Meet Me Where You're Going [Nephero]

[Nix]

Jon: so uh wanna go on a date? There's this restaurant I've been wanting to try. If that's cool with you.
Chance: doki fucking doki, hell yes.
Jon: Cool. Want to meet me there? I'll send you the address.


Jon looked at his phone sadly, still trying to decide what he had to do. This was going to be their first real date... and he knew he should end it. It had to be in public. They couldn't meet in private, not with Iriel most likely being called in by the Inquiry. All communications had to be blatant and casual. Everything in Haviah could be and was monitored.

His heart throbbed and tears welled up in his eyes as he thought about what he had to do. They had not even been together long, but he knew this was the best thing he could do for Chance now. They couldn't see each other. He would only end up dragging Chance down with him.

And Chance deserved better than that. He was different from Jon. He had a future, he could be a Pilot Royal some day, maybe even Imperial- well no, probably not. Anhur was not exactly the Dragon Imperial type. Still. Chance came from a military family. An Aedolian family. And no matter what Jon did he would always be a rank locked foreign-born Pilot.

Jon splashed some cold water on his face and got dressed up in his uniform; actually slicking his hair back neatly. He felt kind of like Lufti, but maybe channeling his demeanor would help. He needed to steel himself. He needed to do this. He needed to make it known. He and Pilot Echo Kiers would no longer be a thing... they would no longer be friends.

[nephero]

Chance: Absolutely. Just let me find my good novelty alien socks
Jon: Heh. ok cool. I'm about to leave. See you soon.

Chance pressed the side of his phone, and the screen dimmed out, leaving him with only a reflection of his own stupidly grinning face. This was perfect, this was exactly what he needed. The whole Luminas Incident had left him feeling shaken and unsure; Gospels were always a looming threat, insidious and lurking and just waiting for someone to drop their guard. The mere idea that someone Chance had been acquainted with was now under suspicion of being one, well.

It had taken several showers and several glasses of whiskey to not feel like his skin was crawling.

But here was Jon, his knight in shining armor, offering up distraction in the form of a date. An actual date. An actual public date, their first date of such a kind, the first time they were going somewhere "together" instead of simply going somewhere together. Chance all but flung himself off his couch, full of sudden buzzing energy, and hurried into his bathroom to spruce himself up.

This wasn't just them snuggling on a couch and watching television. This was the time to impress, and Chance tugged at his hair, carefully styling it. He rubbed at his chin, feeling the faint beginnings of stubble there, but figured it was still okay enough to leave as it was. A bit of the rugged charm, that was always a pleaser.

And there he went grinning like a dope again. He gave his reflection a finger pistol and a wink before hurrying off to find a decent outfit. Again, the usual just wouldn't do, and so it took a bit more digging to pull up a nicer long-sleeve versus any of his usual tshirts and some black jeans. Casual, but still visibly making an effort.

Not that he thought Jon would MIND if he showed up in his usual tshirts. But hell, this was their first date. He wanted it to be special. Because shit, this was special. Jon was special.

Probably more than the Pilot Cardinal even realized.

Chance checked his phone for the time, and then quickly made a beeline for the front door, stopping only to give Yo Yo an affectionate little scratch goodbye before heading off for the restaurant Jon had messaged him.

[Nix]

It was no real surprise that Jon got there first. It was no real surprise that he was seated immediately despite the place being rather packed. It wasn't the fanciest place in the upper levels but it was new and kitschy and served fusion cuisine, including several curry dishes. Which was precisely why Jon wore his uniform; he wasn't as well known as some other Pilots were. Certainly a chip scan would prove he was indeed a Pilot, but the uniform was a whole other level, it was a statement.

It was a good table too, bread was brought promptly; he ordered champagne. His heart was breaking but he stayed calm and collected, thanking the waiter who brought the bottle and the ice bucket. "I'd like to wait till my company arrives before we open that." He said with a smile.

"Ah, someone special sir?"

"Yes. The most."

He looked down at his phone, knowing most eyes were looking towards him as they ate and pretended not to watch, everyone wondering who was meeting this Pilot Cardinal.

