your daughter in."

[Anonymous]

Remi watched Alaric. Maybe this going for a change thing and letting the past go made things a little more awkward than Remi had anticipated. Which was entirely because Remi didn’t count on Alarics reaction to his hair and his apartment being any different. Those things reminded him of Izya, how could he left her go if her things were everywhere.

Pastel pink eyes stared at Alaric for a moment, “I know. I was notified. Izzy is my daughter, my parents know too.” He paused for a moment, “Thank you. For doing it. I couldn’t have.” He nodded before letting his head duck down and he breathed slowly. “Is that all you came here to do? Tell me my daughter is on the confirmed list and then...what... leave?”

A confused look was on his face, he ducked his head down and stared at his bare feet. He dropped the cigarette into his over-sugared cup of coffee and it hissed as it fell into the liquid. “Did I misunderstand something, Alaric?” His voice was quiet. “I mean... I cleaned this up for you. How can I show you I want something new with all her stuff laying around?” Remi looked around the room before he ducked his head again. Why’d he get his hair cut? Now he can’t hide behind it. He felt amazingly embarrassed.

“What do I keep doing wrong, Alaric?”

[Anonymous]

"Nothing Remi." Alaric's heart tightened in his chest, his expression sad, "And no. I didn't plan on just leaving. I didn't plan on much really. I just..." He had had a long conversation with Gabriel last night. The blond had pointed out a lot of things he hadn't wanted to hear. But eventually they settled in and now he had to deal with them.

"A lot has been happening. A lot of really crazy, emotional things. And I think maybe we should just...be friends again for a while." He reached out, taking Remi's hand in his own, "I still like you, but...I think maybe you need time to really let Izya go. And I need some time to get my head straight."

And things hadn't been so awful as just friends. Remi's constant mood changes and all the drama that had been happening was wearing Alaric out. And it had to have been just as rough on Remi.

"I think we both should be on our own for a little. You actually alone from Izya's ghost. Me without pining after my sexy blond mentor." His cheeks flushed a slightly darker blue and he gave an awkward smile, a little embarrassed after that long speech.

[Anonymous]

There was only one word Remi could think of and it was a clear and resounding ‘ouch’. He’d never been dumped before, but here he was getting dumped before he had even really started dating. He stared at Alarics hand and he just frowned at it. His chest hurt and he wanted to say ‘no’ again and again.

But that was juvenile, and Alaric was right.

Remi gave a slow nod and rubbed the back of his neck with his other hand. “Yeah.” Remi frowned now, friends. He’d never been a good friend. Alaric had put up with the grumpy moody Remi, sure but... Remi had never treated him like a friend. More like the last person who’d ever put up with him.

“Um...” Remi stared at Alaric for a moment after he was done his speech. “Yeah.” He nodded once and gently took his hand away. He didn’t really want this. But he supposed he tried, and while Remi stared at his feet, feeling like things between them would fall through he simply swallowed and nodded before he got up, grabbed his coffee mug and poured it’s contents down the sink, picking the soggy cigarette from it and throwing it in the garbage.

“I don’t want you to be with me because of a crush you had on me when I was your mentor.” Remi gave a nod before he leaned on the counter, “I’m no good at relationship stuff. I’m can’t lie to make you feel better. I can’t lie at all. I’m awkward and... You’re awkward and... I wanted it to work. I want us to work.” Remi was silent for a moment, “but if you think being just friends makes it work then I guess that will have to do.”

“I’m no good at being a friend though. I was the grumpy asshole you put up with before... I... wasn’t a friend.” Remi bent down and folded his arms before resting his head on them. “I’m sorry I’m so awful at this stuff.”

[Anonymous]

"I want this to work too Remi." Alaric's eyes followed Remi as he moved, "I'm not trying to say no to anything. I just," He frowned again, struggling to find the right words to express himself, "I want us to just start over I guess. As friends and take our time and see what happens."

He missed his braid right then. The long hair had been nice to fidget with when he was nervous. No now he just picked at the stitching on his knee, "I mean, honestly Remi, think about how things have been recently. Do you really want things to keep going like that?"

