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Author Topic: You are my sunshine [Nix!]  (Read 888 times)

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Offline nephero

You are my sunshine [Nix!]
« on: June 24, 2017, 04:12:43 pm »
Examination tables were the absolute worst.

Even on the best of days, Chance did not like them. Then again, this had also been his ninety-billionth time sitting on one in the span of a couple of weeks, and they were never, ever comfortable. Sitting up straight was a chore, and the foot rest was never in a comfortable range, so either he had his leg hiked up too high or too low and it was only through perching on the edge of the table that he was able to sustain some measure of stability.

And continue sustaining it. And continue. And continue.

A nurse had already come in, of course, done the usual string of questions and minor examinations. Temperature, blood pressure, pulse. Two of which Chance could probably have told her without the use of instruments but she was so small and sweet that he felt a little bad being grumpy at her. It wasn't her fault, and it was clear this was... already more than intimidating for her, though she hid her surface thoughts well. Product of working around psychics day in and day out, he supposed.

Also, she was super cute, so of course he was going to be a good patient. Even if he was having trouble being, well, patient.

He jiggled his right foot up and down, knee bouncing and the minor metal foot plate of the exam table rattling for his efforts. The nurse had long gone, with the promise that the Doctor Will Be With You Shortly, which left Chance alone in the most taupe room to ever taupe, cold as hell and checking the time every ten seconds.

Whenever he thought ten minutes had passed, it was only two. Every twenty, barely five. It was utterly maddening, especially when he knew that after this appointment, after this one little examination to prove that he was, indeed, healing up and letting his knee recover and his eyeball hadn't suddenly rotted in his skull, he would finally, finally get to see Jon again.

It had only been a few weeks. But gods all it felt like a million lifetimes, wringing out every nerve in him and leaving him raw and overexposed. Left to his own thoughts on the matter he swung wildly between being overexcited to being utterly terrified; he'd read Jon's letter, over and over and over again. Reread his own letter to make sure he hadn't actually said anything stupid. Re-re-re-reread Jon's just to be clear that Jon did actually want to see him again. That this visit wouldn't just suddenly collapse into misery like...

Like their date had. Chance's stomach gave an unpleasant turn, his nerves fraying just a little more. No, it was fine. This would be fine. They had a lot to talk about sure, but... but they could do that. Of course they could do that. But what if too much time had passed? What if, in the wake of cooling off and in the wake of their letters and then utter radio silence, what if...?

What if, what if, what if. God, but he was going to go batshit if he had to sit with himself for one more minute listening to all these what ifs. He fidgeted, looked around at the different cupboards and drawers, all neatly labelled with the contents of each one. Gowns, cotton balls, tongue depressors, extra gloves, whatever the hell that word meant.

Chance clicked his tongue, tried lying back on the table. But that was super awkward and he sat up almost immediately. Checked his phone, put it away. Considered exploring a few of those drawers, before realizing they were probably kept locked via chip or something. Which would make sense, but then again, who would steal cotton swabs? What would you even do with them?

Aside from maybe make tiny little spears and pew pew people from across your desk when they weren't looking. Okay, so maybe there was a reason those were kept locked down. Chance shimmied and reached into his pocket, pulled out a tiny plastic cube and began snapping the buttons on one side just to give himself something to do that wasn't staring into nothing for eons straight.

And it'd only been ten minutes since the nurse had left. Dammit.

Offline Nix

Re: You are my sunshine [Nix!]
« Reply #1 on: June 24, 2017, 06:33:47 pm »
This was already a nightmare of a day for him and now he had one more Pilot dropped on his lap. At least it was Pilot Echo Kiers.

Lenny had no problem with either Kiers twin- well. Not usually. He was glad he hadn't been present when Chance had tried to tear through the halls to find out some information about Pilot Cardinal Rheeves' condition, but that had been weeks ago before the Pilot Echo had been released. He was sure his patient wouldn't be like that now.

Or so he had hoped before entering the exam room.

The sight of an anxious Pilot Echo Kiers was hardly reassuring but at least the fidget cube in the man's hand might occupy him long enough to get through the visit. He hoped.

