Session 9 [Goblin!]

[nephero]

Tucked in a corner, atop polished stone, three sticks of incense burned. The smoke coiled, slow and steady, buffeted only slightly by the continuous flow of cold air from the air conditioning vent set against the ceiling. The living room of the hotel suite was perfumed with the musky odor, as bits of ash fell from the burning sticks to land on the pristine white ash of the sand below. An added measure against any potential fires in case the occupants of the penthouse were otherwise distracted.

Outside, through the balcony window, the sun was just barely beginning to set. Through the dome glass, it seemed almost beautiful, tinged with the reds and pinks of the old world, a stark contrast against the storm colored waters and deep black sands of the in-dome beach. Ren had purposely requested a balcony with a view, and given his rank and his bank account, a view he had received.

As he poured two glasses of wine, he hoped that Pumpernickel wasn't too lonely without him. He rarely left his home these days for very long, ever since his reinstatement. Even the warmth of Ryun's tropical sun couldn't always reach the cold in his fingers and toes, and he felt uncontrollably tired on those days.

It had gotten better with time, of course, more than he'd expected, but still. Some days were easier than others. Ren lifted the pitch black stemless glass to his lips and drank - the wine was just like he liked it, deep red and rich. It was soothing, in its own way. A bit of comfort to start the weekend off right.

Ren glanced to the wall clock, a plain black circle with stark white markings - every bit as monochromatic as the rest of the penthouse - and wondered if it was out of nerves. It wasn't as if this was the first time, or even the second, or even the third. Still, his skin felt like there were ants underneath it, and so he took another swallow of wine.

Session 9, in T-minus five minutes.

[GoblinFae]

Click. Clack. Click. Clack.

Stiletto-heeled boots tapped rhythmically across the cold stone floors as the tall, formidable figure of The Queen strut sedately across the lobby and into the lift. She swiped her wrist over the sensor to unlock access to the penthouse floor before taking the time in the ride up to examine her reflection in the elevator mirror.

Kielen smoothed a hand over her left-side ribs, flinching only slightly at the memory of pain. Her wounds were healed and yet she still didn't feel comfortable enough yet to wear anything that showcased her toned and now scarred midriff. A shame really; she always did love showing off her hard-earned body. She gave her hair a final fluff as the bell dinged and the doors opened.

All her personal concerns melted away as she squared her shoulders and lifted her chin with a pleased smirk. A flick of her wrist and she was in, right on time to boot. Musk and smoke greeted her which she breathed in deeply.

"Hello my knave," she greeted affectionately. "Did I keep you waiting long?"

[nephero]

Ren was right there in the foyer to greet her, both glasses in hand. He gave her a smile and held out the one he hadn't been sipping at.

"Good evening, my Queen. I've just finished getting everything ready."

It wasn't quite a lie. He had spent the past five minutes double checking that everything was in place, and then triple checking to boot. He hadn't even been on anything this evening, which might've accounted for the ants under his skin, but the slight mania had been helpful in remembering every last detail.

"I've ordered dinner to be brought up - steak in garlic compound butter and seasonal vegetables, with a double chocolate cake for dessert, of course."

[GoblinFae]

She accepted the glass gratefully but leaned up to kiss his cheeks before taking indulging in the wine. "You take very good care of your Queen. I'm pleased, that all sounds sinfully delicious." Kielen giggled, her emerald eyes dancing with mischief. "Come keep me company? That view behind you begs to be honored don't you think?"

Her words were not a question but a command as she brushed past him, taking one of his hands in hers as she pulled him to follow her out to the railing. Heat and sea air assaulted her senses. "They keep you busy at work this week or did you get some time for rest and reflection?"

[nephero]

Ren followed her out onto the balcony, taking a long, deep breath and letting the last of the day's heat sink into his skin. He sipped at his wine, but didn't release Kielen's hand as they stood at the railing.

"I've been busy… most days." He dipped his head, unable to keep the truth to himself. "I had a bad day on Thursday. Nothing too much to handle, I promise."

He looked at her, eye on hers as if to implore she believe him.

"Just tired. So when I wasn't working, I was just kind of… sleeping." He eyed her some more. "How're you feeling? Any better?"

[GoblinFae]

Kielen smoothed the pad of her thumb across the back of his hand, hoping to bring him comfort even as she shifted her weight to lean more into his side. She nodded lightly at his words, understanding the strength it took to admit the truth even to her.

"If it gets bad, you should call me. I'm not too busy finding myself to not have time for you. I'm glad you were able to handle though. Just remember you're not alone now though."

She sighed heavily, drinking deeply from her dark glass. "More nightmares, more calls I shouldn't but do accept from my ex." Kielen snorted wryly as she looked up at him, "your queen is a worse gluten for punishment than you. Still trust me?"

[nephero]

"Of course I do." He gave her hand a little squeeze. "...It's never easy, letting go. Even if you know you really should. Some shit, though..."

