All This Time [Lion]

[Cheesigator]

Yeah, to be fair her apartment (it really was more of a penthouse, but to her who grew up in a mansion, it still felt like an apartment) was one of her only safe places, so she didn't often invite people over.

The pale pink walls turned into a cascade of pastel rainbows from the neon lights than ran along close to the white popcorn ceilings; on the left side of the large open space past the front door was an open kitchen with an L-counter with only a few bar stools (again, so few guests) that led into a retro dining room setup next to sliding glass doors that leaked in the neon aqua lights of her infinity pool out on the balcony. To the right side of the room were two shallow steps into a den-like area full of luxurious white pleather couches set into the floor and centered around a large glass coffee table. In the back was her piano, by a large window that looked out onto the bright and bustling city lights, and then there was a doorway to the right of it which gave way to a hallway leading back to the bedroom and bathroom.

It was a retro 80s vaporwave paradise.

She shrugged at his comments as far as money went; her pay was what it was and while she loved designer clothes as much as the next person she never really felt the need to flaunt her wealth. She supposed if she did she would invite guests over more; to her this style of living was normal.

She snorted and rolled her eyes at his maid comment, feeling a tinge of familiarity as she remembered that this was how their talks had typically used to go. Had that been bad? Sure she hadn't treated him the BEST but she didn't know if she should trust her memory in what she thought was Theo liking that about her.

It was a landslide of difference from how they felt now. Should she ease up and focus less on being different around him, and just be herself? But really, who even was she anymore?

"Swear to gods if you try to come in here in a maid outfit I will kick you off the balcony." She smirked at him, before realizing she was thirsty and getting up to grab two glasses from the cupboard for them.

"Haven't gone grocery shopping yet so all we got are water and wine, take your pick."

She herself had been told to steer clear of alcohol while she was still on meds for the next two weeks so she just got some ice water for herself.

"Yeah I guess if you're in the area you can borrow it." She said after taking a sip. "The pool. I don't really give a shit."

Although the thought of coming home to an apartment that wasn't empty was a very strange one and she wasn't sure if she liked it or not. Her comm buzzed and she went over to the door after setting her water down, greeting the deliveryman and getting the bags of sushi, bumping the door closed with her hip as she came back to the kitchen to deposit all their goodies.

[Lion]

"Swear to gods if you try to come in here in a maid outfit I will kick you off the balcony."

That reply alone made Theo throw his head back and cackle. He had a feeling she’d say something like that. Old Andy would have either played up the joke or come up with some smart ass remark in return. But that was just the kind of response he was hoping for. It wasn’t exactly that he wanted the old Andy return, but he hoped she hadn’t lost touch with her sense of humor despite all she’d been through. That’d be hard going and all he wanted was to support her in any way that he could.

“Oh you know I’m not seriously going to do that. I don’t even own a maid outfit. And also like thongs are uncomfortable,” he chuckled when he got his bearings again. He snickered slightly, watching her, and noting the finality in her voice.  She really didn’t look like she was in any condition to host company.

Thankfully he wasn’t a very demanding guest. “Water’s fine,” he murmured. He got it himself and was just thankful for a refreshment. The wine can be saved for actual dinner tomorrow night and boy was his week long and fruitless.

When the gift of sushi was placed upon the counter, Theo felt himself salivating. “Oh boy, I’m actually way hungrier than I thought. Take out is just fine with me so I’m happy to help you finish it.” And frankly with her paying for it, it was better. Sushi wasn’t exactly cheap in Travica.

“So, should I ask how you’ve been?” He asked that question while distracting himself from looking at her and helping her dismantle the trays of sushi, setting aside the ones that he liked.

[Cheesigator]

She snorted, finding a Godsilla roll and setting that aside for herself along with a bowl of miso soup.

"Knowing you? I wouldn't be surprised if you had some dumbass thong costume leftover from a joke or something."

She dug around in some of her kitchen drawers and found some decent pairs of chopsticks, handing him a set. "I know I've probably got some dumbass shit here somewhere." From the few times she ever had fun, which were few and far between as she tried to recall.

Good thing he was hungry because she probably ordered too much even for the two of them. It had just... Been so long. Since she had decent food. She paused after opening the container of her roll, looking at it displayed all perfectly in there and realizing just how long it had been since she ate real food and not some skewered and roasted Wasteland rat.

