Remnants of the Earth
EDANITH => Megacities => Tynova => Topic started by: chelle on June 03, 2012, 02:27:32 pm
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Toori's mind is wandering, and that's his first clue that something isn't right.
He's halfway under a car, trying to figure out why it won't start, and 'trying' is a very apt description for what he's doing, though his efforts are not necessarily pointed at the car.
He's, actually, trying to remember when Jaxon texted him last. He can't remember exactly, which is why he's trying so hard. He can remember two days ago (he thinks it was two days) they had a faux-argument about dancing of all things, Toori maintained that dancing was a ridiculous waste of time and Jaxon-- well, Jaxon disagreed. They seemed to do that a lot. It was arguing for lack of a better word, because it never upset Toori, always made him smile.
After that, Toori's pretty sure Jaxon sent him a picture of a half-melted compression coil that made Toori laugh for five full minutes. He also had a vague recollection of a handful of texts he'd replied to while half-asleep (coming off of a full eight days of working Toori had collapsed in his bed and slept for a long time, and Jaxon had sent him a flurry of texts when Toori didn't respond to the first one). And this is the part he's not sure about-- he thinks they traded a few messages last night, but he honestly can't remember what they were about or how many of them he sent.
It's bothering him because he normally remembers everything Jaxon's sent him (or said to him, or showed him) with stunning clarity, at least for Toori. Toori had an impeccable memory for things like space ship specifications or car parts, but when in relation to other people his memory was spotty at best. Jaxon was the exception to this, because no matter what Toori seemed to remember most things he'd done. That's why it was bothering him, he thought, because he should remember.
He remembered other things fine, he remembered the three times Jaxon had come to see him down to the minute. There was the first one, where they had gotten (sort of) drunk and slept in Toori's bed, not that they talked about that. The second one had been a little disappointing, Toori'd had two days off scheduled but Mr. Bensis called him in on his second day, and he hadn't been able to say no. That hadn't been all bad, though, because Jaxon brought him lunch and they ate it in the back room, laughing and joking, and Mr. Bensis hadn't noticed that Toori's lunch break had gone half an hour longer than it was supposed to.
The third visit had been the best yet, they'd planned the visit to fall on the day of a festival in Tynova. It was a yearly thing, and Toori hadn't gone in ages so he convinced Jaxon to come with him (though, Toori hardly ever suggested such things, so he supposed it made sense that Jaxon didn't take much convincing). They'd spent the whole day outside, walking around the streets that had been set up with food vendors and stalls selling trinkets, some even boasted games and prizes to be won. Jaxon had declared he was an expert at fishing small plastic toys out of a little pool, but when he also declared he would win a great prize for his princess (Toori), Toori had pushed him into the pool. Jaxon had pulled Toori in after him, and then they'd been chased out of the booth by the owner, and Jaxon had let his pirate instincts take over as he grabbed Toori by the hand and they ran. They ran (probably much further than they had to), yelling and laughing and pushing people out of the way, until Jaxon pulled Toori into a small alley and they collapsed against the wall, shoulder-to-shoulder as they laughed and gasped to catch their breath and dripped.
That had been one of the nicest days Toori had ever had; at least, that he could recall.
And he could recall it, he just had recalled it, it was right there in his memory along with all the other little moments he'd shared with Jaxon, except for the texts from last night.
Toori had just realized he could probably just check his phone and see whether or not they had been sent when he heard his boss calling for him. He pushed his way out from under the car, noting that his arms were sluggish, like it took too much energy to lift them. He had to drag himself to his feet, and that's when he realized maybe something was wrong.
He'd been a bit off for the last few days but he'd shrugged it off as nothing; only now he could barely stand even with both arms thrown over the roof of a car.
"Toori!" Mr. Bensis was saying, but it was miraculously hard to focus on his boss through the fog that seemed to be weighing down his head, "Toori-- Are you all right? You look like-- Hey!"
Toori vaguely saw Mr. Bensis dash forward, vaguely felt arms around his shoulders as the world tilted sharply and then faded into black.
-
The past two months had been.. Well, there was no easy way to put it, Jaxon thought to himself. They'd been hectic and busy but at the same time wonderful, funny, easy. Maybe easy was the word he was looking for. He felt as though his life had fallen into some very reliable and comfortable pattern; living on his new crew's ship (though he hadn't the heart to sell his apartment on Cancer), throwing himself fully into gunning, and last but certainly not least there was Toori. Toori was the common thread running through all of it, the familiar and unchanging backdrop to everything he did. Toori was always there. It wasn't as though Jaxon never went without a thought about Toori, or that Jaxon saw Toori very often. In fact, a lot of the time he was too busy to think of anything besides not getting his ass kicked or a grenade thrown at him, or strangled to death by some alien whose ship they'd tried to steal. But when he had time to himself, it seemed to usually be filled with Toori.
The visits were always the best part of each month. Jaxon looked forward to them, since being on crew twenty-four hours of every day of every week was stressful and it meant that he was either always working or always thinking of his work. He was dedicated to the crew, as he often found it easy to become dedicated to a group, an idea, or a job. It was crucial to him to have his life revolving around something like that, some kind of overall meaning, either to distract him from himself and help him dissociate or just because it made him feel better, important, focused. And he liked that feeling. But he couldn't go without a break, especially without seeing his friends. When they had cause to be in Cancer, Jaxon visited his older friends, but that was usually only for hours. Toori was the only one he put aside specific days to be with, and it was something he looked forward to.
It wasn't like they usually set out to do anything spectacular. Jaxon wasn't expecting that; he didn't go to Toori with any specific motive. It was simple enough- Jaxon liked being around Toori. They had quickly become very good friends, texting incessantly about anything and everything, play-arguing and joking and sometimes even having serious discussions. They knew how to get each other riled up and how to make each other laugh. Though on one visit Toori had been called into work, they still had a good time, making the most of everything. It seemed like nothing mattered when they were together, except that they enjoyed each other's company.
The last visit was one of Jaxon's favorites, because Toori had persuaded him to go to a festival in Tynova. They spent the day wandering around, chatting and joking, taking their time looking at anything and everything that interested them and even playing some games. It was the games thing that got them into trouble ultimately, when Toori had tried to shove him into a little pool full of plastic fish, and Jaxon had taken the blond down with him. After that they were chased out, and ended up laughing together in a little alley, soaked and breathless, without a care in the world.
They were some of the best times Jaxon had ever had. He cherished them, both because of what a good time he'd had and because they were with Toori. Though, there was a very slim chance he would ever admit such a thing. His feelings toward Toori were complex, and mostly, repressed. Too often, Jaxon shoved away any trace of sincere feeling. If he was having a good enough time, he'd forget to do so, but when he was alone and his mind drifted to Toori, he stood firmly by the title 'friend', and did not allow himself to feel anything that strayed outside of friendship.
Lately, they'd not been talking as much as usual. They were both busy, and Jaxon could tell- though Toori wouldn't admit it- that he was stressed and overworked. Even though the other enjoyed his work, Jaxon stood by that it was still work, and too much work was never good. After giving a few warning and bossy texts about working too much, Jaxon had laid off on texting Toori too much, focusing on his own job a bit more and bonding with the crew.
He was in his cabin about to get some much needed sleep when he received a call from Toori. He was surprised- Toori wasn't one for unnecessary phonecalls, and he had a bit of a bad feeling. However, upon picking up, Jaxon learned that it was not Toori who had called him, but Toori's grandfather. Upon hearing that Toori was ill, Jaxon hadn't even thought twice before deciding he would come to Tynova to see him, and thus was surprised when Toori's grandfather acted apologetic and reluctant to ask for help. Jaxon firmly assured him that it wasn't a problem, and he made plans to go to Tynova.
It hadn't been easy to find a way to Tynova as fast as he wanted it, but after some bribery and coercing, Jaxon had convinced his captain to drop him off at the nearest port and a crew there to take him along. Thankfully, he hadn't been far from Edanith to begin with, and he was there literally on the same day as he had received the call.