[nephero]

It didn't take too long for Chance to find the restaurant; he was far too excited to play at the whole "fashionably late" deal, and more to the point was that he had absolutely zero desire to play any kind of game like that with Jon. Nah, Jon didn't need the old cat and mouse tricks of the trade; it was part of what Chance adored-- no, loved about him. Jon was Jon, kind and sweet and not just out to make a name for himself and...

And absolutely handsome in a uniform. It took no effort at all to spot where Jon was seated, and Chance felt his chest give a little flutter for it. The Pilot Cardinal had gone all out for this. Like, really gone all out. Chance made his way through the restaurant, walking like he might as well have owned the place. It was certainly the biggest difference between them, because really, Chance had been born into this sort of thing-- here was a man in his element, old Aedolian bloodlines and a veteran to boot-- and it was with no shortage of natural confidence that he arrived at the table with a wide grin.

"I ever tell you I love how good you look in that?" he teased, leaning in for a quick peck without giving a single solitary damn about their no-doubt considerable audience. They may as well have been all alone for all Chance cared; the only thing that mattered was the man seated across from him.

Chance settled into his own chair, finally giving a cursory glance around at the restaurant itself as if only now seeing the whole of it.

"I like it, I see why you wanted to come here."

[Nix]

Jon's heart broke as he saw that smile, as he saw Chance and how gorgeous he was, that confident walk. He stood to greet his superior officer. Chance belonged in places like this. Jon was just lucky to be here. Just faking his way through it all; foreign-born and rank locked. His lineage was that of deserters who fled Aedolis, like it was a place to run from instead of serve and fight for.

Jon knew what he was. This was a wake up call. Chance wasn't like him. Chance was elite. It didn't matter how much Jon loved Aedolis, it didn't matter that he was a Pilot, he would never really be Aedolian. He would always be suspicious. Especially if he was keeping secrets. He had to though. He had to for Ailill. For all the other elite Pilot Echo had done and sacrificed to help him through losing Temple.

His heart cracked further as Chance pecked his lips and he smiled, trying to mirror Chance's emotions, actively utilizing his empathy and feeling all the more deceptive for it. "You didn't even look at the menu yet." He chuckled softly sitting back down. "I hope you don't mind, I ordered champagne." Because I hope these small details will show you how much I do love you.

[nephero]

"Champagne? Oh, Pilot Rheeves, you do go on," Chance cooed, trying and failing to keep from just grinning like a straight-up loon. He might've liked some kind of dignity, but there was simply no holding back here; it was like staring into the sun, even if you didn't want to you were going to squint. And Jon was easily thirty times brighter to look at.

He was pretty sure the other Pilot could feel everything he was putting off, even in a crowded place like this, and even with Chance's own Pilot training in muting his thoughts. But even that was okay-- there were only two people on the entire planet that he would genuinely trust inside his head. His sister for one, and the man across from him for another. Just perhaps not in the middle of a crowded restaurant. It took some effort, but he managed to quell his emotions back to their standard level. No sense in being this overwhelming when they hadn't even opened the champagne yet.

How he had managed to keep this all under lock and key for over a year, Chance honestly had no idea. Really, the way he had been carrying on this past week alone should have been the 50-foot neon sign anybody would have needed. His subordinates already had their suspicions. Izzy had just looked amused.

At the mention of the menu, however, Chance looked down, flicking open the folded pages and making a pleased little noise. Already he could feel himself salivating as he looked over the descriptors for different kinds of curry.

"Oh, man, you weren't kidding," he hummed, before looking back up and over at Jon. He couldn't help another smile, though this one at least was far softer, and it was with no shortage of sincerity that he continued, "...Thank you. This is nice. Being out with you. Kinda really makes me wish I'd gotten my shit together and said something sooner."

[Nix]

This was it. This was love. He wasn't so sure what he had felt for Temple anymore. The fallen Pilot would always be very dear to him but- his feelings for Temple were nothing compared to this. He loved Chance in all the ways you could love another person, he was sure of that. And even if his head protested that there was no way anyone could love him the same way, he knew Chance did. He could literally feel it. It made him feel like he was choking because he knew what he had to do. He had to give it up.

And it was going to kill him.