"Hello Pilot Echo Kiers. How are you feeling today?" Lenny said as he looked over the tablet in his hand that had been updated with the vitals the nurse had taken a few minutes ago. "Sorry for the wait, and I know you were expecting Pilot Royal Jensik but something came up. I'm sure we can get you out of here fast, I know you have another appointment after this that I have been instructed to take you to."

Hopefully dropping the information Chance was looking for up front would encourage his full cooperation. "Your vitals all look fine. How is the leg feeling? Any change in your pain levels or discomfort since the last visit? You're still refusing blood thinners- why did they even bother to include that on the chart of a hemokinetic Pilot." Lenny scoffed. There was no need to pump a Pilot full of meds to prevent a possible problem that he could easily monitor himself.

"No blood clots right?"
« Last Edit: June 24, 2017, 06:35:44 pm by Nix »

Offline nephero

Re: You are my sunshine [Nix!]
« Reply #2 on: June 24, 2017, 09:51:55 pm »
It would probably go down in DoSaM history the stunt that Pilot Echo Kiers had pulled those several weeks earlier. The fact that it had taken a genuine team to get him to stay within his own doorway was enough gossip for days, and no doubt the orderlies involved still had their horror stories about it.

Chance was... not the best patient in the world. Especially when distraught. And oh man, Chance had been distraught.

He had been half-expecting to see Gerard walk in, but was rather surprised when Lenny did instead. Not that he had a problem with that; Lenny was good people, even if Chance tended to stumble around his surname quite often. Which, he supposed, had been the entire point. But then Lenny had mentioned Chance's other "appointment", and the Pilot Echo immediately perked up.

"Feelin' good, doc. Been keeping movement to a minimum, just enough to keep it from getting too tight." Chance made a face that likely echoed Lenny's own at the comment about the blood thinners. It had been laughable that they had even tried to suggest that in the first place. He could monitor himself for a goddamn stroke in his sleep, let alone something like a blood clot from a busted knee. Still, he gave the military doctor a wry sort of smile for his efforts. "They're just covering the bases, I guess. But nah, no blood clots. Been keeping shit steady, letting it do its job, not pushing it or nothing. Just a little helping hand when I've got the energy."

Nice and easy. Plenty of rest and recovery. Everything his doctors had told him to do and more. Keeping exercise to the upper body and avoiding putting any strain on his knee at all. He'd even managed to train Yo Yo to do minor fetching tasks for him; nothing too big, she was still so small, but the tiny things that would've been a pain to get up to get, she had covered. It had involved a lot of chicken cubes, but it had been worth it.

"So, y'know. Doing the healing thing. Being a good boy and all that rot." He jiggled his good leg again, his excitement increasing a bit the further along in their conversation they went. Because the sooner they got through with this part, the sooner he got to see Jon, and the sooner he got to see Jon, well--

Chance didn't even know what. But he knew he'd never wanted something so badly in his life.

Offline Nix

Re: You are my sunshine [Nix!]
« Reply #3 on: June 24, 2017, 10:46:21 pm »
Lennox scrolled through the file a bit more trying to get through this efficiently and quickly for both their sakes.

There was no point asking about Chance's eye today as far as he was concerned since there was a note about Gerard wanting a specialist to look at it next week, and if it was hurting Chance he would have said as much. "Alright then I just need to do a quick x-ray of your leg and write you a prescription for some light physical therapy and we are all set as long as you don't have any questions for me."

Before Chance had a chance (heh) to ask any questions he took out a long metal tube that pulled out like an old fashioned map scroll and hovered in the air above Chance's leg. It took all of 10 seconds to take the x-ray and it was automatically sent to Lenny's tablet. He put away the device and looked at the picture on his screen, adding it to Chance's medical file. "Ok looks about right. I will email you the exercises you can start doing at home, with supervision, and... done. So then. Do you want a wheel chair? Psych is a far walk from here."

He didn't intend for it to be a test but he had a feeling Chance would turn down the wheel chair offer, even though Gerard would probably be upset if Chance walked all the way down there. It was a matter of Pilot pride though too wasn't it?

Offline nephero

Re: You are my sunshine [Nix!]
« Reply #4 on: June 25, 2017, 11:36:04 pm »
The eye was... well. It was. Chance still got little phantom bits of vision-- nothing beyond shadows of figures, which could either be the eye still barely functioning or just an overlay of what his normal, properly working one was seeing. Though evidence for the former seemed to be rising in volume, since sometimes his blind eye liked to try and "see" things that weren't even there-- a flash of color and movement, what might've been a person, before it was gone and he was left feeling more than a little unsettled.