Toori's grandfather seemed sincerely surprised to see him so soon after calling, and Jaxon didn't blame him for that. He had all but moved mountains to get to Tynova, but he didn't think about it too much. There was a large part of him that resented how much he cared about Toori. It put him in a vulnerable position, and it meant something. So Jaxon ignored it. He ignored the worry and protectiveness he felt as Toori's grandfather told him about Toori's fever and Toori fainting at work, Toori having the flu.. If he'd let himself, Jaxon knew he would have gotten much too emotional about Toori pushing himself and going to work ill. He'd save that for later, when he could scold Toori. But for the time being, Jaxon did as he was told and went to fetch whatever medicine Toori needed before returning to his home.
After helping Toori's grandfather out with a few other things and helping him to his room to go to bed, Jaxon went upstairs to check on Toori where he was supposedly in his bed, still asleep. Jaxon let himself in without knocking, and upon seeing the blond where he was curled up beneath blanket upon blanket, sleeping soundly, Jaxon felt all his emotions rush forth. He was angry, angry that Toori had pushed himself and fainted, angry that Toori was sick, and he felt unbearably overprotective. Sighing, he moved to Toori's side and perched on the edge of his bed, leaning to place the medicine he'd purchased on his nightstand. "Idiot." he sighed again.
-
Toori kept drifting in an out of consciousness, just long enough to hear snatches of conversation or answer a question, but never really long enough to think about how he felt or where he was. But he kept dreaming of Jaxon, for some reason, hearing Jaxon's voice in his ear or feeling Jaxon's fingers card through his hair, like he had that night they got drunk together. It wasn't an altogether unpleasant experience, so Toori didn't question it.
Finally, hours later, he floated up through the haze and started to wake up-- very slowly. He felt very warm and comfortable, but also very uncomfortable, and in a strange way. It was hard to think, like there was something very heavy was weighing down his mind and only the basic of thoughts could make it through. And then the pain registered. Yes, pain, sharp across his forehead and dull everywhere else, and Toori wondered if he had fallen, or something. Also, it was very dark, wherever he happened to be.
It took Toori a little while to realize that it wasn't the room; his eyes were just closed. It took a little while longer for him to pry them open, squinting out under the veritable mountain of blankets he was lodged under. His vision swam a little and he closed his eyes again as his stomach lurched. Maybe he was poisoned, having some kind of hallucinogenic fit. Even under the warm blankets his skin felt cold and clammy, though his face felt overly hot, and he couldn't make sense of the things he was feeling.
When he was finally able to pry his eyes open and keep them open, he looked around as much as he was able to without actually moving his head. Moving at all seemed like a bad idea, Toori felt a bit like his internal organs and muscles had been replaced with lead. He saw blankets, more blankets, his own hand, and then a figure. The figure appeared to be sitting on Toori's bed, and as Toori stared at it he realized he only knew one person with horns and pointed ears.
Only, Jaxon was in a ship, far away from here.
But, wait, hallucinogenic fit caused by poison, right. Jaxon wasn't actually here, because why he be, how could he be. It made much more sense than Toori was seeing him there because his mind wanted him to be there. It would have been very nice if Jaxon had been there, though, sitting at his bedside and making sure Toori didn't die from the poison running through his veins, because he was fairly sure Jaxon would know how to do that. It would have been very, very nice, which was why Toori was sure it wasn't real.
He was very solid for a hallucination, though, very realistic. Toori congratulated himself on having a very effective imagination.
He reached out and grabbed Jaxon's arm, just to see if he could, and to his surprise he felt fabric and arm under his fingers. With effort, he pulled his fingers into a fist, Jaxon's shirt catching between his fingers. Very realistic.
Toori wanted to ask not-Jaxon something, maybe what he was doing here or whether or not he had any sage advice for Toori, as hallucinations were wont to do. He wanted to ask something, but when he opened his mouth all he heard was a low, croaky, "Jaxon?"
-
Having placed the medicine down, Jaxon looked down at Toori, almost expecting him to already be awake. But he wasn't. Jaxon didn't want to wake the blond up, and yet, he didn't want to leave his side. After a moment of indecision, he decided to do neither. Instead, he sat quietly, sort of staring at a fixed point on the wall and focusing on it, throwing all of his anger and worry onto it until he mostly felt numb. He tried not to think about Toori, about whether or not Toori was okay, because it made him incredibly anxious, and anxiety was not something he was well accustomed to. He all but squirmed at the thought of Toori being not okay. It was the last thing Jaxon wanted, and so he pretended it wasn't happening. It was the easiest way of dealing with the situation (at that time, anyhow), and he would have sat there mindlessly like that for awhile, had Toori not woken up all on his own.
Suddenly he felt a hand on his arm and Jaxon turned his head quickly, eyes sharp and alert as they focused on Toori. He wanted to scold him, and to ask him how he felt, and to give him his medicine immediately, all at the same time. But he was quickly distracted with how Toori looked terrible and still sleepy, and how Toori was fisting his sleeve loosely. At the sound of his name in that broken, croaky tone, Jaxon felt himself inwardly squirming with worry. He was not used to dealing with sick people, let alone sick friends, and everything seemed very horrible and upsetting. Before he knew it, he was wishing Toori would feel better, because the sympathy pains were a bit too much.
Jaxon twisted his body towards Toori more fully, leaning forward and pushing the blond's hair back out of his face. His skin was incredibly hot to the touch, and that didn't help the heavy feeling of worry settling over him much. "It's me," he confirmed with a smile, resting a hand securely on Toori's shoulder. "How are you feeling?"
-
Not-Jaxon turned and then suddenly his face was right up close to Toori's and Toori wanted to move back but found he was stuck, pinned by Jaxon, or something similar. Jaxon's fingers were blissfully cool against Toori's forehead, and he couldn't help but close his eyes and sigh at the touch. Not-Jaxon said it's me and Toori frowned a little because that was a ridiculous thing to say. Of course he was Jaxon. Who else would Toori hallucinate?
It took Toori a little while to process the following question and then form an answer, and he breathed in and out a few times before speaking.
"I," he stopped, noting the horrible pain in his throat and swallowing thickly around it, "Feel bad." That was all he could choke out before squeezing his eyes shut, and in an effort to strengthen his hold on Jaxon's shirt he accidentally released it completely, his hand falling back to the bed like a dead weight. Toori made a small, miserable noise.
"Really bad," he added, and took another deep breath before opening his eyes and looking up at his own hallucination. "Poison?" he asked, and then frowned because that wasn't what he'd wanted to say, but oh well, close enough.
-
Jaxon kept his eyes trained on Toori, watching his every move almost unblinkingly though in some way wished he wasn't-- wasn't watching him, so that he couldn't see the clear pain on his face as he tried to speak, because that look tugged at his heart painfully. He could easily (maybe too easily) imagine how Toori felt, as he had been very, very sick countless times during his first year on Cancer, due to his mysteriously weakened immune system. In those days, he'd been in near constant pain, with fluctuating bouts of nausea and terrible migraines and insomnia, and the only person he'd told of this, Cass, had assured him it had to be due to what happened prior to his losing his memory- some kind of side effect, the same thing that had made his health so poor.. He'd never known what it was that did that to him, but it had subsided eventually, and Jaxon had been quite healthy since.
Still, he knew what it was like to feel terribly sick and delusional, both of which seemed to be how Toori felt, judging by the spaced out look in his eyes and the pain on his face. And so he nodded understandingly at Toori's reply and let his hand stray back to Toori's hair, stroking it lightly. At the sudden question, or rather, questioning-sounding word, Jaxon raised his eyebrows and huffed a little. Did Toori think he was dying, or something? "No, stupid," he assured him, smiling. "Flu. You have it pretty bad, though. Apparently, you've had it awhile but you decided to keep going to work, you stubborn idiot."
-
"Not stupid," Toori said before anything else Jaxon said registered, frowning up at him. What kind of hallucination was he, anyways? And all right, maybe that was exactly what Toori would have expected the real Jaxon to say, but this wasn't the real Jaxon. Right?