Yeah me too. Jon thought to himself, careful to keep it quiet, especially in the crowded restaurant. The waiter returned to open and pour the champagne for them, asking if they were ready to order. "Do you need more time Chance?" He asked looking from the waiter who's mind was practically screaming giddy fanboy thoughts, wondering if they were an actual Pilot couple. It wasn't even subtle, Jon wasn't trying to hear it.

[nephero]

Judging by the way Chance's mouth worked into a wry sort of smile, it was clear even he was hearing those surface thoughts-- and being primarily kinetic, that certainly said a lot.

If he was being perfectly honest with himself, however, he absolutely loved the entire notion of being visibly a couple. It wasn't even necessarily the power fantasy of being two celebrities involved with one another, though he had to admit that held a certain appeal. No, mostly it was just being out in the open about it all. The thought that everyone would know that Jon was his, and he was Jon's and that being a simple statement of facts. It left him feeling more than a bit giddy himself, though he was doing a far sight better at hiding that fact.

"No, I'm ready," Chance said, glancing back down at the menu just to make sure he knew exactly what it was he was ordering, "I'm going to go with the... red chicken curry. And a extra side of naan, if you don't mind."

He glanced up and over his menu at Jon, grey eyes all but sparking in mischief. A light little inside joke considering their mutual "baby girl", and Chance's near utter insistence upon feeding his pet bird other birds. He closed up his menu and handed it back to the waiter with his thanks, reaching out instead to toy with the stem of his champagne glass as he watched the other Pilot.

[Nix]

The first real indication that something might be wrong came in the form of Jon not catching the joke/reference. Instead he handed his menu over to the waiter with a soft smile. "That sound's good. I'll have the same."

The waiter smiled and headed off, still giddy over the fact that he was serving Pilots! And he even recognized Chance. Jon chuckled a little, trying to stay positive and facilitate conversation, after all... they could have this one nice meal first right? "You hear the waiter's thoughts too? He likes you. He's not bad looking either right? Heh. You really do attract all the admirers." He mused softly. It was no wonder Chance did either. His family and rank aside Chance was charming, handsome, goofy, charismatic, and sexy as fuck.

Chance would be ok. He'd bounce back... he'd find someone better.

Jon had once thought he'd never love anyone but Temple, but now he knew Nayden ''Chance" Kiers had ruined him. There would never be anyone else. "Hey can I ask you something? I guess it's a bit personal so you don't have to answer but... why do you hate the name Nayden?"

[nephero]

Huh. Okay, that fell flat. That was a bit weird.

It wasn't like Jon to be this... Chance searched for just what was off about all this... reserved? At least, not when it was just the two of them. Was he nervous? Chance considered everything, the uniform, the restaurant, the champagne... the fact that this was their first outing together. And then that whole comment about how cute the waiter was. Chance knew Jon had more than his share of self-esteem issues, and being out in the open like this would easily trigger all kinds of doubt. That had to be it.

Chance smiled, softly, and gently nudged his foot against Jon's own beneath the table before lifting his champagne glass.

"Here's to the only admirer that matters. Cheers," he said, his smile widening for the sheer truth of it. Really, it wasn't any kind of an exaggeration, either. Chance had had multiple suitors, serious and not, but nothing had ever compared to how Jon made him feel. He was just too perfect; kind and considerate, sympathetic and true, funny as hell and fun to be around. And with the added bonus of being, in Chance's personal opinion, absolutely drop dead gorgeous.

Chance might've attracted all the admirers. He still couldn't believe his luck that he'd managed to catch Jon. He was pretty sure even years down the line (and he fully intended to have years), he still wouldn't believe his luck.

He took a sip of his champagne, and hummed a bit at the question. That one was a bit more complicated, but... hell. This was Jon. Chance didn't see any reason to keep anything from him.

"You mean aside from the fact it's 'Nayden'?" He asked, taking on a nasally sort of tone when he said his own name, and snorting in amusement. "...Eh. I guess the crux of it is really just that I know it was a last-minute choice, you know? My parents, they uh. Had not been expecting two of us, so I'm pretty sure it was just a lot of 'uh uh, okay, fuck it, we'll call this one Nayden.'"

He shrugged a bit, and took another sip of champagne, as if the idea didn't bother him nearly as much as it did.

