Remnants of the Earth
COMMUNITY => General Discussion => Open RP => Topic started by: Anonymous on May 19, 2009, 11:19:14 pm
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[This is an IC thread. Posts should be made in-character or as an NPC. Celebrities include band members, actors, and Pilots; fictional characters include any character in, for instance, an IC television show. Feel free to have heated discussions via reviews.]
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TITLE: Young and Green. And Hot.
USERNAME: OnFiyah
CHARACTERS/PAIRING: Sabela/Fala
SUMMARY: Sabela runs into Fala while she's changing and much stuff happens. Plot? Wait, there has to be a plot? This is a true story, man.
STORY TEXT:
Sabela stood in the changing rooms. She was wearing a tight top. And a short skirt. And heels, which she was removing slowly, standing on one leg. OK, so she looked a little slutty. But it was Sabela, so that's just accurate to fact. Not that it's a bad thing, it's just true. Fala walked in.
"Hi, Sabela," she said, her voice caressing the words like a breathy caressing voice that caresses things. She'd had an eye on Sabela for awhile, even though she was supposed to be boffing that gray-haired ugly Pilot. However, he wasn't in the womens' changing rooms, unless he was invisible, but in this story he wasn't, even though he would totally do that, and likely does. He's creepy that way.
Fala, unlike Sabela, was not wearing anything but a towel. Her green hair dripped down the back of her neck. They both had green hair (Sabela, incidentally, is a natural blonde, but she does not look good like that). Fala knew Sabela really liked women, even though she tried to pretend she didn't. Badly.
"Hi, Fala," Sabela said, noticing how sexily Fala stood, leaning against one wall, watching her. She thought about how bitchy she'd been lately, and though, hm, maybe I need to relax a little and stop eating live babies. In a sexy way, though. She looked Fala up and down and thought, in addition, wow. "So, uh," she said.
...... To be continued. Reviews?
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: Young and Green. And Hot.
USERNAME: LilLightBulb
COMMENTS: I'm not sure if I'm entertained or afraid. It was... Interesting to read. Made me choke/laugh in a few spots. Good job, OnFiyah. I think.
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REVIEW TEMPLATE
TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED:Young and Green. And Hot.
USERNAME: BurninFlme
COMMENTS:Hey, boy, this aint a place for wet dreams. But other than that, thats a /hot/ story. Too bad that aint never going to happen. Peace out.
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REVIEW TEMPLATE
TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: Young and Green. And Hot.
USERNAME: 1337 N1NJ4
COMMENTS: Honest question: are you on crack?
'Cuz srsly. MAJOR DNW.
...EWW.
And EWWWW to the reviewers up there! WTF! It's SABELA.
And FALA.
And mentioned MARSHAL.
EW.
Least sexy thing I've ever read, bb. |: Stop trying plz. Unless Sabela eats a baby and Fala shoots her. :D Then I'll read moar.
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REVIEW TEMPLATE
TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: Young and Green. And Hot.
USERNAME: BubblesGoPop
COMMENTS: Um. I don't get it. Like, these two are pilots? I thought pilots were like... I dunno, had more exciting things to do. It's so not hot either. Maybe if they were both boys.
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: Young and Green. And Hot.
USERNAME: AutopilotOn
COMMENTS:
[1/5] for teh sexy: "I have read user manuals that were hotter than this. Felt relief at TBC."
[3/5] for realism: "Could plausibly happen. Hey, even bad Sabela/x fanfic autoscores a 3."
[1/5] for writing skill: "Devoid of literary merit. There's even a meta-sentence in there, scandalous."
[1/5] overall: "I'm going to have to go with the ninja here and say 1cr. This story seems crack-induced, saved only by the hair part, which was still little more than a weak attempt to be different from all the other SaFaSappho writers out there. I never downrank for the pairing, but the singularly awkward tone of this one was painful to read. Better luck next time."
_________________
I am a harsh reviewer.
- [5] Delicious. Moar.
- [4] Worth reading if you haven't.
- [3] You didn't miss much if you didn't.
- [2] Miserable, actively avoid.
- [1] DO NOT WANT.
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TITLE: My White Knight Chapter 1
USERNAME: Rhys
CHARACTERS/PAIRING: Alesku/Alaric OTP BITCHES!
SUMMARY: This is set about 6 years ago. Alaric is a cute little candidate back then and Alesku saves his true love from getting picked on by mean bullies.
STORY TEXT:
"Freak!"
"Moster!"
"Disgusting!"