The meaning of the rest of Jaxon's words filtered in slowly, something about the flu? But Toori wasn't sick. He'd gone to work today. Sick people didn't go to work. And Toori didn't get sick, anyways. It was probably poison. Toori kept frowning at Jax, until the frown kind of melted away and turned into something like a smile. This hallucination really had Jaxon's smile perfect, and he reached up and pressed his fingers to the corner of Jaxon's mouth.
"Good hall'cin...tion," he said, still smiling as his tongue tripped over the too-long word. Toori's thoughts seemed to be working fine, but his mouth wasn't cooperating with the communication part, which was annoying.
-
Jaxon returned his hands to his lap and quirked an eyebrow, chuckling as Toori disagreed with his idiot comment. If Toori wasn't so out of it, Jaxon would have gone off on him, telling him exactly why he was stupid. Telling him he shouldn't have gone to work, and that he should have went to the doctor much earlier, or at least been taking something for his fever. But as it was, Toori seemed completely and utterly out of it, and Jaxon didn't have it in him to scold the blond while he seemed so pained and sleepy.
Scratch that. Suddenly Toori was smiling at him, then he reached up and pressed his fingers to the corner of his mouth. Jaxon laughed incredulously as he was called a good hallucination, opening his mouth to capture Toori's finger between his teeth. He bit. Just a little, though, before letting go. "I'm not a hallucination," he corrected, laughing as he caught Toori's wrist and guided his hand back down. "Your grandfather called me after you passed out to help take care of you. And here I am," he explained, wondering if Toori would buy any of that or if he would be asked to grant three wishes.
-
Toori's finger hurt. He frowned in confusion, because hallucinations weren't supposed to bite. And then Toori's hallucination denied its' own existence, and that just made everything worse. He looked down at where Probably-Not-Jaxon's hand was curled around his own, and that didn't help anything because Jaxon's hand was warm and felt real. Toori was suddenly very annoyed by the constant fog in his mind that was presenting his thoughts from working correctly, and he frowned harder, doing his best to make sense of this situation.
Finally, he gave up, and looked up at Not-Jaxon.
"But, you... ship. You're on a ship." Toori was momentarily very proud of himself for speaking a whole sentence, but he regretted it a moment later when speaking triggered a fit of coughing. He curled into himself while he coughed, gasping when he was done from how his throat felt like it was on fire.
Okay, maybe Toori was a little sick. But only a little.
-
Jaxon was on the verge of laughing at Toori's poor conversational skills and confusion, but the sudden coughing fit made his expression sober instantly. His lips curled into a frown at the sight, suddenly worrying once more and wishing he could somehow make Toori better. He settled on rubbing the other's back lightly, at least until he noticed a bottle of water on Toori's nightstand. He reached for it and held it out for him, "Water?" he offered.
"And, well, yeah. I was on the ship," he confirmed with a slight smile, "Obviously I came here, though." He didn't know why he was even trying to explain any of this, it seemed like the entirety of it was going right over Toori's head. Probably the fever, he thought. Jaxon leaned towards the night table again and grabbed the two bottles of medicine. "I got you some medicine. Do you think you can sit up to take it?"
-
Not-Jaxon handed him a bottle of water, which was not conducive to the hallucination thing but very conducive to the throat-on-fire thing, so he took it and gratefully swallowed a few small mouthfuls. The cool water felt like heaven but the swallowing part hurt, but it was still better than nothing. Toori realized Not-Jaxon was still talking, and he reluctantly shifted his focus. His hallucination was still insisting that it wasn't a hallucination, and maybe Toori could accept that, because he felt real and he bit and he held water, but there was one glaring error that convinced Toori he had been right in the first place.
"But, no," Toori started, struggling to sit up and groaning when his aching muscles protested, "You wouldn't... Not all this way. Not just for me." There was a shred of truth to what Toori was saying, or meant to say, that before now he hadn't believed Jaxon would drop everything and come to Toori's side, even if he needed it. He still didn't believe it.
-
Jaxon put down the medicine and placed his hands gently on Toori's arms, helping him to sit up. He then returned his hands to the bottles in his lap, working them open and only half-listening to Toori as he read the back of them to discern how many pills to give Toori. Once he had the pills in his palm, Jaxon looked up and caught Toori's eyes, the other's words suddenly clicking in his head. He didn't know how to feel about what he'd said-- Offended, maybe, that Toori felt Jaxon wouldn't do that for him? Upset that Toori didn't think enough of himself, didn't think he was worth the trip and the effort? Jaxon felt some of both, and he also felt uncomfortable- like attention was being drawn to something he was trying hard to avoid. Yes, that was, how much he cared.
"I did, though," Jaxon said softly, holding out the pills for Toori to take. Once the blond took them, he closed the bottles and placed them back on the nightstand. "You are sick. You sort of need someone to take care of you, you know."
-
Toori still didn't believe Not-Jaxon when he insisted that he was real, because that still felt too ridiculous to be true, but he let it go in favor of turning his attention on the pills. Even though Toori also didn't believe he was actually sick, he did notice that he wasn't feeling his best and maybe--just maybe--the medicine would do him some good. He swallowed the pills with some more water, sputtering a little afterwards because damn, his throat hurt.
After the swallowing was over, Toori laid back down and turned his bleary attention on Jax.
"Not sick," he insisted, then sighed and pulled the blankets back up to his chin, and then added, as an afterthought to someone he didn't really think was real, "Missed you."
-
Jaxon watched as Toori took the pills obediently before laying down, seemingly still rejecting the idea of his being sick. It struck him as funny that Toori would deny that so fervently, though he suggested that he had been poisoned, which was much less realistic. He didn't laugh, though, feeling too much worry to make jokes about the situation. Any which way he looked at it, Toori was very sick. He even looked pained as he laid down, and resting shouldn't have been a great feat. In an effort to comfort him or maybe just to occupy his hands and distract himself, Jaxon smoothed the sheets over Toori's shoulders, then pulled over a blanket which lay crumpled at the side. As he was doing so, he was surprised to hear Toori tell him that he missed him. Though they had their sentimental moments, they were few and far between, and Jaxon had the distinct feeling that Toori was being more open than usual because of his belief that Jaxon was a hallucination. Which was insane, really. Hallucinations didn't hand people things or procure medicine or touch people.
"I missed you more," he returned, patent smile on his face. He didn't feel so bad about being sentimental when Toori was like this, because he was sure the other would be embarrassed upon later recollection, and it was his duty to act like he wasn't surprised by it. "Do you want me to leave so you can rest?" he asked, tilting his head to the side questioningly. He didn't want to leave, but he didn't want to be the reason Toori didn't sleep either.
-
Toori settled back into the blankets, sighing a little when Jaxon straightened his blankets. He didn't really feel any better, but laying down was better than sitting up, and almost as soon as Toori's head hit the pillow he realized how tired he was. He felt really tired, actually, not just in his heavy eyelids but in his aching head and all of his muscles. It seemed like every single part of his body just wanted to sleep.
He blinked his eyes open when he heard Jaxon say something about leaving, and he realized how desperately he didn't want Jaxon to leave, no matter how fictional he was. One of his hands slipped out from under the blankets and, after some fumbling, found Jaxon's hand and intertwined their fingers.
"Stay, please," he said, trying to keep his focus on Jaxon but sighing and closing his eyes and relaxing back into the pillows, "Just 'til..." He trailed off, meaning to tell Jaxon to stay just until he stopped feeling so weird, but in the end it took too much effort and he was mostly asleep before the words even left his mouth.
-
Jaxon watched with a mixture of pity and amusement as Toori fumbled around drowsily before replying to his question, wondering what the other was looking for and why. To his utmost surprise, he soon realized that Toori had been looking for his hand. Having Toori hold his hand and intertwine their fingers was the very last thing he had expected, though in spite of his surprise, he immediately returned the gesture as though out of habit.
As unexpected as it was, it was nice. It made him feel like his efforts had been worth something-- he was actually bringing Toori some sort of comfort, and Toori wanted him to stay. He smiled a little as Toori sighed and closed his eyes, trying to speak but ultimately trailing off into silence. Rest would do him a world of good now that he had taken some medicine, Jaxon thought to himself, hoping Toori would feel somewhat better when he awoke again.
