And Then I Feel Alright. ((Okaaaaaami))

[Anonymous]

She followed him and sat down next to him not touching him. She wanted to touch him but kept her hand to herself. It was hard, but with Garrett she could keep things in order. She found it was a lot easier when she wasn't fucked up in some way. She wanted to light a cigarette, but she didn't she kept the cigarette in her bag in the box. She put a hand on his knee, carefully, she was barely touching him.

"What happened Garrett? Are you gonna be alright?"

[Anonymous]

Garrett nodded, letting out a breath as pain shot up his back from where he was touching the couch. He tried to keep himself covered but he was starting to burn up even more.

"I'll be fine." He tried not to look at her or let her see his burns. "Some idiot kid at Frank's blew up a bike. I was there, I helped him out." Garrett looked up at the ceiling and shut his eyes for a moment. "I think he didn't make it anyway."

Looking at her from the corner of his eye, Garrett let out a sigh. "Sorry I didn't answer your messages."

[Anonymous]

Makani swallowed looking at him. She wanted to hug him but couldn't. She wanted to kiss him but couldn't. She wanted to punch him for making her feel like shit. She wanted to wring his neck for running out of the house and driving home drunk. There seemed to be a very, very long list of things she couldn't do. Makani hated not being able to follow her instincts. Not that this was new to her at least when it came to Garrett. She sighed and shook her head.

"I'm gonna kill that kid." She hissed out. Then she realized what he said. That the kid might not have made it.

"I...uh...sorry." She was bouncing her knee, it seemed to be a new habit when she had lost some of the other. She thought he might notice how bad she looked but he hadn't said anything. The only thing she'd been doing is smoking cigarettes and drinking coffee. She was shaky from all the stimulants and no downers. She ran a hand through her hair and pulled her other one back from him. She had managed to get dressed, well using the term loosely. She had pulled on the outfit from hanging out with the girls a couple days ago. It still looked okay but it was a wrinkled version of it's former glory.

"It's ok hon." She pulled a hand back.

"You don't have to stay covered in front of me if it hurts. I always think you're..." She trailed off feeling awkward. She didn't know what to say. She didn't do this. She did need a cigarette. She lit one and took a deep breath in. The joint mocked her from the pack. She hadn't smoked it. She'd saved it. She wasn't sure why. She looked up at Garrett and pointed the case towards him.

"I have one joint left from the other day." She sighed feeling bad about selling the stuff off. She'd have to owe him. He would understand.

"I kinda had to sell the rest..." She slid her phone out of her pocket and held it up showing it to him. Her heart beat hard.

"I broke the other one." She looked at him. It was hard, not because he was all burned. That wasn't Garrett, that was the magic he had. He had tried to save someone from the brink of death. Makani's eyes started to water slightly and she pushed the tears away with her free hand setting the pack back down on her knee. She wasn't crying out of pity. She just couldn't bare to see him this way. Couldn't all those stupid bastards take care of themselves. He was the last person who deserved this. Hell, she'd rather it happened to her, at least she had caused enough pain to get it.

"Do you...want me to do anything for you?"

[Anonymous]

Garrett turned his face a little more, actually laying eyes on Makani for a length of time since she walked into the apartment. He gave a sad smile and reached out with his good hand, his thumb wiping under her eye.

"Yeah, you can not cry."

He moved his hand away and set it on her knee that was bouncing. For a long time he just looked at her, not saying anything. He wasn't really sure what he would say anyway, but he just wanted to look at her, soak in every line and curve of her face.

She looked so different, her hair was flat, her skin was pale and she had dark circles under her eyes. He'd never expect she would let her emotions show so much on her body, but there it was, sitting in front of him.

She held open the cigarette pack and he shook his head. "Don't be sorry, it's yours to do whatever you like with it. I can't have any right now anyway." He looked at her new phone and tilted his head just slightly (it hurt to much to move it a lot) and his brow furrowed at the look on her face. She looked so guilty, lost even, she looked just how he felt.

Garrett squeezed her knee and pulled the cover a little tighter around his left side before speaking again. "How did you break the other one, doll?"  He was trying to avoid the conversation for as long as possible, not really sure what to say. He hadn't been prepared to have it this soon.  

He was trying

[Anonymous]

She watched his hand move towards her and wipe her eye. She could barely believe she was crying, but there it was and he had seen it. She didn't know why it hurt to talk so much about this. They were friends and had been forever. They'd always tried to keep their distance, but she wasn't sure she could anymore. She watched his hand lower and sit on her knee and it stopped bouncing. He felt warm, like he had before. She got a flash of the way he felt when she climbed on him and she shook her head.

"Thanks." She pushed her hair back again, feeling so self conscious. She was always aware of herself but never nervous like this. She was always so positive things would go her way and this time she didn't even know what to say. She looked away from him sliding the phone back in her pocket.

"I kinda...threw it against a wall." She sighed and pulled on the cigarette. She felt empty and filled with fear at the same time. She wasn't sure how that worked exactly. She also never thought she'd be here at Garrett's showing more of her hand to him than she ever had. All her cards were about to go on the table. She let out the smoke then bit her lip hard.

"It was after you left." She didn't need to explain when. The statement just hung in the air.

[Anonymous]

Garrett sighed and moved his hand off her knee, pulling the cover back up over his shoulder.

