A mind is a terrible thing to waste (Odd)

[Anonymous]

Utari grudgingly left her lab at the prodding of her fellow researchers. She hadn't been herself in months and could feel herself sinking deeper into a vague hopelessness, which was slowly but surely becoming apparent to her co-workers, who were worried about her.

Her work suffered, her social life had completely evaporated. Life was not as it had been before her daughter was taken permanently. Perhaps the hope of finding her had been what allowed her to keep her spirits all those years before, and now without the hope, she was losing hold of herself.

She logged herself out of the lap and went home to change out of her lab uniform and into a clean one, minus the lab coat, and headed slowly up to the infirmary to speak to the doctor on staff. She'd promised she would, and when she really thought about it, she knew her friends were right in their concern. She was allowing herself to shut down, and she didn't really know how to stop it, or really care to put for the effort to discover how to stop it.

She knocked on the door and waited in silence. She never barged in, it was a code of conduct that mostly existed in her mind. In a lab, barging in could startled someone in the middle of an experiment and cause their hand to jar, potentially ruining their entire process beyond repair, not to mention, it was rude.

[Anonymous]

It was abnormally quiet today on Libra, at least he hadn't had had any patients come in. The biology class he normally taught had been canceled as well. So for today he had been spending his time in his office/examine room puttering around, reading old scriptures he had ordered, and studying the biology of strange species. Fiah was vivacious for knowledge much like his kin. He would definitely be the type to not be welcomed in Aedolis, though he'd love to visit one day. He didn't look like scholarly type, or even like a doctor physically but one can't always judge just on appearances. He was certainly a strange fellow but he didn't mind. Sometimes he wasn't even aware of how odd he could be but he was sure the people of this solar system was used to odd things. He certainly found things strange here but all the more fascinating.

Fiah had only been on Libra for close to six months but at the moment he was the only healer or as they called Doctor on staff. It was kind of lonesome, but he was a friendly creature and tried to chat everyone on board. Remember is eagerness for knowledge? He was often asking people lots of questions about everything. He had this little palm data that held information and he would often record what he learned from those around him into it. His kin were exploratory knowledge seekers so it was all natural for him. Of course he's possibly the only Soli (Solar Elf) in this entire solar system, they didn't like to send their seekers to the same places.

Fiah was sitting at a desk looking through a massive book he had picked up on an excursion a couple of years ago and still hadn't got through it. It was supposed to be a collection of information on beasts across the universe. Of course a lot of it was in a language he hadn't learned yet. He was beginning to suspect that this was more of a journal where entries have been added over the years but different individuals. All quite intriguing. He was fairly absorbed in that when he felt a presence soon followed by a knock at the door. He slapped closed the book immediately making sure to mark his place before jumping to his feet. Books, so primitive but wonderful.

The overly freckled elven pulled on his doctor's lab coat over his neutral colored attire, one that showed off skin as well. He hated the cold and even kept the heat up in his examination room but tried to maintain it at a level that wasn't too unbearable for others. He thrived on solar energy and thus liked the heat. The short slender being approached and pressed a button that opened the sliding door. He smiled friendly before moving aside, "

Hello, hello. Please come in." His pupil-less blue eyes observed the woman who had come to see him. He was already telepathically searching for physical wrongness but of course not tampering with the mind. He would never do that without permission. "What can I help you with, my dear?"[/list]

[Anonymous]

"That, sir, may be a involved and complicated question." Utari admitted. She herself was a fairly average woman. Human. No longer young, but not quite old yet. "Have you the time today? I can come another day if that would be better." She was surprised to find herself nervous at the idea of trying to share the source of her emotional agony that was steadily spilling into her physical wellness.

She entered as beckoned, but stood waiting for his answer and instructions. She didn't want to overstep her bounds. Even in her current funk, she was attempting to allow him to do his job without interfering. He was a doctor, she was about to become a patient-- which was rare for her. She was a doctor herself, though perhaps not a practicing medical doctor. Generally speaking, she was healthy without the help of much aside from a supplement here, or extra fluids there.

Her body was unusually tired, stressed and full of tension that had no good reason to still be there. Her work was the same as it had always been. The only difference was her daughter. She was at the center of everything.

