Her head was pounding as she struggled with shaking hands to take the pain killers offered by the nurse who started massaging her own temples once her hands were free of the pills and glass of water.
She tossed her head back and downed them as if swallowing them any faster would make the pain go away that much more quickly. She knew how much the nurses hated coming in here when she was having these episodes; the pain was so much she had a hard time not accidentally broadcasting it to anyone in the immediate area, so the workers would often complain of migraines and headaches out in the hall. She couldn't help but hear it, all of her senses were so much sharper now and she hated it.
She started to raise her hand to wave the nurse away, the poor thing already looked like she was paling from the pain, when suddenly the nurse remembered something.
"Ah, that's right--your comm. Uh. We have your comm for you. Here." She fumbled awkwardly for a moment to find where she'd set it down, and then handed it over.
Gingerly, Andromeda took it and stared at it through swimming vision for a moment, before grunting and waving the nurse away. It hurt too much to nod and she couldn't think clearly enough to speak. She was dizzy, nauseous and in pain. Socializing was a bit too much for her, even looking at the screen as she held the power button on the side and it lit up was almost too much.
She laid her head back against the pillows, not even hearing the door clack shut as the nurse power walked out of that awful, painful room. She felt something warm and itchy tickling her upper lip, and reached up to wipe it away, the back of her hand coming away smeared with blood.
Honestly the nose bleeds were so common she wasn't even surprised anymore. Instead she just let her hand drop to her side, closing her eyes as she waited for the pain killers to help ease her mind, and the last thing she remembered before drifting off was the familiar vibrating buzz as the comm set powered up.
A few hours later a nurse was gently rousing her; time to go to the bathroom and have dinner. And that had been Andy's routine now for... She didn't know quite how long. Maybe a couple weeks? Sleep, pee, eat, repeat. Despite everything, when her mind was clear enough to keep her pain to herself and the nurses felt sorry for her, they would tell her how remarkably quickly she was recovering.
Getting your mind flayed in Axis Point was something everyone experienced differently, and something that some didn't survive at all. She supposed she was lucky.
And she also supposed that the nurses largely pitied her; what they probably saw was a former thorn in Aedolis' side, the rowdy trouble-making mighty and furious Andromeda, being reduced to nothing more than a tired, exhausted Pilot no different from the rest. Like a wild horse that had finally been broken of its spirit, or something.
As she shakily ate a spoonful of chowder she slowly remembered that she had turned her comm set on earlier, and as she reached over and turned on the screen she furrowed her brows at the sheer number of message notifications.
Messages? From who?
Who could have possibly missed her while she was gone? There should be no one--
She opened the messaging app and while there were a few messages from various persons, the most of them came from... Theo.
Theodoryk Kray.
Theo: Hey what's up? You doing anything tonight?
~3 hours later~
Theo: Okay so you don't wanna answer messages, I get it but the least you can do is tell me to fuck off lmao loser.
~3 days later~
Theo: Good morning beautiful
Theo: jk that was my hamster
Theo: But maybe not actually lol. Hmu when you get a chance
~2 weeks later~
Theo: I know you haven't replied to my messages. I'm not desperate or anything but like it'd be nice to hear from you is all. Mom keeps asking about you and I don't know what to tell her about how you're doing. So I just say you're busy. Keep in touch, don't be a stranger.
~3 weeks later~
Theo: Mom says hi. She'd love to do lunch soon. She figures life never pauses for a pilot so she doesn't wanna bug too much. Talk to you later.
Theo: Okay are you playing hard to get because this isn't really that funny anymore. Also it's Hamtato's birthday tadatadatada He's got a cake for being a 12 yo old man
Theo: (uploads video of Hamtato in a party hat with a birthday cake of nuts, seeds, and berries. Hamtato also gets a new hamster wheel.)
~3 months later~
Theo: I get you're not talking to me anymore but the least you could do was tell me why. I miss hanging out with you so like this cold shoulder shit is getting old.
~3 weeks later~
Theo: I miss you. I'm sorry if I sounded like an asshole before. I'll leave you be. But also you're a loser, loser.
By the time she reached the bottom, the comm set fell into her lap as she covered her face with her hands, curling up in her bed, food left cold and forgotten. Her body started tensing, wracked with ugly sobbing as the tiny, prideful part of her that still remained vaguely hoped none of the nurses stepped in to see her like this.
The more she cried, the more her head hurt, and eventually blood started mixing with the saltwater in the palms of her hands.