The words hurt the tall, slender alien. His beautiful features wincing in pain as each insult cut like a knife into his soul. "Stop it!" His full, kissable lips pulled back from the delicate fangs, snarling at the older boys. But he was out numbered. Fighting wouldn't do him any good.
"Alright, break it up." The voice was like honey, rich and beautiful, cutting the harsh, discordant words from the air. Alaric lifted his head, his long, pure white hair falling back from his face as he looked up at his savior. Alesku felt his breath catch. He had only seen the tall hermaphrodite from afar, never up close. He hadn't realize how exquisitely beautiful the boy was. His hand twitched with the urge to reach up and touch that creamy looking skin.
All three of Alaric's eyes widened and he gasped when he saw who had rescued him. He could feel his heart pounding. It was Pilot Macario! He had a crush on him sense he had first seen him, standing so proud and noble. He was so handsome and now Alaric had those blue eyes on his. They were bright and crystal blue and Alaric couldn't move, a slow blush staining his cheeks, darkening the blue to a soft pink.
Alesku watched the boys slink off, scowling at them before locking eyes with the younger boy again. He was blushing now. How he wanted to touch it, feel that warmth under his fingers, "Are you alright?"
Alaric nodded, lips lightly parted and Alesku had a hard time not staring at them. Alaric then smiled slightly, blush going darker, "Thank you sir. For saving me."
"It's alright. You were out numbered. That hardly seemed fair." Unable to resist the urge to touch him any longer, Alesku held his hand down to the boy to help him up, "Here, lets get you up."
Alaric could feel his heart pounding as he slid his human looking hand into Alesku's, eyes wide and unable to look away from Alesku's eyes. They stayed like that for a long moment, eyes locked onto each other, hands touching.
A loud noise across the room startled them out of the moment and both flushed, looking away as Alaric stood up, "T-thank you sir. Again."
Nodding and trying to keep his fair skin from showing the blush, Alesku cleared his throat, "Of course. I hope you weren't hurt."
"Oh no sir. Not this time." Alaric glanced down, unable to stop smiling. Alesku couldn't keep a small smile off his face as he watched the boy. He was so beautiful, a mixture of feminine and masculine features. He closed the hand that had touched Alaric's hand into a fist, savoring the lingering tingle.
Alaric lifted his head, long strands of silky hair hiding his face as he gazed up at the handsome Pilot. Alesku was so stern and good-looking. Like someone out of some movie. Every part of him perfectly sculpted, even his facial hair was perfectly maintained and trimmed. It made Alaric wonder what it was like to kiss him, feel those stiff strands poking his skin.
"Well, I'm glad you aren't hurt." Alesku struggled to think of something, anything else he could say to keep Alaric with him longer. To keep those beautiful eyes on him. But he was already running late. So much work to do. In another moment of weakness, Alesku reached out and brushed the stands out of Alaric's face, "Just remember that you can always come visit me if you need too. My door is always unlocked."
Blushing again, Alaric nodded, giving him a bright smile, "Y-yes sir! I will!" The candidate didn't move, watching Alesku walk away until the door had shut behind the Pilot. Then his hand reached up and touched his chest. It was pounding so hard he was sure it would burst out of his chest, "...Alesku..."
....To be continued! Reviews? Comments? Give me some feedback or no new chapter! :heart:
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: My White Knight Chapter 1
USERNAME: AutopilotOn
COMMENTS:
[3/5] for teh sexy: "It's a challenge, and White Knight might be a little overboard on the teasing. Decent, though."
[5/5] for realism: "Compared to other writers who have tried to ship these two, Rhys makes it sound scarily possible."
[4/5] for writing skill: "Regardless of taste, this marks the arrival of a promising fanfic author."
[4/5] overall: "Four credits, and that's coming from me. Okay, so it's completely over-the-top Candidate/Pilot hermaphrodite slash. You have to try really hard to make Resku work - I mean, not a lot of people like that combo, and how do you keep the masses from downvoting out of the sheer ridiculousness of it all? The trick's in the details (they're both so shy and adorable), and I have the suspicion Rhys has studied her subject material a little too well. Despite setting yourself up for a fall from the start, she's doing a surprisingly good job pairing two of the weirdest Pilots in the Citadel. Here's looking forward to chapter two."
_________________
I am a harsh reviewer.
- [5] Delicious. Moar.
- [4] Worth reading if you haven't.
- [3] You didn't miss much if you didn't.
- [2] Miserable, actively avoid.
- [1] DO NOT WANT.
