All This Time [Lion]

[Cheesigator]

Her head was pounding as she struggled with shaking hands to take the pain killers offered by the nurse who started massaging her own temples once her hands were free of the pills and glass of water.

She tossed her head back and downed them as if swallowing them any faster would make the pain go away that much more quickly. She knew how much the nurses hated coming in here when she was having these episodes; the pain was so much she had a hard time not accidentally broadcasting it to anyone in the immediate area, so the workers would often complain of migraines and headaches out in the hall. She couldn't help but hear it, all of her senses were so much sharper now and she hated it.

She started to raise her hand to wave the nurse away, the poor thing already looked like she was paling from the pain, when suddenly the nurse remembered something.

"Ah, that's right--your comm. Uh. We have your comm for you. Here." She fumbled awkwardly for a moment to find where she'd set it down, and then handed it over.

Gingerly, Andromeda took it and stared at it through swimming vision for a moment, before grunting and waving the nurse away. It hurt too much to nod and she couldn't think clearly enough to speak. She was dizzy, nauseous and in pain. Socializing was a bit too much for her, even looking at the screen as she held the power button on the side and it lit up was almost too much.

She laid her head back against the pillows, not even hearing the door clack shut as the nurse power walked out of that awful, painful room. She felt something warm and itchy tickling her upper lip, and reached up to wipe it away, the back of her hand coming away smeared with blood.

Honestly the nose bleeds were so common she wasn't even surprised anymore. Instead she just let her hand drop to her side, closing her eyes as she waited for the pain killers to help ease her mind, and the last thing she remembered before drifting off was the familiar vibrating buzz as the comm set powered up.

A few hours later a nurse was gently rousing her; time to go to the bathroom and have dinner. And that had been Andy's routine now for... She didn't know quite how long. Maybe a couple weeks? Sleep, pee, eat, repeat. Despite everything, when her mind was clear enough to keep her pain to herself and the nurses felt sorry for her, they would tell her how remarkably quickly she was recovering.

Getting your mind flayed in Axis Point was something everyone experienced differently, and something that some didn't survive at all. She supposed she was lucky.

And she also supposed that the nurses largely pitied her; what they probably saw was a former thorn in Aedolis' side, the rowdy trouble-making mighty and furious Andromeda, being reduced to nothing more than a tired, exhausted Pilot no different from the rest. Like a wild horse that had finally been broken of its spirit, or something.

As she shakily ate a spoonful of chowder she slowly remembered that she had turned her comm set on earlier, and as she reached over and turned on the screen she furrowed her brows at the sheer number of message notifications.

Messages? From who?

Who could have possibly missed her while she was gone? There should be no one--

She opened the messaging app and while there were a few messages from various persons, the most of them came from... Theo.

Theodoryk Kray.

Theo: Hey what's up? You doing anything tonight?
~3 hours later~
Theo: Okay so you don't wanna answer messages, I get it but the least you can do is tell me to fuck off lmao loser.
~3 days later~
Theo: Good morning beautiful
Theo: jk that was my hamster
Theo: But maybe not actually lol. Hmu when you get a chance
~2 weeks later~
Theo: I know you haven't replied to my messages. I'm not desperate or anything but like it'd be nice to hear from you is all. Mom keeps asking about you and I don't know what to tell her about how you're doing. So I just say you're busy. Keep in touch, don't be a stranger.
~3 weeks later~
Theo: Mom says hi. She'd love to do lunch soon. She figures life never pauses for a pilot so she doesn't wanna bug too much. Talk to you later.
Theo: Okay are you playing hard to get because this isn't really that funny anymore. Also it's Hamtato's birthday tadatadatada He's got a cake for being a 12 yo old man
Theo: (uploads video of Hamtato in a party hat with a birthday cake of nuts, seeds, and berries. Hamtato also gets a new hamster wheel.)
~3 months later~
Theo: I get you're not talking to me anymore but the least you could do was tell me why. I miss hanging out with you so like this cold shoulder shit is getting old.
~3 weeks later~
Theo: I miss you. I'm sorry if I sounded like an asshole before. I'll leave you be. But also you're a loser, loser.

By the time she reached the bottom, the comm set fell into her lap as she covered her face with her hands, curling up in her bed, food left cold and forgotten. Her body started tensing, wracked with ugly sobbing as the tiny, prideful part of her that still remained vaguely hoped none of the nurses stepped in to see her like this.

The more she cried, the more her head hurt, and eventually blood started mixing with the saltwater in the palms of her hands.

"I know I sound like a hypocrite when I'm saying this, but I really think you should believe in others a bit more. Not everyone is out to get you--if they were that would mean the whole world revolves around you, and I hate to burst your ego bubble but it doesn't."

Addie's tail had flicked a bit as they spoke, and she couldn't tell if it was mild irritation after hearing her go on for the umpteenth time about how there was probably nobody waiting for her back home, or if it was anxiety to say something so daring to the only friend they had in this wasteland. Or both.