Ren shot her a wry kind of smile.

"You and I are two peas in a pod."

He finished his wine and set the empty glass onto the balcony railing. Ren squeezed Kielen's hand again, this time in quiet askance.

"May I smoke?"

[GoblinFae]

She gave his hand a squeeze back before releasing him. "Go ahead, and thank you for asking." Kielen stretched her arms above her head before sliding out of her leather jacket, tossing it over a lounge chair before turning to face him, back and elbows resting on the rail and long legs crossed at the ankle.

She waited long enough for him to take several calming puffs before raising her chin. "So what happened Thursday?"

[nephero]

The moment Kielen granted permission, Ren let go of her hand in favor of pulling out a worn carton of cigarettes from his pocket along with a lighter. He tapped out one, holding it between his lips while he shielded the lighter with his free hand. A few quick puffs, and he set both carton and lighter onto the railing as well.

Ren let out a long, deep, satisfied exhale, the blue-grey smoke escaping in a thick cloud before dissipating into the warm summer air. He looked down at the beach below, watching the artificial ebb and flow. The sound was soothing, like white noise against the backdrop of the day, calming his thoughts in conjunction with sweet, sweet nicotine.

"I couldn't get warm. Everything felt numb, I could barely type my reports. I could barely think. I must have taken twice the dose I usually do when I need a pick me up but nothing was getting through. I just felt useless."

[GoblinFae]

Kielen watched him from her relaxed posture with eyes that failed to waver. She knew exactly how he felt. It was her every winter after all. Knowing days could be like this though never made enduring them any easier, just more self-aware.

"And now? Can you get warm? Are you feeling useless?" She raised a brow looking up at him pointedly expecting nothing short of the truth. "Are you sober?"

[nephero]

"Buzzed," he admitted freely. "Not sober, but not wasted."

He took another deep drag, watching as the lit end burned bright with the pull, reducing a good portion to ash in the blink of an eye. He held the smoke in, flicking the end with his thumb to eject the ash, the bits flitting down to the floor and disappearing in the wind soon after.

He exhaled, the plume even bigger than before, his nerves sedated by the ritual.

"I'm warm. Today's a better day. Didn't even need my cane to get here."

[GoblinFae]

More nods, more quiet consideration. After draining her glass and setting it aside, Kielen moved behind him, arms wrapping around him in a hug from behind, hands splayed over his chest and torso as her cheek pressed into his spine.

"I'm going to blame you failing to answer one of my questions on your being buzzed and not you intentionally attempting to avoid me Knave. While I am glad you feel better today, are you still feeling useless?"

[nephero]

The sensation always threw him for a loop. Even when he was sober, there was just something so jarring about another body pressed to his - not out of animal heat but out of a deep connection, the kind of contact that said 'I am here, we are here together'. It was the kind of feeling that sat, warm and firm, in his ribcage long after the moment ended. Foreign, but delicious.

He didn't dare move in case Kielen thought he was trying to shake her off. Even his breathing slowed to a trickle.

"I don't know what I'm doing with my life, my Queen," he admitted after a long moment. He took another drag, before snuffing out his cigarette on the railing, the filter crumbling under pressure. "Everything just kind of washes together."

[GoblinFae]

A soft sound escaped her almost like a wry and amused hum, but tired. "Do any of us, Ren? We're young. We've had our whole lives dictated to us, by our families, by our careers, by our commanding officers. I think it's easy to get lost in it, to feel like you're drowning. Things have just been especially unfair to you. You've lived many of my lifetimes and yet, you're my age? Maybe a little older, maybe a little younger."

She chuckled against his back, her breath warming the fabric by his shoulder with each puff of laughter. "I never was very good and doing that math. The point is, you're not alone. And we have time to figure it out. We have time to rebuild, to be happy, to define what that means for ourselves outside of all other forces. Not your Bibi telling you what to do, not your Squad Commander, not your dragon, not me. Just you. Seeing the things big or small that make you happy. Like your unwavering devotion to hot sauce on everything," Kielen teased while giving him a warm squeeze. "Or mine to the three C's of life. Me make our own paths. And....while we define them and we determine them, that doesn't mean we have to walk alone. I'm responsibility to you is to support you when you are low Ren. I can't do that if you don't let me."

[nephero]

Ren shrugged a bit, his usual habit against questions he didn't want to really answer. It wasn't just the notion that he was the only one who could figure his own life out (and that was very terrifying). It was even in the math - the exact science of knowing just how short human lives were and how little time there really was to hold onto... any of them. Jain would be approaching thirty, soon. Kielen was younger, sure, but not by much. In the blink of an eye, they'd go from a quarter of their life, to a half, to three-fourths, to the end. Jain. Kielen.

Cabe.

