Remnants of the Earth
Ships => Ships => Sassy Juice => Topic started by: Blue on March 21, 2012, 01:15:16 pm
-
Have you ever had an experience where, upon beholding something completely beyond your scope of understanding, you can do naught but stare as words to describe it have completely eluded you?
Yes, well, he was having one of those moments right now.
Because of this…thing in front of him.
Let’s rewind a little shall we? Bjarte had been stuck on the space station Cancer for months now, perfecting his medical skills so that a day like today could finally happen. Though he had a dabbling of experience in many things, the sciences were definitely his forte thanks to an extended stint with Thanatos Inc. On the Cancer, he had turned that knowledge of humanoid biology toward the medical field, in the hopes it would help him get hired onto one of the many ships that came and went. Of course, he had no license of any kind for this sort of work, but opening up a ‘back room’ style clinic had done it’s job, and he’d gotten the experience needed to feel comfortable around most injuries and species.
Now he just had to find a ship willing to take on a medic with no formal knowledge - surprisingly easy to do, it turned out.
He’d gone through a few contacts who were supposedly able to find people passage on ships of all kinds for all reasons, but until now he’d had difficulty finding a crew that had a medic opening. There were plenty of ships with less than legal crews coming and going, but Bjarte just never hit them at a time when they were in need of his services.
Today it would seem his luck had changed - some ship called the ‘Sassy Juice’ seemed to be in need of his skills, according to his contact. He’d been led into the docks and to the ship, but was currently too busy staring at it in some mix of mute horror and confused amusement to even think about introducing himself to the captain.
What the hell was this thing? It was like someone had puked rainbows all over it. It seemed as though an attempt at design had been made, but his eyes refused to see it amid all the colors running naked across the hull.
“That is one ugly goddamn ship.”
-
"Ya wanna rewind and try that again, Shorty?"
Stepping past the alien, Ari paused before him with one hand on his hip and his colorful head tilted down so he could look at Shorty there. In his other hand was a clear plastic bag filled with water--and several small, colorful fish, all neon blues and purples and pinks with elaborate fins for their small size.
It had been a fruitful day; he'd run all his usual errands, checked up on all his usual contacts, hit his usual bar, and bought a few new, obscenely expensive fish he didn't really need, but which he'd really wanted after a couple of shots. At least he was functionally buzzed; he'd had sense enough to inquire about their care requirements and compatibility with his other fish. Take that, Ben! He was responsible!
And now some Shorty was dissing his baby.
"Baby here's a work of contemporary art, man. But eh, we can't all be connoisseurs, I guess. It's okay, baby," he said, looking over to his ship and shaking his head. "Shorty's just ignorant."
-
Now, Bjarte had some damn fine hearing. His deer-shaped ears swiveled around easily to catch just about everything - that being said, he was in the middle of a dock full of the sounds of people and mechanics. So somehow, a large man with a rainbow splooge on his head managed to sneak right up behind him.
Luckily, he didn’t jump - though his loosely curled tail DID snap into a tight circle as a show of his surprise.
Hopefully the giant human would be too dumb to have noticed.
As what would turn out to be the captain of the ship spoke, Bjarte simply stared at him blankly with unusual feline like eyes. He wasn’t all that bothered by being called ‘shorty’ - it wasn’t his fault he was stuck in solar system full of obscenely sized humanoids. Honestly, no wonder the one called ‘Earth’ was a mess - how could any ecosystem handle such behemoths.
After the man was done reassuring his…ship…there was an extended period of silence as the short alien continued to stare at the human.
“…I’m sorry, did you say something? I was distracted by your hair. It’s like an entity of it’s own up there - loud and obnoxious, not unlike most humans. I mean, when you chose to color your hair a lovely shade of rainbow puke, you must have expected it would trump everything you say.”
Amusingly enough, all of this was spoken entirely deadpan, and not once did his face show a flicker of emotion. It made it all but impossible to say if he was joking or just being flat out rude, and that was something Ari was going to have to get used to it if he hired this particular medic.
Then, completely out of nowhere (and still deadpan).
“Nice fish.”
-
Ari's eyebrow rose as he stared down at the alien. The alien with the horns and the ears and the tail and the gray skin and who, until he'd actually spoken, Ari had had pegged for a woman. Or maybe she was a deep-voiced women. It gave him a moment's pause but then he filed that away into the folder of "whatever!", since he never could be bothered by sex or gender or even race, and focused right back on the irony of that statement.