"I know I sound like a hypocrite when I'm saying this, but I really think you should believe in others a bit more. Not everyone is out to get you--if they were that would mean the whole world revolves around you, and I hate to burst your ego bubble but it doesn't."
Addie's tail had flicked a bit as they spoke, and she couldn't tell if it was mild irritation after hearing her go on for the umpteenth time about how there was probably nobody waiting for her back home, or if it was anxiety to say something so daring to the only friend they had in this wasteland. Or both.
"Especially that Theo guy, I mean think about it Andy. He sounds like he genuinely likes you, not just because you're famous and a popular model Pilot."
"Maybe..."
"No, no maybes. Cut the guy some slack, you even met his MOM, right? When someone introduces you to their parents I hear that's like... Really big."
"I wouldn't know."
"They were right," She mumbled to herself in between painful sobs, the congestion in her sinuses making her migraine come back tenfold, "I am a fucking i-idiot."
After a while of trying to calm herself, forcing herself to take some sips of water from the styrofoam cup by her food tray, she picked up her comm set with shaky hands and looked at it for a good, long time, despite how the glare of the screen hurt her eyes, trying to think of what to say.
Andy: I'm in DOSAM, if you still want answers.
Theo: Ok. omw now but it might be a while.
When her comm buzzed she paused in the middle of chewing on her dried out biscuit, slowly looked over to where it was lying next to her on the hospital bed, and felt a cold chill in her chest that worked its way down to her stomach.
Honestly, she hadn't known what to expect, if she should expect anything at all. Considering how he'd been left in the dark for six months and seemed to have waffled back and forth between being sad and being angry with her, she wouldn't have blamed him if he never responded at all. The fact that he did in an hour or so was more than enough to make her stomach flip.
On his way, huh? She didn't know how to respond, so she didn't, and simply left the message on "Seen". She would see him soon enough, and they could talk then. It was fairly late in the evening but she called a nurse to her room and warned them she might be getting a visitor, the first visitor since she'd been back, other than the one or two times Addie had managed to hobble by to say hello.
She could see the surprise in the nurse's face, clearly they all thought she was a lonely Pilot with no one to care for and no one who cared about her, and that seemed to be pretty close to the truth. It was her own fault; she'd made it that way on purpose.
Unable to finish her dinner, much to the worried and sympathetic expression of the nurse, her food was taken away and she was left to sit and stew in her anxiety over what would happen when Theo stopped by, if he did at all. Maybe he wouldn't come at all, as a way of getting back at her. She honestly didn't know. All that she did know was that her throat was dry, and her body temperature was starting to go up, so she kicked off the blankets and still ended up in a shivering cold sweat as the pain slowly started to creep back.
They were trying to wean her off of all the pain killers, and she'd already had her last dose for the day. All she could do was grit her teeth and try to bare it, clenching her fists until she was white-knuckled and the palms of her hands bled from the crescent moons indented by her nails.
They really were more like claws now, and every time she glimpsed herself in the mirror she found herself spooked. She still had nightmares about the incident, and they always ended with Addie pulling her out of it only for her to wake up alone in her hospital bed, panting and gasping. That incident had left her hair darker than before, a deep raven purple, her skin a deeper tone of mauve, her ears longer, her canines sharper and her remaining eye so bright it seemed to glow in low light. Her other eye she kept tightly patched up, and only allowed one or two nurses to help her change the dressings; the blazing and eerie remains of the other half of her vision was unnerving to say the least, and the last thing she wanted was to scare the only people who could help her.
Eventually she found her way into a fitful sleep, dreaming of that day they were roaming like always in the Wastes, looking for their next shelter.
A horrible shrieking sound had pierced their ears, a kind of signal, and in moments they were swarmed. Experienced raiders who had been living in the Wastes their whole lives with techniques well versed in ambushing left her and Addie dazed as they tried to fend off attacks from all sides. It happened in an instant, a flurry of commotion that stirred up a whirlwind of dust as screaming and the smell of iron blood filled the air.
A slash across her backside left her howling as Addie called her name in alarm, and the momentary distraction was enough to afford one of the enemies the chance to swipe at her from the front. Metal sickle claws caught her skin by her brow and ripped across her eye, blinding half of her vision with red as she recoiled and fell to the ground, desperately clutching at her bleeding socket as she screamed in agony.
In that moment she couldn't tell if her vision was stained red with blood or anger, as the pain was so great it made her brain tingle and her ears ring. What happened next was a blur, but like an animal she seemed to hone in on the enemies based purely on instinct, on smell, on hearing, and then blood was gushing in her mouth. It crunched, and the cracking and breaking of bones rattled into her jaw and vibrated in her brain as she clenched harder, the taste of iron washing over her while something just... Clicked.