"Shit..."

He laid his head back against the couch and looked at the ceiling for a second. He really wasn't sure where he wanted to go with this, what he wanted to say, how he wanted to say it. Or if he could even get the words out the right way, so she wouldn't get the wrong idea and get pissed.

The mage sat up, whincing as he did, let the cover drop from his shoulders and turned to face Makani. He put his good and on her knee and grabbed the hand that wasn't holding a cigarette with his burnt hand. He sat like that for a moment, locking eyes with her.

"Makani....I can't lose you..." He squeezed her hand, his skin feeling like it was going to crack. "...I can't do it. I didn't mean to upset you, but...I'd rather have you around and not be able to touch you. I can't touch you once and not want more..."

[Anonymous]

Her heart jumped into her throat when he looked at the ceiling. She felt stupid, silly, scared and excited all at the same time. She kept trying to talk herself out of it. How could they work? She was such a massive fuck up. He saw it too. She knew he did. She stared and couldn't look away when he met her eyes. He was everything she wanted, but everything she was scared to have. She could only think of it one way.

When she was a little kid, back when her parents still half took care of her. She could remember her mom taking her to the market. It was a rag tag bunch of booths. People selling things to try and get by. There was one person who sold pottery. Makani loved the blown glass that created designs on the tables when the fake light cut through them. She always wanted to touch them. Her mother would say:

"Makani, don't touch that you'll break it."

Garret was one of those vases. So beautiful and perfect right where they were. They were perfect before she touched them and broke the glass and cut herself too. Her mother would always slap her hand down when she started to reach. Makani always swore she would be careful, but even that young she had a tendency to break things. She swallowed and stubbed out the half finished cigarette.

He started talking and she could barely breathe. She wasn't sure what she wanted him to say. She carefully placed a hand over his good one and listened. She felt her eyes prickling again and she wasn't sure why. Her guard was down and it hurt, not physically, but she was suddenly remembering why she never did this. The whole feelings thing. It was hard, and it tore her up inside from lack of practice.

She should say that it's fine. That it would be better if they were just friends. That she could just let him go back to being her friend, not touching her. They could still be close, she hadn't wrecked it all by kissing him. That she hadn't shifted the balance way off when she kissed him and nothing was the way it was supposed to be anymore. It was all new and painful. She looked everywhere but him before she spoke. Then she followed her instincts and just opened her mouth.

"Garrett..." Just making her mouth say his name made her hurt. She knew what she was going to say next. The wall was going to come down...and it had always been there.

"...I don't know if I can let it go." She coughed and looked away staring at the smoke rising out of the ash tray over the cigarette.

"This week...was Hell for me. I don't mean hard. I mean literally felt like that Hell everyone talks about." She looked at him for a brief moment before flicking her eyes back to the ashtray.

"I could barely eat, I couldn't even drink...or...fuck." She sighed rubbing the back of her head.

"In fact I didn't even want to. If I didn't know you were still there...it didn't mean anything. None of it did."

[Anonymous]

He watched her squirm in front of him, Garrett had never seen Makani so nervous. Hell he'd never seen her so upset or anything besides that cool, confident, sexy woman that flounced around the bars and parties.

His eyes went a little wide when she started to speak, kind of taken aback by what she was saying. He'd actually reached her, granted he had to reached through her chest and pull out her heart but she was actually opening up to him about something really important. As upset as she was he couldn't help but think she'd never been more beautiful or perfect than she was right now.

Garrett's heart was pounding in his chest, his blood ringing in his ears. She'd been as torn up at he had been for the last two weeks, she hadn't done anything. Hell she hadn't even had sex! In all the time Garrett had known her, she had never lacked for company. Then she said she didn't even want to and he gave a sad little smirk and kissed her hand gently.

"The entire male population of Teinar is dying of envy right now, sweetheart."

Purple eyes looked down at his hands in Makani's and Garrett spoke softly.

"Mak, you don't have to let go...I don't want you to..."

He looked up and motioned to his scarred form. "You're the only reason I can get though shit like this, I barely made it till today without you around."

[Anonymous]

She had been been blocking herself off from his response until he kissed her hands. When his lips touched her skin she felt a charge and started to pay attention. She gave a small smile at first then as he continued talking she felt all...fluttery. It was weird. She had always had whatever she lusted after except Garret and Fi. Those two were the exception to the rule. Fi...had sort of faded into the background recently and there was Garrett. Where he had always been right next to her. This time it was different though.

She squeezed his hand carefully when he said she didn't have to let go. She had never been worried about approval, but she had been scared shitless worrying about how to talk to him. How to tell him she'd barely survived. It meant the world that he still wanted her. He had seen the best of her, some of the worst, and the most emotional. He still wanted her broken self. She felt like crying and laughing but couldn't decide which.

"I know what you mean. It's been..." she trailed off and then simply motioned to herself. "...well you can tell what it's been." She put her other hand on his and tried to think of something else to say. A million things had ran through her head before and now? Nothing.

"We're a beat up pair." She snickered quietly shaking her head. Then a small smirk hit her lips.

"And hey! Don't underestimate me. Some of the female population is too." She grinned and stuck her tongue out at him. Some of her energy was starting to come back. She had her Garrett again.