He was the distracting one here?
He decided to take it as a compliment. He wasn't going to lie--the tattoos and piercings and hair dye did have the added bonus of grabbing peoples' attention and making him stand out and he would have been kind of bummed if it didn't.
Reaching up, Ari grinned and fluffed his hair. "Thanks! Ain't many rainbows in space so I thought I'd bring some with me, y'know?" he said, and he could have been referring to anything then--his hair, his tattoos, or the fish. "Now, ya gonna keep starin' or ya gonna make a move? Just sayin', 'cause last time someone looked all intense like that, we hooked up."
-
Again there was a long pause, Bjarte just blinking at the large rainbow head a few times. He’d just been propositioned for sex…and they’ve only been talking for a minute at best. Not only that, but he had that sneaking suspicion that this bizarre human was part of the Fugly Juice crew.
Wonderful. Just what he wanted to deal with while trapped in a small metal object out in space.
“I suppose you find yourself pretty attractive, to make a comment like that. I’m just distracted by your screaming hair. Nothing else about you is particularly amusing.”
His tail uncurled and curled, slowly and repeatedly, behind him as he spoke. His ears flipped forward, and then he sighed heavily.
“I suppose you’re a crew member on board this eyesore. I need to speak to the captain, as I hear this ship has need of a medic.”
If this was the forerunner to what he was going to have to deal with, he was going to be in for a long and rough few years.
-
"Screamin' hair, huh? Oh, say! Ya wouldn't have synesthesia or somethin' would ya, what with the screamin' hair bit and all? Guess a rainbow would sound like chaos," Ari said with a grin, choosing to ignore what he didn't want to hear and focus on the parts he liked.
And he did like what the guy said next. A medic! Well, shit, he'd been looking for one of those for ages--and had needed one more and more, given recent events. His side was still sore from where bitchboy had sliced him and his forearm bore a fresh scar (that he was pretty pissed about because it went right through his tattoo sleeve, damn it all), so having someone on board who actually knew what they were doing would be swell.
He wasn't really liking the whole "diss the ship" thing, though.
His blue eyes narrowed a little at that remark, but then he just smiled again, broader. So, the kid hadn't figured it out. He reckoned the whole fawning over his ship thing might've given it away, but since it hadn't...
Ari shrugged. "Me? Oh, yeah, sure! I'm with the ship. Why don'tcha come on in? I gotta get these little guys put away first and all but yeah, I can help ya." He motioned toward the ship. "C'mon. And why don'tcha tell me whatcha know about miss Sassy here?"
-
“…I do not have any mental disorders.” He responded blankly, knowing full well what Ari had been referencing. He was already beginning to notice that rainbow head had a really ‘interesting’ habit of hearing what he wanted, and twisting words around to his advantage. There really wasn’t anything he could do about it, other than keep an eye on this guy and watch his words.
Sighing, Bjarte nodded and followed rainbow head toward the ship. The faster he could get this done, the faster he could set up, and the faster he could get warmed up with some heating lamps. All of his gear was back in his little makeshift office, including the large UV lamps calibrated to roughly the equivalent of his planet’s sun. He was sorely missing them right about now. His dropping body temperature was making him even more irritable than usual.
“The reject art project is a relatively small ship that was built for speed and defense over offense. It carries the very basic necessities for a crew of five to eight people. It is also an unregistered pirating vessel that tends to favor Libran and Aedolian targets. I don’t know the names of the crew, that was kept relatively under the radar, which I suppose is not all that surprising.”
-
Ari's eyebrows arched and he made a small, impressed sound.
"Well, well. Shorty's done his homework. A Plus, little guy, A Plus. Anyhow, I just wanted to check and make sure ya knew what ya were gettin' into. You'll be workin' with outlaws, after all, doin' illegal things. It's a pretty dangerous job, even if ya won't be doin' any of the actual pillagin'."
The gangplank was already down and the doors slid open as Ari made his way up and into the ship, pausing only to make sure the alien was coming. "But sounds like ya know all that and don't mind so that shouldn't be a problem, eh? C'mon, I'll show ya where shit's at."
The inside was nothing fancy, and they went down a hall and some stairs before they wound up at Ari's room--which, unsurprisingly, he'd decked out in his special brand of eclectic style. Books lay scattered here and there and on his messy bed, dog-eared and loved, and there were piles of paper on his desk, some with messy sketches. Several magazines were stacked around the room, mostly porn, and there was a fish tank in a corner of the room near his bed that was filled with small, neon fish.