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REVIEW TEMPLATE
TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: My White Knight Chapter 1
USERNAME: BubblesGoPop
COMMENTS: Pilots pilots pilots... Is that all anyone has to talk about? >< It's pretty nicely written tho, like I wish I could write like that but I'm not good at writing stuff at all. Like, even if I don't care about the people its being written about, I still kinda want to read more because it looks like it could be super cute.
And gosh, "Autopiloton," why d'you have a such big thing all written up? Are you like some sort of critic or something?
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And gosh, "Autopiloton," why d'you have a such big thing all written up? Are you like some sort of critic or something?
USERNAME: AutopilotOn
COMMENTS: It's kind of a running joke, to be honest. Story of my life.
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: My White Knight Chapter 1
USERNAME: OnFiyah
COMMENTS:
Bahahahaha. What is this, Yvonne Ironne meets The Citizen? "My door is always open"--classic. Admittedly, you got Alesku's creepy paternalism down. Man, who came up with this 'ship? The scary thing is, I could actually see it happening. You know, minus the slavishly fangirlish (fanboyish?) descriptions. I think AutoPiloton likes it a little too much, too. 4/5 indeed.
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I think AutoPiloton likes it a little too much, too. 4/5 indeed.
USERNAME: AutopilotOn
COMMENTS: Do you doubt my judgements? Smite!
4/5 absolutely, and full fives if we're talking hilarity value. In any case, My White Knight must have been difficult to write, and it just singlehandedly kicked the ass of every cliché femslash shower scene out there. Not namin' any names.
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[4/5] overall: "Four credits, and that's coming from me. Okay, so it's completely over-the-top Candidate/Pilot hermaphrodite slash. You have to try really hard to make Resku work - I mean, not a lot of people like that combo, and how do you keep the masses from downvoting out of the sheer ridiculousness of it all? The trick's in the details (they're both so shy and adorable), and I have the suspicion Rhys has studied her subject material a little too well. Despite setting yourself up for a fall from the start, she's doing a surprisingly good job pairing two of the weirdest Pilots in the Citadel. Here's looking forward to chapter two."
USERNAME: Rhys
COMMENTS: Oh my gosh! That is so awesome! That you like it so much means a lot! You have the best taste! But I don't think it's over the top at all! You should see those two together. There are sparks! And like, the cutest couple ever. And why would it be ridiculous D8 Those two deserve love as much as anyone does.
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: My White Knight Chapter 1
USERNAME: OnFiyah
COMMENTS:
Bahahahaha. What is this, Yvonne Ironne meets The Citizen? "My door is always open"--classic. Admittedly, you got Alesku's creepy paternalism down. Man, who came up with this 'ship? The scary thing is, I could actually see it happening. You know, minus the slavishly fangirlish (fanboyish?) descriptions. I think AutoPiloton likes it a little too much, too. 4/5 indeed.
USERNAME: Rhys
COMMENTS: Hey! Shut up! It was better then your stupid fic. At lease mine was good. And I like my ship. I bet those two would be so sweet. Alesku and Alaric are both shy and lonely and need love too!
Tone down the jealous *humph* I can smell it through my terminal.
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USERNAME: Rhys
COMMENTS: Hey! Shut up! It was better then your stupid fic. At lease mine was good. And I like my ship. I bet those two would be so sweet. Alesku and Alaric are both shy and lonely and need love too!
Tone down the jealous *humph* I can smell it through my terminal.
USERNAME: BubblesGoPop
COMMENTS: Oh get over yourselves, you're like ruining the atmosphere by being all 'I'm better' 'no I'M better' and it's like making you both look dumb. You're fighting over fanfiction. I mean like IRL that's kind of dumber than even writing fanfiction, like you're both kind of losers, haha. But I'm still reading it because I don't really have stuff to be doing so like whatever.
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USERNAME: BubblesGoPop
COMMENTS: Oh get over yourselves, you're like ruining the atmosphere by being all 'I'm better' 'no I'M better' and it's like making you both look dumb. You're fighting over fanfiction. I mean like IRL that's kind of dumber than even writing fanfiction, like you're both kind of losers, haha. But I'm still reading it because I don't really have stuff to be doing so like whatever.
USERNAME: AutopilotOn
COMMENTS: This looks trollish. I can tell from the ad hominem and from having seen a great many trolls in my lifetime. Actually, you're all wrong - even you, Bubbles. Because this is the VCN and nobody verifies the truth of statements, I can safely say this.
I am the only person in this conversation who's better than the average bored reader.
The only person who'd be better than me would be a writer who can produce five-star work. Conveniently, I have chosen to never give out a 5cr rating.