Not wanting to betray Toori's request and leave, Jaxon decided to stay the night. He lowered himself to the floor beside Toori's bed and leaned himself against the frame, his arm still reaching up to keep his hand in Toori's. With his free hand, Jaxon retrieved his communicator and sent a few texts to his captain to inform him that he'd made it to his 'sick relative' as he'd dubbed Toori, and catch up with them soon. Feeling his own fatigue kick in from the long day, Jaxon shifted into a more comfortable position, folding his arms on the edge of Toori's bed to pillow his head as he fell asleep.
-
Toori slept deeply, and didn't dream this time. When he woke up he felt more himself than he had before, less delirious from fever. He still didn't really feel better, though, he realized as he took stock of himself, noting the dull ache in his muscles and in his head, the hot flush on his cheeks and the pain in his throat. He felt really, awfully sick.
He tried to remember what had happened, and came up empty handed. He remembered waking up--today? yesterday? it was impossible to tell-- and not feeling his best but going to work anyways, shrugging it off as being exhaustion from working too much lately. After getting to work, his memory got a lot more fuzzy. He remembered his grandfather's face, looking worried, and something-- A dream, about Jaxon. He'd dreamed about Jaxon sitting on the side of his bed and smiling, and Toori felt momentarily miserable that it had only been a dream.
After that, Toori opened his eyes, and had he been less sick he would have jumped back. There was Jaxon, right there, at the edge of Toori's bed, holding one of Toori's hands. His arms were folded in front of him and his head was resting on his arms, his eyes closed and his breathing deep and even. Toori could only stare at him for a moment, wondering if he was still dreaming or if Jaxon really was here. He squeezed Jaxon's hand, and it felt warm and solid in his palm, so he reasoned that Jaxon must be real. That only seemed to raise more questions though: why was Jaxon here, when the last thing Toori remembered was that Jaxon had been far away, busy with his crew, how did Jaxon get here, and if his presence had something to do with how awful Toori felt, how had he known Toori was sick, when Toori himself hadn't even realized it until he woke up a few minutes ago?
There was nothing to it, he had to ask.
He gently pulled his hand out of Jaxon's grip and then shook Jaxon's shoulder.
"Jaxon?" he whispered, wincing a little at how raw and rough his voice sounded, "Jaxon, are you real?"
-
Surprisingly, though he'd been half on the floor and half on the edge of Toori's bed for the entire night, Jaxon had slept fairly well. While his muscles would almost certainly have a nice dull ache to them when he awoke, he'd actually been sleeping fairly deeply the entire night and hadn't woken up once. Dreams and nightmares were kept at bay, and his mind had been peaceful as he rested.
When he did finally come to, it was to someone whispering his name and shaking his shoulder. Jaxon made a displeased, tired sound, not quite ready to wake up yet as he blearily blinked his eyes open and lifted his head just slightly, perching his chin on his arms. He rubbed his face sleepily and blinked a few more times before registering that Toori was awake and looking at him as though confused and surprised, and asking him if he was real.
The words clicked, bringing to the forefront of Jaxon's mind the events of the previous night, as Toori had called him a hallucination more than once. Too tired to present a compelling argument, Jaxon dropped his head back down and sighed instead, quiet for a moment. "No, I'm a fairy," he replied sarcastically, too tired to be properly nice. The aching started to kick in, and Jaxon shifted, pushing himself off the edge of the bed and rolling his shoulders back to ease the dull throbbing. "Yes, Toori, I'm real," he amended, another yawn escaping his mouth as he stretched his arms up.
-
Jaxon woke up slowly, rubbing a hand over his face and blinking at Toori, and it was all so blissfully familiar and real. Jax was really here, perched on the edge of Toori's bed, looking tired and slightly irritated. Even Jaxon's sarcastic answer only made Toori smile because it was Jaxon, really Jaxon, really here. Toori watched while Jaxon sat up and stretched and yawned, and now that he had confirmation of Jaxon's existence the questions came crashing down on him again.
"Why are you here?" he asked after a quiet moment, hoping that Jaxon's answer would clear everything up, because from where Toori was sitting, none of this made sense.
-
Jaxon arched his brows at Toori's question, wondering if he remembered anything of last night. He wouldn't be particularly surprised if he didn't; Toori had been running a high fever after all, and his behavior had made it quite plain how delirious he was. "You have the flu. You passed out at work yesterday," he explained again, the worry and over-protectiveness kicking in again, though it was mostly dulled by his much his neck and shoulders ached. He placed his hand on the back of his neck and rubbed a bit. "You have it bad, obviously. And there was no one around who could take care of you so your grandfather called me yesterday and asked me to come. I got here last night.." He shifted closer to the bed again, leaning on it slightly for comfort's sake. "..And explained all of this to you. But you were pretty out of it, I guess."
-
Toori frowned as Jaxon explained, trying to slot these events into his fuzzy memory of the last twenty-four hours. He didn't remember passing out at work, but then he couldn't recall much of anything after getting there in the morning, and the rest was a haze, except for...
"Oh," Toori said, memory realigning itself in his mind, "I thought I dreamed that." He frowned in confusion, trying to remember the foggy, dreamlike conversation he'd had with Jax. He couldn't remember any of the details, just that Jax had been there, and Toori had been glad. He was still glad. But something still wasn't...
Realization hit Toori and his eyes went wide and snapped over to Jaxon, because the second part of Jaxon's story had just sunk in. Toori's grandfather had called Jaxon, and now he was here? There was no way Jaxon could have gotten here so fast if he hadn't dropped everything and rushed back to Edanith, and just because Toori had gotten sick? He'd been sick before, though not this bad, but he'd been able to take care of himself before. It wasn't really that serious, so why had Jaxon come? That was a scary question and Toori suspected it didn't have an easy answer.
The truth of the matter was that they had only known each other four months, give or take, and yes, they were friends but... Toori couldn't help but find it strange and exhilarating that Jaxon had shown such devotion, even if he didn't understand why. Finally, Toori looked down, twisting the blanket nervously between his fingers.
"Thank you," he said, unable to look Jaxon in the eye, "For coming."
-
As an expression of surprise settled on Toori's features, Jaxon looked away uncomfortably, focusing his gaze on the floor. He knew how it sounded- he wasn't oblivious to the fact that his coming to Tynova so quickly was a show of devotion and loyalty, that wasn't exactly something that was unusual for him. When it came to his close friends, such as Cass, or members of the old gang in general, Jaxon was always willing to help, though in the past it had been a matter of repaying favors and expressing his gratitude for what the gang had done for him. And he was a loyal person, he knew that. Though he seemed the type to be more careless and unreliable than dependable, Jaxon was usually the first person who was willing to help his friends.
Still, this was different. Why? Maybe because he was so worried, so protective. Jaxon had stitched up his friends plenty of times after fights, seen their blood, had to clean them up, and he never felt worried the way he felt over Toori. He'd had friends in prison, and it hadn't been like this.
The entire thought process left him a little raw, and Toori's gratitude only worsened that feeling. He shrugged, trying to play at indifference. "It's not a big deal," he lied blatantly. It had been a big deal. He just didn't want it to become one. He didn't want Toori to know how worried he was, and how much effort he'd put into coming to Tynova to see him. The entire thing seemed incredibly ridiculous to him, not that he ashamed of it, but that he was ashamed of what he felt.
-
Jaxon seemed very uncomfortable about this subject, not wanting to deal with (or talk about) his own grand dramatic gesture, which Toori found simultaneously baffling and charming. Jaxon had never been one for dramatics, or at least not dramatics that actually meant something, and Toori found himself smiling in spite of himself.
Jaxon claimed that it wasn't a big deal, but all that confirmed was that it actually was a big deal, a huge deal, because nobody had ever cared enough about Toori to literally hop on a ship on short notice just because he passed out at work. And that was-- Toori knew it meant something about Jax, but more than that, he felt how amazingly glad he was that Jaxon had done all that, that Jaxon was here when Toori needed him.