Ari placed his new fish, still in their bag, in the tank to give them time to adjust. "Aw, how ya doin', lovelies? Probably hungry, huh?" he said, and dropped a few pellets into the tank, checked the PH levels, and then glanced back at Bjarte as though just remembering he was there.
"Oh. Right. So, what're your credentials?"
-
He was somewhat pleased to see that the rainbow hair guy was impressed, though it was just a small victory over a big dumb species.
“I always do my research. The nature of my coworkers is none of my concern so long as they do not make it a point to interfere with me. I may be smaller than the giant humanoids of this solar system, but I do know how to protect myself.”
Bjarte didn’t actually think that this human would understand just how dead serious he was, so he didn’t bother to adjust his deadpan voice or expression to reflect it. If anything, these idiotic creatures would simply learn the hard way not to bother him.
He traveled up the pathway that had extended to them on the tip toes of his paw like feet, walking with an odd sense of grace. Of course, a great deal of the movement of his body as a whole was completely lost beneath his oversized clothing, so the true beauty of his locomotion was completely lost. Not that he really cared, he doubted these creatures were perceptive enough to even notice such details.
Soon enough, and he had followed the large human into what appeared to be his personal quarters. Pausing for a moment, he scanned the room with his unusual yellow eyes, genuinely curious though it of course did not show in anything other than his fully forward-facing ears.
Since the human seemed to have forgotten his presence, he took the opportunity to poke around. The slender bound books, called ‘magazines’, were generally depictions of nude females. He didn’t pay them much mind after that, instead focusing on Ari’s bed - or rather, what was strewn across it.
He picked up a book and weighed it in his hands, before flipping it open and scanning it’s pages. It was unusual to see these things, with as much technology as was prevalent. He understood this collection had probably taken some doing to acquire. Curious, he ran his finger tips up and down the pages, feeling the ink and the course fibers. Setting the book down, he flipped an ear mildly at the human’s question, choosing not to answer just then. Instead, he turned away from Ari and scooped up a few of the papers from the desk. Again he scanned over them curiously, rubbing the paper between his fingers idly as he looked them over.
He didn’t bother to pause in his fingering of all of Ari’s personal effects as he finally spoke, tail curled up behind him.
“Credentials. I am not a certified doctor. I’ve never attended something equivalent to ‘school’ for this knowledge. I am entirely self taught. I studied the anatomy of the major humanoid species extensively, and then opened a back-room clinic on this station to perfect my knowledge. I am now comfortable with a number of species and their wounds, diseases, and defects. Assuming my supplies and your medical bay are equipped to handle it, there is very little I cannot in some way fix.”
-
Reaching over, Ari plucked the paper (which was a rough sketch of some tattoo designs) from the alien's fingers and set it back down on his desk, then took to picking up some of the things the guy had inspected and setting them back in their proper spots. It didn't matter if the guy had put them back--he hadn't put them back exactly as they'd been.
"Ahh, self taught, huh? I can respect that. And back room? Nice. I generally only deal with back-room types. They lack attachments, no paper trails, all that jazz. So long as ya know how to patch shit up when it's been broken, that's good enough for me. Most of us are human, by the way, but sometimes we pick up a 'noid, so that's useful."
As soon as his affects were back in order, Ari leaned one hand on his desk and looked the alien over from head to toe...er...paw. Damn. He was so interesting-looking. But hey, Ari was kind of a xenophile.
"Anyway, those creds are good enough for me. And to be clear, I don't expect ya to do any fightin' or anything, like I said--in fact, as our medic, I forbid it and I'll kick your ass if ya do. You'll stay here when shit hits the fan but even so, things get hairy sometimes. We're pirates, we do illegal shit, we get chased by feds, we get shot at, so ya better decide now whether or not you're really down with that 'cause once we're out in the black, it could be months before we see port. All that aside, you'll get your own room, you'll get fed, you'll get paid, and we've got a pretty well-equipped med bay. It'll do the job, anyway, but if ya need anything we're missin', just speak up."
-
The paper was pulled from his hands, and he watched with mild amusement as Ari set to putting everything into it’s exact pre-handled position. This was something called OCD if he remembered correctly - an incredibly distracting disorder that caused humanoids a great deal of grief.