It didn't happen often, though. Just in particularly large areas-- the ATC for when he was "overseeing" drills, main walkways, that sort of thing. It never lasted, and his eye never hurt, and careful examinations in the mirror every day didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. It was just there; useless, but there.

Kind of like how he felt, the more he was forced to bed rest. Useless, but there. He knew, of course, that that was entirely silly to think, but Chance never did well just sitting back and observing. He'd been made to do.

At least Lenny was having mercy on his soul and getting this shit done with as soon as possible. He hadn't intended to ask any kind of questions, not even about the phantom bullshit; it wasn't pressing enough for him to give a crap either way, and all he really needed was a decent distraction. Chance watched as the xrays were taken-- even if he had never had the patience to sit through any kind of real medical training beyond what was necessary to understand his own psionics, that didn't mean it wasn't neat as hell.

His heart leapt a bit as Lenny finally stated the conclusion to their business here... and then his heart subsequently dropped when the doctor asked about a wheelchair. Even if it hadn't been Lenny's intention, Chance warred with himself over what was the "right" answer, his brows knitting tight together before he finally just looked up at the other man in near desperation.

"Don't... don't make me go in there in a chair, doc. I don't... I can't stand that being the first thing he sees of me."

Offline Nix

Re: You are my sunshine [Nix!]
« Reply #5 on: June 26, 2017, 12:04:04 am »
He understood that. Well on some level. There was never anyone special in Lenny's life but he figured based on the evidence, Pilot Cardinal Rheeves was special to Chance. "I have an idea. What if you use the wheel chair and then we leave it outside his room? He doesn't have to see you in it. Deal?"

He didn't want to make Pilot Echo Kiers use a wheelchair if he didn't want to, but he really didn't want to hear about it from Gerard later either.

Offline nephero

Re: You are my sunshine [Nix!]
« Reply #6 on: June 26, 2017, 12:19:15 am »
Chance breathed a sigh of relief; he had been prepared to hear all manner of things, ranging from protests about the state of his leg as well as admonitions for his pride. Something about hurting himself further just for the sake of not "looking" injured, but really it was so much more than that, and Chance was glad that Lenny seemed to "get it."

Or at least was willing to compromise with him. His temper tantrum those few weeks ago might have helped with that. Too willing to do whatever it took to just get out of that examination room and get going, Chance nodded wildly in agreement. He shifted off the table as soon as Lenny returned with the chair, using his crutch just enough to settle himself in the seat of it, the crutch laid across his lap.

He felt more than a little silly, sitting there while Lenny wheeled him out of the room and down the hall. It was all he could do not to just flush in humiliation over it, pointedly avoiding any kind of eye contact any time they passed by another living soul. Not that it really mattered, of course; no one looked twice at the wheelchair or its occupant. They were in a hospital for crying out loud, wheelchairs were pretty common. But for whatever stupid reason, Chance felt all the more like a useless invalid for it.

But, of course, the minor embarrassment he was more than willing to suffer through, so long as it got him to Jon in the end. He didn't even really wait for Lenny to bring them to a complete stop, stabbing the crutch down and hoisting himself out of the chair as soon as it became apparent that the room they were outside of was, in fact, their destination.

Now, more than ever, Chance's heart was pounding. The muscle throbbed in his chest, slamming against his ribcage and ringing in his ears. All those nasty little what ifs came back with a vengeance now that he was here on the precipice of things, and for a moment he was utterly paralyzed for it. But only for a moment.

The Pilot Echo leaned heavily on his crutch, rapped a quiet little knock against the door, before opening it and hopping inside.

And there was Jon, beautiful, wonderful Jon-- it didn't matter that he was in the loose comfy clothing that was often mandated in Psych. It didn't matter that his hair was still mussed from earlier sleep. It didn't matter that he somehow just looked... so much smaller than Chance remembered. Bruised where you'd never see bruises, but would rather feel them in actions and motions and words.

