Livos Sulo

[Anonymous]

And now for some social math.

You're '...interested...' in a TV show about lesbians.

+

You're interested in seeing me in a dress.

=

You want to have hot crossdressing sex with me?  

That's fantastic, there aren't many unpaid folk out there willing to address that particular kink.  

... oh wait, I forgot, there totally are.  

Sorry, luv, I don't venture where Marshal's vented.  Don't dip where Richards has dopped.  Don't... really want to keep picturing the images necessary to continue this riff, and will now stop.

That said, you should totes start watching SAS.  Spread the looove.  Spread the Marshal-herpes.  Just not to me.

... Blast, I've gone back to overlong-replies-to-comments, haven't I?

Liv, you attention whore, you.

Aw, I love me anyway.

Liv xxoo

[Anonymous]

Code: [Select]

Entry screened from non-Citadel channels
Right.  Fuck.

How can I describe what it feels like to hate myself so much I'm jealous of what I write down about myself, because it isn't really me? 

I'm jealous of everyone in the universe, no matter how fucked up, just because they aren't me.  It would be so great to do things that sound immediately like a fucked up cliche, like 'take a vacation in someone else's life.' 

Like that would be the motivation I need to actually do something differently for once.

And part of the problem is I feel better now, immediately, upon writing this.

I wonder how much longer I can skate by on above-average looks and the charm the gods gave the Sulos.  Never mind my sex issues or my laziness or the fact that I want so desperately to be intelligent and good and impressive that I don't just do the right thing.  Or the fact that I'm completely complacent about so many things.  Or the fact that I hate how I look sometimes, despite what I say.  Or how badly I want to hurt the people who really are all of the things I want to be.

Yeah, right there.  Because everything is better when it belongs to someone else.  It's simpler!  It's so easy to be smug.  I love being smug and I hate being me.  And I hate everyone else for not being me.

And then I think tomorrow I'm going to pull myself together and get things right somehow, and take a break from the self-destructive downward spiral.  From just hating everything.

But that would be too easy, or too hard.

Shit, with the pithiness.  It's pathetic that I even charm myself.  I'm glad I don't charm -----, because I don't deserve to.

I should keep thinking of this person like some morality symbol or daydream-object, or, like... do I even like cute people, or do I just want to be them?  For whatever fucked-up reasons based on whatever the fuck.

I can't even take this seriously.  My ego is that resilient. 

Or maybe I just need to get smacked in the face with some consequences again.  Or maybe that will just land me... again... in denial-land. 

I don't know.

Fuck.

-Liv

[Rhi-Rhi]

I know how you feel.

- Adrian

[shinigamikitsune]

Liv, my buddy ole pal, it sounds as though you need to come out for a night with me. I have stuff that'll get you so fucked up you won't be able to remember who you are until you're sober again.

True it might only be an escape, but I can promise you that it will be a blast.

~Smash Cat