Toori wanted to say something more, but this idea was barely formed in his head, and it was too big to put into words. Toori wasn't even sure he'd have the courage to say anything, if he could put it into words. And though the medicine he'd (supposedly) taken earlier had made him feel better, he was by no means feeling good, and now wasn't the time for potentially emotional claims.
So instead he smiled at Jax and said, "I hope I didn't say anything too embarrassing while I was out of it."
-
Jaxon was content with Toori's well-timed change of topic, relieved that it hadn't become a thing. It was a little naïve, but Jaxon really believed that Toori didn't consider it a big deal, and that his words had deterred any sort of drama about it. He wasn't waiting for a show of gratitude- he wasn't there for that, not to have anyone stroke his ego and make him feel like some fantastic and charitable person. He wasn't, wasn't trying to be, and he wasn't looking to be treated like one. He was here for Toori, and that was pretty much it.
With that in mind, he swallowed his feelings and looked up at the other with a smile. "Nothing too embarrassing," he assured him, his smile growing a little cheeky as he realized the opportunity to tease Toori. It was too good of an opportunity; he couldn't pass it up. "Just a few persistent accusations that I was a hallucination. I am not, I'll have you know. Oh, and you seemed determined to see if I was real or not. A little grabby.." he teased, intentionally avoiding specifics so that he could embarrass Toori as much as possible. (And he wouldn't admit it, but he wanted to see Toori blush).
-
Toori smiled when Jaxon told him how he'd insisted Jax was a hallucination. As he'd been waking up he assumed that had been a dream, but now that he was more lucid he vaguely remembered not believing Jaxon was real. He couldn't really blame himself for jumping to that conclusion, even now when he was mostly sane and knew Jaxon was really here he couldn't believe it.
When Jaxon gave him a sly look and said the word grabby, Toori paled. He tried desperately to remember their earlier encounter, something other than a vague recollection of seeing Jaxon and not believing it was him, but with no luck. It was like his memory had been wiped clean.
"I dont remember," Toori choked out, turning his wide-eyed stare at Jaxon, becoming slowly more mortified as his imagination ran away with him, "What do you mean by... Grabby?" He had a brief mental image of throwing himself at Jaxon in his fevered state, grabbing whatever bits of Jaxon he could reach to assure himself that Jaxon was there, and promptly blushed.
-
Jaxon's smile slowly eased away from conniving and approached sincerity as he grew more amused, witnessing Toori's rather predictable but still satisfyingly dramatic reaction. He wasn't sure (as Toori sputtered at him in demand for details) if he felt more guilty for teasing him, or entertained by the mortification on his face. When the blond finally blushed, he grinned and laughed lightly. It occurred to him vaguely, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he enjoyed the sight a little too much, and tried to push away the feeling as he replied. "Just, you know, lots of touching. I had to pry your hands off me.." he teased a little more, pausing for a moment before laughing and giving it up altogether. "I'm just kidding, silly."
He pushed himself up off the floor and sat on the edge of Toori's bed again, reaching over the minimal distance between them to ruffle his hair. "You weren't touchy at all," he assured him, leaning back on his hands and smiling comfortably.
-
Toori's eyes slowly got wider when Jaxon informed him that it was exactly as bad as he was imagining, only to freeze when Jax laughed and admitted he was lying. His expression of shock dropped quickly into a glare, which only got more murderous when Jax ruffled his hair like he was a kid. He slapped Jaxon's hand away and then smacked his arm for good measure.
"You are such a jerk," he bit out, sitting up and crossing his arms over his chest, "I thought I was sick? Aren't you supposed to be getting me soup and being nice to me?" He was all but pouting, at least until he doubled over with a coughing fit, and when he straightened again he groaned.
-
Jaxon only laughed more when Toori reached out to slap his hand away, punctuating it with a smack to the arm as well- neither of which he attempted to avoid, knowing well that he'd earned them. He rubbed his arm lightly and whined, though Toori hadn't hurt him too much at all. "Do you really--" want me to go try to cook, he was going to say, before Toori interrupted, dropping his head and coughing for a few seconds. Jaxon pulled a frown, feeling the urge to reach out and.. And, what? he wondered, frustratedly, resenting the part of him that seemed to always want to be close to Toori or touching him. He kept his hands to himself.
"Water," he noted, nodding his head at the night table where a bottle of water sat forgotten. Jaxon paused to let Toori drink before continuing. "Anyway, I don't know how much niceness you've earned. You know, you shouldn't have been going to work sick," he chastised, as he'd been wanting to. "You could have at least taken some medicine."
-
Toori took the water gratefully, drinking half of what was left, and though it was cool it didn't seem to actually do much to help with his sore throat. When Jaxon scolded him he winced, and only partly because he was in pain. He fiddled with the blanket again, looking sheepish and trying to figure out the best way to say he hadn't realized he was getting sick, and in a way that Jaxon would believe him.
"I didn't, um..." Toori sighed and ran a hand through his hair, "I didn't realize I was sick?" he winced again at how ridiculous that excuse sounded, "Really. I don't get sick very often, and I've been working long hours lately and... I don't know. It snuck up on me." Toori's shoulders slumped as he admitted this, realizing that now that he actually was sick, he would doubt be missing several days of work. He couldn't afford to miss more than a few days, though he suspected that as long as Jaxon was here he wouldn't allow Toori to go to work. Jaxon probably wouldn't be able to stay that long, anyway, he'd have to get back to his ship soon, and then Toori would go back to work.
-
Jaxon's expression softened a bit as he watched Toori. The sheepish reaction he'd earned caused him to feel a bit like he was scolding a sad puppy, and, well, he'd always had a soft spot for coyness. Still, he did want to make a point to Toori. Hopefully if he listened now, he'd save himself a lot of discomfort in the future. Ignoring his symptoms had no doubt made the situation worse, having given the flu time to develop until it grew more severe than it would have been if he'd treated it. Trying to maintain his position since he knew it was worth pursuing, Jaxon crossed his arms and shot Toori an unforgiving look as he tried to explain.
"You should be more careful," he admonished, pursing his lips slightly. "And why have you been working so much anyway?" Jaxon questioned almost demandingly. As that thought occurred to him, as did the possibility-- the high possibility- that Toori would want to throw himself right back into work after a day. Predictable Toori, he considered. "Don't even try to go back to work until you're better. I won't let you. I'll stay here if I have to," Jaxon threatened with a frown.
-
Toori's sheepishness turned into annoyance as Jaxon continued to scold him, especially asking why Toori had been working so much. He had to support himself and his grandfather and his grandfather's medical bills, so of course he was working as often as he could. Toori crossed his arms over his chest and glowered at Jaxon, trying to keep his temper in check, because there was no way Jaxon would know about that particular problem. Toori had never mentioned it to him so of course he wouldn't know. He still didn't like being treated like a misbehaving kid.
He looked shocked briefly as Jaxon seemed to read his mind, but quickly covered it with his annoyed glare.
"You can't do that! You have a job. I have a job, and if I don't do that job I'll get fired," he protested, "And in case you haven't noticed, you're not my mother, or my father or my brother or anything like that, and I'm an adult and I can take care of myself. You're not responsible for me." Toori continued to glare at Jaxon, and all right, maybe he was being a little bratty but he still didn't like how little he understood about Jaxon's actions. He'd come to Toori's side at a moment's notice, but as soon as he was at Toori's side he decided to belittle him and scold him? It didn't make sense.
-
As Toori began to protest, Jaxon arched his eyebrows, expression turning to one of disbelief with a twinge of annoyance that matched Toori's well. He couldn't comprehend why Toori was getting so frustrated, but he didn't regret pursuing the topic, and if anything, Toori's childish behavior only made him feel more justified in his words. Toori didn't seem to understand how much harm he was doing by not looking after himself properly. Regardless, the remainder Toori's outburst rubbed Jaxon the wrong way, causing his expression to falter. He disliked that Toori had pointed out the way Jaxon was acting- like he was responsible for him, like he had any say, like he was family or for that matter, someone who deserved a say. It was a bit of a wake up call. You're just his friend, you've only known him a few months, why do you care so much? he asked himself inwardly, feeling his own burst of frustration, and it was only barely directed at Toori.
