Remnants of the Earth
SPACE STATIONS => TRIM => Topic started by: Rhi-Rhi on June 07, 2012, 09:58:25 pm
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Sitting on his bed in his room, Asher glared at the door. As he often did, for lack of anything better to do. That, and, well, he had preemptively decided he hated anyone who would set foot inside his space--because there was not a single person on TRIM he liked.
The only one who came close was now gone. But Asher tried not to think about that; he didn't like the feelings it stirred within him, uncomfortable feelings he'd worked hard to suppress and would, once again, keep buried.
There was no point getting attached to anyone. They would all be gone eventually, if he wasn't gone first. One thing was certain, though: no matter what, he wouldn't be going out of this world quietly and not without a good fight.
Which was how he'd earned a rep as one of the more violent subjects.
Flopping onto his belly on his bed, he propped his head up on his arms and glowered at the door though his mind was floating elsewhere.
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Hanguin didn't fight the guards as he was lead easily through the halls of TRIM. He had hoped to be brought to where ever the other Dimuroites that had been taken over the years were... he wondered if they were even still alive... but they discovered his ability. Hanguin already knew he was the first of his people with any psychic ability, even though he was only an empath. He kept his eyes on the ground in front of him as they debated where to put him. Finally they made up their minds and he was lead to a room they opened the door and pushed him in, like he was a rag doll.
"..." he opened his mouth and turned back to the guards to ask them something, but nothing came out... besides the door was slammed behind him anyway. Hanguin turned back to look around the room, the most eye catching thing in the room, was the person in it. "...Hello." Hanguin said hesitantly after a moment.
His mind was still with his crew and his people, he hadn't even begun to fully process what was happening. He had allowed himself to get captured so that his crew could escape... he ordered them to, since they had Dimuroite women and children on his ship The Light Chaser. He couldn't let anything happen to his people... He hoped they were ok...
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The door opened and Asher tensed reflexively, prepared to raise hell because today was one of those Bad Days, one of those days where he wasn't physically and mentally exhausted to the point of compliance. But instead of guards marching in to whisk him away, a blue-skinned man was shoved inside.
And then left there.
Asher's eyes flicked to the empty bed, the bed that Cass had once occupied, and then back to the man. Oh. So they'd decided to fill his cell again. He hadn't imagined that he'd ever be given another room-mate; they'd only stuck Cass in with him because Cass was so disconnected from reality and did a good job of distracting him.
Huh.
What whack-job had he been given this time?
Instead of replying to the man's greeting, Asher only grunted in acknowledgment and said, "Asher. You?"
He hadn't yet decided if this was making his mood worse or better.
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"...Hanguin." He replied after a moment, realizing the other was asking his name. He sat down on the empty bed and rubbed his arm. They had taken blood already, between that and being drugged by his captors the last few days before being sold to Thanatos INC, well he was still out of it... and hungry. It was worse then when he passed out at the frontier farm on Edanith. It didn't matter though... he wasn't going anywhere anymore... he didn't have to be responsible for anyone anymore. It was over.
Hanguin looked down at his hands folded on his lap and smiled sadly. Even now he automatically took a praying stance. "...let come what may come and let go of what goes, the wind's gunna blow where the wind's gunna blow... we'll never know why it flows where it flows, let come what may come and let go of what goes..." He muttered to himself in that familiar rhythm.
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Asher nodded at the name and was content to let that be the extent of their conversation, not quite sure how he felt about all this right now and in no mood to sort through his thoughts. But he jerked his head up and leveled a malevolent glare at Hanguin when the guy started to chant some sort of nonsense. Goddammit! Not again. Don't tell him he was going to get some whacko that couldn't stand a moment's quiet.
"Aw, fuck, yer a loony, ain'tcha?" Asher groaned, sitting upright. "Gods, just what I need. Let's get one thing straight, alright, asshole? I was here first, right. So yer gonna play by my rules. So if I tell ya to shut the hell up, ya do it, got it? Just so we're clear."
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Hanguin was startled by the other's outburst. "..no, I... I'm sorry... it's a prayer." He explained. Though he wasn't upset at the other's snapping at him. He did just get thrust into this person's space... and considering where they were well... Asher must have been through all sorts of terrible things.