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USERNAME: Rhys2
COMMENTS: You're all losers. And you! Rhys! STOP USING MY DAMN NAME. I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
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USERNAME: Rhys2
COMMENTS: You're all losers. And you! Rhys! STOP USING MY DAMN NAME. I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
USERNAME: AutopilotOn
COMMENTS: Wait, Rhys the precog Candidate? You write Resku slash? That's hilarious!
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USERNAME: Rhys2
COMMENTS: Gross. Hell no I don't. I'm the candidate, I don't even know what the **** Resku slash is. Can you make people change their names? I don't want MY named stained with that... Euugh.. Gross.
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USERNAME: Rhys2
COMMENTS: You're all losers. And you! Rhys! STOP USING MY DAMN NAME. I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
USERNAME: Rhys
COMMENTS: :heart: :heart: :heart: and lots of kisses
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USERNAME: AutopilotOn
COMMENTS: This looks trollish. I can tell from the ad hominem and from having seen a great many trolls in my lifetime. Actually, you're all wrong - even you, Bubbles. Because this is the VCN and nobody verifies the truth of statements, I can safely say this.
I am the only person in this conversation who's better than the average bored reader.
The only person who'd be better than me would be a writer who can produce five-star work. Conveniently, I have chosen to never give out a 5cr rating.
USERNAME: OnFiyah
COMMENTS: Full of yourself, aren'tcha? And I don't mind the insults, I know my fic is beautiful because it's true. :D Anyway, as one who appreciates subtext a wee bit more than anyone who can't understand me... write your own! Ooh, I bet it's good. I bet you write scalefic.
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USERNAME: OnFiyah
COMMENTS: Full of yourself, aren'tcha? And I don't mind the insults, I know my fic is beautiful because it's true. :D Anyway, as one who appreciates subtext a wee bit more than anyone who can't understand me... write your own! Ooh, I bet it's good. I bet you write scalefic.
USERNAME: AutopilotOn
COMMENTS: I do not!
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USERNAME: OnFiyah
COMMENTS: Full of yourself, aren'tcha? And I don't mind the insults, I know my fic is beautiful because it's true. :D Anyway, as one who appreciates subtext a wee bit more than anyone who can't understand me... write your own! Ooh, I bet it's good. I bet you write scalefic.
USERNAME: Rhys
COMMENTS:
Ew D8 Scalefic is so gross! I mean, Dragons are awesome and all...but...ew D8
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USERNAME: AutopilotOn
COMMENTS: This looks trollish. I can tell from the ad hominem and from having seen a great many trolls in my lifetime. Actually, you're all wrong - even you, Bubbles. Because this is the VCN and nobody verifies the truth of statements, I can safely say this.
I am the only person in this conversation who's better than the average bored reader.
The only person who'd be better than me would be a writer who can produce five-star work. Conveniently, I have chosen to never give out a 5cr rating.
USERNAME: BubblesGoPop
COMMENTS: ...What's an ad hominem? ...Yeah I don't really get anything you just said. ^^;
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: Young and Green. And Hot.
USERNAME: Ju!cyFr00t
COMMENTS: Its like, half a story. Da pairing is good tho!! U gonna continue??
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: My White Knight Chapter 1
USERNAME: Ju!cyFr00t
COMMENTS: Aaaaw so so so so so cute!!! I never imagened The Citizen guy bing hot, but I can c it here!!! Alaric/anybody is my total fav!!! :heart:
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: My White Knight Chapter 1
USERNAME: Ju!cyFr00t
COMMENTS: Aaaaw so so so so so cute!!! I never imagened The Citizen guy bing hot, but I can c it here!!! Alaric/anybody is my total fav!!! :heart:
USERNAME: Rhys
COMMENTS: 8D Yay! I'm so glad you like it. Though I am way more into the Alesku side of the pairing. Like, so hot. The man is /electric./
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: Young and Green. And Hot.
USERNAME: Ju!cyFr00t
COMMENTS: Its like, half a story. Da pairing is good tho!! U gonna continue??
USERNAME: OnFiyah
COMMENTS: I don't know, man, I was in a slightly altered state when I wrote that... don't judge. Lest ye. Fabela is mad hot, though, no lie.
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: My White Knight Chapter 1
USERNAME: Ju!cyFr00t
COMMENTS: Aaaaw so so so so so cute!!! I never imagened The Citizen guy bing hot, but I can c it here!!! Alaric/anybody is my total fav!!! :heart:
USERNAME: Rhys
COMMENTS: 8D Yay! I'm so glad you like it. Though I am way more into the Alesku side of the pairing. Like, so hot. The man is /electric./
USERNAME: OnFiyah
COMMENTS: Seriously, enough electricity puns, we get it. He is hot, though.. I hear he does it with his Candidates.