"Especially that Theo guy, I mean think about it Andy. He sounds like he genuinely likes you, not just because you're famous and a popular model Pilot."
"Maybe..."
"No, no maybes. Cut the guy some slack, you even met his MOM, right? When someone introduces you to their parents I hear that's like... Really big."
"I wouldn't know."


"They were right," She mumbled to herself in between painful sobs, the congestion in her sinuses making her migraine come back tenfold, "I am a fucking i-idiot."

After a while of trying to calm herself, forcing herself to take some sips of water from the styrofoam cup by her food tray, she picked up her comm set with shaky hands and looked at it for a good, long time, despite how the glare of the screen hurt her eyes, trying to think of what to say.

Andy: I'm in DOSAM, if you still want answers.

[Lion]

As far as he was concerned, Theo was dead to Andromeda Messiere. Without so much as a scoff of a response from her in six months, he figured she dropped him like last week's fashionable panties and he was better off moving on to greener pastures. Normally that might not be the worst thing in the world except for a few concepts that stood in the way. Theo often described himself as a fly by the seat of his pants kind of guy. It was one of the few things that kept him going because of how much little commitment he required in life. Except that's what changed and the listlessness that allowed him to do whatever he wanted before now plagued him with something else: emptiness.

Just when he thought his life couldn't get anymore mundane, Andy had to up and leave it. For months he'd gone through the effort of trying to get her attention because if there was one thing he was really good at it was being really irritating. He wouldn't ever do anything that would cost him a career move, because, for one, there was so little for him to actually move up into. He wasn't a combat Pilot after all. But he could be just irritating enough to get people to notice him and when they did, they had a good time. And when they were bored of him, they conveniently moved on with their lives to be just as non-commital as he was trying to be.

If Andy really did move on, then why couldn't he?

He knew why. He was fooling himself trying to escape in late night movies at the cheap seats. The poor theatre staff didn't look that entertained by his presence after going for a few months in a row. Suddenly he'd seen every midnight showing of every single blockbuster that came out at least four times that they lost their luster. And every other showing of everything else at least ten times in rotation.

They really didn't make movies like they used to anymore.

Theo didn't know what that meant, but it sounded like something that was apt to this moment of watching the finale of "Furiously Fast 18" where Din Viezel was going to die in a fiery crash yet again only to be found 'he didn't die after all' in the inevitable sequel because the power of family kept him going.

He was the only one in the auditorium, and he'd already gone through his second refill of his big drink and extra large popcorn. The junk food didn't taste good anymore. He only got it because he had plenty of points on his rewards account. He even had a free ticket.

There was something about sitting in the dark at the top row that made it so that distanced himself from the rest of the world for a while. In here no one recognized him as a Pilot, no one stopped and stared (although so few did that anyway - one of the perks of not being a combat Pilot), and he was just another face in the crowd.

That anonymity was comforting. And at the same time, it was painful. Because the only person he wished he could be acknowledge by fell off the face of Aedolis.

His comm buzzed but he ignored it. Olivia was probably messaging him again asking for him to bring home some theatre snacks but the concession stand was closed by now. It was already 1 am.

When the movie was over, he figured he'd call her and see what she wanted. But his eyes widened when he checked his phone and his stomach dropped. He frowned and considered replying back. No, he'd wait...  He wanted to make her wait, to make her curl up into a ball and feel as miserable as he felt but something else kept him from pocketing his comm again.

Instead his thumb swiped across the screen and he wrote. "Ok. omw now but it might be a while." If she was in DoSaM, she wasn't going anywhere any time soon.  And he'd already slept through the first half of the movie.

[Cheesigator]

Theo: Ok. omw now but it might be a while.

When her comm buzzed she paused in the middle of chewing on her dried out biscuit, slowly looked over to where it was lying next to her on the hospital bed, and felt a cold chill in her chest that worked its way down to her stomach.

Honestly, she hadn't known what to expect, if she should expect anything at all. Considering how he'd been left in the dark for six months and seemed to have waffled back and forth between being sad and being angry with her, she wouldn't have blamed him if he never responded at all. The fact that he did in an hour or so was more than enough to make her stomach flip.

On his way, huh? She didn't know how to respond, so she didn't, and simply left the message on "Seen". She would see him soon enough, and they could talk then. It was fairly late in the evening but she called a nurse to her room and warned them she might be getting a visitor, the first visitor since she'd been back, other than the one or two times Addie had managed to hobble by to say hello.

She could see the surprise in the nurse's face, clearly they all thought she was a lonely Pilot with no one to care for and no one who cared about her, and that seemed to be pretty close to the truth. It was her own fault; she'd made it that way on purpose.

Unable to finish her dinner, much to the worried and sympathetic expression of the nurse, her food was taken away and she was left to sit and stew in her anxiety over what would happen when Theo stopped by, if he did at all. Maybe he wouldn't come at all, as a way of getting back at her. She honestly didn't know. All that she did know was that her throat was dry, and her body temperature was starting to go up, so she kicked off the blankets and still ended up in a shivering cold sweat as the pain slowly started to creep back.