Naturally, he wished to cause this obnoxious human as much grief as possible.
He reached out idly with slender hands and began to shift things around, occasionally picking something up to inspect it, and then setting it down inches from where it had originally been.
His deer like ears swiveled idly to catch Ari’s words, though the tiny alien was not bothering to look at him as he spoke. By the way he was choosing his words, Bjarte was beginning to get the sneaking suspicion this guy was high on the food chain - or potentially the captain himself.
If that was the case, they were all doomed. What an ironic way to go out. Death by stupid rainbow head.
“What is a ‘noid’? I’m fairly familiar with humanoid slang and profanities, but I find myself unsure what that means. Are you referring to the term ‘humanoid’?”
He finally looked up at Ari (and it was a heck of a ways up), and just blinked slowly.
“I fully understood the terms and conditions before agreeing to join a pirate vessel. The element of danger does not intimidate or influence me or my work. I will only be agreeing to a two year contract of service, with a further contract of employment to be discussed at the end of the two years. I will also not require my own quarters, as the med bay itself will suffice, so there will be some degree of modification done. If all these stipulations are agreeable, I am available to start as soon as my gear and personal effects have been brought on board.”
-
"Yep, humanoid," Ari said, watching as Mister Handsy went about touching all his things and giving a slight twitch. The guy was gonna smudge the lead! And he was putting it back all wrong. Ari wasn't actually that organized of a person, but that was the thing--he still knew where everything was because he knew where he'd left it so if it was no longer where he'd left it...well, that's when it got hairy.
But more than that, it was just that he was fumbling through his stuff like he owned the place. Some of that was personal.
He fought the urge to say something; the last thing he wanted was for people to know his pet peeves lest they be used against him--like he used peoples' annoyances against them. It was difficult, but he just casually reached around Shorty to place the items back where they belonged.
He was listening to the alien as this went on, and glad they were on the same page and that he seemed to understand the risks--at least, he hoped he truly did. He liked to make sure because it had happened before where someone handwaved all that, claimed they got it, and then freaked the fuck out when shit got real. Yeah, that was always great. But this little guy seemed to know his shit, seemed to have a plan, and Ari seized the moment to cement that agreement--and get the guy to stop touching his shit.
Wheeling around to face the alien, Ari reached out, snagged his hand before he could grab anything else, and shook it vigorously, grip strong. "Good to have ya on board, then! The name's Ari, by the way! Captain and all. So consider your ass mine for the next two years, eh?" He flashed Shorty a grin, still gripping his hand. "Med bay's all yours. Ya gonna need help getting your stuff moved?"
-
If Ari was trying to be stealthy with the whole ‘putting stuff back in it’s place’, he failed miserably. Bjarte was more than a little aware of his attempts, and he made sure to make note of this particular quirk for future plans. All the same, it was interesting to touch things, to learn what he could about the person that owned them. Of course, his sense of touch was far superior to that of any human when it came to his hands, so he was feeling far more than Ari ever could of his own personal effects.
And then something truly horrific happened.
That dumbfuck rainbow head grabbed his hand. WITHOUT WARNING. OR PERMISSION.
Generally humanoids did not expect him to know what a handshake even was, let alone particpiate in one. Most people just held out their hand, at which point Bjarte stared at it blankly, refusing to partake of the gesture. He hated touching people, it was far too personal and he had no desire to be that close to any of these creatures.
But to grab his highly sensitive hand like this???
Bjarte hissed high and shrill, his tail snapping tight into a circle behind him and his ears standing straight up. His ‘horns’ shot straight backward, and then curled up tightly against his head, all the while his entire slender frame shuddered something fierce. Half a second later and he was trying very hard to pull his hand free, though he lacked the strength to do so.
“Release.My.Hand.Right.Now.You.Fucking.Assmonkey.”
He forced out through tightly clenched teeth, showing off his sharpened upper and lower canines. His nostrils were flared, but at the very least he’d managed to shut down his sensitivity. Like all his kind, he could read the electrical impulses of the atmosphere and those found in living things - and with that ability, he could ‘sync’ with other living creatures and monitor their physical, mental, and emotional states of being.
It was very intimate, laden with trust, and NOT something he wished to do with a stranger - let alone this hulking idiot!!
-
Whoa!
So not the reaction he'd been expecting!