"Fine!" he snapped, standing from the bed and dropping his arms from where they'd been crossed. He glowered, and if he'd let himself, he would have been surprised at how much he was letting himself feel. And how much he did feel, at the implication that his words didn't matter to Toori. "My opinion doesn't matter to you, I get it. But I don't think I'm wrong. You're hurting yourself and you don't even realize it. Don't be a baby about it."
-
Toori was somewhat bewildered by the outburst he got in return, leaning back a little when Jaxon stood suddenly. He stared at Jax when he snapped, not comprehending what Jaxon was going on about. When Jaxon called him a baby, though, he glared again.
"Hurting myself? I have a cold, Jaxon. I'm not dying. What, do you think I got sick on purpose? That I asked for this? That I was too stupid to avoid getting sick so I need you to follow me around with a bottle of disinfectant?" He glared at Jaxon, daring him to reply, to explain what he was going on about.
Toori knew that his own annoyance had more to do with being sick than actual annoyance; he hated being sick, hated being trapped in bed and feeling weak and slow. His confusion about Jax just added to his frustration, and though on some level he knew he was only snapping at Jax because he was upset and uncomfortable, in that moment he couldn't bring himself to care.
-
Jaxon grit his teeth together as Toori spoke, trying to keep his fluctuating temper in check. He was never a particularly angry person- rarely prone to any outburts and more likely to act indifferent- but Toori's behavior was irritating him beyond belief. It was the fact that he cared about Toori that was making him less likely to hold back, and Jaxon knew that it made him vulnerable. He hated feeling vulnerable like this. "Stop being so immature," he sighed out, shaking his head. "I'm not blaming you for getting sick. I just wish you'd think about yourself a little more--" He stopped himself short upon realizing where his words were going, and turned his back to Toori.
Mixed in among the frustration and annoyance, Jaxon felt raw and open. It wasn't like him to get this way, and he saw how transparent he was being about how much he cared about Toori. He couldn't go on as such. "This conversation is pointless," he remarked brusquely, making his way out of the room. He knew he wouldn't be able to leave Toori for long, but hopefully it would be enough for him to get his feelings under control.
-
Toori stared when Jaxon abruptly stopped talking, and then said This conversation is pointless and left the room.
"Jaxon!" Toori called after him, still angry and wanting to take it out on someone, but after a beat he realized what had just happened. The guilt was sudden and immense, and Toori stared at the empty doorway in shock. He remembered a few months ago, when Jaxon had left like that, and Toori hadn't known whether or not Jax was going to come back. Jaxon had come back last time, but Toori didn't know if he would come back this time. And even if he did come back this time, how many times could Toori push Jaxon away before he stopped coming back?
Toori frowned, feeling a wave of insecurity and misery. He couldn't even keep one friend for longer than a few months. Toori laid back down and pulled the blankets over his head. He didn't think he'd be able to sleep, but the warm darkness under his blankets was better than staring at the doorway and hoping for Jaxon to appear in it.
-
Jaxon sighed as he closed the door behind him, leaning against it for just a minute as Toori called out his name angrily. He let his eyes slide shut, squeezing his hands into fists as the frustration and annoyance he'd cultivated during their argument dissipated, fizzling into what felt mostly like regret. He hadn't come to Tynova to argue with Toori. He'd come to help him and be there for him because he was sick, because Toori's grandfather had asked him to, and because he'd wanted to. With that thought, he pushed himself off the door and made his way downstairs.
At the foot of the stairs, it occurred to him that neither of them had eaten a thing yet. He strode into the kitchen, his eyes meeting the clock which read a later hour than he had expected. They'd slept a lot, apparently. His own hunger kicking in, he realized that Toori must have been even hungrier, and settled on going to buy some food. It wasn't like he was capable of making anything. Jaxon stopped by his bags which he'd left by the door to get some money, then left in search of food.
When he returned a half-hour later, it was with a small bag and a cup of tea. He'd managed to find a small shop that looked fairly good and, upon discussion with the woman working there, met much insistence that their carrot ginger soup was the best for a sore throat. Jaxon bought just that, along with a sandwich for himself and some tea for Toori. While he'd been out, he'd tried not to think about Toori, but as he made his way back upstairs, it was quite inevitable. Looking back on their argument, he knew it had been incredibly stupid and childish, on both sides. Still, Toori's words had stung more than he would have liked, and he felt unsure and hesitant (two things he was hardly used to) as he entered Toori's room again.
Toori was asleep, and entirely under the blankets at that, like one big amorphous blob. Jaxon wasn't sure if he was relieved, or not (He was amused, at least). He wouldn't have taken it well if he'd opened the door to be met with Toori's glare or to be asked why he hadn't left yet. But now he had to wake Toori up, or else the food would get cold. He placed the bag down on Toori's night stand and sat down at his side again, suddenly wondering why he was so attached to this blond, so incapable of leaving him for very long at all. "Toori," he sighed, leaning over to shake him lightly.
-
Toori had misjudged how comfortable his bed was and how tired he was, and within minutes of surrendering to his little cocoon he was asleep. His sleep wasn't very deep though, as he was uncomfortable and still upset about the fight with Jaxon. He stirred when his bed dipped and he heard Jaxon's voice, taking a moment to extract himself from his mountain of blankets. He blinked blearily at Jax, remembering the fight after a moment.
"Oh," he said, relieved and guilty at once, "I thought you weren't coming back." He looked up at Jax, miserable and more sick as the medicine he'd taken hours ago was starting to wear off. "I'm sorry."
-
Jaxon diverted his gaze as Toori made his way out from under the mountain of blankets, trying to meet his eyes. For whatever reason, he expected that Toori would still be angry or even that Toori would tell him to leave, and he felt uncomfortable at the thought. Yet, he couldn't have been anymore off. Toori's voice was soft, not angry, and when he spoke he told Jaxon that he hadn't expected him to come back. Jaxon almost laughed at the ridiculousness of it all, but then Toori was apologizing and that was much more important. He shifted, still feeling unsure though he lifted his gaze to meet Toori's eyes finally. "I'm sorry too," he said. "I shouldn't have..." Jaxon trailed off, wanting to say that he had no place to tell Toori what to do. He recalled the way he'd felt when Toori had pointed out there lack of any significant relation between them, and he felt distinctly aggravated and unsatisfied at that thought, like he wanted to mean more to Toori than he did. Jaxon shook his head. "I'm sorry," he repeated. "I brought you food."
-
Toori watched Jaxon, wanting to say more but unsure what, what kind of apology to offer, or even why Jaxon had got so angry. At the mention of food, though, the fight all but evaporated from his mind.
"Food?" Toori perked up, sitting up a little and frowning when his head lurched, "What'd you get?" His head was feeling significantly more foggy now, especially after his brief nap. "I'm starving. And sleepy." He thought after eating he might sleep again, or maybe toke more medicine.
"I shouldn't have gone off on you like that, I'm so glad you're here," he said without really thinking about it, reaching for the soup Jaxon had brought him.
-
Jaxon's unsure expression gradually eased up, turning into an amused smile as he watched Toori visibly perk up at the mention of food, suddenly beginning to speak more and less reservedly. Jaxon, too, felt the mood change gradually. "Carrot ginger soup," he replied, reaching for the sandwich he purchased for himself and placing it on his lap. He unwrapped it slowly, his hunger having taken a backseat over the past half hour during which he'd been more focused on his worry and guilt. He looked up at Toori again when the other told him he was glad Jaxon was there. Jaxon paused, noting pointedly how much better that made him feel, before continuing to unwrap his sandwich. "So all I had to do was bring food and everything is better," he teased with a smile. "I got you some tea, too."
-
Toori moaned appreciatively when he had the soup in his hands, prying the lid off and taking a deep breath. He started to eat the soup with gusto, only realizing how ravenous he was after he started eating, and he was glad the soup wouldn't irritate his sore throat.