They were trying to wean her off of all the pain killers, and she'd already had her last dose for the day. All she could do was grit her teeth and try to bare it, clenching her fists until she was white-knuckled and the palms of her hands bled from the crescent moons indented by her nails.

They really were more like claws now, and every time she glimpsed herself in the mirror she found herself spooked. She still had nightmares about the incident, and they always ended with Addie pulling her out of it only for her to wake up alone in her hospital bed, panting and gasping. That incident had left her hair darker than before, a deep raven purple, her skin a deeper tone of mauve, her ears longer, her canines sharper and her remaining eye so bright it seemed to glow in low light. Her other eye she kept tightly patched up, and only allowed one or two nurses to help her change the dressings; the blazing and eerie remains of the other half of her vision was unnerving to say the least, and the last thing she wanted was to scare the only people who could help her.

Eventually she found her way into a fitful sleep, dreaming of that day they were roaming like always in the Wastes, looking for their next shelter.

A horrible shrieking sound had pierced their ears, a kind of signal, and in moments they were swarmed. Experienced raiders who had been living in the Wastes their whole lives with techniques well versed in ambushing left her and Addie dazed as they tried to fend off attacks from all sides. It happened in an instant, a flurry of commotion that stirred up a whirlwind of dust as screaming and the smell of iron blood filled the air.

A slash across her backside left her howling as Addie called her name in alarm, and the momentary distraction was enough to afford one of the enemies the chance to swipe at her from the front. Metal sickle claws caught her skin by her brow and ripped across her eye, blinding half of her vision with red as she recoiled and fell to the ground, desperately clutching at her bleeding socket as she screamed in agony.

In that moment she couldn't tell if her vision was stained red with blood or anger, as the pain was so great it made her brain tingle and her ears ring. What happened next was a blur, but like an animal she seemed to hone in on the enemies based purely on instinct, on smell, on hearing, and then blood was gushing in her mouth. It crunched, and the cracking and breaking of bones rattled into her jaw and vibrated in her brain as she clenched harder, the taste of iron washing over her while something just... Clicked.

Somewhere in the back of her mind it was like a switch had been turned on and the person writhing beneath her, gasping between blood curdling screams was no longer a person but... A thing. She breathed them in, something strange filling her lungs and rushing into her blood stream, making her entire body feel as if it was engulfed in fire while somewhere Adele kept screaming and calling her name--

She jolted upright from her bed, the pain radiating out from her telepathically before she could even try to pull it back in, a scream escaping her in between coughs as blood gushed from her nose and mouth, her hands coming up to hold her head as if she as trying to hold the pain in as she clenched her eyes shut and grit her teeth.

It's okay, you're here, you're here, you're not there anymore, it's not happening again, you're fine, it's okay--

After a few moments she finally took a gasping, shuddering breath as she pulled the pain inwards, knowing the nurses out in the halls were probably upset and in pain again because of her; it was only then that she realized while blood steadily dripped from her nose, staining the white sheets to match the front of her hospital gown, that she wasn't alone.

[Lion]

He'd lost count of the hours, minutes, seconds, that it took to finally arrive in Haviah. He couldn't sleep no matter how many times he tried to close his eyes. All he could see was Andy's face looking at him, but not really. It was as if she was somewhere else, expression distant and the glaze to her eyes was actually something else he didn't recognize. Tears? Come to think of it he'd never seen her cry or become overwhelmed with emotion like he'd seen plenty of other people do time and again.

Of course, she wasn't heartless. He knew that long ago. And she proved it when she rescued his little sister from a life of living hell. No one that was heartless would have gone to such lengths to save someone else, when they gained nothing from doing so. Andy didn't even so much as ask for a drink or something.

And come to think of it that was about the last time that Theo remembered seeing Andy. After that she fell off the earth and all he had was her ghost.

When he came back to the land of the living, he stared at his stop when the announcement for Haviah chimed. Theo stalked off the train, feeling his body light and airy, walking without any input from his brain. He somehow made it to DoSaM. Every Pilot knew how to get there for the most part. He'd only been a few times before for nothing more than a check-up here and there.

Once inside he was directed to Miss Messiere's room once they understood she'd specifically requested for him to be there even though visiting hours were far from over. It was well into the early morning. The sun would be up soon no doubt.

And when he walked in the door, his stomach dropped and watched in silence. She was having a fit and he stepped forward as she struggled with blood and a pain she projected out to everyone that could bear it. His ears were ringing and he bit his tongue trying to hold back his own screams. He sat down beside Andromeda and reached for her hand, squeezing it.  When his tongue was saved from being halved, he shook her arm a bit and beheld her bruised, bleeding face with another.

"Andy!" he yelled at her. "Andy! Snap out of it! "

[Cheesigator]

There was a voice tangled somewhere in the knotted mess of ringing in her ears, the sharp tingling like carbonation in your nose spread throughout her senses making it hard to discern.

As she slowly came to she started to realize there was warmth on her face, and after a few delayed moments of spots and clouds clearing from her vision as she pulled everything back in, she realized she was looking at someone. Theo--when did he get here?