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USERNAME: OnFiyah
COMMENTS: Seriously, enough electricity puns, we get it. He is hot, though.. I hear he does it with his Candidates.
USERNAME: AutopilotOn
COMMENTS: Really now? This is relevant to my interests.
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USERNAME: OnFiyah
COMMENTS: Seriously, enough electricity puns, we get it. He is hot, though.. I hear he does it with his Candidates.
USERNAME: AutopilotOn
COMMENTS: Really now? This is relevant to my interests.
USERNAME: OnFiyah
COMMENTS: Is this... oh, no, you want Alesku, don't you... but that was vile calumny; Alesku is ever so proper, the only Candidate he's done it with has been Sulo, Or So I Hear. Mm, Aliv.
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USERNAME: OnFiyah
COMMENTS: Is this... oh, no, you want Alesku, don't you... but that was vile calumny; Alesku is ever so proper, the only Candidate he's done it with has been Sulo, Or So I Hear. Mm, Aliv.
USERNAME: AutopilotOn
COMMENTS: Actually, I just wanted to find out if he'd been with Sulo. Thanks for the tip.
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STORY UPLOAD TEMPLATE
TITLE: My White Knight chapter 2
USERNAME: Rhys
CHARACTERS/PAIRING: Resku<3
SUMMARY: The next chapter ^___^ Alaric goes to the office! OMG!
STORY TEXT:
Just remember that you can always come visit me if you need too. My door is always unlocked.
Alaric paused outside the Pilots office door, nervous. He fidgeted with the hem of his shirt, looking down. His long, snow white hair was down again, falling into his face. Despite how tall he was, Alaric still managed to shrink into himself, hunching down, looking smaller then he really was. One pale hand pressed down on the doorbell, shifting his weight awkwardly and glancing around the hallway.
At the alert, Aleksu lifted his head from the computer terminal. He had been in the middle of work and wasn’t pleased to be disrupted. Until his psychic check informed him who was at the door. He could feel the blush on his pale skin, the hand that had held the candidates curling closed as he remembered the feel of the alien’s soft skin.
“You may enter.” His voice caught slightly and he winced, hoping the boy didn’t notice. He hoped his pleasure at the mere sight of the pretty candidate didn’t show. It just wasn’t proper. But he couldn’t keep his eyes off Alaric.
Entering the room, Alaric kept his head down, the silvery hair hiding his face like a delicate spiderweb. His three eyes glanced up at Alesku and he paused just inside, “Um, hello sir. I….well…um, you said I could stop by.”
“Of course. Sit down.” Alesku motioned to the chair across from his desk, closing down his work and shifting to face the candidate better. He frowned, watching the way Alaric was holding himself, “Are you alright?”
Alaric’s head jerked up, startled, his pale eyes surprised. There was a large, discolored bruise on his cheek, swollen slightly, marring his delicate features. The sight of it sent a slow, burning rage though Alesku, though his calm mask didn’t crack other then a slight eyebrow twitch, “What happened?”
The candidate blushed a pale pink and shrugged, ducking his head to hide it again, “Nothing really. Just another fight.” Alaric wasn’t really sure why he had come. He had just wanted to see Alesku again. He could smell the Pilot, the room was filled with the scent of him. Warm and clean and human. Alaric liked it, it was very uniquely Alesku. Now that he was here, he struggled to come up with a reason to be here, “I…..you….said your door was always open…so I…” He blushed darker, fidgeting again.
Alesku wanted to smile at the sight, though he kept his face composed, “Still having problems with the bullies?” Alaric gave a slow nod, still looking down, though the third eye on top of his head kept peeking up at Alesku. He found it hard to not look at the older man. He was like some perfect statue of a long ago knight, heroic and brave.
Standing up, Alesku moved back from his desk and went around to face Alaric. Reaching out, he put his hand on the boys shoulder. He knew he didn’t need to touch him, but he couldn’t resist. And he could feel his pulse quicken at the contact, “Here, why don’t I help you work on your abilities. Teach you to control your abilities better, so you can fight back.”
The touch on his shoulder had Alaric’s heart racing. He was sure Alesku had to be hearing it, hear all his thoughts screaming around his head. But he lifted his head and gave Alesku a small smile, blushing again, “I-I would like that sir. Very much so.”