"Tea?" Toori perked up almost comically at the mention of tea, taking the offered drink and moaning again, "Oh, you're amazing," he said, taking a deep sip of the tea. The fever was still playing havoc with his senses and his mind, and no doubt without the fever he would have been much more reserved in his praising Jaxon. As it was, though, he shot Jaxon a very grateful look and turned his full attention back to his lunch.
It didn't take him long to finish the tea and soup, and by the time he placed the empty containers on his bedside table he was yawning.
"Oh, that was delicious," he said, relaxing back into his pillows and sniffling, "I think I need some sleep now," he admitted, sinking down into his bed and pulling the blankets back up, and then stopping to look up at Jaxon, "You'll be here when I wake up, right?"
-
Jaxon smiled halfheartedly as Toori expressed his gratitude with sincere looks of appreciation and words of approval. They didn't affect him as well as they would have regularly, because he was still fairly raw from their earlier argument. Though they'd exchanged their apologies, Jaxon couldn't shake his earlier feeling about wanting to mean more to Toori than just a friend. It wasn't like Jaxon wanted to be his family-- it wasn't like he felt familial towards Toori. Not whatsoever. But he did want more, and that left him distinctly uncomfortable. Since it had settled on his mind, it had become unshakable, most especially because it caused him to realize he acted less like a friend and more like something else when it came to Toori.
These thoughts occupied his mind mercilessly, causing him to act a little absentminded as he ate his food slowly and quietly. His mind was certainly elsewhere, and he wasn't even bothering to not be obvious about it. They finished their food at about the same time, and Jaxon watched as Toori settled down, saying he needed to sleep. The question caught him by surprise, though, making him look at Toori directly, unguarded because he knew that he would most certainly be here, at Toori's side, and knew Toori wanted him there... knew this all meant something. He smiled a little and nodded. "You should take your medicine before you sleep," he added, handing him the medicine from the nightstand.
"So where do you expect me to sleep then if you want me to stay?" Jaxon teased, mostly joking though maybe there was a part of him that would have liked to sleep with Toori again as they had when they drank together.
-
Toori nodded when Jaxon told him to take the medicine, reluctantly sitting up again to reach for water and the pills. He swallowed the medicine and then looked back at Jaxon, vaguely surprised at his question. He looked around the room like he expected a second bed to have sprung out of somewhere while he wasn't paying attention.
He hadn't really thought that far ahead, and he frowned as he considered it. Their only spare room was Toori's workshop, which meant the most logical place for Jaxon to sleep was downstairs on the couch. But the couch was so far away, and Toori felt something like a lurch in his guts at the thought of Jaxon being all the way downstairs and not right next to him.
"I don't know..." he said, feeling slightly miserable, "The couch, I guess... But I don't want you to go away." He looked back up at Jaxon, his eyes big and sad and perilously close to pouting.
-
Jaxon smiled a little more with amusement and less uncomfortably as a rather miserable expression took over Toori's face. He was nearly pouting, which wasn't something he was used to, and that might have been the exact reason why Jaxon found it so unavoidably cute. Still, there was hardly a good solution as to where he would sleep. He wasn't going to sleep on the floor or sleep sitting up, at least not multiple times, or else he'd be sore for ages.
"Scoot over," he ordered, smiling softly. He had gotten the impression over the time he'd known Toori that he was easy to intimidate when it came to closeness, especially of the physical sort, so he tried to tread lightly rather than just launching himself onto the bed.
-
Surprise took the place of his pouting when Jaxon told him to scoot over, and it took a moment for Toori to realize what he meant. When he did figure it out he couldn't help the relief that flooded him. Toori hated being sick as a rule, he hated feeling helpless and having to rely on someone else, but what he hated more than just feeling helpless was actually being helpless, with no one to take care of him when he didn't notice how sick he was.
But then a red flag started waving weakly in his mind. It took him a moment to figure out what the problem was, what about Jaxon sleeping next to him was a problem? It didn't occur to him to get nervous about it, but instead remembered the danger.
"But! But you'll get sick too," he protested, though it was a halfhearted protest at best because as he said it he was scooting towards the wall and pulling down the blankets so that Jaxon could slide in.
-
Jaxon laughed as Toori protested, at the same time scooting over and lifting the blankets. "Not a convincing argument when you're letting me come in anyway," he teased, moving off the edge of the bed where he sat to slide off his shoes and join Toori. He wasn't very careful about how close he came to the other-- after all, Jaxon didn't have the same reservations about proximity that Toori did. "Don't worry, I won't get sick," he assured him, though he really had no reason to say such a thing so confidently. Jaxon had a tendency to get sick very easily. Still, why worry Toori? He wanted to be there for him and if that involved a tiny risk, so be it. He turned on his side to face Toori as he adjusted the blankets, pulling them over himself and Toori. There was so little distance between them, but Jaxon wasn't nearly as oblivious as usual. This trip had been illuminating in that way, forcing him to stop intentionally disregarding his own feelings. It was unfamiliar- allowing this sort of clarity to take place- but it didn't bother him much. He felt comfortable as he looked at Toori, head resting on the pillow.
"Go to sleep," Jaxon said softly, so it sounded less like a demand and more like a suggestion. He let his eyes slide shut with a sigh.
-
Toori watched Jaxon get into bed fondly, his protestations all but forgotten almost as soon as he'd voiced them. The pull of sleep and the fog of his fever made him oblivious to their physical proximity, so while under normal circumstances he might have been having a miniature panic attack at this point, now he just felt pleased. Pleased that Jaxon was here, pleased that Jaxon cared about him, pleased that Jaxon existed at all.
Jaxon settled down into the bed and Toori sighed, finding comfort in the extra warmth and searching out Jaxon's hand under the blankets. Toori felt sleep pulling insistently and for once gave over to the urge without thinking about anything.
Toori quickly fell into sleep, though not as deeply as he would have if he wasn't so feverish. The fever seemed to infect his dreams as well, regardless of Jaxon's soothing presence at his side. The dreams were strange and unsettling, only flashes on images and feelings with no discernible story or purpose. There was only one running theme of it all: fire.
There was fire everywhere, licking up the walls and crowding in around him, crackling bright and stinging his eyes. He saw his parents, lost in the fire, crying out with no way of being saved. He saw his grandfather as well, slowly turning into ash before Toori's eyes, completely helpless as well. Then he saw Jaxon, and that was the worst of it, Jaxon's face flickering in firelight, his grin with his pointed teeth glinting from the wrong side of the fire. He was smiling, telling Toori to turn around, to leave, but Toori was frozen, no way of saving anyone he loved from the all-consuming fire. The fire was everywhere, all around Toori and it was consuming him as well, but only last. Only after he'd lost everything else.
Toori was thrashing around in the bed and groaning, but too lost in the fever-dream to wake up.
-
Jaxon felt a ghost of a smile cross his face as Toori found his hand, returning the gesture readily. It felt so natural to be this way with Toori that he hardly questioned it at all, though he did blink his eyes open just barely to gaze at the other for a moment. Toori was well on his way to sleep, eyes already closed, and he seemed more peaceful now than before. Content that he'd brought Toori some ease--done what he'd intended- Jaxon let himself close his eyes once more and took a deep breath, shifting until he was comfortable. He didn't fall asleep immediately, though he felt incredibly relaxed and his mind was incredibly clear. He felt like he was home, and that feeling nursed him to sleep.
When he awoke, it was sudden and rather unexpected. Toori was thrashing around beside him, groaning painfully. Jaxon registered this immediately, any grogginess absent and replaced by worry. His eyes snapped open and he sat up slightly and twisted his body towards Toori, pushing himself onto his elbows. "Toori? Are you okay?" he asked quietly but urgently, mistakenly thinking that Toori was in pain or something was wrong. But he soon realized that it was not so. As his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw that Toori's eyes were still closed. A nightmare, then. Jaxon frowned as he looked on at Toori, knowing well how it was to be haunted by nightmares. He'd dealt with it for a long time, and still did more than he cared to admit.
Jaxon reached out and placed his palm on Toori's chest gently. "Toori," he said, louder but not unkindly. "Toori, wake up. It's just a dream," he assured him, his hand sliding up to stroke the other's hair soothingly.