[Nix]

Jon raised his glass a little when Chance did. His heart swelled and crumbled at those sweet words and the sincerity behind them. He knew Chance felt strongly for him, but that hardly meant he was the right person for the Pilot Echo.

He drank his champagne hoping it would make things easier- make him numb. He took the bottle out of the ice bucket and poured himself some more, topping off Chance's without even asking. He hoped the food would come out soon. This was killing him. He really needed to just relax and enjoy their first and last date but... how could he?

He couldn't help but chuckle when Chance said Nayden like that. "That's because you are saying it wrong. It's not Nayden..." He said emulating Chance's tone, "It's ...Nayden." He said softly and somewhat more husky than he meant.

He could tell how the subject hurt him and reached out for Chance's hand. "You may not have been expected, but you are a gift to this world Chance. I am so glad you exist. You are not a mistake and you belong here. You deserve great things. You are not an 'extra' or 'spare' you are you. I am so lucky to have been with you." He said squeezing the other Pilot's hand.

[nephero]

Oh.

Chance felt the beginnings of a blush, though a quick drink of his suddenly refilled champagne glass helped keep it in check. Hearing his name, his given name, said like that, it sent a shiver up his spine. Chance licked his lips, unable to help the small smile that just continued to grow with every passing moment.

Yeah, he could stand to be called 'Nayden' if it was Jon doing it.

He shifted his hand to let Jon's fingers slide against his own, and felt himself grow warmer by the minute. He didn't often get lost in melancholy, but some days the nagging little doubts just did not let up, and just hearing Jon talk about how those doubts weren't true, and hearing the sheer sincerity in his voice, it was--

Wait. Wait a minute. Something pulled him out of his euphoria, and he looked up at Jon, his brows knit in confusion and the hints of a laugh on his lips. 'Have been'? Was that the way it was said? Chance thought it was just 'to be', but now that he was mulling it over in his head he wasn't so sure.

"I feel the same way. About being with you, I mean," he said, fidgeting with his glass the more Jon's word choice nagged at him. Chance tried to shove it to the back of his head, because that was just a ridiculous thing to get worked up over. They were celebrating here, after all. But something about it just would not let up, felt too terribly familiar, and so Chance took a deep breath, forcing a smile back onto his face as he looked across the table at the other Pilot.

The only way to alleviate his fears was to dive in head first, he supposed.

"I love you, Jon."

[Nix]

He wanted to say 'I love you too'. He really did. Especially because it was true. He loved Chance so much it hurt. This was killing him. He opened his mouth, unsure of what he was going to say, his fingers unlacing from Chance's and-

The waiter arrived with their dinners. Oh thank all the stars in the sky. "Oh thank you." He said to the waiter who was still exuding excitement at being able to serve Pilots who seemed to be on a date.

"Please enjoy! If there is anything else you need please don't hesitate to ask, and thank you both for your service." The waiter smiled at them, especially Chance.

"Thank you." Jon said again, taking another sip of his champagne and then trying the curry as the waiter walked away. "Oh. This is really good." He said, not speaking with his mouth full for once. "So... this naan stuff is the bread then?" He said ripping a piece of it. "Oh this is good too..."

He looked up at Chance again, it suddenly occurred to him he had been avoiding eye contact. "So where were we? I guess I can't talk name wise huh? I don't like mine either. Omajon is... well its a weird name that was supposedly the name of some space captain- its a dumb story. Anyway. Where did Chance come from then?" He was rambling. He was sweating a bit. He was trying to change the subject, trying to stall for time. He knew what he had to do but the thought of doing it- of hurting Chance even if it was for his own good; it was killing him.

[nephero]

Oh.

Chance's chest gave a thoroughly unpleasant stutter as Jon pulled his hand away. Chance watched the other Pilot's face, his brows tightening more and more as Jon seemed unable to find the right words. The Pilot Cardinal wasn't even looking at him; somehow that hurt even worse.

Please, Chance's thoughts became a mantra, quiet and desperate and an absolute struggle to keep down, please, please, please.