And gods all, Chance felt like he could stare at him forever. He had been afraid, earlier, of not knowing what to say, of there being a long awkward silence as he failed completely to voice anything to break the ice. Now, though, he realized that those fears had been utterly and completely unfounded. His mouth twitched at the corners, pulling into something of a smile, unable to help the flood of raw adoration that hit his stomach just from the sight of him.

"...Hey, sunshine."

Offline Nix

Re: You are my sunshine [Nix!]
« Reply #7 on: June 26, 2017, 10:31:54 am »
For the few weeks that he had been in psych they had really worked on a lot. The military personnel who worked in the department and even other Pilots who did, were much nicer and more understanding than he thought they would be. He was certain he would be told he didn't deserve to be a Pilot, or that he was a disgrace. They never treated him like that. The stigma of ending up here was so high for any military- especially Pilots, that he couldn't have known it was like this.

If you needed therapy you weren't a good soldier. It was a common thought process, one they had been disarming during his stay and replacing with 'You need help so you can be a better soldier'. That was all he wanted to be. Well that and with Chance.

Feelings were complicated. Especially for an empath. He always thought he was a failure if he didn't perfectly understand emotions, because he was supposed to. Apparently that was a false truth too. He had learned that feelings and comprehension of feelings were often at war. The very nature of his empathy should make it harder to understand various motivations of feelings and rationalize them; since he often got swept up by the emotions of others, but they said he displayed remarkable insight into them. Remarkable. No one had ever called anything to do with his work remarkable. He was a rank locked foreign born Pilot Cardinal.

He learned that psychologists within the ministry looked over all the reports of his visions and were impressed by his interpretations of them. They didn't see him as a failure. They thought he should have been coming here for regular therapy, just to decompress, since he became a Pilot. In hindsight, that sounded so smart.

He had been learning so much, about himself; about how the feelings of others, as well as his own feelings, affected him. How he suppressed his own emotions in favor of projecting an outward appearance of joy as both a defense mechanism and for the sake of others. Which was why sometimes he just didn't realize his own feelings at all. How he had post traumatic stress from his visions. How that wasn't ridiculous, because of how real they felt, even if the events didn't physically happen to him, they certainly did emotionally. And that wasn't something to dismiss.

For most of his stay though he was restricted to his room, not because he was deemed a danger to himself or others, but because the emotional states of other patients were deemed a danger to him. The past few days however, he was allowed to participate in group therapy with a few patients.

The staff here had managed to teach him techniques he never learned in the ATC. How to sort and rationalize the feelings of others as they influenced him, as opposed it in hindsight. How to better feel his own emotions simultaneously. They knew it wouldn't help with visions, two of which he had in the past few weeks, but it would help with his day to day empathy as apposed to just trying to block it all out.

He was really starting to feel better, in a way no drug or alcohol ever made him feel. In a way only Chance did. He missed Chance. He wondered if that stupid free write letter they had him write even got sent to Chance. That wasn't the point of the exercise of course but he couldn't help but think about it. Worry if he said something stupid and Chance had read it. Worry that it hadn't been sent and Chance thought Jon was ignoring him...

The most clear thing to him now after learning how to read his own emotions better, was that he had been in love with Chance for a long time, but just like his crush on Temple it took him so long to realize it. Temple was always going to be special to him. Temple was his first crush, and his friend. He never allowed himself to grieve Temple, he never allowed himself to grieve anyone, and the denial and grief triggered his downward spiral. Temple was gone. But he had actually begun moving on romantically before Temple even died. The shock of Temple's death was just... Just as shocking as learning ATOS and everyone he had known before coming to Aedolis was dead.

And that, that was something he hadn't grieved either. The loss of all his friends and family. The loss of his home. The doctors told him it did not make him less of an Aedolian, less of a patriot, or less of a Pilot to mourn such a huge loss. He had cried when he was told that, and all he wanted was Chance there to hold him.

Chance who the doctors swore was doing well. Gods he missed him. He pictured seeing him a thousand times. What would he say to him? Would Chance even want to listen? The letter Chance had sent was beautiful, and it had taken a whole therapy session for him to start believing any of those things Chance said was true, or that he was even worthy of Chance. He still felt Chance deserved better, but then his therapist said 'If that is how you feel than be better Jon. If someone loves you and you love them, you don't push them away because of your preconceived notions of what they need or what is best for them.'