"Th--Th..." Her tongue felt numb, and she coughed, blood coming out into the crook of her arm.

"The--o," She coughed; "Axis point."

She reached over blindly and snatched up the styrofoam cup, pulling the plastic lid off of it and the straw with it as she suddenly tossed her head back and drank some, the rest splashing cold over her face, though the ice had melted hours ago. It washed away some of the blood, making it run down her jawline and neck to be absorbed into the light blue gown, staining the neckline pink.

She panted as she tried to get air back in her lungs, her remaining eye dark with boiling rage as she wiped her face with a hand. Axis Point had been unnecessarily unkind to her, she felt, given how swimmingly Addie seemed to be doing.

"Sorry." She grunted, pushing her hair back from her face as she looked at him.

"You got here fast." She rumbled, her usual deep tone still rough and scratchy.

[Lion]

He didn't know if he expected some kind of explanation for what he just saw or if he just cared more that she didn't start hemorrhaging more blood and pass out. If anything, at least she was in the immediate care of those best equipped to help her if such a thing came to pass. When she seemed calm enough to recognize his presence, he breathed out heavily and relaxed against the side of the bed. The pain in his head subsided and he blocked out any further throbbing his mind ached with.

"You didn't seem yourself there," he commented, getting up and looking around for anything he could use to clean her off. He found a soft towel in the washroom that was connected with her room. After a minute he returned with a damp, warm towel, rung out and gently blotted her nose and face, not lingering for more than a few swipes before tossing it to the side.

"I got in not long ago," he muttered, sitting back down next to her, this time facing her now. He gently touched her hand, squeezing it and frowning a bit. "The Axis did a number on you it seems. You look really different. I don't mean bad, but I almost didn't recognize you, were it not for the sound of your voice."

He tried to smile. "I'm just glad to see that you're alive. I didn't think I'd ever see you again."

[Cheesigator]

Her head was still throbbing, but the surprise of him wiping her off wasn't lost because of that. The nurses did it too, but for some reason when he did it felt warmer, softer, more comforting. She leaned into his toweled hand for a moment, and then it was gone, and she watched him get comfortable.

A number was putting it lightly.

She glanced down, her gaze lingering on his hand where it held and gently squeezed her, a warm presence that she didn't realize how much she'd missed. She realized it obviously wasn't the concept of human contact in general that she missed--because she hadn't been entirely alone, she'd had Addie--but it was him, specifically.

The one person whose interest in her seemed to go deeper than surface level, like he was actually interested in her. Her personality, her thoughts, her experiences. His company had always just felt so effortless, and usually he brought a sense of lightheartedness that she hadn't realized how vastly different it was to have it back in front of her again.

Her eyes felt warm and for a moment she wasn't sure if it was because of the blood loss or the headache, her vision got blurry and then she felt something wet rolling down her cheeks. She bit her lip as the urge to start sobbing again suddenly became very real and very strong, and she suddenly sucked in a breath and looked away, forcing herself to quell the urge.

"Y-Yeah. I didn't recognize me either." She said quietly, sniffling and tasting iron at the back of her throat.

"I... Didn't mean to leave you in the dark. I didn't know it was going to happen."

She paused for a bit, glancing at his face and then dropping her gaze to her lap, feeling a bit of... Guilt? Shame? And she unknowingly squeezed his hand back.

"They called me in for a mission and sent me out same day, top secret." She took a breath and cleared her throat. "Still can't say what it was. But it was in the Wastes."

She really hadn't had a chance to think through what she wanted to say to him, and her head still throbbed painfully, so she had no clue what else there was to say.

"S... Sorry."

[Lion]

Seeing her like this, in pain, suffering like a mortal, made Theo's heart twist into a knot. She was so small in this giant ass hospital bed, it seemed to consume her. And the big beautiful babe he remembered and admired and dreamt of on lonely nights was rough-housed, hardened, harrowed. She was different in more ways than what he could see, that much was evident. The softness of her features, like a pin-up model that had no time for small plebians like him, was dulled and in its wake the hollowed-out edges of her cheekbones were more prominent and her skin had been toasted by the merciless sun.

All he wanted to do was hold her. But he was still walking on sheer glass here over a chasm. He was going to wait until he knew at what level they were with each other first. Across that chasm was hope, however, and he'd walk through fire to see it through.

Then she began to cry. Theo gasped softly before leaning forward and squeezing her hand tighter. "Y'know I was really pissed off at you," he admitted before long. "I figured if you didn't like me you'd have the courtesy to tell me. This is me venting so please just listen. I guess I could only stay mad at you sometimes. Because other times I just really wanted to pretend you were still around."

He grinned and reached up to damp her tears away with the cloth again. Feeling her skin, as rough as it was, he kept it under his hand for a few long, tender seconds. He was trying to remember what her skin felt like, and while it wasn't this, the old familiarity of it returned.