The guy hissed like an angry cat and he didn't have to tell Ari twice to let go! Ari jerked his hand back with a start and then stared at the alien like he'd gone completely schizo--or like he was worried he was about to have an epileptic fit, the guy had shuddered so hard. Fucking hell! It was a bloody damned handshake!
"Whoaaa, easy there, kitten!" Ari said, holding his hands up in a placating gesture, like he was trying to calm a startled horse. Shit. Sometimes he forgot not all aliens were totally...humanized . "Easy. I ain't tryin' to spook ya. That was a good-will gesture, not an attack."
-
Huffing with heavy breaths, Bjarte just hissed again at the kitten comment - perhaps not the best way of showing his displeasure, all things considered, but he was damned pissed and it was the sound his people made to express that particular sentiment. Giant stupid monkey face! At least he’d let go fairly rapidly, though the tiny alien now had both hands curled into his chest somewhat defensively. Although he was spitting angry, showing all the physical cues of his rage, his tiny nonhuman self came across as more…cute.
Like a kitten.
In his own society, he would have been quite intimidating right then. But in this land of oversized creatures, he seemed forever stuck in the realm of ‘cute’.
Not that he was aware of it right then.
“Why is it appropriate for you to touch me without warning or permission!? Do you people have NO manners!? Do not EVER touch me so casually again! Fucking moronic twat…” he grumbled and growled, but his tail was finally relaxing, as were his horns and ears. Most of his anger was simply due to shock, but he would likely brood for awhile over this particular slight. Sure, he could not really expect such a lumbering creature to understand, but that sure as hell didn’t mean he was going to forgive that stupid rainbow head.
-
Ari tilted his head, genuinely perplexed. Here the guy was going off about how rude he was for touching him, and yet he'd had no issues fondling all his possessions!
"Uhhh...ya never heard of a handshake before? 'Cause, y'know, with humans that's perfectly good manners." The hell? The way the guy was carrying on, he was acting like he'd just violated his swimsuit areas. But maybe...
His eyebrows rose as realization dawned, eyes widening. He flipped his hand over and held it up, palm open, and stared down at it. "Wait. Don't tell me. Your people...did we just have sex?"
-
“I’ve heard of a handshake! One generally holds out their hand - they offer the handshake! They do not simply reach over and grab the other person’s hand! Learn your own fucking mannerisms you lumbering moron!” He spat back irritably, the end of his tail now curling and uncurling with his displeasure. It had been quite awhile since he’d last broken out of his ‘deadpan’ facial expression - then again, rage tended to do that to most creatures.
And then Ari spoke, and pure stupid poured out of his mouth.
Bjarte blinked once. Twice. Three times. And then his original deadpan look flooded his face before he spoke the truth in flat tones.
“…you are a fucking imbecile.”
-
Ari laughed and shrugged. "Hey, it's a legit question! I don't know whether ya got a penis, vagina, or make sweet love stickin' your tongue in folks' ears. Way you're actin', I may as well have grabbed your crotch."
He glanced down at his hand, wiggled his fingers, then wiped his palm off on his pants. "Anyhow, I figured since ya were bein' so grabby with those sticky little hands of yours, it must not be such a big deal."
-
His glare was withering, and directed right at the large, dumb, rainbow-headed human in front of him. His large ear flicked fiercely as Ari tried to explain his logic, entirely unamused with the situation. Well, that was a lie…he was kind of amused, but it was perfectly hidden beneath that ‘I hope your testicles shrivel’ stare.
“It is rude to touch me, in any capacity, without first gaining permission. How is that for an answer, you fat-for-brains creature.”
As Ari wiped his hand on his pants, Bjarte snorted and crossed his arms over his scrawny chest. His tail was still curled, but it had stopped showing such a severe annoyed reaction.
“My hands are not sticky.”
And then, just to spite this irritating man, his long prehensile tail unfurled and shoved something on the desk about four inches to the right. He then had a split second thought, and frowned a little.
“If you touch my tail, I will bite something soft and vulnerable of yours off.”
-
Ari stared at Bjarte for a moment, trying to resist the urge to fix his desk. And failing. Because dammit but he couldn't help himself! With a sigh, he calmly reached over and moved his pen-holder back to its proper place, never breaking eye contact with the alien.
"Ain't it a little hypocritical to expect me to respect your boundaries when ya ain't respectin' mine?"