Or... Something else. She got a shiver down her spine and shook her head a little, barely missing his question as she turned and gave him a deadpan stare.

"I dunno slick, what do you think?"

It was a good distraction from bad thoughts though as she took her roll and sat on her previous bar stool, tucking her feet up onto the lower rung and biting down on a piece of it; it practically melted in her mouth and she closed her eyes for a moment just to savor it. Gods she'd taken this shit so for granted before.

She swallowed it and shook her head.

"Last six months have been a living hell. Don't ever go into the Wastes. You'd probably die instantly. The only reason I survived is cuz I can create hydrogen." She grunted, shoving another piece of sushi in her mouth and savoring that one too.

"Every single thing is out to kill you, and you have to sleep with one eye open. Even the dirt wants to kill you. Makes everything else you've ever experienced in your life really seem trivial in comparison."

[Lion]

Lacking a thong costume was one of the few tidbits of truth that he actually told anyone else. He wasn’t in the habit of being dishonest. He just chuckled in thought. Yet the focus rekindled itself on the sushi. His own tower of trays were poised in the order that were meant to be devoured but he would go about enjoying each piece when ready.

And then she had to open her mouth.

He stared at the luxury he was just about to enjoy and blanched a bit. “Yeah, it’s a great way to make us regular folks feel like shit,” he said and stuck a spicy crab roll with his chopsticks and popped it into his mouth. He chewed slowly, letting the flavor savor on his tongue and he swallowed with a sip of water.

“Well i couldn’t have asked for a better answer to such a pointless question. But in other news, Mom knows your alive and moderately okay, so she’d be down to talk to you whenever you feel like it. If that won’t be for a while, she’ll understand. She doesn’t know if you still have your old comm or not. Only i was obsessively messaging you.” 

He ate some ginger and then popped another spicy roll into his mouth. “Mmmm, so good.”

[Cheesigator]

Well she wasn't exactly sure what kind of answer he'd been expecting to that kind of question; the only other thing she could honestly probably talk about was how she'd spent the last few weeks in the hospital, which was just as exciting as one could possibly imagine. Migraines, nosebleeds, medicine, eating, going to the bathroom, and sleeping! Very exciting.

So she turned to him and forced a giant fake smile and said, "You're welcome!" and went back to eating her sushi as he tried to shift the topic to something less appetite-reducing.

He mentioned his mother and she paused, remembering how warm and kind Amitra had been, and briefly Andy wondered what it would be like to see her again. Would she welcome Andy with open arms? Was she worried about her? It wasn't like Andromeda was her own child so she quickly halted that train of thought.

Not even her father or brothers had cared to respond to the information that she'd returned alive and... Somewhat well.

She let out a soft sigh and set her now empty container down on the counter, and her chopsticks next to it, while she went to go pick something different.

"Glad you like it, I just went with the highest rated option. I don't remember the names of my favorite places anymore to be honest." She hadn't thought about something so trivial in so long that she just... Forgot. It wasn't important information anymore. Maybe it would come back with time, maybe it wouldn't. It didn't really matter.

"So what have you been up to while I was gone?" She grabbed a random roll and sat back down, eyebrows raising at how quickly he seemed to be inhaling his 5-star rated sushi.

[Lion]

“Aside from missing you desperately? Not that much happened. I spent a lot of time working,” he said between ginger, sushi rolls, and water. He was starting to get full and this was him pacing himself. He hadn’t really spent that much time cooking now that he thought about it. Most of his meals were simple, nukeable, and/or prepackaged. He only really went all out for Hamtato who…

“My son had a birthday. He’s now twelve,” Theo announced proudly, sitting up and gently pushing one of the empty trays aside. He was definitely enjoying this sushi, so much so that he had to undo the top button on his jeans because they were pushing against his belly.

“He’s a good hamster and I love him and I’d love for you to meet him someday. He’s a cute little guy and hilarious! I make him little hats and take pictures which he loves to do.”  Theo was sure Hamtato didn’t actually enjoy having his pictures taken but he was too distracted by the seed and honey treats that Theo gave him to really complain.

Theo pulled out his comm and unlocked it, present it for Andromeda to see. He slid through videos and photos of Hamtato munching on his treat while Theo arranged different tiny hats on his head. There was a cowboy hat, a ushanka, a turban, and with different scenery in the background. The fat hamster was just content to be occasionally pet and run on his wheel.