"You scared me. I thought you were dead. But Pilots don't die. So they say."  He felt his heart escalating. "I forgive you. For whatever that's worth. For leaving me in the dark. Not that you did anything wrong, but so you don't beat yourself up about it y'know. No hard feelings, yeah?"  He squeeze her free hand in his again, giving it a mock shake.

[Cheesigator]

She listened like he asked, finally meeting his gaze with what was left of hers, lips pursed as she let his words sink in. If it had been her, she probably would have done the same; been just as mad, as upset.

She closed her eyes tight and leaned into his touch, snorting a little as he phrased his forgiveness in a way that would sit just right with her; he had a way of doing that, she realized. Maybe he knew her better than she thought he did.

She used his hand to pull him towards her; though she'd lost whatever little body fat she'd had to begin with, her muscles were still very much there. Shrunken a bit, but there, and she would probably bounce back in no time, like Addie, or at least she hoped.

Her arms wrapped around him (loosely, she didn't want him to get dirty because of her bloody hospital gown) and gave him a firm hug, burying her face in the crook of his neck as she took in a strong breath and let his familiar scent bring warm memories rushing back, along with a few more tears.

"I missed you, you fucking idiot."

She let her fingertips clutch at his shirt, and without realizing it she hugged him tighter, those few tears escaping as she tried to breath in and hold back a sob.

"I wasn't alone for all of it, I found Adele. They told me a lot. A lot about how I needed to stop being a dumbass." She let out a choked laugh, sniffing and for once not caring that someone was seeing her like this. If there was anyone in this world she didn't care saw her like this, it would be Addie or Theo.

"I'd kiss you but I'm pretty sure I still taste like blood." And she also... Wasn't sure how much he wanted that right now, just yet.

[Lion]

And just like that the thin glass he was walking on cracked underneath him. It didn't quite shatter and for now bore the weight of a man that didn't know whether Andy was going to smile at him or break his neck. He'd been so despondent that he didn't care which one it would have been if only he got to tell her that he missed her, and see her one more time.

He liked hearing her speak, even if it was broken, tired, and wanted only a long restful sleep. But Pilots like Andy could only afford rest when they were permanently retired. And that was probably a long ways off. For now, she needed to heal and the progress she'd made was already miles more than what he could only imagine she'd been like when they found her. Or when she'd been hucked out of the Axis Point.

Well, he was trying to tell himself that to remain hopeful.

And then the glass did shatter, she tugged him forward and he thought she was going to wrangle his neck because that was a very Old Andy thing to do. Except he didn't, and the pressure around him was an embrace and he felt her relax against him. It was all very jarring, yet when he regained his composure, Theo's arms naturally fell around her and he likewise returned the hug.

He smiled somberly for it felt like years since he last got to hug someone like this that was his family. There was something about Andy that was oddly comforting, and he'd already come to terms with the fact that he needed her probably more than she needed him. "Yeah you really are a big dumb bimbo. I'm glad they could point that out to you," he muttered, his face pressed to her head so that his words were a soft mumble against her ear. "I love you, you know. I knew it when you returned Olivia back to me and my mom. I didn't know if I'd ever get a chance to tell you."

[Cheesigator]

The hug... Felt nice. It was something she'd slowly started to become accustomed to with Addie in the Wastes; the sheer power of contact with another person really made more of an impact than she'd realized, and she let herself ease into this one and close her eyes.

His scent filled her lungs just the way she remembered it, and feeling his presence was so grounding and soothing, in so many more ways than she'd have ever thought it would become. Just knowing he was here was enough to keep her in the moment--keep her feet firmly planted in this present reality, and not in the awful nightmares of the last six months instead. After all, there hadn't been a Theo out there in the Wastes.

But on the other hand, were it not for the skull-splitting headaches, this would feel too good to be true. Too soft, too warm, too safe. It wasn't what she'd been used to for so long now; constantly sleeping with one eye open, waiting for the next attack in a land where it seemed even the dirt itself was out to kill you.

And then her soft little bubble was suddenly popped when Theo dropped a bomb.

"I love you, you know. I knew it when you returned Olivia back to me and my mom. I didn't know if I'd ever get a chance to tell you."

Hahahahaha.... What?

Her eyes abruptly snapped open and she blinked a few times, wondering if she had just... Misheard... That? Made it up? Hallucinated it?

She slowly sat back, trying to play it cool while her heart was beating a million miles an hour in her chest. She'd probably misheard that, she'd only been half paying attention after all, so she rubbed her face to emphasize oh yknow she's just SO TIRED and all, and asked, "Sorry I don't think I caught that?"

Of course, before she started over-thinking this (...) maybe she just read too much into it. He probably just meant like a friend, because that's kind of what their relationship was, wasn't it? Two idiots who seemed to exist solely for the purpose of making fun of each other and then sometimes also screwing around. Yeah there was no way he meant like... LOVE love. Phew.

(And yet there was just the tiniest, teeniest, tiiiiniest part of her that felt a bit crestfallen at the thought that he didn't mean it that way.)