Alesku allowed a small smile, “Good. Meet me after your classes are done, alright?” It wouldn’t be easy to make the time in his schedule, but Alesku would figure it out. It was the perfect reason to keep seeing the candidate.
Alaric’s smile was much brighter in response to Alesku’s offer. His whole face lit up, causing Alesku to flush lightly, “Really? You mean it?” Not even the swollen cheek could ruin the effect of the alien’s smile, “I would love that sir.” Help with bullies and time spent with Alesku. And the hand on his shoulder felt good, warm and solid. It was so hard to resist the urge to nuzzle Alesku’s hand.
“Well, I’ll see you tomorrow then.”
“Um….yes.” There was another pause, each of them staring at the other. Alaric wanted so badly to lean closer and press his lips against Alesku’s. Feel those strong arms wrapped around him. But he knew that couldn’t happen. There was no way it could ever happen. “I should….go. Sir.”
Startled by the words, Alesku slowly nodded, dropping his hand, fingers trailing against Alaric’s shoulder, “Yes. I shall see you tomorrow then.”
“Yes.” Alaric nodded and moved away, still watching Alesku until he reached the door. He turned and opened it, giving the Pilot one last look before closing the door behind him.
Okay! What did people think? Want more? Gotta ask for it :D
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: Young and Green. And Hot.
USERNAME: Ju!cyFr00t
COMMENTS: Its like, half a story. Da pairing is good tho!! U gonna continue??
USERNAME: OnFiyah
COMMENTS: I don't know, man, I was in a slightly altered state when I wrote that... don't judge. Lest ye. Fabela is mad hot, though, no lie.
USERNAME: Ju!cyFr00t
COMMENTS: Drugs r good 4 u!!! If they make u write like dis!!!
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: My White Knight chapter 2
USERNAME: Ju!cyFr00t
COMMENTS: More Rhys!!! Plz plz plz its sooooo good!!
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: My White Knight chapter 2
USERNAME: ReskuFan13
COMMENTS:
OMFG Rhy are u a P1L07 candidate? and u dont even know Alaric blushes @#$%ing BLUE not PINK omfghe'ssohot. but also, like, he had a mentor. imean I ship Remi/Resku sometimes but u could at least mention it so likeyeah do your reasearch. but the story is way hot so keep going with that yeah. but where is teh sex? its all like alesku blushed and alaric blushed and yeah okay we all like the cute blushing because they're all shy and stuff and alesku is way too serious but alaric is way more fun i mean youve seen picures of him out with gabe and <3 omg you could also do like Gabe/Resku or w/e and so yeah. Also the writing is really good. The descrptions good even though its RONG.
But keep going I want to see the sex already kthx. <3 <3
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TITLE: Exxtra Credit
USERNAME: ChasingtheDragon
CHARACTERS/PAIRING: Roman/Vaughan
SUMMARY: Vaughan is behind on his studies, Roman proposes a way for him to catch up. PWP Cracky goodness.
STORY TEXT:
Vaughan dragged his feet all the way to Pilot Rosales' office. He never planned to do anything other than sing for Indigenous Fairy. Nothing that helped drag the band into the spotlight seemed to help him out here. At least on paper. He had no problem keeping up with the military recruits during physical training, but that didn't seem to count at all. It showed where their priorities were, if they'd rather have some sloppy smart guy than a fit guy that was better suited to the camera. Before turning down the hall to Pilot Rosales' office, he stopped to check himself out in a window.
Hair was as good as it was going to get in here. Face didn't have anything on it. Vaughan raised his eyebrows, stuck his tongue out at himself and watched the light glitter off the tongue studs before dragging his feet down the rest of the way to Pilot Rosales' office. He didn't usually wear the tongue studs in the Training Complex, instead putting clear retainers in it. Today he needed the rawr factor boost in his confidence.
When he got to the door, Vaughan knocked twice and before hearing anything inside, walked in.
If Pilot Rosales thought anything about him walking into his office, it didn't show on his face. Which only showed that he skipped his razor for a day or so. Pilot Rosales put his cigarette down and turned his monitor sideways so both he and Vaughan could see it. "Have a seat," he said as Vaughan was sliding into the chair in front of his desk.
Most candidates could at least manage to look nervous if they were seeing him about an academic counseling. Vaughan looked like this was a social call. Like Roman was going to break out cookies and ask about his family to pass time while the tea brewed. Roman started pulling up files while Vaughan glanced around the office, his eyes occasionally flickering over to the monitor in between looking at the pictures on the wall. "Vaughan."