“Ain’t he cute? I think you’d like him. And, to really answer your question I kind of just got drunk a lot and messaged you, checked the chat to see if you were there, went to work, hung out with my family, and rinse and repeat. But a lot of it felt really mechanical. I just wondered if you were okay. Just to hear from you one last time.”

[Cheesigator]

As she dutifully watched the videos and the pictures Theo decided to show her, some of which were genuinely wholesome and adorable despite how stupid they were even she had to admit, she slowly stopped eating and set her chopsticks down in their final resting place at the counter.

Truthfully she was surprised she'd been able to eat as much as she could; this entire time her heart and her stomach had felt twisted and knotted up together, and her mind was a mess. What did she do, what did she say? And as the conversation seemed to finally turn to what they really came her to talk about, she felt a little bit like that sushi might come right back up.

Adele had tried to talk to her about feelings and taking responsibility for what she'd done to others, but to put it in their words it was "like the blind leading the blind" because they had also admitted they were the wrong person to talk to about emotional accountability. They, like her, had buried serious emotions away and often kept everything purely at a surface level, making sure others were held off at an arm's length at all times. They were absolutely no authority on the subject or even the right kind of person to begin trying to teach Andy about it; she'd have to find a therapist for that.

And even then, the concept itself was so vague and nuanced that she didn't even understand it. She had no direct control over how other people reacted to her, though she could certainly do and say specific things to try and get reactions that she GUESSED from people sure (and maybe that was more what the responsibility was?) but at the end of the day she wasn't directly responsible for how people chose to feel, right? Even if she was, what did she do about it? What was taking responsibility? What did it look like, what did it entail? And what situations warranted it?

She had no choice in the matter of Theo declaring his love for her, right? But was this partly her responsibility? Was she supposed to be accountable for it? If yes, how so?

She didn't have a single answer to any of these questions and she ended up putting her head in her hands, running her fingers through her hair as she listened to him remind her of the topic at hand. The fact that he loved her and something had to be done about it, right?

She didn't want to say sorry anymore, she was sick of saying sorry. It wasn't her fault he'd decided to love her, and it wasn't her fault she kind of liked him back, right? Or was it? Was that like even remotely close to love?

Was love sitting there thinking about someone you thought was dead, wishing you could speak to them one more time? Because that sounded fucking awful.

"Well..." Gods what should she say? She was still just as clueless as the first morning they saw each other.

"You got your wish. You saw me again and spoke to me again--" She stopped herself. She was getting defensive, and angry because she was confused and lost. He was just here to talk and she didn't want to take her anger out on him.

".... I missed you too." She finally blurted, quietly.

"I usually just thought about... If you still remembered me, or if you moved on, like everyone else. If you just figured I was dead and forgot, yknow?"

She took her hands from her hair and laid them out on the counter, looking at her long, claw-like nails. They didn't used to be like that, she was pretty sure.

"Not cuz of you--that's just what everyone does. Did. Whatever. And I made them do it. So I figured you'd move on too because honestly there's not a lot of good going on here and I know you know that. So when I saw those messages I..." She shrugged, snorting and looking away from him, out the window to the distant city lights.

"I dunno. I was shocked? And then you saying... That. Bigger shock."

She forced herself to meet his gaze, her remaining eye glowing in the dim light. Her other was hidden behind a custom leather eyepatch now, instead of bandages.

"I do like you, I think you're one of the few people that actually seems genuinely interested in me for reasons other than my tits, which is different. But I dunno if it's love. I don't think it should be love."

[Lion]

All of it was a sad attempt at filler. At the end of the day nothing could be avoided, no matter how much sushi Theo stuffed into his face.

When he was finally full, he pushed his trays away from him, setting down the chopsticks and sighing, feeling his stomach ache and he wanted to become a vegetable on her sofa. No swimming yet for him. What was he doing here? Did he really just barge into her apartment and start mooching off her food? Yeah, it really was what he did.

Theo didn’t know why he just decided to come over. He didn’t regret it, but he was confused by it. What did he want from her? What was he looking for? Closure? Or did he really just want more opportunities to be close to her? Nothing of what he told her was a lie but he couldn’t be sure the person he was lying to wasn’t himself.

He wanted to give her as much space and time as she needed but maybe she needed someone to talk to about how she was feeling that could understand her. Maybe that person was meant to be him. Maybe it was meant to be his mother or some DoSam counselor. He had no right to make demands on her time and presence. And part of him couldn’t help but feel like a burden as a result.