-
Toori woke with a start, but didn't realize he was awake right away. He mistook Jaxon for more danger, more fire reaching for him and burning him, and he twisted away, eyes wide open but not seeing. He pushed one arm out towards Jaxon, elbowing him in the gut and wriggling to get away, whimpering in fear.
A moment later he realized how dark it was, and how there was no fire here, and fell still almost instantly. His eyes snapped over to Jaxon, actually seeing him for the first time since he woke up, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he gasping in breaths. His vision swam, and he belatedly realized it was tears welling up in his eyes and he didn't have the energy to fight them.
"Jaxon?" he asked, his voice small and wrecked.
-
Jaxon was unsurprised when Toori pushed him away, not having expected a good response from the other. Being awoken from a nightmare was never immediate relief; it was an uncomfortable transition that only caused more pain. Jaxon hated waking up from the nightmares more than he hated the nightmares themselves, because though their content was sometimes unreal, the pain they caused was always real- crushingly, oppressively so. And Toori's whimpers reminded Jaxon of that feeling, the despair of escaping the cruel and merciless reality of dreams but knowing the fear was still there.
He had opened his mouth to speak to Toori once more as he turned away, to stop the whimpering that was tugging at his heart, but suddenly Toori fell still and turned back to look at him. Jaxon watched as the realization swam over Toori's face, mixing in with pain and sadness. His voice was raw and weak when he spoke, and Jaxon saw the slightest glimmer of moisture in Toori's eyes. He was doing it before he could stop himself- Jaxon scooted closer immediately and slid his arms around Toori, bringing him in. "It was just a dream," he repeated, "You're okay." Jaxon reached up and stroked his hair again. It was what he'd always wished would happen every time he awoke from his own nightmares.
-
Jaxon didn't hesitate in wrapping his arms around Toori and Toori whimpered again, but this time it was more from relief than fear. The nightmare was still right there, right at the edge of his periphery, but Jaxon was more immediate than that. Jaxon was warm, and Jaxon was all around him, his arms around and his hand on his hair and Toori let out a shuddering breath, relaxing by degrees into Jaxon. He buried his face into Jaxon's shoulder and reached up to return the hug, his arms wrapping around Jaxon's middle and holding tight.
"Jaxon," Toori repeated, mostly just to feel the name on his tongue, to reassure himself that Jaxon was here, that Jaxon was fine. As the fear started to ebb away Toori realized how dizzy and awful he felt, physically and mentally. The nightmare had been his worst fears, the thing he couldn't go a day without worrying about, and Toori wanted so badly to not worry about it anymore.
"There was fire everywhere," he said after a little while, his voice muffled because he still had his face in Jaxon's shoulder, "Everywhere, and it was burning everything, and you... You were..." Toori choked off, unable to finish that sentence, his arms tightening around Jaxon's middle as he took a few shuddering breaths, trying to ward off the tears that were threatening to overflow.
-
Jaxon breathed a sigh of relief as Toori buried his face in his shoulder and returned the hug, wrapping his arms around his middle responsively. Jaxon gave Toori a light squeeze, pressing his face into the other's hair as Toori said his name weakly. A silence fell over them and Jaxon stayed still as he held Toori and stroked his hair gently, trying to bring him as much comfort as he could without overstepping his boundaries and asking what happened. He didn't think Toori would talk about what he'd dreamt, and he was surprised when the other did.
He lifted his head and listened carefully as Toori started to form an image for him, beginning to give him a vague idea of what had happened. Knowing what he did about Toori's past, the pieces fell into place easily and Jaxon felt an incredible amount of sympathy and compassion for Toori. He still dreamt about his mother's suicide from time to time, and it was a terrifying thing. Being forced to relive the worst moments of one's life... Jaxon hated nightmares like those more than any. Though there was another surprise in store for him when he discovered how this dream was different-- He had been in it. His eyes widened at this, as Toori tightened his grip and took a few shaky breaths. Jaxon hadn't expected to be a part of the nightmare, to be something Toori was seemingly afraid of losing, and he hardly knew what to say.
"I'm right here, Toori, I'm okay," he assured him softly. Jaxon let his hand move slowly up and down Toori's back soothingly. "I'm not going anywhere. It was just a dream." Jaxon pushed his other hand through Toori's hair one last time before winding around to find the other's hand and take it. "You don't have to worry about me," he gave Toori's hand a soft squeeze.
-
Jaxon's voice was soothing and reassuring, and Toori felt himself relax even more in Jaxon's grip. It was just a dream, Jaxon said, and that time Toori realized it-- it had just been a dream, just a nightmare most likely brought on by his fever. Toori let out a sigh that didn't quake as badly as it had, feeling calmer as he felt Jaxon's fingers curl around his own.
Toori pulled back a little and it was like pulling off a band aid, slow and excruciating, but he had to look up into Jaxon's face. He searched Jaxon's face for a long moment, assuring himself that Jaxon was all right, and then he sighed and buried his face in Jaxon's neck again.
"I do worry, though," he admitted quietly, "I always worry."
-
Jaxon loosened his grip on Toori and dropped his arm, allowing him to pull back from the embrace as much as he wanted to- which didn't turn out to be much at all, but just enough for them to look at each other quietly. Sitting in the dark gazing at Toori in the silence, hands holding tightly, Jaxon felt that familiar force that seemed to always want to pull him closer to Toori. He wished actively for the first time (though he knew the idea had been forming for long) that he could kiss Toori then. He wanted to kiss him. And that would have been a more terrifying thought if he hadn't been so tired and if the grogginess that should have hit him earlier wasn't settling over him now.
But before he could even pursue such a thing, Toori sighed and hid his face in his neck. Jaxon let him, placing his free hand on his waist. Recognizing the placement of his hand as being a touch too intimate, Jaxon slid his hand around and rubbed his back once more. "We all worry about something," he told him. "It's nothing to be ashamed of. But you really don't have to worry about me. I'm here and I'm not going anywhere right now. I'm here as long as you need me.."
-
Toori's grip tightened on Jax when he tried to reassure Toori again, but this time his words had the opposite effect. No matter what Jaxon's efforts were, something horrible and unavoidable could happen, or Jax could realize how Toori wasn't worth it, how he was too much work and not enough payoff and just decide to walk away. It was always a possibility, no matter how small that possibility was, and that was what Toori worried about.
After all, Toori had heaps of proof that no matter what you believed, the horrible things would happen anyways. You would lose your parents. You would watch your grandfather wilt away before your eyes. At the same time Jaxon's leaving him seemed impossible and inevitable.
"No, I'll always worry. No matter what," he insisted, but there was no vehemence in his voice. Ever since the fear and panic had drained from him he felt exhausted, not to mention his pounding head and aching muscles, and he felt sleep pulling at him again.
But Jaxon was here now, and that seemed more important than worrying about things that might happen in the future. Right now Jaxon was here, right now Jaxon was warm and soft and comforting, right now Jaxon was the best friend Toori had ever had, and right now Toori wasn't going to let go of him for anything.
"No matter what," he whispered again into Jaxon's neck, already half asleep.
-
Jaxon pulled a frowned as Toori disagreed with him, saying he would always worry no matter what. He couldn't say he didn't understand the feeling. Like Toori, he was the type to always have something or other on his mind, eating away at him. And he had nothing to say about that- he knew it couldn't be helped. The best that he could do was to keep being there for Toori. Jaxon's words wouldn't change things as much as his actions could. So rather than say anything more, he gave his hand a squeeze and stayed as he was, allowing Toori to lean on him.
He could tell that the other was exhausted, feel it somehow, and Toori's sleepy whisper only confirmed that for him. Jaxon shushed him- not unkindly- and continued to rub his back until his breathing deepened and slowed. Knowing that he was asleep now, Jaxon pulled his hand away and instead wrapped both arms around Toori in order to slowly ease him down so that he was laying once more. Effectively having trapped one arm beneath Toori, Jaxon gave up trying to help it at all and let himself sleep as he was, with his arms around him. He liked it better this way.