Ships > Sassy Juice

Outer Space Food Truck {Any aboard the Sassy Juice}

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Aeyt:
Pierce Aubade Zephyr, conman, mercenary, outlaw, pirate, wanted criminal of seven sectors, was operating a food truck in space. Food was his passion. He loved to eat, and he loved to feed people. His stolen Nigrum Lotos, Anima, was not overly fond of her current shape. She was a bit vain, and preferred to be a sleek fighter model, or even high speed escape pod instead of this ugly shape. The flashing lights of her intergalactic signage was bright enough to be seen 4.2 lightyears away and Pierce was running an audio advertisement over the emergency frequency.

<<<Hungry? Tired of space rations and nutri-paste? Food replicators on the fritz? Have a hankering for kep-mok bloodticks? Stop by the best food truck this side of Alpha Centauri! Pierce's Palate Pleasure Palace! Where even if we've never heard of it, we've got it! It's always fresh at Pierce's Palate Pleasure Palace!>>>
Any passing vessel would hear the ad on their distress band, and hopefully none of them would be hunting him for a bounty, or worse, be a scorned lover. The giant blinking sign had the name of the establishment up in lights. Pierce stood in his amazing kitchen. Anima knew exactly what kind of setting he wanted, and if he chose to he could tweak it a bit to better fit his needs. He was making himself an applewood smoked bacon wrapped andouille sausage on a sweet roll while he waited for a customer to arrive. He had a feeling someone would be coming by to see him soon.

Rhi-Rhi:
Yeah, Ari couldn't not check that shit out.

One, because they had run through the good food and were down to shitty space rations.

Two, because the name was too hilarious not to investigate. Pierce's Palate Pleasure Palace? Sounded like a bad porno.

And so, investigate they went! Though cautiously. It didn't seem like a set-up, and if it was, it was a terrible idea for one. Not least because it was so obnoxiously visible.

Opening a com link between their ships as he pulled in closer, Ari spoke into the communicator. "Nice thing ya got goin' here. I like it, it's like some spacey drive-thru. So, how's this work? Ya got a hook-up?"

Aeyt:
Anima saw the Sassy Juice on her long range sensors well before Ari Maxwell, pirate captain of said ship, hailed Pierce. She scanned the vessel, not probing deeply, just making sure weapons weren't hot. She could change into a dreadnaught with ease, and go toe-to-toe with anything in space, or just as easily become a jumper or dart model ship and flee before weapons came to bare. She had limited info in her logs about the Sassy Juice and its crew, but she could see the ship and was not impressed.

Not overly large, it was obviously built for speed, but that's not what caught her attention. The paint job was ugly. There was no better way to say it. Paint that could survive the frozen vacuum of space was not cheap, and to throw it around like that was wasteful as far as she was concerned. It was like a magic flying unicorn shit a rainbow all over it, and jet grind goblin graffiti artists scrawled their work right on top of that. Disgusting.

#$%Looks like you're gonna have your first customer%$#

Her voice, somehow sounding innocent and sultry at once, as most appealed to Pierce, came tinkling over an onboard sound system.

#$%Known pirate vessel. No open warrants in this sector. Weapons cold.%$#

Pierce had savored every bite of the first sausage he'd made and was stuffing the last few bites of the second one in his mouth as Ari's voice came in over his com.

"Ohfen fuh cahmsh," he said to Anima, his mouth filled to bursting, a small piece of bun sticking out as he struggled to chew. If the Sassy Juice had a visual comm-system, Pierce would come up on the screen, but he didn't feel it was necessary to see his customers so he didn't have one enabled on his end. He chewed as little as necessary, choking down the last of the meat and bread, pounding his chest with a fist, as if that helped get it down.

"Welcome to Pierce's Palate Pleasure Palace. I'm Pierce, your host, and chef. Anything you can think up, the universe over, I can make. As long as you don't want it live. I can have a hookup if that's your preference, or I can send it into your docking bay on an automated drone."

As he spoke, he made himself a doppio espresso con panna with white chocolate and caramel sauce.

"So how many sailors are making orders? Anything exotic, they might have to give me a description, but I love finding new recipes to add to the millions I have."

Rhi-Rhi:
Leaning an elbow on the arm of his plush pilot's chair, Ari grinned at the holographic image that projected on the screen. He arched an eyebrow at the man's attire. Sunglasses? Really?

But he couldn't mock the man much, because that was when the guy made his espresso concoction.

Espresso.

Coffee.

Oh fuck him.

It had been way too many weeks since he'd had coffee that didn't come out of a packet, just add water.

"Ya got an espresso machine," he said, eyes wide with hope, and just like that, he was sold. "Well, fuck. I don't care what it is, but I know I'll take the largest, most heart attack inducin' espresso drink ya got. I'm talkin' I don't wanna sleep for a week. I wanna sprout hair in places I didn't even know existed. Now hold on one sec."

He hit a button on his console to open up the intercom. "Get your asses up! I'm orderin' shit! Tell me what y'all want or go without!" And then he added with a grin, "He's got coffee."

With that taken care of, he turned back to the holographic image. "So. Anything, ya said? How about Edani-style barbeque? 'Cause I could kill for ribs." And then, after a pause, because he couldn't help himself, he added, "Ya sell hookers, too?"

GIR:
Sarah had been working on an improvement to the shields when Ari's message sounded on the intercom. <Human. Fresh. Preferably thigh and/or ribs. Or Kashal. Haven't had that in a while. Or anything with any blubber to it. Failing that, Rhemorak. It goes without saying that these will all be raw.>, she responded, not even bothering to stop working, <Actually, make that all of the above. And a couple live Kashal. Can't go wrong with long-term supplies. Some Valu would also be great.>, she added, <Let me know when we're clear of whoever you're ordering from so I can finish upgrading the shields.>.


[Notes: Kashal are large semi-aquatic mammals native to Hesta. They're known for tough muscle and thick blubber, and are hunted in the polar regions of the main continent. Typically, the back or thighs are served skin-on with powdered fish scales. Rhemorak are sea birds native to the same planet. They're typically served plucked, cleaned of waste, and whole with a sauce made with fish scales, Kashal blubber, and seawater. Valu is a Farenian dish made with a deerlike animal seasoned with sea salt and fried in whale fat.]

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