[Lion]

Theo didn’t know what to expect when it came to dropping bombs. Again, he wasn’t a combat Pilot. He was more of a running things behind the scenes, making sure none of the fish in Samariel died because of some accidental radiation or something else introduced into the water supply. But if he had to imagine what it was like, he supposed it was something similar to the expression Andy was stuck making for the better part of twenty long seconds.

There was the initial first blast and wave that knocked her off her feet, figuratively. Then followed by the fire that was meant to incinerate everything it touched. In the aftermath, the bodies that were burnt to a crisp, if they weren’t ripped to shreds by the shrapnel and other debris, probably looked like extra crispy fries.

She already had the crispy part down pat without his help, now she was asking for the fire of his response to lay her out like the dead. He didn’t stutter, but he damn sure knew she wasn’t prepared for what he’d said. Or what he was going to say again.

“Just to clarify, I’m not asking anything of you. I don’t expect you to ‘get it’. Or to reciprocate it. I just love you. Believe me, I’ve drunk texted and slapped myself upside the head, asking what the hell am I thinking? But the answer is always the same. I can’t help it. I love you and despite everything and how little it makes sense to me, I always will. The only thing that mattered up until now was getting a chance to tell you. So I’m not joking.”

His expression said that he wasn’t either. There was no sly grin, no playful undertones in his voice. He kept his gaze level with hers and he reached up to brush stray strands of hair from her face. She looked like she’d been kicked by one of those ugly meat-eating horses on Edanith. But he’d only heard the stories.

“Are you going to be okay?”

[Cheesigator]

Oh.

Ohhhh.

Oh no.

The more he spoke the more her brain seemed to split itself in half; one part of her felt kind of elated that finally someone told her they loved her because boy had she realized that was some kind of validation she'd been desperate for for decades. The other part of her was panicking because she knew very very well that she was not good partner material; especially after having spent so much time talking with Addie about how relationships actually worked in real life, and that was just through Addie's own narrow scope of experience. In the grand scheme of things both of them had a lot to learn, and Andromeda wasn't so sure that she was even ready to start, or if she would ever be ready for that matter.

Love was the one thing she had received so little of her entire life, how in the fuck could she ever realistically know how to give it? Much less understand how to interpret it when it was directed at herself.

He said he didn't expect anything of her and she honestly wasn't sure what that meant or how to take it; the way he spoke about it made it seem as if loving her was the absolute worst possible case scenario any sentient being could come to the conclusion of, and while a tiny part of her knew that likely wasn't what he meant, she also acknowledged that despite her wounded pride and instinct to lash out with some kind of retort, as she was now it was pretty accurate.

She had barely learned how to reciprocate a proper friendship, so love was off the table right now.

It was all really overwhelming.

Without even really thinking about it she put her head in her hands, shaking it a bit as she tried to figure out what to say or even how she should react. What would be appropriate in this situation? She had never really paid much attention to social norms, and the immediate closest thing that she could think of--movies and tv--didn't apply to her specific situation. If someone confessed their love in the media it was usually met with happy tears and saying "Yes, I love you too!" and happily embracing each other while warm fuzzy music played, and then the next scene was a picturesque wedding.

There were no jump cuts or time skips in real life and most writers didn't bother with writing people like her. For good reason. She was an objectively terrible person.

"I--" Gods, what could she even say? What should she say?

Her heart was pounding so hard and loud in her chest it felt like it was steadily climbing its way up into her throat, and it was making her head pound too. There was so much that Addie had told her about feelings and now it all just blanked, she couldn't recall a single word of it.

"I--I don't know." She wiped her face with her hand, breathing a loud and hard sigh through her fingers as she tried to calm herself down and looked at him; "I don't know what I should say, or how to say, or what I need to tell you. You know--you know--that I'm fucking nuts. You know I've got issues, probably better than I do."

She shook her head and put her head back in her hands, staring numbly at the sheets while her whole body felt like it would shatter from how hard her heart was pounding. "I don't know, I wasn't expecting this. I don't know what I was expecting but it wasn't this--but also it was?? Addie kept telling me that you probably--because of your mom, because what you keep doing and saying but I thought they were just--I don't know. I don't know!"

She looked up at him, so many emotions swirling in her remaining eye and she didn't know which one to follow, so her defenses were coming up and she was getting angry, and she wasn't sure if she was angry with herself or with him.

"I need--I need a bit."

Her voice was tense and she felt like she was dangerously on the edge of falling off the cliff into the abyss of Confused Rage. And suddenly she shoved the covers back, got out of the bed and promptly locked herself in the bathroom, covering her mouth with both hands and letting out a muffled scream.


.... Definitely not the reaction most people probably expected from a love confession.

[Lion]

He had a feeling something like this was going to happen. There was no genuine expectation but this, oh god, if he’d been a betting man he’d have a million more credits to his name. And that was a small consolation for the feelings she was unintentionally stomping all over. Theo didn’t actually have his feelings hurt because all of this was very new for both of them. But her confusion definitely didn’t make digesting this whole scenario that much easier.

Watching her cover her face, as if that would let her disappear from the rest of the world did make him want to hug her a bit. Just a bit.