He refocused himself and his attention back on her and he remind himself that none of this really was about him. Andy had come back from one of the hardest things a Pilot had ever done and survived. Tales of the wastelands surrounding the domes were treated as youngsters stories meant to fascinate and warn. No one in their right might would ever willingly go out there. Even most Pilots blanched at the thought.

She had been ordered to and followed it without question. She was brave and no one expected her to come back. Yet here she was, in the flesh. He couldn’t be prouder in that respect. But now it was up to her to put her life back together again.

He couldn’t help that his heart thumped wildly at the mention that she missed him too. Letting her speak, just confess what she needed to or whatever came to mind was enough seal his trap shut. When she seemed to be done he softened his expression, trying to offer her a comforting smile.

“Far be it from me to sound like any expert on love or feelings. This is the first time anything like this has ever happened to me. Which was why I prefaced that I didn’t expect anything from you. I don’t even know what I expect from myself. And yeah, dropping that bomb on you while you were in the hospital was kind of not cool of me.” He brushed his fingers through his hair, playing with his earrings a bit to think for a bit.

“But anyway, I guess I’m trying to say, whether it should or shouldn’t be love isn’t up to either of us. I love you for all the reasons you probably can’t see in yourself. You’re such a strong person and I’ve always admired you. You said what you thought, barring the things that probably shouldn’t have been said but I don’t know much about that. You saved my sister without even being asked or requesting anything in return. You deserve friends as much as anyone and I dunno… I just like you. You’re so funny and stupid and I like hanging out with you.”

Boy that was quite the speech, but he found himself flushing like a teenager with his crush and he looked away, playing with his chopsticks and rolling them along the counter.

[Cheesigator]

There, she did it. She went and said it, the hard thing that gummed up the back of her throat and made her chest clench a little. They shouldn't be in... In love, it was irresponsible of both of them and this had to stop--

“But anyway, I guess I’m trying to say, whether it should or shouldn’t be love isn’t up to either of us. I love you for all the reasons you probably can’t see in yourself. You’re such a strong person and I’ve always admired you. You said what you thought, barring the things that probably shouldn’t have been said but I don’t know much about that. You saved my sister without even being asked or requesting anything in return. You deserve friends as much as anyone and I dunno… I just like you. You’re so funny and stupid and I like hanging out with you.”

She stared at him for a second, as his words slowly sank in. He... Completely missed what she was getting at and... And... Why did she feel so hot? Her face felt really warm all of a sudden, and her heart was beating fast, the fuck was this? Was she getting sick? What the hell? She never got sick.

Andy quickly looked away from him, touching her own face as if to confirm that it actually felt hot and it did, was she actually fucking sick? Whatever, not important right now--

"Y-You idiot!" She finally snapped, her heart still pounding as she suddenly got up to grab their empty sushi containers and throw them into recycling, "Those are the stupidest fucking reasons to like someone, you know that?! I've heard better confessions from childrens' TV shows, you moron!"

She realized she forgot the chopsticks on the counter and stomped over to swipe them, feeling even hotter for some reason. If she ended back up in DoSAM because of this, it would be Theo's fault. She all but chucked them into the sink, huffing before turning and looking at him over her shoulder, fully displaying her flushed face without her even realizing it.

"Why me, huh? Those are the lamest reasons ever and it's not like I treated you that different than anybody else, and everybody else hates me, for good reason. Are you a masochist? So you're stupid AND into that? Stupid asshole." She looked away again, huffing as she turned the water on in the sink to wash the chopsticks.

"... You completely missed my point, dumbass. I--I'm not relationship material. I wasn't before and I'm even less so now. You're better off with someone else, literally anyone else. Preferably someone with less baggage--although that'll be hard to find in another Pilot. Maybe just stick with Civilians."

Although something in her kind of hated that idea.

"I'm saying it shouldn't be love because it wouldn't be good for either of us, but... Especially for you."

[Lion]

His mother often said stupid is as stupid does. Generally, stupid people were not quite irredeemable. But sometimes they were. In instances like this, Theo looked at Andy with a deadpan gaze as she went off on him.

He hadn’t quite expected her to be upset but he could immediately tell she was just confused and frustrated and therefore projecting those feelings onto him. Which wasn’t fair at all.