"I appologize." He said after a moment and then laid down on the bed. Hanguin tried to keep his eyes open but his eyelids felt so heavy and he was pretty sure his stomach was going to implode from hunger... well as long as his people were safe and not wanting...
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Asher snorted a laugh, the sound dark and humorless. "A prayer. Right."
He raked his fingers through his hair, straightening out the tangles since he hadn't bothered to comb it yet that day. "Prayin' ain't gonna do jack shit. Ya seriously believe that crap? 'Cause if so, congrats, yer god's a dick."
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Hanguin turned on his side to face Asher as his beliefs were mocked. He was offended, but not really angry... he was used to misconceptions and ignorance concerning his people. "I don't have a 'god'... Dimuroites believe in the Light from which all things come from and return to... every being is searching for the Light..." He said softly, he didn't have much energy to argue, but he felt the need to explain himself.
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Asher let out another laugh and lightly slapped his knee. "Oh, that's rich. The light, huh? That all things came from? Ever thought of chuckin' yerself into the sun? It's right there."
Ridiculous. Just ridiculous. He didn't get it--and this guy looked so serious as he explained things! But this shit was all bogus, anyway. There was no "light" but the sun or the dull, grid lighting of an exam room ceiling. And if there was a point to any of this, he sure as hell didn't know what it was, and any god or mystical being or pretty light that let this stuff happen was nothing he wanted to believe in.
He'd rather there be nothing at all than believe in some sadistic creator.
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Hanguin quickly realized there was no point wasting his breath explaining it, he felt so dizzy as it was, and now that things had slowed down a bit he was feeling... well, sick. Of course it wasn't like he was actually sick... just starving. He closed his eyes and trembled some as the pain in his stomach caused him to double over. The last time he went through this he had starved himself so that his crew had food... there was no such purpose in his starvation now, and it made the pain worse.
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Eh?
Asher jerked in surprise when Hanguin abruptly doubled over and he glanced, quickly, for the door. What the hell? Where were the scientists? Did they shove the guy in here just so he could die or something? Was it contagious? He looked back to Hanguin, uneasily.
"Uh...yer not gonna barf are ya?"
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Hanguin winced and looked up at Asher. "I don't... there's nothing to... throw up..." He closed his eyes again and felt like he was falling... even though he was on the bed. "...I'm just, starving..." It was a more common occurrence then he wanted to admit... and since it was one of the few things his kind actually suffered from it didn't occur to him that his roommate was afraid he was ill. Sweat matted his hair and he felt himself dozing off.
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Starving? Errr...
Probably as the result of some test the scientists were doing. They did shit like that sometimes. Either that, or the guy was just being melodramatic.
"Uh...lunch is in like five minutes," he offered.
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"...good. I haven't eaten in days... its.. the equivalent... of you not eating... for weeks." He'd been told that by one of the physicians that visited the mother ship years ago.
Hanguin forced himself to sit up, knowing he had to try and eat something before sleeping. "...It's my... my first day here... I don't know how things... work yet."
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Asher grinned, and it wasn't a pleasant one.
"Newbie, huh? Oh, you'll have so much fun here. Way things work, it's simple. Ya do what people want ya to do and die when they want ya to die. Easy. No worries, right?"
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"...I have more pride than that..." Hanguin groaned a bit, though he knew what was inevitable. Still he didn't want to just lay down and die. Maybe it would be better if he just starved himself to death now. He was no good to anyone anymore anyway. "Look... I know what happens... to my people here... many of us have... died here... I'm not naive."
Hanguin looked at his roommate through his pain. There was something... unnerving about this young man.
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Asher laughed. "Tchyeah. Pride. You an' me both."
With a sigh, Asher scooted backwardsn on his bed to lean against the wall, knees up against his chest. He tilted his head and let the back of his head thump lightly against the surface. "So. Yer skin. Natural or are the scientists here testin' more cosmetics or somethin'?"
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"...well, it's been natural for generations... but... it was originally... caused by... testing on my people." Hanguin replied after a moment. "They don't do those... tests anymore... instead they..." Han's eyes closed. He was just so dizzy and tired... but he didn't want to sleep yet. He had to stay awake, he had to focus. Asher said it would be lunch soon, and then he could sleep after. Starving himself would be easy... but he didn't really want to die.