“I said I didn’t expect anything from you,” he repeated, giving himself an extra inch of space between himself and her. She needed room to breath clearly. His suffocating presence would no doubt bring more tension where there shouldn’t be. Andy would have to figure out what she wanted, what she needed. He knew better than anyone else in her life, barring herself, that she was less than relationship material. Theo never really had a steady partner before. So this was just as jarring to him.

Except he was much less of a prick.

He stayed quiet while she was sorting out the rest of her thoughts until she managed the strength to stand on her own. Then she tucked herself away into the bathroom and screamed.

“Welp. That was so much better than what I was expecting.” He sighed and reclined back into her medical bed. Those mattresses were comfy as well, then got out his comm and started playing RockCandyMania 3000.  He was already on level 786 but he was going to shoot for 999. It was a good fifteen minutes before he got up and figured he might as well check on her.

He didn’t bother knocking, he just listened for a few seconds. “Andy… I’ll let you have some time. Focus on getting better then we can talk more yeah? You have my deets,” he muttered and tapped on the door with his knuckles. “Okay, pumpkin?” He snickered and vacated the hospital room. He didn’t actually mean the lovey-talk because that shit was just weird. He just wanted to get under her skin.

[Cheesigator]

"Welp. That was so much better than what I was expecting.”

Her sharpened senses heard him despite the walls and the door separating them, and for a moment she almost screamed 'What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!' but she held it back. Trying to contain and sit with her anger was something she'd talked a little bit about with Addie, and while she needed an actual therapist's help to work on it (and her skepticism of their legitimacy given how Aedolis was just... Aedolis didn't help either) she knew at the very least that using her own anger as a way to react to everything wasn't how she should be.

It wasn't how anyone should be.

And it reminded her that she had acted a way in the past that warranted that kind of reaction in the first place. She bit her lip and didn't respond when he saw himself out, and she was left by herself in the bathroom. She slowly sank down onto her knees on the floor, her hand still over her mouth as she stared at the tiles on the floor but didn't see them.

It was painful, uncomfortable, and made her want to spiral into despair as she tried to remember what she did before she left for the Wastes. How she treated people, what she said, what she did. She remembered treating people horribly, and always being angry, and always lashing out; she closed her eyes and wished she could just forget all of it. Just forget it all and disappear; she had lied to herself saying she did it to protect herself and everyone else, but that had been a cover up, an excuse.

She felt like she knew why she did it, but couldn't put her finger on it. There were so many reasons that could be why she did things, but could she point to any specific one and blame that as the culprit? And then, even if she did, then what? What did that accomplish or fix? It was all so meaningless now, because she'd already said it, done it, and there was no taking that back.

There was no taking back the hurt she inflicted on others because she herself was hurt. Because that wasn't a valid reason, a valid justification. And now she had to deal with the knowledge that regardless of what she said or did going forward, there was at least one person she cared deeply about who was gonna get hurt by it: Theo.



Time passed by and she didn't message him, trying to push all thoughts of other people as far from her mind as possible as she just tried to focus on recovery instead. Physical therapy was after she was released from her hospital room, and physical therapy was the shortest stint of her reintroduction to Aedolian society--because her issues weren't physical. They were everything but.

And as she was walking home with only her comm set and a generic t-shirt, sweatpants and hoodie, she remembered Theo and worried at her lip, knowing she'd ignored him for way too long and that she needed to say something--and this time she couldn't blame her radio silence on being on a mission.

She got out her comm as she walked, sending him a quick message.

Andy: Wanna come to my place for dinner tomorrow? We need to talk but not in public.

[Lion]

The radio silence was a genuine respite from the terrible response he’d assumed she’d give him. He’d assumed after he’d confessed his undying affection despite all else that she’d punch him and go into some kind of tirade as to why he was the dumbest idiot that ever lived. And while he’d wholeheartedly agree with her not entirely unfounded conclusions in this hypothetical, physical violence wasn’t the answer to a scenario like this.

He had time to digest what had happened. He had time to figure out what it really meant for him. It was strange to find that after such a groundbreaking event nothing about his life significantly changed. He still had breakfast and dinner at the same time every day. Still had tea when he woke up and went about his job like it was nothing. But at the back of his mind he still thought about Andy and what she was doing, what she was thinking, if she was thinking about him at all.

He knew she was alive and well and that made his thoughts suddenly more anxiety-inducing because even though he’d made himself pretty clear she could have a change of heart and maybe she did want to punch him in the face after all. Yet something about that entire scenario was foolish. Something had changed in Andy while she was out in the wastes. She wasn’t the same scared pup he knew when she left.

She was more tempered. And if he had Addie to thank for it, then so be it. He could always send them a box of Travica treats or something because Samariel candy just tasted like fish.

With the evening approaching into the weekend, he’d already had his weekend bag packed and had hit the rail to Travica to spend with is mother. When his comm buzzed.

Andy: Wanna come to my place for dinner tomorrow? We need to talk but not in public.

He blinked at the message, getting off the train and walking to his stop to his place.