-
Bjarte just blinked at Ari, his face enviously blank even as his tail relaxed into a loose curl behind him. He snorted slightly, as though the human had said something nonsensical - again.
“I am not touching you. Things are things are things. The body is to be respected.”
His arms still crossed over his chest, entire frame swimming in too-large clothes, he made a sound that sounded suspiciously like ‘humph’.
“So many creatures in this solar system are materialistic…Sigh. Very well, since I assume we are done here? My personal effects and modification equipment are being held in a storage unit, and will need to be brought on board if I am to begin my job.”
Reaching out, he snatched up a blank piece of paper and a pen, and scribbled out the address for Ari’s reference. Leaving it there (no need to try and hand it off, lest this oaf try and touch him again), he stood back and flicked one ear hard again.
“I’d like to be shown the medical bay.”
-
Ari picked the paper up and slipped it into his cargo pants pocket. He wasn't even going to touch the "body is to be respected" crap. What puritanical bullshit.
"I'll grab some folks and we'll bring it up later," he confirmed, then waved for Bjarte to follow him. "C'mon, let's show ya to your new room."
It wasn't a long walk away, as the Sassy wasn't huge; the living quarters tended to be spaced pretty close together. Before long, they'd reached the modest med bay--and it was very modest. The last medic had taken their supplies when they'd left, leaving them with some basic first aid kits and some painkillers and antibiotics. Stuff that would work in a pinch and hold them over until they could get to a real medic.
"Here we go," Ari announced as he opened the door and stood aside to let Bjarte through. "Yours to do what ya like with."
-
Bjarte nodded slightly, and then followed after Ari silent as a wraith. His tiny pawed feet hit the metal walkway with the delicate grace of a cat - you’d never have known he was there unless you turned to look.
Already he could tell he’d been too long without the soothing warmth of his lamps - the seeping cold of space was setting into his bones. His feet, carrying him so smoothly, were screaming in agony with every step on the cold floor.
While any of his species would be uncomfortable in such lacking warmth, they likely would be hard pressed to die of it if properly dressed. Thanks to his unique problems, he was hyper sensitive to the cold, and there was little to nothing fitted to a creature of his size and with his unique anatomy.
Stepping into the med bay, he was blunt as ever.
“Looks like it was stripped. I suppose we should all be grateful I have my own equipment.”
He seemed unbothered by its size, but then, he fit into small rooms much easier than his huge counterparts. Walking a circuit of the space, he inspected the sparse supplies with slitted pupils, brushing his finger tips here and there, as if feeling more than just the surface of the metal.
“I’ll need my supplies sooner rather than later.”
Finding the sole chair in the place, he curled up onto it, knees to his chest and his tail wrapping around his feet. He didn’t seem too keen on moving from there until his things were brought up, either.
If Ari had half a brain (and Bjarte felt that was being too generous), he might understand the reasons when he retrieved the stored equipment. Though most everything was medical gear, there were a set of four large rectangular heating lamps as well - life saving devices in Bjarte’s case.
-
Ari stared at Bjarte as he planted himself in a chair and had the funny thought that this scrawny kid could have been a captain himself somewhere for all that he seemed comfortable giving orders. That, or he'd grown up spoiled and used to getting his way. Either or.
With a laugh, Ari swept a bow, complete with flourish. "Yes, m'lord," he said, then turned and left.
He managed to find the place, and scheduled to have it delivered; it wasn't just a little med kit the guy had there but enough supplies to take several trips. He hadn't really looked to see what all was there and, as he was no doctor, he wouldn't have been able to identify more than the basics anyway. Some time after that, he made his way back to Sassy and knocked on the door to Bjarte's room.
"Your shit's on the way!"
-
That, or he just disliked Ari. Or people. Probably just people. Still curled up on the hard metal chair, Bjarte flicked an ear sharply at the theatrics before finally being left to his own devices for a short while.
So far, so good.
He’d managed to get off the space station, and well before anyone had really begun looking for him in earnest. Running a back room clinic came with rather…interesting difficulties, to say the least. Apparently, you could patch up the ‘wrong people’ and get yourself into rather substantial trouble.
He had not the patience to deal with all the gang politics.
At least on board the ship, his number of patients was severely limited, and he had plenty of time to dedicate to himself.
Which was lucky, because already his body was not reacting the same to the latest batch of medicine.