"...they use my people's blood to make... medicine."
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"Medicine?" Asher made a face, lip curling with disgust. That was...actually pretty gross, the thought of bleeding people to use their blood in medicine and shit. Eugh. But also not surprising, considering what else TRIM did.
"The hell kinda medicine they--"
He cut off when the door to their cell opened and a guard stepped in, flanked by a second. "Lunch time, come on out," he said, waiting to escort them--or forcibly remove them if it came to it. Subjects on good behavior got to eat in the mess hall, while those on poor behavior got that privilege revoked and had to take their meals in the room.
Lately, Asher had been on okay behavior. Still mouthy as hell, but he hadn't tried to assault any scientists lately.
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Hanguin was going to try and explain when the guard opened the door and interrupted Asher. Good, it was lunch time. Han swung his feet over the edge of the bed and tried to stand up, only to stumble and grab the foot of his bed before actually falling on his face. He tried to stand again but the room was spinning. He looked toward his roommate, his violet eyes silently asking for help.
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Asher stared at Hanguin for a moment, then let out a low groan. "Fuck my life," he muttered as he rose to his feet and turned toward the guard. "Ya gonna get 'im or what?"
"If the patient is too weak to to stand, he should take his meal inside his--"
"Yeah, fuck that, too," Asher cut in and, with a sigh, he marched over to Hanguin and turned him shoulder toward him, not looking at him. He had limits, after all. He wasn't gonna babysit this new guy. If he wanted help, he needed to help himself, so a shoulder to lean on was the extent of his offer and it was up to him to take it on his own.
It would have been easy to just leave him here, and Asher had half a mind to. But damn, the guy was way too fucking pathetic to leave behind. It was shameful, secondhand embarrassment and all.
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Hanguin was surprised to see his roommate offer his shoulder, he was surprised to be helped. He reached out and grabbed Asher's shoulder, steadying himself before stepping forward. "Thank you..." He said softly, looking at his roommate. He wasn't a bad person was he?
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Asher shrugged off his gratitude. "Whatever," he said and, once Hanguin was in place, he started to walk.
Glad to be out of the stifling room, he lead the way out and down a corridor, flanked by the guards. It wasn't a long walk to the mess hall which was fashioned much like you'd expect to see in a prison, complete with a cafeteria-style set-up. Other subjects served the food, even.
"Fancy, huh?" Asher said as he stepped into line.
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Hanguin held on to the other's shoulder, trying not to stumble. He did fairly well, though feeling the guard's eyes on him didn't ease his mind any. It took him a moment to realize that he was touching someone... actually touching someone, and not at the mercy of their emotions. He hated touching people before, and always wore special gloves to prevent actual contact... but in here his abilities were blocked. For some reason the realization made him shiver. His empathy had always been a burden, but it was part of him.
When they reached the mess hall Hanguin lifted his head to look around, but he didn't see any other Dimuroites. He felt even more ill. He hoped to see some of his kind, there were so many taken... where were they? "It's just lovely..." He muttered after a moment, the bitter sarcasm of his words sounded foreign even to his ears.
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"That's the spirit!" Asher said with a wide grin and reached up to ruffle the guy's hair. "Before long, you'll be just as bitter and disillusioned as the rest of us."
Asher grabbed a tray with one hand and shrugged the shoulder Hanguin was clinging to. "Yer gonna have to let go now."
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Hanguin could't help but shy away from Asher's touch when the other ruffled his hair. It was automatic to resist being touched... but of course it didn't matter now. He was already touching Asher, he knew his ability didn't work here, but it was just a knee-jerk reaction.
He shifted to stand on his own and took a tray as well. "Can I ask you something?" He was still a bit unsteady, but he was mustering his strength. He knew he'd feel better after eating and resting. "Have you seen other people that look like me here?"
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Asher snorted and gave Hanguin a flat look.
"Askin' if ya can ask a question is a question, innit?" he said, and then shook his head. "But nope. Ain't seen no one like ya. Yer the first. Why?"
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Hanguin looked down and steadied himself again. "...They bring my people here... we are sold here." His heart ached thinking about it, like it was breaking. He didn't want to say aloud what he feared most. "So many of us have been sold here." He muttered softly. "But I'm the only one with psionic abilities..." Hanguin felt in his gut that it was the only reason he was still alive right now.