Theo: Why not tonight? I just got into the city. He looked at his phone for a second longer. Tomorrow works too. I’m just heading to my crash pad now. Super tired. Long week, y’know.

[Cheesigator]

She made an exasperated noise as she scanned the chip in her wrist to get past security and took the elevator up to her apartment.

She'd specifically mentioned tomorrow because her apartment had been left untouched for the last six months--and was probably filthy. The food in the fridge DEFINITELY had to go.

But then again, would she even be able to sleep tonight with her anxiety anyways? She'd probably just stay up all night thinking about what the hell she and Theo could end up talking about. So she ended up leaving his message on Seen for a while before replying,

Andy: Sure, if you're not too tired you can come over tonight. Apartment is filthy though, just got back today.

And with that she set herself to doing a bit of cleaning--and by that, it was time to throw out all the food in the fridge, order some sushi (she ended up getting some of everything because she had no fuckin idea what Theo liked and if he didn't come over tonight afterall she could save it for tomorrow or something) since it was the first food that came to mind, and then took an old rag and swiped it lazily along tabletops and counters to get the dust off.

She coughed and waved her hand in front of her face before tapping the On button on her vacuuming robot with her toe and went to go change into some of her own clothes, finding as she pulled the shirt on that what used to fit her perfectly was now a size too big. Great.

[Lion]

He had wondered temporarily what his life would have been like if he hadn’t been a Pilot. If he hadn’t been born into the family he’d been born into and if he’d be a better person for it. It wasn’t like Theo thought himself as a horrible person, not the way Andy probably was feeling about herself, but he imagined he’d be some kind of bohemian starving artist that made custom fish-tanks for gentrified nobodies in the middle of Travica or Samariel or Ryun. Probably he’d live in the latter of the two because they were the closest to oceanic that he’d ever known.

He wonder if he’d ever see what nice ocean would be like. Maybe he’d go to Edanith some day and see one.

Such thoughts were wiped from his mind immediately when his comm buzzed with another response from Andy. 

He could come over, help her clean some stuff up. Maybe if he showed her he could be useful too she’d have an easier time figuring out how she felt. Maybe he just wanted to be in her life even if it was just ornamental. Theo had to figuratively slap himself of the thought because of how stupid it was.

He had to consider his own value as a person before everything else. He wasn’t anyone’s ornament or background object, even if he wasn’t on the forefront of anyone’s real attention, he reminded himself. That’s how his father ended up, and that’s why he was trash. How he was presented and how he was seen by other people was all that mattered to him.

Theo: Yeah, I’ll stop by. I can help you organize your stuff. was all he replied with.  Did he really want to help clean? No, but he’d guessed it was his subconscious trying to justify doing anything to see Andy again.

So he headed right over and buzzed at her apartment when he got there.

[Cheesigator]

Well she supposed the oversized shirt look was always in fashion but this shirt wasn't really big enough to be obviously part of that trend--bzzzzz.

Hold that thought, guess he was already here.

She glanced down and realized she was just wearing some pajama shorts and figured that was good enough; he'd seen her naked and he'd seen her at her worst, most disgusting anyways so it wasn't like he was going to see her thighs now and go running for the hills.

"Hey," She said as she opened the door, avoiding eye contact as she stepped aside to let him in. "Sushi should be here any minute, I didn't know what to get you so I got some of everything."

She closed the door behind him and dusted the kitchen counter with her hand as she hopped onto the bar stool there and put her chin in her hand, finally looking at him and forcing herself to acknowledge all of the uncomfortable squirming feelings in her stomach. Like butterflies, but instead of butterflies it was like she was full of really adventurous worms or snakes.

"Sorry for the radio silence. Uh. I was just... Thinking. About stuff."

So goddamn smooth. Ugh, it was way harder to not be an asshole than she thought; before she would've just said 'yeah I was busy deal with it' but she didn't feel like she had the ground to stand on to do that now, and if she did Addie would probably get mad at her.

[Lion]

Wow. This was going to be way more awkward than he thought.

Theo blinked at her when she answered the door with so much less sass than he was used to. But he walked in anyway and gently shut it behind him one she welcomed him. He set his bag down by the door so it wasn’t in the way and carefully stepped into the kitchen.

“Wow,” he said aloud this time. “I don’t think I’ve ever actually seen your place before.” He gestured to her, well, everything. “So this is what a Noble’s salary is like, yeah? Shiiiiit. I gotta step up my game.”

It wasn’t like he hadn’t seen glamorous furnishing or large homes before, but even Amitra’s own fortune was nothing compared to what this was. This was a single family home spread out on the top floor of a what was basically a penthouse suite. And it was sweeeet.

“Can I crash here more often? Because…um, I see you have a pool and I love to go swimming,” he grinned before taking a seat next to her at the counter.

“Hey,” he murmured and gave her soft eyes, nudging her shoulder softly. “I get it, but y’know I’m gonna need a maid outfit if you want me to be your midnight cleaning lady.”  He was just joking and he hoped his soft laugh that followed showed her that.