"My co-workers are becoming concerned for me. I seem to be....at less than my best" She admitted "And they're right, though it took me awhile to admit it. I feel as if my usual bodily functions are slowing down, more so than can be explained by aging. I could sleep ever minute of my free time away, and I would still not be rested. I have to force myself to eat and drink. I have no desire to do either. My appetite is gone." There was of course more, but she would allow the man to speak without trying to speak over him.

[Anonymous]

Fiah raised an orange colored brow at the woman's response to his query, watching curiously as she wandered into his place of work. At least where he worked most. He shut the door and followed after her, pausing when she asked if he had time today. Oh what a question! "

Oh, no, no, no! Now is great, I haven't had any patients today. I am pleased you're here, well not please, but you know I hope I can help." Though he spoke the Common language fluently, he did have a bit of light accent. He continued to smile kindly but concern formed in his strange blue eyes.

He thought to ask again but decided to give her some time to respond with her troubles. Sometimes he felt not only like a doctor but a therapist as well. He was a good listener, when he wasn't blabbering his mouth himself. As he listened carefully, his smile deflated and those eyebrows furrowed. He let all this information absorb into his mind and when she finally paused in her concerns he moved towards her nodding. "Oh my, that's no good. Here let me check, just relax...this won't hurt." He raised slender palms up and placed one just above her forehead without touching and the other around her abdomen once again just an inch above. He closed his eyes and breathed in deeply, something you usually told your patients to do. Fiah cleared his mind and using his healing magic that was closely connected with his mind he did a sort of physical biological exam of her make up.

There was a brief light glow around his palms before he opened his eyes and dropped his hands. He made a "hmm" sound before stepping back and moving over to his desk where he picked up a clear clipboard looking object. He turned it on and tapped it a few times. "Well your co-workers were right to be concerned. I believe though stress or worry is affecting you physically. Does that sound right?" He held the clear clip board to his chest, one that information forming across it from one side. He leaned against the desk and was going to wait to see what she had to say when he remembered something, "Oh, I almost forgot, we haven't been properly introduced. My name's Fiah Azelu." He stood straight again and smiled. What was the custom? Should he offer his hand? He hoped he doesn't make a terrible fool of himself.[/list]

[Anonymous]

"Utari Metharom" She replied with a slight smile "And yes, that sounds right" She offered her hand. It was chapped from the frequent washing and always working with her hands.

"It's somewhat of an involved story, but yes, I think it all comes down to stress. Possibly depression, though I find it a little difficult to identify symptoms. I haven't had my usual level of mental clarity recently, and I believe identifying your own mental symptoms can be more complicated than identifying them in someone else." She reasoned. "So please, ask whatever questions you feel you need, and I will do my best to answer them."

[Anonymous]

Utari's smile made Fiah's smile grow wider and delighted he took her hand in his and gave it a shake. After that he let his hand drop, "

Pleased to meet you, Utari." Interestingly enough it was informal upon first meeting someone to call them by their family name or surname. He didn't mind the chappness, in fact didn't even really notice.

He listened intently of what she had to say and nodded when necessary. Hmm, an involved story she says? He wondered of course, it was common of his species to be exceptionally curious. Would it be proper of him to question further about this "story"? It was possibly best he didn't. "I see. Well, if you feel it would unburneded you to tell me this story please do so, but I wouldn't want you to say anything you were uncomfortable with." He glanced down at the clear computer clip board, he dragged his finger across it and pulled up Utari's medical record. "You've been feeling run down? Have you felt any aches at all?" He questioned. There was a lot he could ask and he was certainly one to ask excessive amounts, but he'll take it slow.[/list]

[Anonymous]