How had he been so stupid? How had he not thought of it that way? He just wanted to hug Chance tight and tell him how sorry he was, how much he loved Chance and how he was going to rise to face the warm light of Chance's love, even if they would never be together again. Because Chance's feelings mattered too.

Yes. That was what he was going to tell him. They said Jon would probably be released in the next few days, he had about a dozen more free write letters for Chance, written on old fashioned paper in good old felt tip pen. Some were very repetitive, some were about them, some were just about his day and things he had learned in Psych. But they were all for Chance.

Today had been a pretty lazy start. He had more free time since they were weaning him off the constant various therapy sessions since he would hopefully be leaving soon and down to only a few a week as an outpatient. He wasn't on any 'medications' really. They had gone the more herbal rout to balance hormones and brain chemicals given his history of abusing antidepressants. He was doing better, he was starting to manage. That didn't mean he didn't want to sleep in when he could get away with it even though they were trying to re instill the sense of routine he had as a candidate and when he first became a Pilot.

Which was why he had a bed head and was just lazing about in his room when his surprise visitor appeared in his doorway after the same sort of courtesy knock the staff here might do... but in their rhythm. He almost doubted his ears when he heard it but seconds later there he was. The greatest person in Aedolis.

Even that little smile made his heart leap and his own mouth broke into a beaming one. "Chance." He couldn't help himself. He was up and over to him without realizing he had even moved, but his arms were around the Pilot Echo, hugging him close. "Gods I missed you so much." Was all he could think to say, not processing much else as he closed his eyes, freeing a few tears.

Offline nephero

Re: You are my sunshine [Nix!]
« Reply #8 on: June 30, 2017, 07:52:53 pm »
Chance had seen so many things; the first lilies of the early spring, powder white against pale green shoots. What the night sky looked like outside the city, when the clouds of smog broke just long enough to set the entire galaxy on display. The spray of water in the glare of full day, sparkling and catching rainbows as they fell. The intricate cut of living metal, welded and hooked into one another in mimicry of the black scales that were no longer there. The shimmer of air as waves of heat rolled through, the harbingers of a spray of white fire.

Every last one of them had been beautiful in their own way-- beautiful and forever etched into his memory, into the deep sensory portions that never quite ever went fully away. All this, and Chance was still one-hundred percent certain that there was nothing, absolutely nothing, as beautiful as when Jon smiled. Not in this or any star system.

He could have fallen to his knees for the sheer joy of it. He almost did, when Jon spoke his name. Somewhere, someone seemed to turn time off, because Chance felt like a long stretch of forever had passed and then suddenly, there was Jon, there were Jon's arms around him, hugging him, holding him tight. It was like he was entering full cardiac arrest; Chance's chest tightened, shuddered, breathing became so difficult, his eyes burned hot and wet. He took a breath, halting as it was, and let it out just as shakily, sniffing hard as he fought not to break into full wracking sobs.

There was some light clatter in the distance, the sound of his crutch hitting the ground without him to keep it under his shoulder. He was too busy hugging Jon back, too busy burying his hands in Jon's hair, too busy pressing his grinning mouth against the side of Jon's head. At a point, Chance seemed to remember that he was speaking--

"--my baby, I missed you, oh gods, I love you--"

Okay, Kiers. Words. Say words. He took another breath, laughed through his tears, pulled back just enough to press his forehead to Jon's own, sniffing loudly and shifting his weight to keep it on his good leg.

"Wh-- How are you feeling...? They wouldn't tell me anything about how you were in here, I just knew about-- Jon I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry you were hurting so bad--" Okay, Kiers. Still not quite words, but oh gods all he couldn't think. He couldn't think through the sheer overwhelming-ness of it: Jon was here, really here, was holding him here, standing here, and like a man starved for food Chance had been starved for that smile. It just hadn't fully hit him until right then.

He moved his hands, and wiped away the tears that stained Jon's cheeks, just soaking in the warmth of his skin and the utter joy it was to have him so close again. Chance stared, his remaining eye flickering between Jon's gorgeous greens, and felt his mouth pull up into another smile.

"Anyone ever tell you you have the most amazing eyes I've ever seen?"

 

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