The sound of his name drew Vaughan's attention away from the picture and to the monitor. Vaughan planned to huff and scowl and pay as little attention as he could in this counseling session. Who liked to be preached to about how bad they were doing? Pilot Rosales was just serious enough to make Vaughan think he wanted to be here as much as Vaughan did. Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all.
There a couple graphs, a little email communication between his instructors and Pilot Rosales. Stuff Vaughan already knew, at least Pilot Rosales didn't linger on it. He closed the last window, took a drag off his cigarette, puffed and said. "Listen Vaughan, you know how it works here. You'll ship out if you can't shape up. You're still new here so you have a chance to do better."
Vaughan shifted in his chair. "I was pretty bad in school too." Ah, he clicked his tongue stud against his teeth! Vaughan tried not to wince, rubbing the tip of his tongue against the tooth in a half hearted attempt to soothe it.
Even before it clicked, Roman couldn't help but notice the glitter on the Candidate's tongue. "Think of it like this, if you want to get something done, you should go to any length to get it." The corner of Roman's mouth twitched upward and the sudden charge in the air was enough to get Ipollius back up and running.
Vaughan blinked. This wasn't like a normal school, there were things a person could do here that would have never worked there. Even if this bombed, it would only be between Pilot Rosales and himself. Vaughan put on his best stage smile. "Even, your length?"
((* Use your imagination to fill in this bit. If you can't figure out what's happening in this little aside, then amuse yourself looking at this prancing unicorn:
_,, -neigh neigh, I'm a magical unicorn!
"-=~ _
\~___( ~
_|/---\_
All right, back to our regularly scheduled writer. *))
Vaughan panted, brushed his limp hair out of his eyes and looked longingly at Roman's cigarette. Not just because it was back in his mouth at the time, but because if Vaughan ever needed to smoke in his life, it was now.
"I'm glad we had this talk Vaughan," Roman took a drag, puffed. "Don't use this as an excuse to come back to my office."
It was a thought that never concerned Vaughan before, but that was again, back in normal school where some things just weren't worth thinking about. "What happens to honor students around here?"
Roman put his cigarette out and leaned back in his chair, running a hand through his hair. "I'm sure I'll figure something by the time you get to be an honor student."
Vaughan was almost insulted, then he had a sudden realization. Now spending some time on his bookwork had some value. He slid off Roman's desk and brushed his hair out of his eyes again, walking to the door and looking over his shoulder to say. "You might see me sooner than you think then."
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: Exxtra Credit
USERNAME: Rmnlvr4lyf
COMMENTS: YUCK! Rmn would nvr do that 2 dat ltl IF boy. he's nt hawt enuff for rmn! ROMAN/ME 4EVR. gud wrtin' bad pairing!
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: Exxtra Credit
USERNAME: OnFiyah
COMMENTS:
Hm. The tone of this story demands an AutoPilotOn-variant critique. I'm in ur FANcentral, copying u.
5 lead pipes for teh Roman. Because let's face it, he's badass. I love lech!Roman. Needs more of him beating people with heavy objects, though, to be totally realistic.
1 banana for use of the word 'member,' because, seriously. Not Sexy. No biscuit.
3 cigarettes for the realism. It's pretty realistic.
4 pipes for the writing. I like this version of Vaughan, he's so cute and cheery.
2 licorice sticks because I love licorice and wanted to give you some. Here, have it.
Okay, let's face it, this is an extremely realistic fic. It is a slice of life. Roman would totally do Vaughan; Vaughan is spunky and cute, if probably not as shallow as he is portrayed in this light-hearted romp through the land of cheesy softcore. Never, ever, ever use 'tumescent' in that context. Also, I do not think that 'palaver' means what you think it means. Okay, so I'm not actually sure 'mottled purple' wasn't slightly meta, but it's definitely very disturbing. You know, I need to go lie down and never think about Roman's pants again.
That said, the characters are pretty good. And while they may seem flat as cardboard, it's obviously thinly veiled depth. I'm betting you're a Seeker checking out tapes of Roman's office. This totally happened, didn't it? Do you need counseling?
Anyway, I like the tongue-in-cuff tone of this piece, speaking of mixed metaphors (you like those, don't you?). Witty without resorting to total crack *cough* and, actually, just a little sexy when you weren't busy empurpling the English language. Mm. Tongues in cuffs.
_______
I am not a strict critic.