Utari sank into a chair slowly. If she was going to tell the story, she was definitely going to have to sit down. "Yes, run down, achy, either not falling asleep easily, or sleeping far too long...or both." She admitted, leaning back slowly in the chair. "I'll give you the overview. I'm not sure I want to go into the details. Over ten years ago, my daughter was kidnapped from me. A few months ago...I found her, and I rescued her" She looked at her hands folded in her lap a moment, trying to press past the lump in her throat. "She was...killed, I guess you could say. They took her from me and dissected her for study." She pressed her fingers together, "They said she wasn't real, because I bioengineered her, and so she had no rights as a being. She was an experiment and her soul purpose was to further scientific discovery...I even tried to steal her, but they took her off base." Her brief summary had become more detailed than she'd intended, but it was information that would probably be useful. "So much for being brief" She said wryly. "The short of it is, my daughter died, and I've sunk into what feels like an impossible depression, and I'm beginning to feel my entire life has been a waste." She'd wanted to be a scientist and a mother since she could remember, and the scientist had come easier than motherhood. She'd had to fabricate her own daughter with knowledge she'd acquired over the years, unable to actually birth her own, and it was in the name of science that her daughter had been eventually taken from her and murdered. "I'm not so sure there is much to be done about any of this now, but I am not a medical doctor nor a psychologist, or a psychiatrist. I am deferring to you and your knowledge."

[Anonymous]

Fiah stood at first but settled into a chair across from Utari as her story progressed. He listened attentively to everything she said, keeping his mouth closed till he was sure she was finished. His heart went out to her as the story progressed but his curiosity was also there, it always was. A bioengineered being, he had never done such a thing though he knew of others from his home planet who had experimented with it. When Utari finally finished, he sat back and pondered for a second before he smiled sadly at her. "It seems to me that you have already diagnosed your problem."

He sighed and glanced off at nothing in particular. "Depression, it's not uncommon. It can also affect a humanoid physically. Your feeling of loss is slowly starting to consume you and until you can move on, I'm afraid you might feel this way for a while. Of course we have drugs for this sort of condition, but there are side effects. I think it would be best if you saw a councilor or just talked to anyone close to you. It helps," he smiled again but kindly. He had felt a since of loss a couple of times before so he wasn't totally unfamiliar. His was a parent he lost when he was very young and later he lost a lover, it was many years ago though. He was a sun elf and they live for much longer than some species especially humans. "For what it's worth, I understand your pain and I am very sorry for what happened to your daughter."

[Anonymous]

Utari nodded in acknowledgement of his words, but she felt rather dismissed. "Thank you Sir" She said, moving slowly to rise as it seemed to her he had finished with any help he was going to give her.

She really had no one close to her anymore. She had her co-workers, most of whom were under her supervision to some degree, and it didn't seem appropriate to gush the depressing and tragic story all over them. It wasn't their problem, and it wasn't their job to help her. She'd have to look into finding a counselor on board, but she doubted she'd find one she'd like. They constantly dealt with refugees and she didn't like the bedside manner she had observed in any of them.

Move on. It always sounded so simple. Everyone said the same thing, but no one had the 'how' for the equation. It seemed she'd have to find it on her own, just like everything else.

[Anonymous]

Fiah hadn't meant to sound so final when he spoke to her. He didn't want to come off cold either. He a Sun Elf for goodness sake, he didn't like the cold. He should make people feel warm. He bit his lip a little as he watched her stand up from the chair. He stood up with her at the same time trying to think of something to say.

Fiah didn't really have many close friends either, at least not on Libra since coming here. He tried to start up conversations but no one seemed to really connect with him. He felt at that moment that he should maybe try to be this woman's friend if possible. It seemed to him that a friend was probably something she really could use. Friends were good for that sort of thing, weren't they? He set the clipboard aside and cleared his throat.

"Utari, are you hungry? Would you like to come to deck 3 with me for some food? We can chat some more." He smiled and hoped she would take him up on the offer.

[Anonymous]

Utari paused and glanced him over, deciding he wasn't asking her on a date, after all, that would be completely inappropriate. Smiling slightly, she nodded "Alright" She agreed. She wasn't hungry, but that was part of her problem, so she would try to eat something, anything really, just to be able to say she had eaten.

"Have you been working on the station long?" Utari asked. She didn't recall meeting him before, and she'd been there practically forever, but then again, she avoided needing to visit the medical personnel by keeping herself healthy as much as possible.

She moved slowly towards the door to head up to deck 3, waiting to make sure he was ready and coming as well. She didn't want to rush him, but she didn't want to make him wait for her either.