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"So...? Maybe that's why," Asher said with a shrug and moved down the line as the people in front of him shuffled along. "We're in Wing Omega. Psychic wing. Might be the others are in Alpha."
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"Maybe..." Hanguin felt so weak still and just wanted to sit and eat and then he could sleep or die or whatever. "What is... what kind of people go to Alpha?"
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"Alpha's fer the mages."
Asher set his tray down on the counter and let the folks on the other side fill up his plate, telling them to go easy on the gravy, before looking back at Hanguin. "So, if yer people are magical-types or somethin', if they're here, they're probably there. Good luck findin' 'em, though."
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Hanguin watched feeling almost more nauseous as food was put on his plate. Unlike Asher he offered up no direction for what he was given. He let his new roommate's words sink in a bit and his stomach sank with them. "...We aren't magical either..." He muttered softly as he tried to clear his mind of the increasingly obvious and harsh reality.
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"Eh?" Asher reached the end of the line and picked up his tray, pausing to wait for Hanguin to finish up. He tilted his head, face scrunched up in confusion.
"The hell's with the long face? That means they ain't here."
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Hanguin followed Asher down the line and then steadied himself one last time before picking up his tray. "...That means they are dead." The words made him feel sicker as they left his mouth and he wished right away that he could take them back, maybe then they would seem less truthful.
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Asher was quiet for a moment, watching Hanguin, and stepped a little closer so he could steady the tray if the guy totally lost it. He wasn't good with shit like this. Wasn't good with being all emotional and supportive and crap--he was far too cynical for that. All he had was honesty.
"That means they ain't here," he repeated, and shot Hanguin a pointed look. "Better dead than here."
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Those words hit Hanguin hard. TRIM had always been a looming nightmare solely because he was a Dimuroite. The threat of being sent here for experimentation, and being used piece-meal for blood and parts... it was something that he had known about for decades. He tried to keep the same sort of knowledge from as many of his people as possible... but the older ones all knew what would happen if they were sold here. All the nightmares, the thoughts... they were short though. His tissues and blood would be sampled, cataloged and harvested. Death. He had never really thought about being useful to the monsters here for other things.
Of course as a psychic, he was. Hanguin had to assume that the end would be the same, but how long till it came? Maybe it was better if the others were dead... then they wouldn't still be suffering. But if they were dead, they were dead. The thoughts circled around in his head as he moved to sit at a table, only slightly aware that Asher was ready to support him if needed, but auto-pilot had kicked in, and while he was still sluggish and not quite steady, his mind was at least off his hunger and pain for a moment.
The ideas still swirled in his head as he ate slowly despite his fierce hunger, he knew better than to scarf down the food, he'd only feel worse if he did. "...Would you rather be dead than here?" Hanguin asked Asher before he realized he had. He was doing that sort of thing a lot today.
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It was obvious the news had hit Hanguin hard, but there was nothing Asher could do about it. The guy had to deal. There was no way to soften things because this was reality and it would only get worse from here. No sense lying just to make someone feel better; that was far more cruel than brutal honesty.
He took a seat at the table and was quiet as he ate, watching the other listless faces around them. He had gotten through about half his meal when Hanguin spoke again, and Asher glanced at him out of the corner of his eye, expression blank.
"Depends on what day it is."
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Hanguin felt considerably better now that he was getting some food in him, physically better at least. Mentally he was vastly approaching emptiness and an implosion of grief, well he had been at least.
He lifted his head to look at Asher after the other answered his question. So there was hope, and it wasn't only death. Asher seemed so... strong still. Hanguin had to admire that. He had never been strong for himself. He would put up a strong facade for his crew and his people, but inside he always felt like he was cracked and breaking. He wasn't as good a leader as his brother Jahsklo, or their parents. He had been falling apart since they sent Kyssimri away. Just a mess of constant grief and the heavy burden of his people's safety from a system that treated them like livestock.
And that was only his own emotions. If he took on anyone else's, well at times he felt like he would die. He had spent so much time with it all inside him, all the worry, all the problems but now... well it didn't matter. There was nothing he could do, he was here- trapped in Hell, and it was somehow liberating.
Hanguin found himself chuckling lightly at that response. "How is today looking?" He asked somehow glad for the sarcasm and wit that his roommate possessed.