Chance was almost surprised as their dinners arrived, as if he had forgotten they had been sitting in the middle of a restaurant. This was rapidly becoming the freshest sort of hell, but he managed a smile at the waiter nonetheless, if only for the sake of politeness. Chance looked down at his dish, and wanted to enjoy it. It looked great, it smelled great, but somehow the thought of eating anything just left him with a dim, ashy taste in his mouth.

No. No need to panic. Just keep breathing. He was sure it was nothing. Jon had invited him out, had gotten champagne. There had to be a different explanation for how he was acting.

Chance scooped up a spoonful of his own dinner, but as predicted, didn't taste much of any of it. Which was quite a feat, since he was sure there were enough spices in there to fill an entire rack on their own.

"Yeah, literally means 'bread', I love the stuff." He heard himself responding, trying to keep this conversation going and mentally berating himself the whole while. He was being melodramatic, it was ridiculous. Jon had gotten interrupted, that was all.

"I like Omajon, though," Chance gave another quick smile, burying his hurt as far as it would go. "And being named for a space captain is pretty cool."

But that nagging feeling lingered on, especially the longer Jon rambled, and no matter what Chance did it just wouldn't go away. And there, just there, the Pilot Echo could spot the barest beginnings of sweat that he was sure had nothing to do with the spiciness of the food. Chance chewed at another bite of his food, before finally just blundering on. Tiptoeing around nearly cost him Jon in the first place, he wasn't going to let it happen again. Absolutely never again.

"...Are you okay?"

[Nix]

No.

He wasn't ok. He was far from ok. He could hear Chance's thoughts, feel his emotions. It was killing him. But he couldn't back out of his plan now. He needed to protect Chance, and this was the only way to do it. Whether or not Iriel was found guilty of anything- he knew he was going to end up being questioned too. At least he knew he would be questioning him if he was an Inquiry Officer. Possibly Chance as well. Which was why he needed to do this. It had to be publicly known that they had been a thing, however fleeting, but it was over. It had to be over or Chance would be dragged into his mess.

Please Chance... please realize how much I love you. How I'm only doing what's best. Please.

"I just." He took a deep breath and let it out in a forced heavy sigh. "I guess this isn't going how I thought it would. I don't mean just dinner. You know. Like all of this."

I am so sorry. I am so fucking sorry. I love you.

[nephero]

Oh. Oh, no. Oh, no no no.

Chance felt as if a thousand gallons of ice water had been poured directly down his throat. His stomach did a nasty sort of flip, and he stopped trying to pretend to eat his dinner. All his attention was now on Jon, his knuckles white as he gripped onto his spoon, as if that would somehow keep him grounded.

"This?" he asked, the word coming out strangled, and Chance quickly cleared his throat, trying to salvage the situation as fast as he could, "Wh... what do you mean, all of this? Is something wrong?"

Did I do something wrong? was more what he had meant to say, but he was trying so hard to cling to the hope that this was not actually going the way that Chance feared it was. He went over the past week in his mind, rapid-fire and desperate to pinpoint anything that Jon could possibly be talking about. Had he said something? Had he done something?

And all the while the ice cold worm in his gut continued roiling, so badly now that Chance had to push his plate away from himself to keep himself in order.

[Nix]

Jon had stopped eating too. He felt sick for both of them. He looked away and steeled himself. He didn't mean to be reading Chance's thoughts... and they were killing him. Sometimes they just projected with the emotions.

You did nothing wrong. Please figure out why. Why I'm doing this. Why I have to. Please Chance.

"I guess this whole 'us' thing? What ever this was. I mean we are just too different where it counts to make this work don't you think?"

I love you. I will always love you. That's why I'm doing this.

He tried to keep any emotion from showing but his heart was breaking as he forced words he didn't mean out from his lips. Words he never wanted to say. He wanted to take them back. He wanted to say how he really felt. But he couldn't. He just couldn't. Chance would be better off without him.

"It was a fun experience. You are great and all but this is just weird right? I'm not sure how we even ended up friends let alone what ever this was."

You have to know this is a lie. You have to know because we are best friends and I fucking love you so just realize. Please!

Jon paused and looked Chance directly in the eyes, his own were welling up with tears he refused to cry. He had to be strong. "It Really Isn't Even Love." He said carefully enunciating the first letter of each word, hoping and praying Chance would understand his message.

[nephero]

And there it was.