“You think I don’t fuckin’ know that?” He snickered. “You think I didn’t stay awake all night thinking about how dumb all that was? Because I know you’re kind of shitty to people. Like not even just kind of. You were pretty horrible and a lot of people hated you. You’re a mess and in need of serious help. Help I can’t provide.”

He got up and got himself some of that wine he wanted to save for the next day. Cracking it open he poured it into the water cup he’d used earlier and slid back into his seat.

“You don’t get it, you idiot. I can’t control how I feel! I know it’s dumb and irresponsible. And it’s there anyway. I tried to reason with myself but I couldn’t stand not telling you how I felt. I love your dumb ass even if it’s against my better jugment and I still don’t want anything from you. Not until you can figure out your own bullshit.

“Gods. It’s not that hard to figure out.” 

Theo knocked back a few sips and sighed. “So don’t try to white knight me. ‘Oh, oh I’m trying to save you from myself. Durrr-durrr.’ Fuck ass.”

[Cheesigator]

Well....

At least she knew he knew what he felt now was stupid. He just made her feel stupid for trying to point it out. Not quite what she had intended, she had to admit he.... He flipped the tables on her pretty good there.

The chopsticks were snapped in half in her hands, a good distraction to pull her out of her own flaming rage at her just humiliation.

"Ah--" Oops. Those were expensive.

Well she could buy more.

She let out a frustrated sigh, trying to will herself to calm down; she felt like her ruined eye was burning behind her patch, and her blood was running hot. What the hell else could she do?! What was she SUPPOSED to do?!

They both knew this was stupid and they both knew she was a horrible person and yet here they were..! This solved nothing!

"Then what do you want right now?" She turned to glare at him, her eye definitely glowing. "I know you said 'you don't want anything from me' but you and I both know that's bullshit. What do you really want? To just act like normal? To be friends? To get married with a white picket fence and kids? What? Don't tell me you didn't think at least that far."

She flicked the water off of her hands, drying them with a towel and wiping the sudden nose bleed on the same cloth. Damn, it seemed like even breathing was enough to set it off. Those damn Axis Point bastards...

"I don't have any goals." She said suddenly, looking back at him. "My only goals in life were to survive and get strong; I've never cared about making friends or playing house or getting hitched. I'm here to protect people, and that's it. I've never really thought about my life outside of that box."

She came and sat down next to him, taking her glass of water and swirling her finger around the rim, water materializing inside of the crystalline cup.

"Addie keeps telling me I should change that, and I don't know where to start. All I know is that you're right, I've been unjustly horrible to people. Pilots, but they're still people at the end of the day."

People, in theory, she was meant to protect. She'd just always thought it would be easier to protect if she kept them at a distance, and didn't really ever let personal attachments get in the way... But even as a demon it seemed she still craved social acceptance like any human would.

"So that's what I'm trying to work on fixing now. Now that I've got a chance. One thing at a time, I guess."

So, what about him?

[Lion]

It was inevitable, perhaps, that they would find something to argue about. They could not be entirely copacetic. They both experienced moments of inequity, Andy more than Theo, and now, feeling empty, were scrambling to fill the voids that their lives had become.  Theo no longer found satisfaction in just playing with Hamtato and dicking around in the chat, or lack thereof, or making sure the fish were kept alive and well in Samariel.

Andromeda had introduced an anomaly into his life that he otherwise might never experience with anyone else. She was the disruption, the bug in the code that he fixated on attending do. Was he really right in just inserting himself into her life? She’d just come back from a helluva time in the wastes, lost her eye, realized she had a friend she thought she lost and now was struggling to figure things out.

“I don’t want to make demands of you,” he found himself blurting out, but followed it up with a boyish grin that he tried to use to soothe her a bit.  “Ew, sorry. That grin was creepy.”  He gently slapped his cheeks and he moved toward her, gesturing the wine he poured himself to her.

“What I meant was I’m not expecting you to just turn around and say ‘OMG I love you too! Let’s get married right away and pop some babies out.’ Because no that’s not what I want. I don’t know if I ever want that necessarily but what I do want is for you to take all the time you need to actually do what you need to do to get yourself back together. Maybe find a counselor at DoSaM, someone to actually give you some kind of roadmap to getting better.”

He leaned against the counter, shrugging softly. “Far be it from me to give you life advice. I just want to be as clear as transparent as possible. I just want to be there for you, however you need me. I’m still your friend. At least I think so, even with the feels that I don’t really get.”