[Anonymous]

In an almost snapping motion Remi stood back up and rested his hip on the counter. Friends. With the possibility of more. His arms were folded over his chest and stared at Alaric for a moment. Like that time while Remi was in his self-imposed limbo. Sorta. Easy hanging out instead of... Remi screwing everything up.

“Friends.”

He said the word, mostly to himself. His silence felt like hours but it was just a few seconds, the words wouldn’t well up his throat and he swallowed before he nodded. Remi ducked his head down, “I don’t want things to continue how ways are going, because you always get so sad and I can’t fix anything because it’s ... All me.” He gave Alaric a sad smile, “We can be friends. But fairwarning, I’m pretty crappy at it. I’ve never really had... Friends. Even as a candidate.”

[Anonymous]

It stung a little. How Remi talked about how he never really had friends. He had always thought they had been friends, that this wasn't a new concept, but apparently it was for Remi. It was disappointing, he liked Remi a lot, but he was feeling much more confident about his choice. This was the right one.

Alaric smiled, his head still down, eyes on his hands, "Well, see, that's all the more reason. If you don't think you can be a good friend, it's not fair to expect you to be a good boyfriend."

[Anonymous]

Remi stared at Alaric for a moment and tried to smile at him but he couldn’t will his face to move so instead he just stared down at the counter for a moment or two, his fingers drawing idle circles while he rubbed an inch on his leg with his heel and wished his heart would stop aching.

Of course the word boyfriend had his head snap up and he looked at the crown of Alarics down turned head. Remi turned his down too. Swallowing quietly he closed his eyes. Silly. He felt... So Silly. Stunted. Young. Like he’d never really grown up outside of work, outside of being Izya’s left behind husband.

He bit his lip and moved around the counter to stand beside Alaric, he moved his hand onto Alaric’s shoulder and he squeezed it gently “No matter what happens, I want you to keep Present and the ring, because you’re important to me even if I can’t express that properly.”

[Anonymous]

Alaric lifted his head, smiling up at Remi, "Thank you, I really adore Present." He lifted his hand, covering Remi's where it rested against his shoulder, "I know I'm important to you. You are important to me too. It's not that I don't like you Remi."

He paused, trying to find the right words, "I just don't think we're ready. And, um, I think you need to take some time to figure out what you want. And how to be a good friend first." He smiled, his expression a little sad, "You might even meet someone you like even better than me."

Honestly, Remi probably only liked him because he used to be his candidate and Alaric was the only one that had stuck by him. Remi could easily find someone he liked better.

[Anonymous]

It was sort of like his ears went numb.

Remi rubbed his thumb over Alarics flesh and just let his head fall forward. Meet someone he liked better? The very fact Remi had gotten out of his years worth of funk was because of Alaric and....

Sure it’d only been a few weeks but being closer to Alaric was like a carrot dangling on a stick for a hungry turtle. Remi wanted it and... Alaric was talking his carrot-stick away. He swallowed thickly before he moved closer again. “Is that what you want, Alaric? To ... find our way and... possibly find better people?” He was confused. Why would Alaric even suggest that? Someone better? “I can’t lie, Alaric.” His voice was soft.

“I want to tell you so many things that would make you believe I’d be unable to find someone else. I don’t want someone ‘better’. You’re... Wonderful. You’re sweet and shy and awkward and you make me feel things in the past few weeks that I haven’t felt in years and you helped me... Wake up.” Remi moved his hand to rest on top of Alarics head to pull it to his shoulder in a type of pseudo-hug. “I’ll honour your decision to take it slow.”

“Because I really do want this.”

[Anonymous]

Alaric shook his head, "No. I don't want us to find 'better' people. I just...I just want you happy." Remi's words made him feel warm inside, happy. His former mentor could be so...Alaric could never tell how he did feel about him and hearing him say it gave him a little hope.

"I like you too Remi. A lot. I just...thank you. I think it's a good idea to go slow. When you can be a friend, we can try another date, okay?"