Suddenly it all just seemed so... so obvious. Stupidly obvious. The sudden text, the public setting, the way Jon had barely looked at him and the forced conversation--

Chance recalled how giddy he had felt not even ten minutes ago, and hated himself all the more for it. Jon had been buttering him up for this, and there had had drivelled on like a goddamn idiot about how much he loved the other Pilot. A fresh wave of humiliation joined the cocktail of hurt that was raging in his chest, and Chance pulled himself back in his chair, hands in his lap if only so Jon wouldn't see how white his knuckles were as he clenched his fists.

Too different where it counts. A fun experience. Just weird. Whatever this was.

Jon looked at him and Chance flinched first, his eyes dropping down to the bright tablecloth beneath white dishes and even brighter food. He felt like he was going to be sick. He thought back to everything over the course of the week and wondered just when Jon had started feeling this way. No answer seemed to be better than any of the others; they had only been together for such a short time-- had Chance really been that terrible?

"I--" he began, only to stop just as quickly. It isn't even love. Again, Chance felt phenomenally stupid. Of course. Of course not. He had been pining after Jon for over a year, had gently tended to the brushfire of his affections for the Pilot Cardinal, but Jon? All Chance knew was that there had been some kind of reciprocated interest, and with Jon being an empath like he was, how much of that had simply been Chance's own projections?

Stupid. So stupid. Chance rubbed at his chin and mouth, trying to keep his emotions in check and shaking from the sheer effort of such a task. He hated this, he hated himself, he hated how he had actually thought that Jon might-- that Jon would ever--

It really isn't even love. It. Really. Isn't. Even. Love. I-R-I-E-L.

Chance's eyes widened in recognition, before narrowing into cold steely slits, and finally, finally, he seemed to muster the courage to look up and meet Jon's gaze. So. That was it, then. This was entirely about Pilot Luminas-- Chance had been worried that he would get snatched up by Inquiry, had even expected it; after all, he had been alone with Luminas before, and had been in contact with her. It had all seemed innocent socialization, but he knew how it looked as well as anybody.

It would be a huge blow to anyone's reputation if Luminas was found guilty of genuine treasonous intent. It would be an even huger blow to a foreign-born Pilot's reputation, tenuous as that already was. This was, at its core, a career move. Jon had spotted a sinking ship and was getting the fuck off as soon as he could, and making a show of it to make sure there were enough witnesses to the fact.

Fighting to keep his voice steady, and woefully aware that he was not at all succeeding, Chance regarded the Pilot Cardinal.

"I see. I... I'm sorry, I had thought... I had thought things were different." He stood then, movements stilted, and tossed the napkin that had been in his lap onto the table. "I won't inconvenience you any longer. Good evening, Pilot Rheeves."

He gave a curt sort of nod, and then promptly absconded the fuck out of the restaurant before he completely made an ass of himself and broke down crying in public. That was the absolute last thing he needed.

[Nix]

Jon thought maybe Chance understood when his eyes widened for a second. He hoped Chance understood. He knew the other Pilot would still be hurt, he could feel it. He felt like he just stabbed Chance in the back and the same knives were in his own.

He just sat there bleeding out and staring at the remnants of his heart in the form of abandoned food. He just sat there. He could feel the eyes on him. He could feel their disbelief and sick joy in watching the hearts break of two Pilots break. He wanted to break down crying but he had to stay composed. He was a Pilot. He could do this. Jon finished off the champagne in his glass and poured another, downing that too but not really having a taste for the rest. The waiter approached tentatively, concern and unease dripping off him in palpable waves. Everything was heightened to Jon's own compromised emotional state.

"Is everything alright sir?" The waiter asked.

Jon looked up at him and tried to force a smile but his mouth wouldn't move that way anymore. Holding back the tears suddenly became the only task he could focus on. "It's fine. May I have the check please?"

"Certainly sir... would you like me to wrap this for you?" He said clearing the plates.

"Sure."

It didn't matter to him, but he didn't want to upset the guy further who was already nervous and just trying to do his job.

He knew he had done the right thing. But it also felt like the biggest mistake of his life. As long as Chance was safe. Jon had to hold it together. He still had a lot to do tonight.