It was his turn to take a sip of the wine and the liquid warmed him, distracted him for a time to actually think about what he was going to say.

“So, whenever, if you ever, decide you feel the same way too, then you know where I am. And if you don’t, there I’ll still care about you. I just want you to find whatever makes you happy. That’ll take time, that’ll take a lot of work. But I guess I just want to be your support. Does that answer your question?”

He reached out and gently touched her arm, squeezing her shoulder slightly. “I’m sorry if I just came up real strong out of the blue like ‘Hey I wanna be your boyfriend.’ Nah, it’s not like that. I’m not even ready to be a partner yet. I’m still figuring out exactly what this means for me, being in love. I’ve never been in love before. I’m not sure I ever will again. You take care of you, and I can take care of me, then we can meet somewhere in the middle when you feel good, if you want. We stan a feelin’ good Andy in this house. Er, your house.”

[Cheesigator]

She looked at him for a long moment when he finished, contemplating his words and swirling the water around in her glass idly as she thought about it.

"Is that so..? ...What a long day."

She said after a moment with a heavy sigh, setting the glass down and watching the crystalline surface continue to swirl round and round. She was exhausted, and while she felt like they made some progress here, she also hated the queasy feeling of discomfort in her stomach that was a byproduct of having to sit with her own emotions. They made progress, but there was no conclusion. There wouldn't be, likely for some time, and she couldn't stand the thought of that. The thought of drifting along with the unknown.

But did that anxiety of hers mean something? Did it point in a specific direction of how she felt? About herself, about him? She didn't know.

"I..."

She frowned, unsure of how to say things she felt or what to say. There was so much going on in her mind, but at the top of the mountain of emotions there was one prevailing thought: Do I have a right to say this? Do I have a right to feel this way? She didn't know.

"I don't know when it happened, but at some point I realized you are one of my only friends." Gods, that sounded so pathetic, and she found herself rolling her eyes at that realization.

"You and Addie are the only two. So for now... I guess we'll keep it this way. We'll stay what we are, we'll stay... Friends. And we'll both figure things out as time goes on. I guess."

She didn't know.

She looked at him, letting out a sigh as she forced herself to relax her posture, only now realizing how tense her shoulders had been this whole time.

"Your mom's is a bit of a hike from here--if you wanted to the stay the night, the couch steals your soul. Sorry I don't have a guest bed. I don't usually... Have. Company."

Awkwardly, again, she realized how weirdly pathetic that sounded. She cleared her throat as she got up from her perch. "There's spare blankets, if you want I can grab one for you. I need to shower."

[Lion]

Whatever the answers there were to be found, neither had found them here. To be sure, they explored what they both would have preferred to shut away. Theo himself, unaccustomed to strong feelings of loyalty, affection, and love, was surprised at the satisfaction he felt then. It wasn't a lot of satisfaction, but the fact that it was present at all was quite surprising.

And then, just like that, the conversation had found a natural conclusion. It was awkward now. Of course this whole situation had been nothing short of awkward, but now with the elephant tucked in the corner of the room, he was left nearly alone with a sofa and the option to leave. Theo nodded to her and gestured for her to go.

"You can get the blanket and I'll make up the sofa. I'm too tired to walk over to my place and I really don't want to be bothered by trying to take transport. I also really like your pad. It's pretty slick," he chuckled. "Here's the part where I make a joke about you taking all your hot dates back here for a swift lay, but you killed it with your sad sack 'no friends other than me' comment."

He snorted. His joke wasn't funny but he was trying to kill the awkward just a bit. Theo followed her to wherever the blankets were hidden and took a pillow too. It was hand that it was so plush. He hugged it on his way back to the sofa and set it down, glancing back at her.

"Want company for that shower?" he offered. "Or do you want to be alone?"

[Cheesigator]

Andy pursed her lips and only grunted in response to his wise-ass comment about her bringing people back here. This place was her one place of peace and solitude, and even then it was often plagued with nightmares and negative thoughts. There was nowhere in the whole universe she could go to escape those. Maybe one day that would change but for now she figured that was a long way off.

She led him into the hallway where one door to the right led to the rather spacious bathroom; beside it, a linen closet that she opened and pulled out a folded blanket to hand to him.