This was the right choice, Alaric could feel it was. He was already feeling better, stronger. He didn't want to settle, didn't want it to be okay to treat him badly. He wanted to be with Remi when it was good for both of them, when it could be healthy.

[Anonymous]

Remi smiled slightly and took a deep breath. He could handle this. He was a big boy. Alaric wasn’t leaving forever, even if things didn’t work out. He’d be a friend. How he would do that, he didn’t know, but he’d manage. He wasn’t silly, he was tired at night... He couldn’t cook worth a damn. What would they do?

“When we’re ready, we can go out for those bugs of yours. Like the first time we went out.” It hadn’t been a date, but they did go out. The bugs. They tasted fine, but... The bugs.

It was unforgettable to say the least. A mix of good and bad sort of like everything for Remi.

“Thank you.” Remi said, his voice was soft and he pressed a kiss to his finger tips before putting them to Alarics temple, moving his hand so it rested against Alarics cheek before he let his hand drop away. “Do you want coffee or something while you’re here? I had made a pot before you got here...” He looked over his shoulder to the still mostly full coffee pot.

[Anonymous]

"I would like that. A lot. To both." Alaric smiled, feeling so much better after they had this talk. It would be for the best, really. And he was starting to feel a little hopeful. That he and Remi could make this work.

And for now, there was no stress, no pressure. Just...friends.

"I'll take lots of sugar and cream in mine please."

[Anonymous]

Remi smiled, one of his rare bright smiles.

“Lots of sugar and cream?” He sounded a little surprised, “You’re starting to sound like me.” Remi wandered to the coffee pot to make the cup of coffee. He put three heaping spoons of sugar into Alarics cup and five into his own. Coffee tasted like ass, but at least with all that sugar it tasted like a sweet ass.

Remi stared ahead for a moment at his odd train of thought, which he had found to be quiet open and if Alaric wasn’t paying attention he likely listened to it. He cleared his throat and added the cream before bringing the coffee around and placing Alarics cup in front of him. Friends. Remi took a sip of his ass flavoured drink and then tapped his fingers on the table.

“Um...” He rubbed his neck, “I... Think I should get a pet.” He nodded, a pet would be a good distraction, “A pet or take up making stuffed animals.”

[Anonymous]

"I got used to how you like it." Alaric could drink it black, but he liked it sugary. He gave Remi a shy smile, trying to relax. He felt nervous and wound up, his heart still pounding. It felt awkward, but that would fade.

Things could move to a better place. And make a real attempt at a relationship...or whatever it was they were doing.

"A pet? You know, I think that might be a good idea. We can go pick something out. If you want. Maybe a cat? Or a rodent or something? Blaine has a hamster. I've always wanted a cat."

[Anonymous]

That made Remi feel fuzzy inside.  He looked down at his cup and sipped the sweetened asswater before he lifted his head and smiled at Alaric. He was right, they wouldn’t have worked out in their state. This alone was awkward.  Babysteps. Babysteps were good.

Remi perked up when Alaric had said cat. “Cat.” He grinned, moving a hand up to his ear to cover it for a moment, recalling a time he’d met a cat and it had bitten the tip of his ear before he cut them off. Of course it had hurt, but it had made him remember the cat. “I want a cat.” A pet.

“Blaine has a hamster?” Remi looked at Alaric strangely. A pilot with a hamster. That image just... Didn’t seem right. He shook the image of Pilot Cle and a hamster perched on his shoulder out of his head before he took another drink of coffee and stared at a wall.

Then stared at his cup. He really hoped he had poured the cigarette butt out. And cleaned the cup. “What kind of cat? Where do I get a cat? What do I need for a cat?” His eyes were large and he stared at Alaric. He wanted a cat sure, but he realized he knew nothing about them.

[Anonymous]

Wrapping his hands around the mug, Alaric waited for it to cool a little, "Any kind of cat. If you want one, we should go see about adopting one. Go in and see which cat speaks to you." Alaric smiled, amused at how eager Remi was, "And we'll need to get you food and toys for them. And a brush and a litter box, litter, food and water bowls, it is kind of a lot. Think you are ready? You can always just get a rat or turtle or something. Work your way up to a cat."