Sitting in the freezing room, he gave himself another injection silently. Hopefully it would at least take the edge off the pain. Being away from the lamps this long…he’d vastly overestimated his own ability to handle the temperature drop. Luckily, Ari was knocking on the med bay door some time after. Still curled up, Bjarte managed a reply.
“Yes, well, I do hope my ‘shit’ is on the way quickly.”
-
Ari let himself into the room, then paused a step and stared. That staring rapidly turned to wide-eyed horror when the entirety of the scene sank in: Bjarte, with a syringe, sticking himself with gods knew what. "Urk."
His face paled and he averted his eyes, raising a hand to his mouth and swallowing hard. Then, in an effort to save face and act smooth, he used that same hand to run his fingers through his hair, hoping that small hiccup hadn't been noticed--and that Bjarte wouldn't connect the dots.
Be cool.
"Uh, yeah. Yeah, they'll be here quickly, or as quickly as a couple burly dudes can carry a shitload of delicate medical gear. Patience, my tiny prickly lord. They'll come."
As if on cue, another knock sounded at the door, and Ari leaped at the distraction. Turning away from Bjarte, he let the men in, who paused in the doorway and looked about.
"Where ya want it dropped?"
-
Well. That was interesting.
Without so much as batting an eyelash, Bjarte filed away that reaction for later use. For it WOULD be used later. He tossed the syringe onto the bare table, done with the injection for now. He’d have to create a stronger batch once all his things were set up.
Just buying time…just buying time…
A sudden, rare half smirk appeared on his face at Ari’s statement.
Tiny prickly lord. He kind of liked that.
The expression was gone as quickly as it came, for the ‘burly men’ were arriving. And with that question, his tail snapped into a tight curl, and there was a scalpel in his hand faster than you could blink (apparently from somewhere on his person, which made it slightly more terrifying).
“If you drop it, I will deflate your left testicle.”
Completely deadpan I-will-so-fucking-do-it face.
“You may set it down in the middle of the room. I’m sure the good captain here is enough to help unpack it. You need not trouble yourselves.”
-
The men did set it down, carefully at that, and it took no convincing to get them out of there. They had already been paid and, buff, burly men or not, it was more than a little unnerving to be threatened by a tiny alien gremlin lizard man with a scalpel who was precisely groin-height.
Ari watched them leave with a wide grin, somehow managing not to burst into laughter. He was pretty sure he heard one of them grumble something along the lines of, "Crazy little fuckass." Smart dudes. It might have disturbed him, too, if it wasn't so fucking funny.
"Deflate their left testicle, eh?" he said when the door closed behind them, eyebrow cocked. "That's awful specific, buddy."
-
The scalpel disappeared easily enough once his things had been deposited in the room. Still curled up on the chair, Bjarte’s tail slowly uncurled, but he didn’t seem to be in any hurry to stand up and assist the unpacking. If he was going to assist at all.
Which, of course, he wasn’t. Bitterly cold as he was, the last thing he wanted to do was uncurl from his seat and move around on that cold floor some more.
“Yes, well, I find the more specific I am, the more effective the threat.”
He then titled his head at the large boxes.
“First and foremost, unpack the one containing the lamps. Clamp them in wherever they will fit in this room, and make sure they are securely connected to your ship’s energy supplies.”
-
Ari looked over at Bjarte and gave him a smile that was half amused, half bemused. "Tiny, prickly lord" had been a more fitting nickname than he knew.
"Yes, Your Majesty!" he said with another bow, and went to unpack the boxes Bjarte had indicated. He pulled out the first lamp and looked around for a good place to clamp it.
"So, why aren't ya down here unpackin' your shit, eh?" he asked as he set it up. "And what's with all the lamps? Do ya photosynthesize or somethin'?"
-
He snorted in response to the ‘nickname’, but didn’t make any further objections. He was hunched in the chair, hugging his knees to his chest, and all the while disinterested yellow eyes watched as Ari set to unpacking.
“I’m making good use of your absurd size. And if you refuse, I can always threaten to drain your eyeball with a syringe while you sleep.”
Deadpan as usual, it was impossible to tell if that was a real threat or more of a joke. Honestly, that actually depended on how much of a pain Ari decided to be. He was wary of this guy, all perky good humor as he was.
These types were the worst to deal with.
“I don’t photosynthesize. And even if I did, those are HEATING lamps. Not UV lamps. Uneducated twat. The temperature of space does not agree with my physiology.”