Whatever they did to him here would never compare to what Hanguin had done to himself emotionally, worrying about thousands of people ending up here and being responsible for all of them. He wasn't responsible anymore. His heart and mind would always be with his people, but he had to accept that he had done everything he could for them, and he couldn't stress about them now.
Today, he was here. It might be a place worse than death, but he was alive and there was nothing final about that.
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"Hmm..." Asher spooned some potatoes into his mouth, chewed, and rolled his eyes ceiling-ward as he mulled that over. Swallowing that mouthful, he shrugged and offered up a crooked grin.
"Right now? I'm happy to be alive," he said. "Feelin' pretty alright today. Been left alone fer the day, not in any pain, don't feel sick, got someone whose brain is all there to talk to...right now, I guess I can see the point."
For a while there, he hadn't seen the point at all, not after Cass vanished. Maybe they'd moved him to a different room. Maybe he'd died. He had no way of knowing and that had killed him in a way he hadn't anticipated. For a while, he'd stopped caring--and he still struggled with apathy, faced with the futility of it all. But the fight was slowly coming back, the hope...because hope was all he had. It kept him human.
And if he was gonna die here, he was gonna die loud, proud, and with his humanity still intact.
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Hanguin smiled. Not the reassuring smile he would put on for his crew, filled with doubt and worry. He actually smiled. Something he hadn't done since Kyssimri was small. "Today we are alive and in good company and we will fight tomorrow if death tries to take us." His first mate Tahshkei used to say that, but the words held new meaning now.
He finished eating and felt much better all around. There was hope, the Light could reach even here. Let come what may come and let go of what goes, the wind's gunna blow where the wind's gunna blow and we'll never know why it flows where it flows, let come what may come and let go of what goes. He prayed silently this time because Asher had been a bit jaded about it before.
"I am glad you are alright Asher, thank you for being so kind to me already." He was going to survive, but he had something he had to do, had to know. "...how closely do they monitor our conversations in here? ...where would be the best place to... talk?" He asked softly.
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Asher gave Hanguin an odd look. He hadn't really thought of himself as treating him kindly or anything and didn't really make a special effort to curb his behavior toward anyone. He'd just been blunt and honest.
Ah well. Whatever.
"They're probably watchin' us right now. Hey there, motherfucker! Ya like this?" Asher grinned up at the ceiling and flipped both middle fingers at their invisible audience, if there even was one. Looking back to Hanguin, he dropped his voice. "Ain't no way to be sure. Just gotta be real quiet, is all."
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Hanguin looked up at the ceiling when Asher flipped it off. It was kind of amusing to see but it was also serious. He wasn't sure how to say what he wanted to, but he lowered his voice and looked at Asher. "...do you think they is any way to find out if.... if someone was a subject here?"
He knew it was a long shot. He remembered them rattling off a number of some sort early which he ws fairly sure was supposed to be him... even if they did keep names with their test subject numbers he figured only higher ups knew them or had access to such files. Hanguin had to know if Kyssimri had ended up here. He knew he had promised Jahsklo when they smuggled Kyssimri out of the colony that they would never try to find out about how Kyssimri was. They couldn't know, because it put all three of them in danger, but that was out there. In here, well he had to know one way or another.
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"Might be. Ya could probably jus' ask." Asher gave Hanguin a curious look, pushing his leftovers around on his plate without even realizing he was doing it.
"A lot of the people here ain't all that fussed about us, don't take us seriously. Ain't nothin' we can do, so they talk. Not like ya could do anythin' with the info, ya know. Why? Ya lookin' fer someone?"
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Hanguin was surprised. The possibility of just asking had never occurred to him. But if it was possible... well he would just ask and see and go from there. He looked up at his roommate when asked if he was looking for someone. He hadn't spoken about Kyssimri in years and he felt like there was a lump in his throat. He swallowed and took a deep breath.
"...yes. I just, I need to know if my little brother was here. I hope he is safe and has never been anywhere near here but... I have to know."
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Asher made a face at that. "Well that's jus' stupid."