Ren bit the inside of his cheek to dismiss the thought, and quickly lit up another cigarette, breathing deep and transforming it to ash just in time to light up a third. A few puffs, and he felt the panic dissipate, and then finally dissolve. The sun was still warm. Kielen's presence against his back was still warm. He flexed his fingers and toes. He was okay.

"It just happens so quick," he said, quietly, before clearing his throat and remembering to speak with more conviction, "the bad moments, I mean. By the time I'm in them, all I'm doing is holding on, you know? And then by the time I have a grip, the moment's gone, and I feel like a heel bugging you about it when it's already done. ...Especially when you're apparently texting your guy, madam."

[GoblinFae]

Kielen held him unwavering through the panic. She was no empath and had no way of feeling his exact emotions but she could guess. Reading people was her literal job after all. She could feel the way his hearts drummed harder beneath her fingertips, the way his breath quickened until the nicotine hit his system. He was anxious.

And then the moment passed and he was speaking again. Her lips pressed into a firm line of displeasure but she did well to hide that from him, pressing a kiss to his shoulder blade instead as if to pour her affection and strength into him. After a moment she squeezed him and stepped back, standing straight and with authority.

"Turn around and look at me."

She waited long enough for him to resettled before reaching up and taking his chin between her fingers. "What kind of domme would I be if I did not take care of my sub's aftercare? If you do not trust me, Ren we can find you someone better suited to your needs. But, until then you are mine. You wear my collar and one of my rules is that you contact me when you need me, is it not?"

Kielen paused, humming softly in thought as she allowed her fingers to trace down his throat to finger the small dangling spike charm that quietly claimed him as hers. "Perhaps we need to rework that rule. You don't seem to recognise when you need help, even after the fact. How do you feel about instead you call or text me after an episode, no matter how small it is or how late or early it is? You're a Pilot. You understand the importance of briefings and damage reports. So brief your Queen.

"And please, for the love of Gudja, save me from my own insanity. He's not my guy. And any excuse to escape my own weakness is a welcome one."

She sighed tiredly while offering him a soft smile while cupping his cheek. "I adore talking and working with you Ren. Don't deny me my knave....please?"

[nephero]

"I trust you," Ren blurted out in earnest. It was true, he really did. The very thought of losing this, this thing that he and Kielen had, the thought of losing his collar, all of that made him want to just run as fast as his legs would carry him - which was, in fact, very far and very fast indeed, even on his worst day. Too easily, the feeling of panic swelled back up again, and felt like it might float him away like the sea itself.

The touch to his collar brought him right back to the solidness of the moment, though, and the reassurance of her words. He took a deep breath, and let it out again. Another breath, and another exhale. Ren even managed to laugh at the little aside about Kielen's own relationship problems. It was small, and it was quiet, but it was a laugh nonetheless.

"Okay. Okay, I can do that."

His head perked up a bit at the sound of a knock - they were separated from the rest of the penthouse by sliding glass and the thrum of ocean waves, but he recognized it through all the noise.

"Dinner's here. I'm very curious about your insanity - talk more while we eat?"

[GoblinFae]

Her hand slid down his cheek to pat gently at his chest in a soothing manner before stepping back to allow him to collect the food. "Oh, Ren," she breathed in dramatized exaggeration. "It never ends!"

Kielen laughed and followed him into the living area, choosing to pointedly ignore the dining area in favor of sprawling on the suede couch. "Pour us some more wine and come listen to the brownie batter mess I've made of things now. Perhaps you can help even."

[nephero]

Ren's eyebrows went up in a perfectly knowing manner, though he dutifully went about setting both their plates on the coffee table before retrieving more wine, filling the glasses even more than he had before. He settled onto the couch, sharing the end with Kielen's legs and waiting for her to stretch them onto his lap before he reached for his wineglass and took a long drink.

"I'll help if I can, but remember I'm not exactly great at this. Listening, though, that I can do. Just tell me when to pepper in a 'the fucker!' and we'll be good."

[GoblinFae]

Kielen stretched out contently, accepting her glass eagerly before taking a few hearty sips. "The thing of it is we talk," a pause for another big sip, "daily. I know we shouldn't. I know it isn't healthy. HE knows we shouldn't. But ever since Aurora and the hospital...."

She waved her hand before continuing. "We were talking about chocolate this week." Kielen grinned wide, her eyes animated with mirth. "I found these specialty ones in provocative shapes-- Ooo we should send the tiniest size to your bibi. Anyway, off track. But I was talking with him and got an email that my order was being sent out and I commented on it so then he looked at the site and he was really excited and wanted to get some of the....other anatomy and...mmm."

Kielen sighed and rested her head back against the couch. "He's flirty and well I'm flirty too I guess. But, ugh if we're supposed to be moving on then we shouldn't talk all night, every night. But, he's so sweet, and he listens, and he's so good and SO WRONG. We've been down this road and...it did NOT end well. But, there's that but and stars do I keep trying to crawl right on back to the phone for one more call. In conclusion, your Queen is an idiot, Ren."