My scale runs from 1 banana to 5 lead pipes.[li]1 banana: conventional, probably purple, maybe throbbing. See a qualified physician and stop sucking.[/li][li]2 sticks of licorice: less conventional, something I can actually swallow.[/color][/li][li]3 cigarettes: hot, but still bad for you.[/li][li]4 pipes: off the beaten track, quirky, looks good in the corner of your mouth.[/li][li]5 lead pipes: well, wang me over the head and call me Harvey. [/li][/list]
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: Exxtra Credit
USERNAME:Suckitup
COMMENTS: I agree with OnFiyah, anything involving Roman certainly gets my vote for being awesome, and if you add in the Vster well I'm sold. I think it could be a smidge more awesome for reals, BUT the pairing makes me smile.
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: Exxtra Credit
USERNAME: Rhys
COMMENTS: Dude! Roman is so hot! Though Jares is so much hotter then Vaughan is. Just saying. But anything with Roman gets my love! :heart: :heart: :heart: :heart:
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TITLE: Hot lesbian love!
USERNAME: hotgrls4eva!
CHARACTERS/PAIRING PORTRAYED: Sabela and Taras
IMAGE:
(http://http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i51/Chubling/Taras_Sabela-fanfiction.jpg)
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: Hot lesbian love!
USERNAME: OnFiyah
COMMENTS:
Okay, so look at the title of this piece. Look at my profile and favorites list. What do you think I'm gonna say?
Talk about some good publicity for Sabela. One quibble, though... how's Taras gotten her arm to twist like that? Not that I wouldn't contort myself to get into Sab's panties, but that's beyond the pale. Then again, I don't care. Downloading this. Thanks.
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USERNAME: hotgrls4eva!
COMMENTS: She isn't twisting her arm d00d! She is just reaching behind her with her hand. The arm is just hanging down normally! Glad you like it other then that!
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: Hot lesbian love!
USERNAME: Ju!cyFr00t
COMMENTS: Hot, rly hot!!!! :heart:
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TITLE: Pilot Hotness!
USERNAME: Boylovefangrl
CHARACTERS/PAIRING PORTRAYED: Liv x Loki [Warning: Incest]
IMAGE:
[center:196yb1gt](http://http://i339.photobucket.com/albums/n451/midget_in_pink/LokixLiv.jpg)[/center:196yb1gt]
a little doodle in class. soooo boring. pilots rock my socks!
oh, and they are brothers ... right? i mean they like look the same, and their names both start with L!
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TITLE: Forbidden Love
USERNAME: LuvvAa
CHARACTERS/PAIRING PORTRAYED: Sabela Llown and Seiteki Tora
IMAGE:
[center:2e4n0y0u](http://http://i69.photobucket.com/albums/i51/Chubling/sabela_seiteki.jpg)[/center:2e4n0y0u]
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: Exxtra Credit
USERNAME: AutopilotOn
COMMENTS:
I shan't be outdone by OnFiyah.
[2/5] for teh sexy: "Mixed feelings. There was so much delicious tension at the beginning and anticipation-building cooldown at the end. I almost forgot it was run-of-the-mill Pilot-dom fanfic. Then I got to what looked like a copypaste of someone else's poorly-written sex scene. Shoulda just faded to black."
[4/5] for realism: "Starts out smooth, ends smoother - the devil's in the details, and you definitely have the little things down. The tongue stud, Roman's shaving regimen ... trust me when I say this is a well-informed piece. Minus one for having the entire thing last a single cigarette. That bothered me. They'd take their time, if it happened."
[3/5] for writing skill: "Pretty good near the beginning. But I have to agree with OnFiyah here, not only was it a 'member', it was a 'throbbing member.' Dealbreaker. Can't get above a three with that one."
[3/5] overall: "You got my hopes up, then you ruined the sex scene. That's like going for dinner and a movie, and really connecting over the meal, but then the movie's absolute shit and your date disappears halfway through. I absolutely hated it - where do you come up with the image of a "mottled purple throbbing member" anyway? Don't try to author erotica again - it's not worth tarnishing your otherwise reasonable promise as a fiction writer."
_________________
I am a harsh reviewer.
- [5] Delicious. Moar.
- [4] Worth reading if you haven't.
- [3] You didn't miss much if you didn't.
- [2] Miserable, actively avoid.
- [1] DO NOT WANT.
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: Exxtra Credit
USERNAME: OnFiyah
COMMENTS:
"You got my hopes up, then you ruined the sex scene. That's like going for dinner and a movie, and really connecting over the meal, but then the movie's absolute shit and your date disappears halfway through."
Or it's like going on a date and then the sex is bad. Y'know.
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TITLE OF WORK REVIEWED: Exxtra Credit
USERNAME: AutopilotOn
COMMENTS:
I prefer my metaphors conveniently detached from the subject matter.