Pushing his plate away, finished with his meal, he sat back with his arms folded across his chest. "Why would ya want to know? If he's here, he's bein' tortured and there ain't nothin' ya can do, 'cept now ya know he's sufferin' and got somethin' else to torture yerself with. If he's dead, ain't nothin' ya can do, 'cept now ya know he's dead and got somethin' else to cry about. If he's alive, great, he's alive and well. Guess tha's reassurin'. But why not just assume th' best? Ain't nothin' ya can do anyway, and at least then ya got some peace of mind."
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Hanguin had to admit that Asher had a point, but not knowing was worse sometimes. "I... I understand what you are saying, but I just have to know. Maybe I will just try this positive thinking for now..."
If Kyssimri was here... had been here, what would he do? What could he do? Then again not knowing hurt almost as bad. "...he's my little brother but... my older brother and I raised him, I will always worry about him." Han said softly, wondering if there was anyone out there that his roommate cared about or worried about but he wasn't about to ask.
Already he had shared more about himself with Asher than he had with even his crew.
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"Ain't no point in worrying no more," Asher said with a shrug. "Not like ya can do anythin' so it's a waste of energy." He glanced at Hanguin. "It's best ya just forget."
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No worrying. That's right. It would take some time to get used to that. Hanguin let out a sigh. "So then what should I do?" He looked at Asher wondering briefly how this man still had his wits about him despite being in here, how anyone could. Hanguin was worried about that too.
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Asher shrugged again. "Worry about yerself."
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"...Alright." There was nothing else to say on that front. He would have to just... not worry about Kyssimri and the others now. Easier said than done though. "So... what usually happens after meal time?" He wasn't looking forward to anything in this place but being able to rest would be nice.
Now that he ate at least... of course he would be hungry again soon too. Worry about himself. Well, all he could worry about right now were his bodily needs.
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"After meal time comes clean-up, then it's back to th' cell to sit 'round some more. After a few hours, it's exercise time, then dinner. Other than tha', ain't much of nothin' goin' on, unless they decide to use ya, if ya know what I mean."
He smiled, though it never reached his eyes. "An' they will."
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Hanguin wasn't sure how to respond to that. The smile on Asher's face probably should have unnerved him, the statement should have unnerved him. It didn't though. For some reason it just made him sad. Even with his ability dampened by the technology here he could still sense the other male's pain, not in a psionic way, but it the way any person should for another.
"...right." He said finally. He had to remember that he should worry about himself now, and not about others. That was what Asher said to do. It just happened to be the one thing Han couldn't fully wrap his mind around.
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Asher nodded. "Right. So."
He tilted his head, eyed the guy curiously. "How ya get caught?"
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"...I landed on Edanith's frontier in hopes of securing provisions for my crew but ended up getting kidnapped by bandits and sold here. Of course many of my people are sold here straight from our mothership so I have no right to pity myself. I only pray my crew is safe." Hanguin explained before hesitantly adding. "...and yourself?"
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"Oh, ya know, I killed a cop," Asher said without looking at Hanguin, adding on a little shrug. He hoped he at least looked indifferent.
"So yeah. 'Nuff about that. Whatcha mean ya get sold from yer mothership? Yer people sell ya out or what?"
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Somehow the attempt at indifference made it all the cleared that it wasn't that simple. Asher didn't seem like he was the type to just kill nonchalantly. He didn't want to pry, and he really didn't want to know.
The question caught him off guard though. He wanted to defend the name of his people, of his family- explain the history and circumstances behind it but, essentially what Asher so indelicately said was absolutely true. Still. He had to say something on the subject. "Yes. Its... A situation we seem perpetually stuck in. My people don't have a home other than our three ships and we became dependent on people who treat us like cattle. Essentially we live on ships that just hold us till we end up- well, here."
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Asher arched a brow at that. "Ya all end up here eventually?"
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"....technically, yes." Even the bodies were sent here, or another facility if not TRIM itself. It was hard to talk about. Hard to explain. Hard to justify that the way his people lived now was better than it had been. Better than being slaves. He wasn't sure they weren't still slaves though. They certainly were not truly free.
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"'Technically'...?" Asher pressed, still frowning deeply.
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Hanguin sighed, he didn't want to discuss this any more. It was ingrained in him not to discuss it. "Yes. Technically." Was all he said. He felt sick, he was still worried about his people, it wasn't something he could just turn off. "Can we talk about something else?"