Somewhere in the back of her mind it was like a switch had been turned on and the person writhing beneath her, gasping between blood curdling screams was no longer a person but... A thing. She breathed them in, something strange filling her lungs and rushing into her blood stream, making her entire body feel as if it was engulfed in fire while somewhere Adele kept screaming and calling her name--
She jolted upright from her bed, the pain radiating out from her telepathically before she could even try to pull it back in, a scream escaping her in between coughs as blood gushed from her nose and mouth, her hands coming up to hold her head as if she as trying to hold the pain in as she clenched her eyes shut and grit her teeth.
It's okay, you're here, you're here, you're not there anymore, it's not happening again, you're fine, it's okay--
After a few moments she finally took a gasping, shuddering breath as she pulled the pain inwards, knowing the nurses out in the halls were probably upset and in pain again because of her; it was only then that she realized while blood steadily dripped from her nose, staining the white sheets to match the front of her hospital gown, that she wasn't alone.
"Welp. That was so much better than what I was expecting.”
Her sharpened senses heard him despite the walls and the door separating them, and for a moment she almost screamed 'What the fuck is that supposed to mean?!' but she held it back. Trying to contain and sit with her anger was something she'd talked a little bit about with Addie, and while she needed an actual therapist's help to work on it (and her skepticism of their legitimacy given how Aedolis was just... Aedolis didn't help either) she knew at the very least that using her own anger as a way to react to everything wasn't how she should be.
It wasn't how anyone should be.
And it reminded her that she had acted a way in the past that warranted that kind of reaction in the first place. She bit her lip and didn't respond when he saw himself out, and she was left by herself in the bathroom. She slowly sank down onto her knees on the floor, her hand still over her mouth as she stared at the tiles on the floor but didn't see them.
It was painful, uncomfortable, and made her want to spiral into despair as she tried to remember what she did before she left for the Wastes. How she treated people, what she said, what she did. She remembered treating people horribly, and always being angry, and always lashing out; she closed her eyes and wished she could just forget all of it. Just forget it all and disappear; she had lied to herself saying she did it to protect herself and everyone else, but that had been a cover up, an excuse.
She felt like she knew why she did it, but couldn't put her finger on it. There were so many reasons that could be why she did things, but could she point to any specific one and blame that as the culprit? And then, even if she did, then what? What did that accomplish or fix? It was all so meaningless now, because she'd already said it, done it, and there was no taking that back.
There was no taking back the hurt she inflicted on others because she herself was hurt. Because that wasn't a valid reason, a valid justification. And now she had to deal with the knowledge that regardless of what she said or did going forward, there was at least one person she cared deeply about who was gonna get hurt by it: Theo.
Time passed by and she didn't message him, trying to push all thoughts of other people as far from her mind as possible as she just tried to focus on recovery instead. Physical therapy was after she was released from her hospital room, and physical therapy was the shortest stint of her reintroduction to Aedolian society--because her issues weren't physical. They were everything but.
And as she was walking home with only her comm set and a generic t-shirt, sweatpants and hoodie, she remembered Theo and worried at her lip, knowing she'd ignored him for way too long and that she needed to say something--and this time she couldn't blame her radio silence on being on a mission.
She got out her comm as she walked, sending him a quick message.
Andy: Wanna come to my place for dinner tomorrow? We need to talk but not in public.
She made an exasperated noise as she scanned the chip in her wrist to get past security and took the elevator up to her apartment.
She'd specifically mentioned tomorrow because her apartment had been left untouched for the last six months--and was probably filthy. The food in the fridge DEFINITELY had to go.
But then again, would she even be able to sleep tonight with her anxiety anyways? She'd probably just stay up all night thinking about what the hell she and Theo could end up talking about. So she ended up leaving his message on Seen for a while before replying,
Andy: Sure, if you're not too tired you can come over tonight. Apartment is filthy though, just got back today.
And with that she set herself to doing a bit of cleaning--and by that, it was time to throw out all the food in the fridge, order some sushi (she ended up getting some of everything because she had no fuckin idea what Theo liked and if he didn't come over tonight afterall she could save it for tomorrow or something) since it was the first food that came to mind, and then took an old rag and swiped it lazily along tabletops and counters to get the dust off.
She coughed and waved her hand in front of her face before tapping the On button on her vacuuming robot with her toe and went to go change into some of her own clothes, finding as she pulled the shirt on that what used to fit her perfectly was now a size too big. Great.