-
A full-bodied shudder went through Ari at the threat, making the lamp he was holding rattle. If it wasn't bad enough that he had a needle phobia, he had an eye squick on top of it. He rolled his shoulders to try and pass the shudder off as stretching, took some time adjusting the lamp to buy himself some "cool down" time, and then looked slowly up at Bjarte, one eyebrow arching.
"Hey now, who's employin' who, here?" he said when he felt like the first words out of his mouth wouldn't be what the PISS-LOVIN' FUCK is wrong with you? "I can't count out your share of the swag if I don't got eyes, and gettin' stabbed don't exactly put me in a sharin' mood. Anyhow!"
Lifting a lamp, he stood with it and glanced around the room. "So now that we've established you're not a plant, but a lizard, where ya want this?"
-
Bjarte was unphased, his flat gaze all but boring holes into his captain’s sizeable back. So unnecessarily large…
“Truthfully, you only require one eye. An eye patch might lend you some degree of credibility anyway.”
Though he wasn’t showing any sign of it, this was rather amusing. Tormenting this man would prove entertaining, and be at least a small measure of compensation for having to deal with him all the time.
A rough sigh left him at the comment, and he stiffly began jabbing at various parts of the room, so that no great swath of space was left without a heating lamp in its vicinity.
“An incredibly crude way to categorize, but I suppose I wasn’t expecting much from you to begin with.”
@Rhi-Rhi
-
"Y'know, awesome as eye patches look, I'm pretty damned okay with havin' functionin' eyes. And the point, in case ya missed it, is that I control the funds so ya don't make fuckin' eye jokes. That's nasty. And, y'know, a pretty rude thing to tell the guy that's haulin' around your shit."
As he spoke, Ari placed the lamps where Bjarte pointed, and realized, while setting down the last lamp, that this was kind of hilarious. He was dancing to this diminutive alien's tune, doing all this shit for him, and the guy was giving him zero respect for it.
"There. That should do it," Ari said as he set down the final lamp. That done, he turned to Bjarte and gave him an expectant look, one eyebrow arched, and waited.
-
Again, Bjarte simply stared blankly at Ari. He was a tiny bundle of spiny unpleasantries, that was for sure, but it kept him from going mad with pain and discomfort. Besides, he didn’t exactly plan to stick around anyone for very long, and the more prickly he was, the less likely people would try and pry.
“Nobody said I was joking.”
Was his deadpan reply.
But soon enough, the lamps were set up and ready to be used. Completely disregarding Ari’s expectant look, Bjarte gingerly extended a leg and pressed a paw like foot to the cold ground. He clamped his jaw to hide the pain, and silently wheeled himself toward the closest one. Once under its warming glow, he returned to his fully curled position and proceeded to…well…bask? Or maybe that wasn’t the right term. It wasn’t like a creature laying out in the sun in contentment. It was more like a creature, desperate yet feeble, yearning toward something it direly needed.
His half lidded eyes were the only show of his profound relief, and for a moment he forgot he had an audience. Once he remembered, however, the tip of his tail twitched sharply.
“Haven’t you things to do? Captain like things?”
@Rhi-Rhi
-
"Nawww, not for a while yet," Ari said with a dismissive wave of his hand, drawn out of staring at Bjarte. Yup. Just like a lizard, if strangely more...pitiful looking? It was the way he kept curled up like a beaten dog that made Ari think of that.
Leaning his back against one of the desks with his hands planted on its surface, he cocked his head. "Why? Ya in that much of a hurry to get rid of me? What if I wanna stick around and get to know my new snarly medic buddy, eh?"
-
However happy he was to finally feel heat seeping back into his body, taking some bite out of the searing pain, Ari’s persistence was grating on his nerves. Was he always this obnoxiously dogged in his pursuits? Or was he simply not taking him seriously due to his diminutive size? Still, he made a point of being terrible company, and it was usually enough to keep his interactions with others brief.
This captain was proving to be stubborn in the worst way possible.
He leveled a withering stare at Ari, though he already had a sense it was all for naught. Perhaps that made the whole thing a waste of energy, which made him want to sag into the chair and give up trying. But if nothing else, his constant pain made him somewhat irritable by default. That didn’t really take much effort.
“Yes, as a matter of fact I am. I can’t fathom what else you could possibly want to know, but as you are my employer, I will suffer a few questions to humor you.”
@Rhi-Rhi