As he walked out to prepare his temporary bed, she slowly padded out after him, distracted as she started taking off accessories to get ready for the shower. First a bracelet and then her eyepatch; when she looked at him as he spoke to her he would see the gash that spread across her left eye, her eye itself scratched and glazed over, some kind of eerie seafoam green fire eminating from it. It seemed oddly bright in the dim neon lighting of the living room.

"Oh, ah..." She pondered his offer for a moment, glancing away as she worried her lip before shaking her head. "No I'd like to be alone. Shower's all yours when I'm done though."

And with that she turned and quietly went to her bedroom to toss her things onto the dresser, grab a large buttoned pj shirt and then she slipped into the bathroom, the door clicking neatly closed behind her.

She tried to make it a quick shower but admittedly it was the nicest and most comforted she'd felt all day; the warm water eased her muscle pain and the rushing sound of the droplets hitting the shower walls and floor were a good thunderous background noise that drowned out her thoughts and let her just be... Quiet. Quiet for the first time in a long time. And when she was dried off, she slithered under the plush comforter and 1000 threadcount sheets that she hadn't realized how sorely she missed. She was out almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.

[Lion]

He felt this stomach drop when he saw her eye. The faint green light emanating and igniting the room was haunting. He felt his mouth open, lips parting just enough and he said nothing as she spoke. Once she disappeared, he let out a soft breath, resuming his fixing his bed for the evening.

Being turned down for a partnered shower was a tad jarring. Theo didn’t expect her to say yes, but he also hadn’t expected her to say no. Her reasons, after everything she’d been through, were valid and he didn’t raise an argument. She’d been through hell, had come back to the world of the living. Theo wasn’t a combat Pilot and knew in the back of his mind that would be something he would never experience.

She was scarred and damaged in ways he would never understand. And once the shower was cleared and he was washed and bathed, he sat back down on the couch, staring at the neon lighting in the room. To be welcomed into her sanctuary was a privilege given to few, and he decided to appreciate it rather than to question it.

Maybe tomorrow he could hold her hand, give her a kiss on the cheek, just be there for her in ways he never had the opportunity to be for anyone else. In ways she probably never had either.  And soon he fell asleep, dropping himself into the cushions after turning down the lights.

[Cheesigator]

Though hard sleep came easy at first it seemed like it was destined not to last too long.

She had probably about 3 hours before her mind woke up just enough to start thinking again, overthinking. Thoughts and fleeting memories flashed by in a whirlwind, white hot pain making her eye sear and burn as it was scratched over and over again, Addie's screams shredding her ear drums.

She woke up with a gasp in a cold sweat, panting hard as she slapped her hand over her damaged eye as if that would make the throbbing go down any easier. Reaching out blindly she searched on her nightstand and found her trusty bottle of painkillers right there where she'd always left it, grabbing a few and popping them into her mouth, swallowing dry as she felt the lumps uncomfortably move down her throat.

She needed some water.

As her hand slowly slid down her face, an unsettling realization that her eye was burning so brightly it washed the whole room in its minty aqua glow made her stomach twist. Water. She just needed some water.

Hell, if there was one positive to having a glowing fire eye it meant that she never needed to turn on the lights at night again.

Like an eerie beacon on a Wastelands cryptid she moved with it slowly, quietly through the hall as she made her way into the kitchen. Trying ever so hard to be quiet and not wake Theo, she got a glass from her cupboard and filled it with water, realizing as she raised it to her lips that her hand was shaking.

After downing the whole cup she gasped again, her heart still pounding in her chest as she forced herself to take long, measured breaths like they taught her in DoSaM to get the green flame back down and under control.

See? You had some water, you're fine now. You're fine.

She repeated the thought over and over again until she finally felt calm enough to assess.

At times like these, being able to roll over and touch Addie where they sat, keeping watch, had been her biggest comfort. Knowing that she wasn't alone was a powerful enough thought to make her feel safe even when it wasn't.

She looked over to Theo's form on the couch, grinding her teeth a little as she wondered if touching him would bring the same reassurance. Would he mock her if he woke up? After all, just look at her--she was practically a child seeking out their mother after a bad dream.

But then again, he seemed understanding enough.

She quietly set the glass down, realizing that picking such a deep couch was certainly to her benefit as she came over and laid down next to him at the edge of the seat cushions, sliding her arm around his midsection and closing her eyes, instantly relaxed by his warmth.